Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Toa Te Ching/Doa De Jing as a tapping tool?

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photo by Bill Anderson

The Toa Te Ching (wikipedia) is one of the few books that I will always own. It is not a book a spend time with daily or weekly for that matter. But from time to time it has been a bedrock of peace in my life.

The Toa Te Ching is an ancient Chinese text that is a collection of 81 short passages. As wikipedia rightly states, “The passages are ambiguous, and topics range from political advice for rulers to practical wisdom for people.”

Some passages are insightful, others are profound, and still others will leave you just scratching your head in bafflement.

The topic of the Toa Te Ching came up during a client session recently. The types of issues we were tapping(EFT) on reminded me of many passages. After the session I dug out my dog-eared and tattered copy. I was amazed at how much peace it brought to tap along to the passages.

Give a try. Just move from tapping point to tapping point while reading aloud.

Just in a quick glance here are some of my favorite passages:

[Note: All experts are from “A New English Version: Toa Te Ching” By Stephen Mitchell]

8
…
When you are content to be simply yourself
and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.

9
Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and if will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.

Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.

27
A good traveler has no fixed plans
and is not intent upon arriving.
A good artist lets his intuition
lead him wherever it wants.
A good scientist has freed himself of concepts
and keeps his mind open to what is.

Thus the Master is available to all people
and doesn't reject anyone.
He is ready to be use all situations
and doesn't waste anything.
This is called embodying the light.

….

44
Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?

If you look to other for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy win yourself.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way thing are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

This type tapping isn't for everyone. This type of tapping isn't for everyday. I just know some days this type of tapping is the just the thing I need to feel grounded. There are many free translation of the Tao Te Ching on-line.

If you do try this please add the passages that you found helpful in your tapping below in the comments.

Taking Care Of Yourself As A Practitioner

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Gene, I always read your materials with interest and would appreciate your comment concerning energy protection. I have two questions.

First, I understand, before a practitioner starts treating clients he/she can create a protective energy layer around himself. How does this affect a practitioner as they connect with a client to muscle test or tune into what the client is experiencing? Won't this type of protection prevent the practitioner from doing their work?

Second, I understand one can “cut he cord” of energy between a practitioner and client, to stop the energy from flowing between them after the treatment. What about the energies that the practitioner has already “caught” over the course of the session?


photo by Łukasz Strachanowski

These are two really great questions. Let's look at them one at a time.

Before A Session
At the start of the day and before every session I do a number of things to take care of my heath and well-being. One of the steps I always take is much like what is described in the question, but when I do it I do it a little differently. I don't just create a force field around myself to keep myself safe. Instead I create a filter with the intention “to only let through the energy and information that is helpful and healthy to me.”

At one point in my practice I wouldn't have been able to take a step like this. I would have been worried “that by keeping out some of the information that I wouldn't be able to help my clients” and “it would be unfair to my client to keep out that information”.

As I have matured as a practitioner I have come to realize that it is not my job to “fix” everyone. It is not even my job to “fix” anyone. My job as practitioner is to use my expertise, experience, and emotional detachment from my client's situation to provide guidance as they walk down a healing path.

Coming to this realization has helped me to understand that not only am I NOT responsible for my client's healing (they are), but I am also not the right practitioner for every client. There are clients who are not health for me to work with, there are clients I am not the right person to help them, and there are clients who are not looking for help in healing, but instead are just looking for someone to validate their wounded identity.

If my willingness to make a choice to protect myself from energy and information that is harmful to me is going to prevent me from helping a client down a healing path than I am not the right practitioner for that client. Not only is it important that I do no harm to my clients, but it just as important that I do no harm to myself.

It took me a while before I could admit that I was not the right practitioner for every client. Now it is a very liberating knowing when I take care of myself and refer out the clients that are not a good fit that I am taking care of my clients and myself.

After A Session
After a session and at the end of the day I have a similar set of steps I go through to take care of myself.

First, I do what was recommended in the questions. At one point I would recommend to practitioners that they “cut the cord”. I have found that some people find this image too violent. If you are not comfortable cutting the cord you can also do what I, which is to unplug. When I do this I think about the old telephone operators who connected and disconnected calls with a series of wires.

