Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Avoiding Bitterness

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[Note: From time to time some of the resources on this site come from a more personal world-view. I do not claim to have a monopoly on truth. This is just a point of view. If this does not serve you I hope you are able to find other resources on the site that speak to you.]

Here is a quote from one of the many newsletters I am subscribed to:

photo by Sean Dreilinger
    In order to let suffering transform us, we must let it take us to the edge of our own inner resources where alone we can “fall into the hands of the living God” (Hebrews 10:31), even against our will. We must pray for the profound grace of this second stage of softening and opening in the presence of suffering.

    My personal opinion is that this is the very meaning of the phrase “deliver us from evil” in the Our Father (the Lord’s Prayer). We aren’t asking to avoid all suffering. It is more that we pray, “when the big trials come, God, hold onto me, and don't let me turn bitter or blaming—an evil that leads to so many other evils. When I am led to the edge of my own resources may I fall into YOU, who are my true and lasting Source.”


Excerpted and adapted from “Opening the Door: Great Suffering and Great Love”
from “The Naked Now: Learning to See as the Mystics See”
by Fr. Richard Rohr

Which leads me to tap:

I know that through out this day I am going to face trails and struggles…some will be created by the situation…while others will be created by my choices…some will be big and some will be small…the emotions I feel in these moments will be real…but I know that they will not all reflect the truth…I pray that I am able to recognize in every trail and struggle that I face…that I am able to see this as another moment of healing…I am not seeking out struggle for the sake of growth…but know that in these moments of struggle I will be given the opportunity to heal and grow…help me on this day not to give way to bitterness…hopelessness…and…disconnection from the love of God…give me vision to see God's presents in all moments…help me to know that God's love is not something I need to seek…but that it is full here…and I need to simply accept it…I know that struggle can make me jaded and bitter…preventing me form not only miss God's love in this moment, but the next as well…struggle is not the enemy…bitterness is…I can make loving choices in the middle of struggle…it is hard for me to make loving choices in the midst of my own bitterness…help me not to dismiss struggle…but to see it for what it truly is

Not Knowing Where To Begin/A Good Way To Start

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photo by Let Ideas Compete

Recently I have been working with a number first time clients. Many of them are very experienced with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/EvEFT) and have come to work with me because they are dealing with something that is much larger than the normal day to day issues they use tapping for.

Even when I receive detailed information before the session I like to start by asking them what they would like work on. As they share what is going on in their life there is often a whole list of emotions based on the single circumstance for which they are seeking guidance.

As they share the details of what is going on I quickly make notes. When they are done I will state back everything they have shared to make sure we are on the same page. “It sounds like you are struggling with…”

We know that tapping is most effective the more specific we are, but it can be difficult to be specific when there are so many emotions all at once. It is hard to tell where the frustration starts and anger ends.

In these cases I have started using something I call “Clearing The Deck”.

All of the emotions we feel are nothing more than information. These emotions are letting us know that something in our life is not congruent with our truth or that there is something we need to look out for. Many times the system continues to hold these emotions we beyond the usefulness of this signal.

The process of clearing the deck allows us to release these emotions to see our way clear to the deeper roots of what is going on. It allows the body to hold onto the excess emotion that many times we aren't even aware we are carrying. The simple release of all this excess lightens our mood, relaxes the body, and helps us to see ourselves more clearly.

It is a great way to start session or a great way to end the day.

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Being able to say “No.”

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Sometimes the hardest word to say is “no”. We want to be helpful. We want to give. We don’t want to be seen as selfish. We want to be asked again in the future. There are so many reasons to say “yes”. But there are also many good reasons to say “no”.

We have too much on our plate. We need to spend some time on ourselves. We are being asked to do something we can’t do. We are being asked to do something we just don’t want to do.

We need to be ok with saying “no” so we can say “yes” when the time is right. If you have a hard time saying no, here is a tapping patter that will help. If you have real trouble saying no, you might want to revisit this patter from time to time.

