Saying we are sorry is difficult. We have to admit that we are not perfect. Often we have to confront the fact that we have let someone else down or hurt them, but we need to do it.
Many times when I need to say I am sorry I have already decided that I am sorry and until I apologize the relationship will struggle. I need to say I am sorry for myself. I need to say I am sorry for the person I have hurt.
This article was written while being powered by a tasty lunch bought by Lee Carter of FL. Thanks Lee!
 photo by Roger Glenn |
As we come to the end of another year I have been reflecting on my life, my goals, and how I spend my time. After careful concideration I have come to realize that my goals and dreams for the new year aren't much different than the goals I had at the beginning of last year.
I would like to have better health and well being, richer relationships, more opportunities to share my giftedness with my readers and clients, and a more grounded perspective to enjoy each moment.
AND, I know how to do all these things. I have a few new tools and tricks, but for the most part I know what I am doing.
My problem isn't knowing what, why I want it, or how to get it. My problem is filling my time and spending my energy on things that aren't helpful.
Marc over at “Marc and Angel Hack Life” wrote a great piece a few weeks ago called “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself“. Such as:
When I create enough space in my life it is easy for me to make the right choice and I seem to effortlessly move towards my goals. It is when I am spending time, energy, and emotions on things that aren't worth of my attention that I have a hard time doing (and being) who I want and need to be.
With that being said, sometimes it is really hard to get rid of things that have worked their way into our lives. When this happens I like to tap on it like this:
I know there are things in my life that I need to eliminate…they take my time…they take my energy…they take my emotional energy…they are not things I need to do…they are not things I want to do…they are there because they have been there for a really long time…they are there because I don't know another way…they are there because I am afraid to let them go…I might hurt others feelings by letting them go…I might not know what to do instead…they might serve as a great distraction…I have been keeping them around because on some level they are serving me…even if I don't know why they are serving me…I know it is going to be hard to let go of some of these things…I know that I am going to let them go for a short while and then pick them up again…I know it is going to be work to let some of them go…but I give myself permission to let go of the relationships that are not serving me…I give myself permission to let got of the tasks that are no longer serving me…I give myself permission to let go of the habits that are no longer serving me…by letting go of these things I am going to create space for the thing I need to do…I am going to create energy to do what I want to do…I am going to have time to become who I want to become.
Take a look at Marc's list of “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself“.
What are the things you need to remove for your life in the new year to move toward becoming who you want to be? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!
I love helping other people out. I think I am good at it and I know that I enjoy it. I also know that others have noticed that I am good at helping people. I have personally and professionally been recognized for doing so. It is part of who I am and it is part of my identity. I am seen as a ‘go to’ guy.
None of this is bad unless I start defining myself as someone who helps others. None of this is bad unless I start to think this is the only way we can have value. We can find ourselves in a place where we are doing everything possible to make people see that we are helpers, that we are caregivers, or that we are putting everyone else first.
We start to think: “Please, please, please notice how much I am putting myself last!”
If we do this we risk losing our identity and ourselves and it can become very unhealthy.
I respond much better to doing setups on my sore spot(s) than on the Side of Hand point. But I have found that my best response is if I tap on, even thump a bit, on the sore spot(s) rather than rubbing. Is this common or am I very unusual? Also, when I tap on my collar-bone it works much better if I tap on my sore spot as well as my collar bone spot. Is this ok/normal?
There are a few things that need to be kept in mind when we consider using tapping as a tool in our lives.
First, the tapping protocols in their current form are in their infancy. In one of Gary Craig's DVDs, he jokes that one day people will look back at us and laugh at how primitive the tools are that we're using today. Practitioners all over the world are continuing to find ways to improve and expand these tools, refining and combining them with other techniques and protocols. How best to tap is a moving target.
[For a brief history of tapping in the western world see The Future of Meridian Tapping Scroll down to the paragraph that begins: “The history of meridian tapping began with Dr. George Goodheart…”]
Second, each person and issue is going be relieved most effectively in a unique way. The basic recipe of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) was originally created as a way of sharing a general protocol that could be taught very easily, so most people could use it. It never claimed to be the best or fastest way, but instead one which was very, very effective and that anyone could do anywhere, anytime.
More than likely, for every issue we face there is a tapping order or tapping points that would be more effective than the EFT basic recipe. In many cases it effort to find the optimum tapping. It might take us twenty minutes of muscle testing to find that particular way, when three or four rounds of the basic recipe, which only takes a few minutes, accomplishes the same thing.
With those thoughts in mind, here is my advice when it comes to tapping the “right way”.
When you are tapping, or doing anything else, be sure to make choices that are good for you. Just because someone says you need to do something to heal (both physically and emotionally) does not mean it is the best choice for you. You need to take responsibility for yourself and your body.
If it hurts don't do it.