When I do this I reach to my chest and pantomime pulling out the cord. This is less violent then cutting and it gives the sense that when I want to reconnect in the future with the client I can just plug back in.

Second, depending on the nature of the client, the number of clients I have worked with, and my general state of well being I do a number of things to clean up any extra emotion that I have picked up from my client. Here are is a short list of some of the things I do:

  • Shake my hands over an imaginary ceramic pot of poison, shaking off any and all excess that I have picked up durring the conversation.
  • Tap on the fact that it is a very high act of love to pick up burdens for another person, but is a higher act of love to let them go (which is not the same as giving them back). As I continue to tap I visualize letting go and releasing these burdens.
  • Going for a walk or jog in area with lots of trees. (the air is much cleaner than on city street)
  • Taking a salt bath (the ions are great a breaking up energy>

I would love to hear you take care of yourself before and after a session. Please add your routine to the comment section below.

Creativity Boosting Techniques That Accelerate Tapping Success (AKA: How To Keeping Tapping When It Gets Boring Or Stale) Part 4 of 4

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[This article is part of a four part series on how to get create with tapping when you are stuck or bored with tapping. A new part willed be added every few weeks. See the parts that have been published so far and check back regularly to see the full series.]

photo by Mike Baird

Mechanically tapping/Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very easy thing to do. All you need is to provide stimulus to the tapping points plus tuning into the issue at hand. The tapping part is easy; what can be hard is the tuning in part. Often we are so close to an issue or we have been working on an issue that it is difficult to see it clearly.

In the first three parts of this series we build upon ideas from two articles found on Jeremy Dean's PSYBlog. In this fourth part we will look at a number of other ways we can get past block and the feeling of tapping staleness.

Obviously not all of these are going to work for every issue, but by having a complete menu to choose from you are going to find new ways to approach the issue.

Take A Break
Sometime we just need to take a break. I have found that if I spend a lot of time with an issue that I need to clear my head so I can have a fresh look at the issue. Sometimes this is as simple as waiting until the next day while other times taking a few days off to clear my head is a really good thing.

A few days break will give you a new perspective and many times it will give you new insights.

Move On To Anther Issues And Come Back To This One
Another way to help with an issue that is stuck or an issue you are bored with is to work on another part of your life. By doing this you will still feel like you are making progress, but will be giving the issue you have been hammering on a rest.

I have also found that many times while working on a second issue I will come to an insight about the first issue.

Remind Yourself Of the Progress You Have Already Made
When we are working on an issue over a longer period of time it becomes very easy for us to forget how far we have come. Often in the moment all we notice is the discomfort we are feeling right now. We are not thinking of it in terms of what the discomfort level use to be.

With clients that I am working with over a longer period of time I find that I am reminding them of their progress about every third or fourth session (because it is so easy to forget how far we have come).

When we recognize how far we have come it makes it much easier to keep moving forward. This is very easy to do. Think about how the issue was when you first started tapping on it. How is the issue changed and how is it the same?

It is vey easy to get caught up in wanted everything to be a one minute metrical. When we take a step back it becomes much easier to see that it might not be happening as fast as we would like, but compared to other possible treatments things are happening quickly.

Take a few moments to just tap on: “I know this is not happening as fast as I would like…But I can see progress is happening…I can see things are getting better…I just need to keep after it…And more progress will come…I give myself permission to be easy with myself in this process.”

Give Someone Else Advice
Sometimes it is much easier to give someone else advice than it is to deal with our own issues. When we are giving advice to someone else we are able to be less emotional and we see things clearer. Take the issue you are dealing with and pretend one of your friends has come to you for advice. What advice would you give them?

Close your eyes and image you are sitting in a coffee with a friend. Image them explaining what is going on. Just listen to yourself respond. This is an easy way to take a step back from your issue and see it in a new way.