I have a very hard time saying “no”…I want to be helpful…I want the people in my life to know I care…I want to not be selfish…because I have so much…I want others to know that I have something to offer…I want to be there for others…I want to be asked again and I feel if I say “no” now I won’t be asked again…

I am allowed to say “no”…I can say “no” because I can’t do something… I can say “no” because I don’t want to do something… I can say “no” for no other reason than it is my choice…the only way I am going to be healthy is if I take care of myself…the only way I can take care of myself is by not always taking care of everyone else…by taking care of myself I can better care for important others in my life…I can say “no” even if people are thinking I am being selfish by saying “no”…it is much more important for me to take care of myself than it is to worry about what others think about me…when I say “no” I am also saying “yes” to many other possibilities and opportunities…therefore “no” is not a negative…it is a choice to allow the other…I give myself permission to make the choices that are best for me…”yes” or “no”…I give myself a chance to make the choices that are going to allow me to flourish and grow…I must take care of myself before I can take care of others…this doesn’t mean I ignore other’s needs…but I must also consider my needs when making choices…that is what is best for me…that is what is best for others…

I give myself permission to be easy with myself for all the times that I have said “yes” when I should have said “no”…there are times I have made my life harder because I’ve said “yes” when I should have said “no”…I‘ve said “yes” to things I could not do…I have said “yes” to things I shouldn’t have…I have made my life harder…I forgive myself for the times I should have said “no” but didn’t…it is ok that I have done this in the past…I choose to know I’ve learned from these moments…I choose to know I can make better choices in the future…I can change this pattern…and I will change this pattern…I will start by saying “no” to holding on to this regret…

I also let go the resentment I hold towards others who have taken advantage of my always saying “yes”…I am taking responsibility for my response….just because someone has asked doesn’t mean that I have to say “yes”…I take responsibility for the times I have said “yes” even when I didn’t want to…by taking responsibility for the times I have said “yes”, I am giving myself permission to take responsibilities for my choices in the future…by taking responsibility for my past…I get to have control over my future…I therefore let go of blame to others whom I have said “yes” to…I am now in control…I can and will make the choice that is right for me…be it “yes” or “no”.

Sensitive Temperaments

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Everyone in my life says that I am “way too sensitive” and it’s frustrating. I love the fact that I feel so deeply, but I don’t like everyone thinking I am overreacting. Is there something wrong with me?

There are lots of people in the world who are very aware of and in tune with their own emotions and the emotions of others. EFT Master Rue Hass describes this as having a “sensitive temperament”. People with sensitive temperaments feel very deeply their own emotions and the emotions of those in their lives.

There is nothing wrong with having a sensitive temperament, but it can be hard having a sensitive temperament because you can feel that your emotions are out of control and that others don’t understand what you are experiencing.

When I interviewed Rue for Pod #7 – Sensitive Temperaments she talked about how we can use EFT to feel more comfortable as a person who has a sensitive temperament.

During the interview she talked about ways in which we can use EFT in this process.

Below is a number of thoughts and resources that Rue (Intuitive Mentoring) provided me after the interview on how to understand sensitive temperaments and how to work with that point of view.

Blessings of Sensitive Temperaments

The essence of the sensitive temperament is the spirit of:

  • Freedom
  • Creativity
  • Imagination (Flow, Movement, Flexibility, Growth, Change, and Expansion)

The intention of the person with a sensitive temperament is to foster:

  • Profound awareness of sensations
  • Loving goodness
  • Mission to bring peace
  • Deep sense of connection
  • Vision of possibilities/Idealism
  • Healing
  • High standards
  • Intuitive, empathic, perceptive
  • Sense of unity, oneness
  • Originality
  • Deep sense of joy, beauty
  • Love of nature

Struggles of Sensitive Temperaments
Common worries, struggles, and questions of people with sensitive temperaments are:

  • What is wrong with me?
  • Told I am too energetic, too smart, too talkative, too emotional
  • I am not good enough
  • I can't express who I am
  • Let me out , I'm trapped
  • I am all alone, no one understands
  • I have to tough it out and soldier on
  • I have to save the world   before I can tend to myself
  • I have to make the world a better, safer place, so that I can be here
  • Only death will bring me peace
  • Overwhelmed
  • Dissociation
  • Compulsive helping, boundary issues
  • Low self worth
  • Perfectionism
  • Fear, anger, shame, grief
  • Chronic emotional/physical pain, illness

