Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Understanding What Is Motivating The Change We Want

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photo by Scott Maxwell

There are many reasons we want to make changes in our life. Often, the greater the perceived reward the greater the motivation we have. Many times there’s more than one reason for making a change. Understanding these reasons can be key to our transformation.

For example, someone might want to quit smoking because they want to feel healthier, they don’t want long term health issues, they are a new parent not wanting to set a bad example for their child, and cigarettes cost more and more.

I have a hypnotist friend who requires his clients to come up with a list of six reasons they want the change before he will work with them. He only wants to work with clients who truly want change. One of the ways he tests their commitment is their ability to thoughtfully name why they want the change.

Years ago (before I was using tapping) I was working with a friend “Chris” who was having a hard time losing weight. He was on the typical yo-yo of lose weight and then slowly gaining it back. This repeated over and over again for a number of years. Finally, his doctor said to him, “Do you want to see your daughter get married?” who was 5 at the time.

Of course he said yes.

“Then you need to stop this.”

It was no longer a matter of wanting to lose weight; it was about being there for his daughter. Chris took his five-year-old daughter to a bridal shop and put her in a grown up wedding dress and took a few pictures. He put one picture on the refrigerator at home, another on the refrigerator at work, and he put one in his wallet. Whenever he craved a snack, he looked at these pictures. This helped him move beyond just wanting to make a good eating choice to the reason he was making that choice.

Understand Why We Want the Change and Tapping

Once we understand why we want to make a change we can integrate this into our tapping/EFT routine. There are times when we aren’t very motivated to do the tapping we know we want to do. We don’t want to have to face the issue we have or to dig up past emotions. We can use our list of why we want to make the change as a great way to start a tapping session. For example:

I want to quit smoking…because I want to feel healthier…I don’t want to worry about long-term health issues…I want to be a good role model for my kids…I want to save money…so we can do things the whole family enjoys…I know this make take some work…but the benefits of quitting outweigh the time and effort it is going to take…therefore I am going to do the work right now…because I know with every moment I spend working on this I’m a moment closer to being able to enjoy all these benefits of not smoking

If you start your tapping session with something like this you are going to be very motivated to do the work you want to do.

In many cases simply because you name the reasons you want the change to happen, aspects of resistance will arise and be cleared as you are tapping.

Two Types of Reasons Why We Want Change

As we have shown, the answers to the questions, “Why do we want a change?” or “What are the benefits from making this change?”, are very powerful. One more refinement will make these questions even more beneficial in our healing process.

There are two types of reasons for making a change. The first is to move away from pain; the second is to move towards pleasure. For almost every change in our life we are going to have both types of reasons for our change.

In our quitting smoking example, a reason to move away from pain is to stop feeling unhealthy. Being able to afford fun things to do with the family because of the savings that come with not buying cigarettes is a move toward pleasure.

This isn’t always the case, but often the most important motivation is getting away from pain. As this occurs, gaining pleasure becomes the primary motivation.

It’s important to note this because it is very easy to get stuck in the middle of these two motivations. Getting out of pain is a great motivation, but once the pain is gone it’s easy to stop doing the work because we no longer have the nagging feeling of the pain. For this reason it is very important that our list of reasons for changing includes some reasons that move us towards pleasure.

Focusing on the reasons we are going to gain pleasure from the change then motivates us to complete the transformation process.

The next time you tap on an issue, name not only the change you want but also why you want that change. Knowing this will more surely motivate you to achieve the change and transformation you desire.

[Note: Dan Cleary shares a very interesting point of view on this called “The 10% solution” in the interview I did with him. (link)]

TapAlong #12A: Seeking Attention

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“It is healthier to recognize we are desperate for attention than to deny we are. ” R. Hudson

We all want attention. We want attention from our loved ones. We want attention from new friends. We want attention from people in power. It is ok to want attention, however it becomes dangerous when we start to judge our worth and value from the amount of attention we receive from others. In the end it is healthier to recognize we are desperate for attention than to deny that we are. When we recognize the types of attention we want and why we want them, then we are able to move to a healthier place. If we deny that we are craving attention then we will keep acting out to get it, but doing so in a subconscious way.

TapAlong #8A: Looking at things in new ways

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There are times when we want to move forward but can't because we feel like we are taking a step too far. We need to know that sometimes it is OK to push the envelope.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”— Apple Commercial, 1997

Using EFT/Tapping for Serious Medical Issues

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I have recently been diagnosed with a rodent ulcer on my chest that will need surgery…or will it? I am unsure what affirmation to use in this instance. Do you have any suggestions on phrases that I should use?


photo by pneff

There are three really good questions here. Let’s look at them one at a time.

Will I need surgery or should I use EFT/Tapping?

To be honest I have no idea. I am not a medical doctor and am not qualified to advise you in this way, but I would offer this thought.