Get Outside Help
Sometime we are just too close to an issue to be able to see it clearly. Getting outside help does not me we have failed. It doesn't mean that we aren't any good at tapping. It just means that we need some outside help. Many of the clients I work with are very experienced tappers and they do work on their own regularly. They reach out for help when they hit a bit of a wall.

Many times when we reach out for help from some else we get a new perspective on the issue. If this isn't enough to clear the issue completely, it will give us new information and avenues to pursue.

Tap (And I Mean Just Tap)
I have found it to be very helpful to just tap and I mean to just literally tap. No set up phrases. No images. No NLP techniques. Just tapping.

I do this when I am taking my evening walk or when I am taking a bath or shower. Sometime I will do it while I am watching TV.

My conscious mind has a tendency to monopolize the energy I am putting towards solving my problems. I have found it helpful to let my subconscious do some work on its own.

There has been many times when I am just tapping to nothing in particular that I start to yawn, sigh, and even cry. All signs of progress. I have feel things moving and almost always feel very relaxed at the end of it. This is a great way (and a no pressure way) to feel better.

This is part 1 of a 4 part series. Check out all 4 parts for more creative ideas.

8 Things To Keep In Mind When Tapping With Your Kids

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I love tapping/EFT and would love my kids to be able to tap as well. How do I introduce tapping to my kids?

I love the fact that parents can (and want to) tap with their kids. When I was home over Christmas visiting my family the year a seven year old, who we will call “T”, walked up to me with a huge grin and said, “Me and mommy still tap together every night before I go to bed.”


photo by Anguskirk

It was obvious that not only was T enjoying the benefits of tapping but she was also enjoying that special time with mom every night before bed.

Tapping with kids is very easy. Often it is easier to tap with kids than adults because they don't get hung up on how weird tapping/Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) can feel when doing it.

Here are 8 things to keep in mind when introducing tapping and actually tapping with your kids.

You Don't Need To Explain What Is Going On
This might seem obvious, but kids (and most people for that matter) don't need to know why it works or how it works. They just want to feel better. Often times I just say something as simple as, “Did you know that you have buttons on your body which you can push that will help the bad feelings go away?”

I have never met a child that needed more information than that. Remember, most people care about feeling better over anything else. They are willing to do something that seems weird for the promise feeling better.

Keep It Simple
You don't need to teach them complicated set-phrases, formulas of how to describe what is going on, or all of the tapping points. I have found it best to just teach them 8 or 9 tapping points. When they are tapping I just have them “tell me what is going on and how do you feel about it?”

By simply tapping and having them tell you the story they are going to tuning in a prefect way. Children's imagination is so powerful because they are using it all the time. They are using the same imagination when they are telling you about what happened and/or why they are so upset.

Many times I think we make the mistake of having someone tell us about what is going on and then we start tapping on what they just described. Once they know how to tap, just have them start tapping as they tell you what is going on. This will immediately start to clear what ever is going on.

[Note: If you have a really upset child (esp. one that is having a hard time taking because they are so upset) then they are not going to need to say anything out loud to tune into what is going on. They are already there. Just start by tapping. As they calm down you can have them start to tell you what is going on.]

Introduce Tapping Before It Is Needed
It is best to introduce tapping before you are dealing with a major emotional melt down. When a child is having a really hard time it is difficult to get them to focus on anything, much less something new. By teaching your kids how to tap under normal circumstances will make it much easier to tap when things are emotional.

Below there you will find a recommendation on how to tap with your kids before bed. This is a great way to introduce them to tapping so that when things are more emotional they know what to do.

The Nature of Children's Emotions And How They Talk About Them
Children's emotions are much more acute than adult emotions. What I mean by this is there are less shades of grey in a child's emotions. This is not to say that their emotions are real or meaningful, but most children have many few shades of any given emotion than adult.

Also, it is import to keep in mind that talking about your emotions is a skill. Some people are very good at this, while others don't know how to talk about what they are feeling. Most children don't have a lot of experience talking about their emotions. Because of this they might not be very skilled at it.

I have found that kids are very good about talking about how they are physically feeling and these physical feelings can be a great way of tuning while tapping. I have found it is best to give them a few examples when getting them to describe what is going on.

