Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Why It Is Good To Be Selfish

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[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]


photo by wonderferret

I think being selfish gets are really bad rap. Most people think that being selfish is bad. We are taught we must not be selfish, but instead we must be giving. I personally don't believe these things are opposite.

I believe that every act I make is a selfish act because it is a self-defining act. Let me give you a few ridicules examples to help prove my point.

Right now as I type the article I am taking a deep breath in which means I am being selfish. There is no other reason to breath than to stay alive. That is very selfish.

When I choose to love my family I am being selfish because I want to be a loving person. This is different than wanting to be seen as a loving person. I believe (and hope this is true) in my heart of hearts I can be and am a loving person. When I choose to love someone (and it is a choice) I am defining myself as a loving person.

When I choose to run my practice and help other people I am being selfish because I am choosing how I us my time. Yes I am helping people, and that is a great thing, but I am not healing them. That is their choice. I am just a guide in the process. They are being selfish when they choose to heal. I am being selfish when I choose to articulate who I am as person who guilds people on this path.

Yes, I know these examples are extremes, but I think they bring out the point because we think of being selfish in such extreme terms.

Not only is it okey to be selfish, it is impossible not to be selfish because every action we make with our conscious choice is a self-defining act.

When I work out to get healthier I am being selfish because I could be doing other things with my time. When I study a new skill I am being selfish to make myself a different type of person later. I am being selfish when I take a nap so I can be more present to my clients later this afternoon.

It is okay to be selfish.

The reason you are still feeling uncomfortable every time you read that is because it is very easy to believe that selfish equals greedy, mean, heartless, and willing to hurt other.

Other than this article I willing to bet less than five times in your life have you been told it is okey to be selfish.

We need to be selfish. If we don't take care of ourselves we are never going to be able to take care of others.

We need to be selfish. If we don't take care of ourselves then we aren't taking care of ourselves.

We need to be selfish. If we don't take care of ourselves we are never going to grow and heal in to who we truly are.

Yes, I know you are still resisting this. That is okey. Tapping for this might sound like:

I don't want to be selfish…because I need to care for other people…there are people who have it so much worse than I do…that I can't ask for anything more or better…and the things I have…I have squandered…it would be really selfish to ask for more…but I choose to know that selfish means I am making self defining act…every choice I make is a selfish act…I can love someone else and be selfish…because I want to be love…I can care for someone else because they are in need and be selfish…because I want to be giving…this doesn't take anything away from those loving acts…this doesn't mean they are less valuable…it just mean that when I am share I am also defining myself…it is okey to want better for myself…because I can then share with other…it is okey to want more for myself because then I can share more of the self with others…I am worthy of taking care of myself…that is not greedy…that is being healthy….I need to be healthy…I must be healthy…it is okey that I don't think being selfish is a bad thing…I don't want to be mean…I don't want to be greedy…but those are not the same a selfish…to be selfish is to choose to be the type of self I want to be.

The Growing Up Method

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photo by flydime

I am always on the look for new ways and easy ways to get tap on issues. Here is a great process by Natalie Hill. (Natalie writes regularly on new ways to approach tapping at EFT Tapping Techniques.

I really like Natalie's process because it is very straight forward and allows you to be very easy with yourself when coming up with phrases. I receive questions all the time about what is the right phrases to be used for a specific issue. The process is as easy as explaining to a close friend what is going on, what you would like to be able handle, and what you would like the outcome to be. Is a prefect example of how flexible the tapping protocols can be.

Step One: Dumping

When you first tune in to a strong emotional issue…

…you may hear things a two, five, 10 or 15-year old might think and feel.

Dumping is the ideal place to start, when you’re in that immature place.

In other words, for the first phase and rounds of this tapping technique, allow yourself be petty and childish.

Dump, vent, rant, whine, complain, moan, gripe.

Let all the negative out.

Don’t worry about accentuating or increasing the positive –
– you are doing a psychological cleanse.

Up and out with those petty thoughts and emotions.

If you ignore the crummy thoughts and feelings, try to deny or repress them, they will prevent you from fully resolving the issue. You’ll have an inner conflict, even if you’re not consciously aware of it.

