Sometimes it is hard to move forward because we are worried about what might go wrong. Our current situation may not be perfect, but we are aware of that and we know how to manage it. Making changes to our lives invites in the unknown. We might get what we want, but we might also encounter problems for which we are unprepared or problems we can't handle. When considering making changes (even positive ones) part of us is willing to remain stuck with the manageable status quo instead of trying something new for fear that something bad will happen to us.
Keeping the Long View – How To Understand The Healing Process With Tapping/EFT
photo by Wally Gobetz |
Why it is hard to stay focused on one issue over time with Tapping/EFT?
I hear from clients all the time that they have a hard time staying focused on an issue that takes more than one session to knock out, or as they work on a issue for a long period they feel like they are not making any progress and lose their motivation for tapping. This something that happens to everyone who taps and it happens for a good reason.
One of the characteristics of a strong emotional response is the fact that it holds our attention to that response. We are so deep into the emotions we can't see anything else. This can become a problem when it affects our ability to understand the healing process we are experiencing. When we don't see the progress we are making because we are caught in the emotion it is easy for us to lose motivation because it feels like a waste of time. When this happens we often stop tapping.
Healing has ups and downs as we get better and better
One of my favorite analogies of healing is of a spring stretched at an upward direction on an angle. Imagine a long spring in front of you. It is stretched from the floor to the ceiling at a 45 degree angle. Imagine that it is going from the lower left to the upper right.
If we trace the spring we are going to be going up and down with each spiral of the spring, but as we move along it we will move in an upward direction over the long haul.
This is similar to our experience of healing. As we are tapping on our issues we are slowly moving upwards, but there will be daily up and down moments.
The difficulty comes when we are having a down moment. The problem is not that we are down, but when we are down we are so completely caught in the down emotion that we lose sight of the progress we’re making. We forget everything we’ve achieved on the way to that point.
It really helps to have someone pointing out that we really are making progress, that we are continuing to move in an overall upward direction (tracing the full length of the spring), even though there are small ups and downs along the way (tracing each spiral).
This doesn’t negate or explain away the negative emotion we are feeling in the moment, but it does give us some perspective. Healing seems more attainable when we have this perspective.
Almost without exception when I’m working with a client over six weeks I expect that I’ll need to point out that they really have made a great deal of progress, even though they can’t feel it right now. It is natural and common to be caught up in where we are in this moment.
This is one of the reasons we bring our problems to loved ones and professionals alike. Both help us to see the long view and the progress we are making. Not only is it helpful for us to have someone remind us of the long view when we are down, it can also be helpful to have someone show us the long view when we are up.
What the healing process with tapping looks like over time and how we don't see it in ourselves
I was touching base with one of my clients, “Debbie,” recently. She was telling me about a phone conversation she had just had with her sister. The context for the conversation is Debbie’s mom has suffered an on-and-off battle with cancer for years. For the last few months she has been in and out of the hospital. Debbie’s sister is currently pregnant with twins.
Debbie’s sister called and started screaming and yelling at Debbie and in such a ferocious way that Debbie couldn’t understand a word she was saying. Debbie calmly explained this to her sister, saying that she was sorry her sister was so mad at her, but Debbie was happy with the choices she had made. She offered her sister a chance to have a reasonable conversation about what had transpired, but it was not acceptable for her to be spoken to in that way. Her sister hung up!
It was quite amazing that she had responded so calmly, but it was even more amazing considering her history. I’ve worked with Debbie on and off for over eighteen months. When I first met her she would have flown off the handle if her sister had spoken to her in that way. Then she would have cried. Then she would have called a friend and cried to her friend. Then she would have felt bad for burdening her friend with her issues.
All of those responses would have been reasonable. When we are attacked, especially by a loved one during a trying family time, it’s reasonable for us to fight back. Instead, Debbie was able to see through the situation and identify what was really going on.
She saw that her sister might be over-emotional because of her pregnancy and their mother’s illness. She saw that it might not have anything to do with what she had done, but this was the place her sister was choosing to lash out. She realized that she was happy with the choice she had made that her sister was reacting to and wasn’t going to change her decision.