“You said you feel angry. How dose that feel in our body? Does it make your feel hot or is there lots of energy like electricity in your chest or do you feel like you want to punch something or does it feel something like else?”

By giving them some examples you are showing them how to do it and by giving them the chance to come up with some other options you are going to tap into their amazing imagination.

SUDs Levels
The traditional SUDs level is hard to do with children because rating how big an emotion from 0 to 10 is a very abstract activity. I don't often use any sort of rating scale with kids, but when I do I just have them show me how big the emotion is just like they were showing the size of a fish. Again, I will demonstrate what I am asking.

“Is your anger this big [hands a few inches apart], this big [hands a foot apart], this big [hands a few feet apart], or this big [arms stretched out wide]?”

The base line they give us is only important in showing us progress. All we are looking for is the size to get smaller and smaller after each round of tapping. It doesn't matter if they start at three feet apart or one foot apart.

Tapping At The End Of The Day
A great way to introduce tapping to kids is to make it part of their daily routine. If it is something they are comfortable doing when they are calm it is going to be easier to do when they are emotional.

Also, tapping daily will help with their general mood, will reduce emotional over reactions, and help them to sleep better.

There is a very easy four step process you can do with your kids to end each day. When you are tucking them into bed have them start tapping. First ask them about what was good about today? You might make the question specific, “What are three good things about today?” Second, (all the time still tapping) ask them what didn't they like about today. Third, (still tapping) ask them, “If you could change one (or two) things about today what would it be?” Finally ask them (yes…still tapping), “What is something you are hoping will happen tomorrow?”

You will notice that the first and four questions are positive. By opening with a positive question are making it easier start. It can feel much safer to start with the positive than the negative. By asking what they are hoping for tomorrow you are ending the conversation on a positive note, making it easier for a restful night of sleep.

You will also notice that this is a great opportunity to know what is really going on in your child's life. When you ask a kid “How was school today?” more than likely they will just say “fine” or “good”. By asking these types of specific questions you are going to getting a better idea about what they are experiencing.

Don't Be Afraid To Share You Life
If you are choosing to tap regularly with your child (like at the end of the day) you might consider not just tapping for your child, but also tapping for yourself. By having a conversation where you are sharing what is going on in your life will provide an opportunity to continue to grow your bond.

Obviously you are not going to share everything that is going on in your life and you are not going to go into the same detail that you would if you were working with a practitioner. You don't want to be sharing anything that might scare your child. For example sharing that you were really angry with your spouse or that you are worried that you might loose your job is not going build a bond with your child, but instead scare them.

It is best to share things that they can relate to. For example feeling bad because you didn't do as good of a job as you could with something at work or around the house. This can be a great tool in building your relationship.

Tapping On Your Kids
Kids not only love the one-on-one attention of tapping with a parent, many really like it when the parent does the tapping for them. When you are tapping with a child all you need to do is ask them, “Would you like to do the tapping or have me do the tapping on you?”

(As person who grew up in Montessori schools) I find it a very good thing to give kids choices. If you notice in the question I am not asking “would you like to tap?”, but instead I am asking them how they would like the tapping to happen. I am getting them to do something they need to do, but doing it in a way where they are in control and are getting to make a choice.

Also, if you are taking some time to tap on your issues (as suggested above), don't be afraid to let your child tap on you (while making sure they don't poke you in the eye).

Conclusion
There are many great reasons to tap with your kids. They will be happy, healthier, and you are going to be giving them tools that they can use on their own. I have many clients that report that their children (even as young as 6) tap on their own. AND as an added bonus, it will give you a great opportunity to continue to build your bond with your kids.

Creativity Boosting Techniques That Accelerate Tapping Success (AKA: How To Keeping Tapping When It Gets Boring Or Stale) Part 3 of 4

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[This article is part of a four part series on how to get create with tapping when you are stuck or bored with tapping. A new part willed be added every few weeks. See the parts that have been published so far and check back regularly to see the full series.]

photo by Brian

Mechanically tapping/Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very easy thing to do. All you need is to provide stimulus to the tapping points plus tuning into the issue at hand. The tapping part is easy; what can be hard is the tuning in part. Often we are so close to an issue or we have been working on an issue that it is difficult to see it clearly.