I am very excited by the many strides that have been made in complementary medicine over the last few decades. We’ve learned so much about how the body gets sick and how it heals itself. Even more exciting is the fact that we are just scratching the surface with the human body’s potential, especially its ability to heal.

That being said, I do NOT believe that complementary medicine is the best or only treatment for every situation. There are many ways of helping the body back to full health, which include medical procedures and techniques. When I bleed, the first thing I do is reach for something to stop the bleeding. Once the bleeding is under control, I will then spend time tapping to help the healing process.

The important point is that you take control and responsibility for your body. Get all of the information you can from as many trusted sources as you can. Weigh all your options and choose the course that makes the most sense for you. There are people who will approach your situation using only a surgical/pharmacological approach. Others will use only acomplementary medicine approach. Still others will use a combination of the two. There is no one right answer that can be applied to every situation.

The nice thing about EFT is it only costs you a small amount of time to do and won’t make things worse. This makes it very easy to add to any other action you decide to take.

Can my friends do EFT at a distance for me, and will it help?

When EFT is done on one person for another person (be they present or a long distance away), it’s called surrogate tapping. Describing surrogate tapping and the best way to do it is a topic that requires many an article unto itself (see all surrogate tapping resources) . But I would offer this…

When I explain surrogate tapping, especially to parents who want to tap for their children, I say, “Surrogate tapping might work, and it might not. If you choose to set 7 minutes a day aside to tap for your child, you will be spending 7 minutes thinking loving healing thoughts for your child. Even if the tapping does nothing for your child I believe that’s time well spent.”

There is a library of anecdotal evidence suggesting that surrogate tapping can be effective. If you have friends who know EFT and are willing to take some time to tap for you, I say go for it.

Again, the worst thing that will come of it is your friends will spend time thinking of you in a loving, healing way. Everything else that comes from their time and effort is a bonus.

What tapping phrases should I use for my serious medical issue?

This is the second most common question asked of an EFT practitioner (right after, “Will EFT work on…?”).

The words we use while doing EFT are not Magic. They are reminder phrases with the sole purpose of keeping us tuned into the issue at hand. There is no right or wrong way to come up with these phrases. More important than the phrases we use is the issue that we are tuning into. This is the place that we do the work.

In the circumstance of a serious health concern there are two places that I would start.

First, I would start with the emotions that you feel about your current situation. Often when we receive a medical diagnosis most of our thoughts are turned to how we are going to heal the body and cope with the situation. We frequently forget about our emotional health.

The energy we expend feeling angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, and/or frightened — and all of these emotions are commonly associated with major health concerns — take energy away from the body’s immune system and the healing process. It is extremely important to release these emotions. We are going to have a clearer mind to make the choices that are right for us, and we are going have the body’s full reserve of energy committed to the healing process.

Some of the most common emotions associated with health issues that are worth tapping on are:

  • anger (at self for letting happen, for not getting the care you deserver, at it not being fair)
  • fear (of death, of debilitation, of never being whole again, of being dependant on others, of getting worse, of being a burden to others, of not being able to heal, of not knowing what to do)
  • frustration (that you have no control, that you did everything you could and it still happened, that is cost so much to deal with)
  • sadness
  • loss (of mobility, of health, of freedom, of youth, of activities)

By spending time clearing these emotions we can’t help but feel better, have a clearer mind to make choices about our care, and have the full store of our energy committed to healing. I truly believe this is a very important (and often overlooked) step in the healing process. Second, I would spend time with the symptoms themselves, which is what the main question is about. I have written on this topic before.

If you are interested in seeing how to approach the symptoms themselves check out: The Body Has Information About Our Issues 3 Easy Ways to Approach Physical Issues

I know I sound like a broken record, but the words are not magic. The important thing is focus. The two articles above will show you great ways to tune into what is going on in your body, giving you words that will help you tune into the issue at hand.

How One Minute Miracles Can Be Bad For The Tapping/EFT Community

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[Note: Tapping Q and A is a very personal site written from my point of view. I do not claim to have the only answer or the best answer to any question. These are my reflections and offered as nothing more than that. Most of the articles are written as purely informational. From time to time I offer a more personal opinion on a topic. If this not your cup of tea I would encourage you to check the other great informational resources. As always I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic in the comments below.]


photo by opacity

One Minute or One Session Miracles With Tapping/EFT

The term one-minute/one-session miracle is loosely defined as a problem or issues that is solved in a few rounds of tapping or a very short period of time. I believe that this type of healing is possible with and with out tapping. Even within conventional western there are well-documented cases of massive instantaneous healing. I have seen breath-taking shifts within my own clients and myself.

As wonderful as these wonderful one-minute/one-session miracles are I think as a Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping community we are doing ourselves a disservice in the ways we talk about these one-minute miracles. I am not saying that there is no room for us to talk about these very real healing experiences, but I think we can get lost in our own enthusiasm and run potential tappers over. (I know I have!)