Debbie was able to react in this way because she was much more comfortable in her own skin. Eighteen months ago she would have taken the attack personally. Her fragile self-esteem would have been bruised by the experience. She would have responded in anger, which is the body’s way of protecting from an attack.
This is not to say that Debbie shouldn’t protect herself, or that responding in anger is always bad. In this situation Debbie identified the situation for what it was, understanding that she wasn’t IN FACT being attacked but was the chosen recipient for some misguided rage.
What's most amazing about this is that Debbie didn’t even realize she was responding differently from how she would have done in the past. As her sister was yelling at her she didn’t think, “I am choosing not to take this attack personally. I am going to be calm.” She was just calm. It was only when I pointed out to her that she had responded differently that she realized her own transformation.
We need help sometimes to see the change Tapping/EFT has provided
The reason the change wasn’t obvious to Debbie was because she was not making a new choice but she has changed how she sees herself. Between the work we have done together and the work she has done on her own, Debbie has transformed her understanding of her own worth.
Debbie is not “doing” anything differently. She is “being” someone different. Because she is comfortable in her own skin it is natural for her not to overreact to the attack, because there is no reason to attack.
It is just as important for us to recognize this type of transformation as it is to recognize that when we are down in the moment we are still moving up over the long-term. When we recognize this sort of transformation it does a few things for us. First, we can celebrate that we are doing better than before. Second, it encourages us to progress further.
Debbie’s experience is a perfect example of The Stages Awareness. I encourage you to read that article to help you see where you are on the path to healing, showing you that you are on the right path and what further steps can be taken.
Pod #67: Creating A Tapping Community Of Support w/ Stephen W. Carter
Let's be honest: Tapping/EFT looks weird when you do it, sounds weird when you explain it, and really is just plain weird. At least once a week as I explaining the work I do and how much I love tapping someone will start to look at me like I have three heads and slowly start creeping away.
In any endeavor that we do it is important to have a community of support around us. In these communities we have the opportunity to learn from each other, support each other, and (most importantly) laugh with each other.
In the Baltimore area (which is where I live) Steve Carter has done an amazing job in creating just this type of community. The community he has created is from everyone from full time practitioners to people who are just interested in finding way the live health and happier lives. It started very small and over the last few years has not only grown in numbers, but it has also in the quality of support the community provides.
For me the only sadness is they normally meet on weekends and I travel 40 weekends a year and haven't had the chance to spend much time with them.
In this interview I talk with steve about why he started the group, what he has done to be successful, and lots of practical advice for someone who would like to start something like this in their own community. (And don't worry if you live in a small town or a rural area. Steve has specific advice for your situation.)
Since the recording of this podcast the group has grown to over 1100 people.
Stephen Carter |
Guest: Stephen W. Carter, MA, TFT-DX, CHt.
Contact: web at Easy Stress Cures; web @ EFT MD; phone @ 1-888-849-5040; phone @ 1-804-677-6772
About Stephen: Stress management and how to help others learn its power became an important part of Stephen’s career while working in law enforcement. As a police chief, certified instructor with the Maryland Police Training Commission, and an adjunct instructor with the Eastern Shore Criminal Justice Academy, he developed and taught officer survival training with stress management as a foundational life saving skill to police officers across the state of Maryland. He incorporated stress management awareness throughout his police agency, helping ensure officers learned how to successfully handle life and death high stress situations and chronic day-to-day emotional tension.
After being named as the Corporate Security Director for a major bank, Stephen incorporated stress management into the bank’s robbery and kidnap training program. Thousands of employees and executives learned proven life saving strategies to successfully handle high stress situations.
In recent years Stephen has focused on applying life changing stress reduction methods to improve the health and well being of people with serious medical challenges. He helps people facing cancer, and other conditions, teaching them how to reduce stress and encourage rapid recovery.
In addition to his Master of Arts in Criminal Justice from George Washington University and a Bachelor of Science from the University of Maryland, Stephen holds certifications in hypnotherapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) as a Master Practitioner, and Quantum-Touch® energy healing as a practitioner and instructor. He is also a certified Emotional Freedom Techniques® (EFTCert-1) and Thought Field Therapy (TFT-Algo) practitioner He has received training in and taught multiple other meditative and bio-energy healing modalities.