Recently Jeremy Dean's PSYBlog had a very interesting two part series (via kottke.org) which explored 14 of ways we can become more creative and more efficient problem solvers. In this four part series I am going to explore how we can apply many of these insights to tune into our issues in new ways (plus a few of my own).

Obviously not all of these are going to work for every issue, but by having a complete menu to choose from you are going to find new ways to approach the issue.

Two Problems Are Better Than One (via part 2)

People solve many problems analogically: by recalling a similar old one and applying the same, or similar solution. Unfortunately studies have found that people are poor at recalling similar problems they've already solved.

In a counter-intuitive study, however, Kurtz and Lowenstein (2007) found that having two problems rather than one made it more likely that participants would recall problems they'd solved before, which helped them solve the current problem.

So don't avoid complications, gather them all up; they may well help jog your memory.

How to apply to tapping: As this study points out, sometimes we are not successful by being specific (and something we can't even get specific). One of the ways I like to deal with this is through a simple basket process.

I close my eyes and start tapping (moving from point to point every few seconds). I take a few deep breaths and imagine a large wicker basket. Then one at a time I place all the issues I am currently working on into the basket. I am not spending a great deal of time going into detail with each issue, but just seeing the general idea of the issue going in. Once I have added everything to the basket I do a number of simple steps.

First, I recognize that all of these issues exist because on some level my system thought they were helpful at some point. I let me system know that many (if not all) of these issues/idea have fulfilled their task and they can move on.

Second, I recognize that many of the ideas/issues are burdens that I have picked up for others. It is a high act of love to pick something up for someone else, but it is a higher act of love to release and heal these burdens.

Finally, I ask the system what insight and information it has to help me get past the issues that are left in the basket. I am often shocked at the amazing insight and information that is brought forward in these moments.

Fight! Fight! Fight! (via part 2)

We tend to think that when people are arguing, they become more narrow-minded and rigid and consequently less creative.

But, according to research by Dreu and Nijstad (2008), the reverse may actually be true. Across four experiments they found that when in conflict people engaged more with a problem and generated more original ways of arguing.

Being in social conflict seems to give people an intense motivated focus. So, to get creative, start a fight.

How to apply to tapping: One of my favorite types of tapping is argument tapping. In argument tapping all you do is give voice to each sides of an argument. As you move from point to point you state the opposing point of view.

For example, if you are trying to decide if you should take a new job you might tap like this:

eb: (con change) I am worried I am not going to like the new job
se: (pro change) But I know I need to leave the job I am in
e: (con change) But you aren't going to know anyone at the new job
un: (pro change) You didn't know anyone when you started your current job and you made friends
…

Think Love Not Sex (via part 2)

Forster et al. (2009) found that when experimental participants were primed with thoughts of love they became more creative, but when primed with carnal desire they became less creative (although more analytical).

While it certainly isn't the first time that love has been identified as a creative stimulus, psychologists have suggested a particular cognitive mechanism.

Love cues us with thoughts of the long-term, hence our minds zoom out and we reason more abstractly and analogically. Sex meanwhile cues the present, leading to a concrete analytical processing style. For creativity, abstraction and analogy are preferred.

How to apply to tapping: Start your tapping sessions on an emotional high. There are couple of ways of doing this. You could either tap to a list of things you are thankful for or you can tap while thinking of the people you love (or both!). (I go into a much large discussion of why this happens in the free audio Gratitdue v. Poverty.)

By taking a few minutes to do this type of tapping you are going to release a great deal of the general edge and emotion you are feeling. By doing this type of work you are clearing some of your emotional clutter which help you to see things clearer which help you see a path to healing much clearer. (Here is another possible way to achieve the same thing in the free audio Clearing The Deck

This is part 1 of a 4 part series. Check out all 4 parts for more creative ideas.