After a few rounds of Dumping, you’ll feel a lot better.

The way I would do this step is just to start talking. Don't worry about crafting the perfect tapping phrase. Just start letting it out. As you do this just move from tapping point to tapping point. Just tap and let it out.

This is a great first step. I often refer to this step clearing the decks. Yes, it is very important to be very specific on the issue that we are tapping on, but sometimes there is so much spinning around in our head that it is impossible to focus. By dumping in this fashion we are going to clear out all the extraneous emotions and thoughts. This is the step that is going to allow us to find our way to what is really at the heart of the issue.

Often time when I this type of step with my clients a great deal of clarity is found. They go from “feeling really frustrated” to being able name what is really going on, giving us a great spring board to go after the deeper roots.

This step is not meant to take care of the issue completely. As Natalie writes, ” When you’re feeling somewhat better, down from where you started (or from an 8, 9 or 10) to somewhere between 4 and 7, move to Dreaming.”

Step Two: Dreaming

Dreaming is the way we sneak the change we want by the conscious and unconscious gatekeepers that don’t want us to change.

In this tapping technique, we are introducing the possibility of letting go of the stuck place, without raising so many objections.

In the dreaming phase, we start our EFT affirmations with the words,

“Wouldn’t it be nice if…”
“Wouldn’t it be great if…” or
“What if…”

For example if we were tapping for overwhelm, this might be your Dreaming tapping round:

Eyebrow: What if I could slow down a little?
Side of Eye: What if I could acknowledge that I don’t have to do everything right now?
Under Eye: What if could just focus on one task at a time?
Under Nose: Wouldn’t it be nice if I could relax, knowing I can’t get it all done in a day?
Chin: Wouldn’t it be nice if I could feel more confidence in myself?
Collarbone: Wouldn’t it be nice if I could trust that it will all work out?
Under Arm: What if I could focus on just the most important thing first?
Top of Head: What if I could let go of everything else?

You can do one, or several rounds in this Dreaming phase.

I love using questions when tapping. The subconscious mind does a wonderful job of filling in the blanks. Often times when we tap in this fashion we are going to come to insights and realizations. Clients often report a being amazed that the things there own system comes up with when tapping on questions.

One recommendation I might add to this is not to rush through a list of questions like these. Instead, linger on each question for a few tapping points allowing the system to sit with each questions, giving it a chance to provide useful information.

Natalie recommends that you do this type of tapping until you have reached the SUDs level of 3 or lower.

Step Three: Deciding

This will be your final round or two. Its intent is to bring you to a fully positive and empowered state, with your desired result.

You begin your EFT affirmations in this Deciding part of the process with the phrases,

“I have decided…” and
“I choose…”

To continue our example of tapping on feeling overwhelmed, this final round would go like this:

Eyebrow: I have decided I actually can handle everything I want and need to do.
Side of Eye: I have decided to focus on just one task at a time.
Under Eye: I have decided to feel confident about my abilities.
Under Nose: I choose to relax and do one thing at a time.
Chin: I choose to trust my judgment.
Collarbone: I choose to know that it will all work out fine.
Under Arm: I choose to remember I’m good at prioritizing.
Top of Head: I have decided to feel calm and confident.

It is amazing how much of a difference making a choice can make. Even if it is about something in the future, the simple act of committing to something moves the mind from the place of living in all of the possible outcomes.

I would also add “I give myself permission…” to this list of tapping phrases. I have found that giving permission is a powerful act that allows us to make transformation.

Natalie thoughtfully adds:

If, in any stage of this process, a new disturbing emotion or memory arises, take a little side-trip by returning to Dumping to clear it. Use the whole Growing Up process on that new emotion or memory. Then return to the place you left off in the process.

Giving It Away For Free – How I Give Things Away For Free (1c of 4)

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[Note: This article is part 1c of 4 in the series “4 Principles I Never Break As A Practitioner”. In this series I am discussing four of the fundamental principles I never break in running my business. A new article will be added to the site every two or three weeks. You can read the full series and you can check out all the free practitioner resources.]


photo by lazysupper

In part 1a we looked at the reasons for giving things away for free. In part 1b we looked at the costs and benefits of different types of free information and services. In this part we are going to look at the ways I use free in my practice.