Best Of, Personal Favorites, & Most Visited Free Resources About Tapping & EFT (#7links)
photo by Jodi Green |
Last year Darren over at ProBlogger recommended an exercise for bloggers that would allow an writer to remind their readers of what they have to offer. The exercise has two goals. First, it is to remind your long time readers of some of the better resources that have been created. Second, to introduce new readers to resources in the archive.
When I did it last year it was a fun activity for me to go back look through what is on the site. Here is the updated version of the activity with many of the questions Darren asked from before plus a new things I have added.
My First Article I Wrote About Tapping and EFT
- Making It Routine: This was the third article I ever wrote on tapping and the first one to appear here. This is a topic I still talk to my clients about regularly. I think finding ways to make anything helpful part of our daily routine is one of the biggest struggles we face. I reference this article and these principles all the time.
Article I Enjoyed Writing The Most About Tapping and EFT
- The Stages of Awareness: This is the first article I wrote where I felt like I was doing a higher level thinking beyond “This is how you tap for issue X”. It was also the first time I ever really learned something I didn't realize I knew before writing. This concept has transformed the way I understand the healing process. I always teach this concept to my advanced students and something I go back to again and again with they guys I teach in my anger management class in the local jail.
Article I Wish I'd Written About Tapping and EFT
- Tapping For Trauma w/ Gwyneth Moss (Podcast): This interview blew me away. Gwyneth's approach to the hows and whys of trauma is succinct. It is easy to understand and very useful. In under 30min she transformed the way I work with trauma big and small.
Most Helpful Article About Tapping and EFT
- What If I Don't Completely Love and Accept Myself: This felt like I was revealing a dirty secret. When I shared this, people came out of the woodwork saying, “Yeah, I have a really hard time using the set-up phrase as well.” By bringing the idea to light it gave other the chance to wrestle with what this means.
Article Title On A Tapping/EFT Article That I Am Proud Of
- Why I am Giving Up Self Improvement In The New Year: The article itself contains an idea that is very personal and has been very powerful in my own healing and growth. I wanted to make sure people checked it out. I thought the title was counterintuitive enough that I thought it would peak interest.
Article That I Wish More People Had Read About Tapping and EFT
- There Is No Such Thing As An Emotional Act (Is this true?): The content of this article was a total revelation to me. It took me more than a week to just the basic idea down in a form that I thought was understandable. Understanding the facts of how our conscious mind is so easily over run by emotional responses is very import in helping us understand how and we why act as well as making it easier for us to by easy with ourselves as we grow and heal. This is something I wish all my clients understood.
10 Most Read Articles On Tapping and EFT
- EFT Set-Up Phrase Generator: Lots of people struggle with saying “I love and accept myself while tapping”. This tool creates over 2500 unique set-up phrase to give you a new place to start.
- Recovering Self-A Healing Manifesto: This is a free eBook and free audiobook that explains how I see the healing process.
- 10 Part Weight Release Series
- Interview w/ Steve Wells On Self Acceptance
- What Is Surrogate Tapping And How Do I Do It?
- Tapping For Financial Success
- Tapping To Improve Metabolism
- How Can A Parent Tap For Their Children
- Making It Safe To Heal/Giving Ourselves Permission To Heal
- How To Transform our Critical Voice In 8 Steps With Tapping
Do you have a favorite article or podcast that I didn't list above? Add it as a comment below so others can find it easily.
TapAlong #4: Changing How We See Ourselves and the World
A few years ago I was on retreat with Russ Hudson. At the beginning of the three days he said, “Who I think I am will die in this process. What I lose is my illusions.” Often the transformation process isn't about becoming something new but rather it is about seeing ourselves in new ways. Sometimes we are so caught up in an old image of ourselves that we don’t allow ourselves to see a new one. This is also true of how we perceive our life situation. It is possible for the world around us to change in dramatic ways yet we continue to operate out of an outdated understanding. A perfect example is when many generations of a family get together. Even as fully formed adults, people quickly fall back into old roles and patterns. As always, it is much easier to see this in others than it is in our own lives.