Reframing Sensitivity
A profound tool that can be used with EvEFT is to reframe our point of view. A reframe is nothing more than looking at something in a new way. Some common ways to reframe the characteristics of people with sensitive temperaments are to:

  • See Too Sensitive/Overwhelm as Profound awareness of sensations
  • See Compulsive Helping as Mission to bring peace
  • See Boundary Issues as Deep sense of connection
  • See Perfectionism as Vision of possibilities

Tapping Phrases if You Have a Sensitive Temperament
Here are a number tapping phrases that sensitive temperaments can use as a jumping off point:

  • Especially because I LOVE THAT I AM SO SENSITIVE…
  • I CHOOSE to deepen and expand my sensitivity in even more powerful wonderful ways.
  • I hunger for deep and meaningful relationships.  I make creating and maintaining a good and satisfying relationship with myself my first priority.
  • I have a mission of bringing peace into the world, I CHOOSE a mission of bringing peace into my own life. I deserve this!
  • I CHOOSE TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF, and express who I am with love and a light heart.
  • I CHOOSE to love and appreciate and honor this world-changing soul quality that I embody.  The world needs what I have to offer.  I am ready to be more!

Make sure you check out the interview with Rue (Pod #7) and her web site (Intuitive Mentoring)

EFT/Tapping For Parents with Autistic (ASD) and Special Needs Children

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I know EFT can be a very powerful tool to help with getting my emotions under control. My daughter was just diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum and I am just a ball of emotions. I don’t know where to start. What can I tap on?

Over the last few years I have been blessed to work with a number of special needs parents in my practice. Often the first time they approach me to have me do work with their children. I love that type of work, but in most cases I will insist that the parent first work on themselves for their own emotions.

It is very important that we are emotionally clear when we are going to help or support someone else in any setting. The more emotionally clear we are, the more present we are going to be to those we are serving.

I have created a list of truth-statements that I use to help parent focus on the areas that need the most attention.

The list is very easy to use. Read the statement out loud and see how true it rings. Not feeling true at all would rate a 0. Completely true would rate a 10. Go through the whole list writing your rating down for each statement. After you have done the whole list, start with the areas that ring the most true.

General Emotions

  • This is never going to change
  • I am always going to carry this burden
  • If my child gets any better it is only going to be for a short time
  • Things are only going to get worse

Myself

  • I want a normal life
  • This is my fault
  • I did something wrong, and this is God’s way of punishing me
  • I don’t deserve this burden
  • I deserve a normal life
  • I did something wrong to deserve this
  • I am missing out on many things because of the special attention my child needs
  • I never have time for myself
  • I am constantly overwhelmed
  • I think I am a bad parent
  • There are things I could have done to prevent this
  • I feel alone in this struggle
  • No one really knows what I am going through

Child

  • I feel bad that I think my child is a burden
  • I feel bad that I think my child’s condition is a burden

Family/Friends/ Others

  • I can’t be present to my spouse because I give so much attention to my child
  • I don’t get any support from my family
  • I don’t get any support from my friends
  • My family thinks I am a bad parent
  • My friends thinks I am a bad parent
  • My child’s teacher thinks I am a bad parent
  • My child’s principal thinks I am a bad parent
  • My child’s school counselor thinks I am a bad parent
  • The school system thinks I am a bad parent
  • Strangers in public think I am a bad parent
  • This is putting a strain on my relationship with my spouse
  • This is going to end my marriage
  • I am depriving my other children by giving the one so much attention
  • My other children are missing out on the attention they need

Treatment

  • I can’t try any new treatments because I am going to get my hopes up, have it fail and be let down again.
  • I am overwhelmed by all the treatment options
  • I am not smart enough to understand what is going on in my child
  • I am not smart enough to understand all the treatment options
  • I am afraid I am going to make a poor choice about my child’s treatment options