Let me be very clear; this is not the best way or only way to use free stuff, it jus the way I am doing it.

1) The Web Site And Podcast
This is by far my biggest effort when it comes to free. I will be honest; my publication schedule is crazy. There is a new free resource on this site every three or four days. I spend as much as 20 hours a week on content. I would not recommend this for you (or anyone for that matter), especially when you are first starting out.

There are some great websites I read and podcasts I listen to that only produce content once a month. If you are starting to produce free content once a month is a great publication schedule to start with. People's lives are busy and they don't have time to consume all of the content that is out there.

I have other goals for the content that I create beyond just what we are talking about here and that is part of the reason I have such an ambitious publication schedule. [Read more about why I have this site.]

2) Six Audios + Newsletter
My newsletter is very important because it gives me the opportunity to reach out to readers. It is one thing to have a website that people are going to visit, but everyone has busy lives. They are going to forget you are out there. But when you have permission to send them e-mails then you have a chance to remind them that you are out there. Every Thursday I send a note to my readers that lists all the new information on the site, if there are any new products, and just a quick note to say hi.

I am sure we all have newsletter overload. There is so much out there. The free six audios I offer are an enticement to get visitors to sign up. Sure they can unsubscribe anytime they want (like right after they receive the sixth audio), but it cost me nothing to offer it to them once the audios were produced and hopefully they will stick around.

A common mistake I see made with newsletters is they don't contain any content. There are a number of newsletters I get that only have announcements of new classes and new products. Yes, I want to hear what these people are up to, but if it is nothing more than a string of announcements I am not going to rush to open it. About once every three or four weeks I send a direct sales letter, but every other newsletter I send out over the month contains links to at least two free resources (sometimes more).

I want people to be excited to get my newsletter because they know they are going to get content that will improve their Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping skill set. Every time I deliver something of value I am building my credibility and reputation with my readers that will lead to sales and session.

It is important to note that less than 5% of my readers are ever going to buy anything. That is fine because it cost me very little time to provide this free information to my readers.

3) Being Interviewed
I can't think of a time that I have turned down being interviewed. This true for articles, podcast, teleclasses, and radio programs. Being interviewed costs us very little time and gives us the benefit of having someone else speak to our value by introducing us to their readers and listeners. I see a spike in newsletter sign-ups and have tracked sales directly to these interviews.

When people are interviewing you they know you are giving your time and expertise. In exchange for this they are willing to let you promote yourself. When I do an interview I always set up something for the listeners. I will create a special web page just for the interview and give the listeners a free audio.

4) Free One-On-One Sessions
As we talked about before this is a high cost, but high impact give away. The main way I give free sessions away in through the podcast. In each podcast I share a word or phrase with the listeners. If they e-mail the word or phrase in they placed in drawing. One any given week I will do between one and three free sessions.

I have a very specific follow plan with these sessions. Three or four days after the session I send a note thanking them for giving me a chance to work with them, I ask them for a testimonial, and I offer them a chance to purchase a session or a bundle of sessions at discount.

5) Enticements To Buy
It has been proven that giving bonus with any purchase works. Every sales letter I have sent to my list (with only one exception) have contained bonuses. Yes the phrase, “But, that's not all” seems very cheesy, but the sentiment works. My basic rule of thumb is to offer 125% of the price of what I selling worth of bonus.

The nice thing about digital products (like tap along audios) is they cost me nothing more to add. I have already invested the time in their creation and it costs me nothing to give the buyer access to them.

Conclusion
These are just five ways you can use free to build your readership and/or client base. There are a million other ways to use free. What is most important is that you are doing it with a plan and to track your results to see if you are getting value for your free offers.

In part two if the “4 Principles Series” we will look at the most important thing to keep in mind when working with a clients: Do no harm!

Note: Gene enjoys helping new practitioners build their practice and current practitioners grown there practice. Let Gene know if you would like to chat about how he could help your practice today. (And yes, the consultation is free)]