Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

TapAlong: Please See How Much I Am Putting Myself Last!

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I love helping other people out. I think I am good at it and I know that I enjoy it. I also know that others have noticed that I am good at helping people. I have personally and professionally been recognized for doing so. It is part of who I am and it is part of my identity. I am seen as a ‘go to’ guy.

None of this is bad unless I start defining myself as someone who helps others. None of this is bad unless I start to think this is the only way we can have value. We can find ourselves in a place where we are doing everything possible to make people see that we are helpers, that we are caregivers, or that we are putting everyone else first.

We start to think: “Please, please, please notice how much I am putting myself last!”

If we do this we risk losing our identity and ourselves and it can become very unhealthy.

Are You Tapping The Wrong Way? (You Are Going To Be Surprised!)

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I respond much better to doing setups on my sore spot(s) than on the Side of Hand point. But I have found that my best response is if I tap on, even thump a bit, on the sore spot(s) rather than rubbing. Is this common or am I very unusual? Also, when I tap on my collar-bone it works much better if I tap on my sore spot as well as my collar bone spot. Is this ok/normal?

There are a few things that need to be kept in mind when we consider using tapping as a tool in our lives.

First, the tapping protocols in their current form are in their infancy. In one of Gary Craig's DVDs, he jokes that one day people will look back at us and laugh at how primitive the tools are that we're using today. Practitioners all over the world are continuing to find ways to improve and expand these tools, refining and combining them with other techniques and protocols. How best to tap is a moving target.

[For a brief history of tapping in the western world see The Future of Meridian Tapping Scroll down to the paragraph that begins: “The history of meridian tapping began with Dr. George Goodheart…”]

Second, each person and issue is going be relieved most effectively in a unique way. The basic recipe of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) was originally created as a way of sharing a general protocol that could be taught very easily, so most people could use it. It never claimed to be the best or fastest way, but instead one which was very, very effective and that anyone could do anywhere, anytime.

More than likely, for every issue we face there is a tapping order or tapping points that would be more effective than the EFT basic recipe. In many cases it effort to find the optimum tapping. It might take us twenty minutes of muscle testing to find that particular way, when three or four rounds of the basic recipe, which only takes a few minutes, accomplishes the same thing.

With those thoughts in mind, here is my advice when it comes to tapping the “right way”.

1) Be Safe When Tapping

When you are tapping, or doing anything else, be sure to make choices that are good for you. Just because someone says you need to do something to heal (both physically and emotionally) does not mean it is the best choice for you. You need to take responsibility for yourself and your body.

If it hurts don't do it.

If a spot is too sore to tap, then rub it. If a spot is too sore to rub, then touch it and take a deep breath. If the spot is too sore to touch, then imagine you are tapping on it.

Safety has always been a concern from the beginning. You will notice that all of the tapping points in the basic recipe come from the beginning and end of the meridian pathways, except for the eyebrow point. The end of that path is actually on the inside of the bridge of the nose. I have heard, but don't know if this is true, that the reason Dr. Callahan chose the eyebrow point is because he was afraid people would poke their eyes while tapping on the inside of the bridge of the nose.

You don't want to create pain to gain relief. Be smart.

This is also true for the emotional issue you want to tackle. If you want to tap on an issue that is too emotional to work with on your one then get some profesional help. A good rule of thumb is, “If it is too emotional to work with on your own without tapping than it is too emotional to work with tapping.”

2) Be Flexible When Tapping

As long as you are following the first rule, then do what makes sense. Trust your body and trust your instincts. There are well over two hundred and fifty points on the body you could tap on. If it works better to tap on different points, do it! If it works better to tap in a different order, do it!

I have often advised clients, “If standing on one foot and humming ‘God Save the Queen' is going to help you heal, then do it.” The goal is not to tap in the “right” way. The goal is to heal.

The most important question with any tool or protocol is “How is it working for you?” If it works keep after it, if not change to what it needs to be.

As long as you are keeping yourself safe there is no ‘wrong way' to tap. It takes very little time to try something new (sometimes a little as 6 seconds to tap on a new point). Who knows? You might be discovering the next great breakthrough in tapping technologies.

What are some of the ways you have added or changed the basic tapping recipe? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Tapping To Simplify Life

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For 18 months I lived in my car. It wasn't because times were hard, but because it was a choice. I went to see the movie Almost Famous. In the 20-minute walk home I was thinking about living the life of a touring musician and how awesome that would be.

At that point in my life I was already traveling over 100 days a year as a performer. Most of my travel was by air and my home base was Washington, DC.

As I continued my walk home from the movie I thought, “What would I need in order to live on the road and do the work I am already doing?”

The answer was simple: laptop, cell phone, clothing, juggling equipment, and something to read. That is all I would need.

“That is all I would need,” was the thought I was having as I opened my front door. I looked up at all my stuff and thought, “If I don't need this, why do I have it?” So I decided to find out.

That is what led to me getting rid of most of my worldly possessions and move into my car for 18 months.

The first two days I drove from Washington, DC to Jacksonville, FL. By the time I got to Jacksonville I realized I had too much stuff and gave a number of things away.

Being able to cleanse the things out of our lives that take up too much space is a good thing to do.

And it feels so freeing.