Here are three of the problems I think we have created for ourselves.

As EFT/Tappers We Can Look Like Charlatans and Hucksters

Just for a moment I want you to forget everything you know about tapping. I know that is impossible, but just for a moment look at the following statements through the eyes of a non-tapper:

  • My life long fear of needles disappeared in under twenty minutes by tapping on my body.
  • In three minutes I was able to release the pain of a childhood trauma that haunted me everyday.
  • Everyday for two weeks I spent less than five minutes a day tapping and my six year old son's verbal skills went from that of a twenty month old to that of a five and half year old.

In the world of infomercial and quick fixes these statements sound fishy even though everyone one of these happened to my clients. For someone who has no experience with tapping it is easy to lump these claims in with “all I did was put this thing around my waste, watch tv a I ended up with washboard abbs.”

We live in a time and place where advertising is approached scientifically. Marketers know how to create a compiling case to get the publics attention. The problem is so few of these claims are ever met that it has created an even more skeptical market place and a more skeptical public.

“If it sound too good to be true it probably is,” has become the modern consumer's mantra. If all we talk about is these amazing results it is going to be very easy for people to dismiss us as modern snake oil salesmen.

I am not saying that we need to hide our successes or the power of the tool set, but I think when we are talking about the power of the EFT and our tapping tool set that we take time to look at our message from the point of view of someone who doesn't have our history and first hand experience of tapping working.

We Create Unrealistic Expectations With Tapping/EFT

I have had this experience so many times that it no longer surprises me. It happens in three basic steps. First, I am working with someone who is very skeptical about tapping. Next, we have success with tapping and they get very excited. Finally, they become very frustrated because they are not able to fix every problem in their life with one round of tapping.

Most of the time we judge success not based on what we achieved, but instead what we achieved in relation to our expectations.

For example, one movie that no one knew about could do $5million in first weekend sales to be seen as a smash hit and the movie with the big star could open for $15million and be seen as huge flop. The second movie did so much better, but it didn't meet expectations.

If all that we talk about (or all that is heard, which can be the case) is the super tapping success stories then we are going to be setting up our clients for the feeling of failure. Sure they might have just relieved 20% of their chronic back pain (that everything else has failed at providing relief for years), but they were expecting total relief therefore in their mind it was a failure.

I have found it hard enough to keep some of my client's expectations (and sometime mine own) near reasonable. If we spend too much time talking about the one-minute miracles then we are setting the newbie up for failure.

Again, we have not failed because the tapping has failed, but because there expectations were not reached.

I have found it best to under promise and over deliver. I not saying that I am deceptive or lying, but I am making sure that I am saying things that are true and keep expectations in check. For example when I am asked if tapping will work for an issue I might say something like, “Tapping has worked for lots of issues. I have seen it work in similar cases. It doesn't work every time because there are a number of variables involved in success. We can sure give it a try.”

We Might Be Missing The “Real” Deeper Issue

One of the things I have noticed in working with clients is that it appears that the body has a limit to the amount of healing it can do on some issues over a limited period of time. This is actually a good thing. It would be dangerous for the body to lose 60lb in one week, not matter how much we want to loose the weight.

I believe the same is true for healing emotional issues. As much as we would like to be able to clear everything up in one session there is diminishing returns as we keep working. It takes energy to heal and our systems don't have unlimited supplies. At a certain point the body doesn't have any more resources to continue the healing.

I also believe that some issues simply require time to heal fully. I have experienced some clients are only able to deal with a small amount of as issue in each session. The system is worried about safety and sees the issue we are working on as the only thing that is keeping them safe. In cases like this there truly is a limit to the amount that can be achieved.

Many times when we finish a session where we have only done a part of the work the work still feel finished. The client is very happy, very peaceful, and feeling much better. When we look at this through the “one-minute miracle mind set” it is very easy to assume the work is done. In this case we have only dealt with part of the issue or even just one of the symptoms of a core issues.

The client leaves the session feeling great believing they are fully healed. When parts of the issue pop back up again at a latter time they assume that the tapping has failed because it come back.

It is the difference between showing a client how to tap away a cigarette craving so they can tap when ever the craving comes back and tapping for a cigarette craving leaving them to believe they will never need another cigarette again. Sure the tapping provided the relief from the craving, but the underlying issues that is cause the craving more than likely has not been dealt with.

It is very important that we are very clear and up front with our clients in terms of the types of healing that can be expected. Even if something feels great and released in the moment it doesn't mean that the work is complete. Again, it is an issue of managing realistic expecation.

Conclusion

I don't want to be a giant wet blanket to enthusiasm about tapping. I just know that when I am presenting tapping to someone new I am not only presenting myself, but I am presenting the whole tapping community. It is important that we keep in mind how our clients and potential clients are hearing the word we are saying to insure they are able to find the help they want and need.