If a spot is too sore to tap, then rub it. If a spot is too sore to rub, then touch it and take a deep breath. If the spot is too sore to touch, then imagine you are tapping on it.
Safety has always been a concern from the beginning. You will notice that all of the tapping points in the basic recipe come from the beginning and end of the meridian pathways, except for the eyebrow point. The end of that path is actually on the inside of the bridge of the nose. I have heard, but don't know if this is true, that the reason Dr. Callahan chose the eyebrow point is because he was afraid people would poke their eyes while tapping on the inside of the bridge of the nose.
You don't want to create pain to gain relief. Be smart.
This is also true for the emotional issue you want to tackle. If you want to tap on an issue that is too emotional to work with on your one then get some profesional help. A good rule of thumb is, “If it is too emotional to work with on your own without tapping than it is too emotional to work with tapping.”
As long as you are following the first rule, then do what makes sense. Trust your body and trust your instincts. There are well over two hundred and fifty points on the body you could tap on. If it works better to tap on different points, do it! If it works better to tap in a different order, do it!
I have often advised clients, “If standing on one foot and humming ‘God Save the Queen' is going to help you heal, then do it.” The goal is not to tap in the “right” way. The goal is to heal.
The most important question with any tool or protocol is “How is it working for you?” If it works keep after it, if not change to what it needs to be.
As long as you are keeping yourself safe there is no ‘wrong way' to tap. It takes very little time to try something new (sometimes a little as 6 seconds to tap on a new point). Who knows? You might be discovering the next great breakthrough in tapping technologies.
What are some of the ways you have added or changed the basic tapping recipe? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!
For 18 months I lived in my car. It wasn't because times were hard, but because it was a choice. I went to see the movie Almost Famous. In the 20-minute walk home I was thinking about living the life of a touring musician and how awesome that would be.
At that point in my life I was already traveling over 100 days a year as a performer. Most of my travel was by air and my home base was Washington, DC.
As I continued my walk home from the movie I thought, “What would I need in order to live on the road and do the work I am already doing?”
The answer was simple: laptop, cell phone, clothing, juggling equipment, and something to read. That is all I would need.
“That is all I would need,” was the thought I was having as I opened my front door. I looked up at all my stuff and thought, “If I don't need this, why do I have it?” So I decided to find out.
That is what led to me getting rid of most of my worldly possessions and move into my car for 18 months.
The first two days I drove from Washington, DC to Jacksonville, FL. By the time I got to Jacksonville I realized I had too much stuff and gave a number of things away.
Being able to cleanse the things out of our lives that take up too much space is a good thing to do.
And it feels so freeing.
I am not recommending that you sell everything you own and move into a car, but cleaning house and simplifying is a good idea.
If you are lacking motivation to simplify, just use Emotional Freedom Techniques to tap along to these quotes about simplifying found on mnmlist.com.
“Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” – Lao Tzu
“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupe
“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” – Albert Einstein
“Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; love more, and all good things will be yours.” – Swedish proverb
“Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say let your affairs be as one, two, three and to a hundred or a thousand. We are happy in proportion to the things we can do without.” – Henry David Thoreau
“Plurality should not be assumed without necessity.” – William of Ockham (also known as Ockham’s Razor)
“It looks like you can write a minimalist piece without much bleeding. And you can. But not a good one.” – David Foster Wallace
“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” – Socrates
“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” – Lao Tzu
“Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein
“A good traveller has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.” -Lao Tzu
“The simplest things are often the truest.” – Richard Bach
“Great acts are made up of small deeds.” – Lao Tzu
“He who is contented is rich.” – Lao Tzu
“Less is more.” – Ludwig Mies van der Rohe
“One can furnish a room very luxuriously by taking out furniture rather than putting it in.” – Francis Jourdain
“Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” – William Morris
“We ascribe beauty to that which is simple; which has no superfluous parts; which exactly answers its end.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” – Lao Tzu
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” – Leonardo da Vinci
“… in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” – Will Rogers
“If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things, then this is the best season of your life.” – Wu-Men
“Simplicity is the essence of happiness.” – Cedric Bledsoe
“Be wary of any enterprise that requires new clothes.” – Henry David Thoreau
“Simplicity is the final achievement. After one has played a vast quantity of notes and more notes, it is simplicity that emerges as the crowning reward of art.” – Frederic Chopin
“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.” – Hans Hofmann
“Eliminate physical clutter. More importantly, eliminate spiritual clutter.” – D.H. Mondfleur
“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction.” – E.F. Schumacker
“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius
“Simplicity, clarity, singleness: these are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy.” – Richard Halloway
“Our life is frittered away by detail … Simplify, simplify, simplify! … Simplicity of life and elevation of purpose.” – Henry David Thoreau
“We don’t need to increase our goods nearly as much as we need to scale down our wants. Not wanting something is as good as possessing it.”– Donald Horban
“People love chopping wood. In this activity one immediately sees results.” – Albert Einstein
Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!