I am not recommending that you sell everything you own and move into a car, but cleaning house and simplifying is a good idea.

If you are lacking motivation to simplify, just use Emotional Freedom Techniques to tap along to these quotes about simplifying found on mnmlist.com.

“Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” – Lao Tzu

“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupe

“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” – Albert Einstein

“Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; love more, and all good things will be yours.” – Swedish proverb

“Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say let your affairs be as one, two, three and to a hundred or a thousand. We are happy in proportion to the things we can do without.” – Henry David Thoreau

“Plurality should not be assumed without necessity.” – William of Ockham (also known as Ockham’s Razor)

“It looks like you can write a minimalist piece without much bleeding. And you can. But not a good one.” – David Foster Wallace

“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” – Socrates

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” – Lao Tzu

“Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

“A good traveller has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.” -Lao Tzu

“The simplest things are often the truest.” – Richard Bach

“Great acts are made up of small deeds.” – Lao Tzu

“He who is contented is rich.” – Lao Tzu

“Less is more.” – Ludwig Mies van der Rohe

“One can furnish a room very luxuriously by taking out furniture rather than putting it in.” – Francis Jourdain

“Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” – William Morris

“We ascribe beauty to that which is simple; which has no superfluous parts; which exactly answers its end.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” – Lao Tzu

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” – Leonardo da Vinci

“… in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” – Will Rogers

“If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things, then this is the best season of your life.” – Wu-Men

“Simplicity is the essence of happiness.” – Cedric Bledsoe

“Be wary of any enterprise that requires new clothes.” – Henry David Thoreau

“Simplicity is the final achievement. After one has played a vast quantity of notes and more notes, it is simplicity that emerges as the crowning reward of art.” – Frederic Chopin

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.” – Hans Hofmann

“Eliminate physical clutter. More importantly, eliminate spiritual clutter.” – D.H. Mondfleur

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction.” – E.F. Schumacker

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius

“Simplicity, clarity, singleness: these are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy.” – Richard Halloway

“Our life is frittered away by detail … Simplify, simplify, simplify! … Simplicity of life and elevation of purpose.” – Henry David Thoreau

“We don’t need to increase our goods nearly as much as we need to scale down our wants. Not wanting something is as good as possessing it.”– Donald Horban

“People love chopping wood. In this activity one immediately sees results.” – Albert Einstein

Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Tap Along #23A: You Are Worth A Better/Easier Life

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Often we don't feel comfortable making our own lives easier or better. We think, “Others have it so much harder than I do. A good life is only possible if I work very hard and struggle for it. I have wasted good opportunities before so why should life be easier for me now?”

As long as we think are unworthy, we will never move forward. When we are able to recognize that we are worthy of a better life then we enable ourselves to start working towards it. This audio will help you to do just that.

It’s Gone . . . For Now – Taking The Final Step

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photo by Susan NYC

I was working with a client this week and we were dealing with the emotional charge around a relationship with a family member. “Jackie” felt like her mother was demeaning her. Jackie's mother always had nice things to say about all of her other adult children, but for some reason she was just really hard on Jackie.

After about 15 minutes of tapping on lots of issues Jackie was feeling much better. She was no longer worried about her mother's unrealistic expectations, she was no longer frustrated at the injustice, and she was no longer disappointed in herself for not being who her mother thought she should be.

I had Jackie take a deep breath and a drink of water. I asked her how the issue felt over all. She said, “It feels great. I am not worried about my mother at all. It is all gone.” She then paused for just a half of a heartbeat and then added sheepishly, ” . . . for now.”

If I were to have her tune-in to the situation and use every trick in my practitioner arsenal it would have been very hard for me to get her to feel worried, frustrated, or disappointed to a number higher than a 1 on the SUDs scale. It was a really successful piece of tapping.

But, while we were clearing those emotions, very quietly, a new emotion crept in. The emotion of doubt that the results of this work were going to last in the long term could be heard in her very simple, ” . . . for now.”

We then spent a few minutes cleaning up this last emotion. We tapped on:

  • Knowing the work doesn't have to be permanent and we can work on it in the future.
  • The fact that she is worried is a sign that a part of her really wants to be free of this and that is a good thing.
  • That a healthy sense of skepticism is a good thing because it helps us to keep our eyes open to new issues as they arise.
  • We won't know for sure how this worked until she had spent time with her mother and her mother's catty comments. Once she has spent more time with her mother she will have learned about specific areas still requiring more work.

After spending time with these aspects she felt much better. There was no longer that ” . . . for now” feeling.

It is really important that we clear all the issues, emotions, and aspects around what we are tapping on. It is really easy to miss some of these behind-the-scenes issues because they are not as obvious as the issues we originally started tapping on.

There is a very simple way to make sure you are getting all the extra parts. Once you have done the initial tapping just take deep breath, tune-in to the issue from a big-picture or bird’s-eye perspective and just ask yourself, “What is left?” By doing this in a more general way we are giving our mind the chance to find any of these other extra aspects.

If anything other than “I feel GREAT!” comes to mind, it is a really good idea to spend time tapping on these secondary, previously hidden aspects. You are going to be doing important healing work and you are going to ensure you are not giving the issues you just worked on a foothold for working their way back in.

Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!