Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Fear of Loving and Being Loved

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I know I would like to have deeper loving relationships in my life, but for some reason I keep self-sabotaging. Is there a reason I might be doing this and is there a way to us Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping to deal with it?

Often times self-sabotage is rooted in the fear of being successful and who would come with us being successful. Right before Valentines Day Deborah D. Miller, PhD
(FindTheLightWithin.com) wrote a great article on this topic. Here is the article shared here with permission.

There is a secret about human love that is commonly overlooked: Receiving it is much more scary and threatening than giving it. How many times in your life have you been unable to let in someone's love or even pushed it away? Much as we proclaim the wish to be truly loved, we are often afraid of that, and so find it difficult to open to love or let it all the way in. ~ John Welwood

We are fast approaching Valentine's Day, that day that reminds of love, of whether we are in a happy and loving relationship or not in one. With it can come to the surface our fears about being loved and giving love. It can remind of us feeling lonely and isolated – again when in or not in a relationship. It can remind us that love is fabulous but also requires that we are vulnerable. That is something most of us don't like to feel.

Do you have to feel vulnerable to be loved? Does it have to be scary to love someone? Do you have to feel insecure about your loved ones?

Of course not. Love can be open, honest, delightful, and a deep sharing. It can. It starts with self-love. As you love yourself you will automatically open to being loved. More people will love who you are. More people will love you as you are. Doesn't that feel great?

How does one get to the place of feeling so secure and safe in their own love that they can give and receive love opening? Let's do some tapping to create just that feeling of love inside of you.

FEAR OF LOVING AND BEING LOVED

Even though I desire to be loved and accepted as I am, I'm afraid of what that would mean if I really got it. I choose to love myself anyway.

Even though I've learned that love is not safe, that opening up to someone means being vulnerable and unsafe, I love that I can see how love starts within me. I create safety by loving myself.

Even though it is not safe to give my love because I can't be assured that it will be returned, and feels really scary, best to run the other way, or not open up or just ignore the opportunity, I love myself because I'm just trying to protect myself.

Eyebrow:
I feel threatened and scared when I think about receiving love.

Side of Eye:
What if I invest all that time, energy and love and it's not returned? What if I'm scorned or found not to be good enough?

Under the Eye:
What if I'm abandoned again? What if I feel unworthy again?

Under the Nose:
What if I surrender to love and it doesn't work out? Will I be hurt and sad again? Will I have more wounds?

Chin:
How will I ever know love if I don't open up to it? How can someone love me if I'm closed down and afraid of being hurt?

Collarbone:
How will I ever create love if I am not willing to open up and receive love and give love?

Under the Arm:
I choose to begin by loving and accepting myself more, by being open to look at my vulnerabilities.

Top of Head:
I choose to smile and hold myself with compassion as I look at old hurts and patterns. That allows me to release them.

Eyebrow:
I choose to observe my patterns in love with gentleness so that I can identify them, modify them and begin to love in a healthier fashion.

Side of Eye:
That feels so good. It feels good to allow myself to be vulnerable with myself. It shows me that it is ok and that I will survive.

Under the Eye:
Loving myself even with my vulnerabilities allows me to love others as they are – with their vulnerabilities and fears.

Under the Nose:
Loving in this open accepting way allows me and those I love to share deeply.

Chin:
It feels so good to love myself, be open to love, to share my love, and to know that as I feel good about myself love comes to me easily.

Collarbone:
Loving includes trusting and surrendering to the process, to the journey of love.

Under the Arm:
A part of loving includes allowing someone to give to me. Scary as that may be, I would like to receive that love.

Top of Head:
Scary as it may be to give love not knowing if it will be returned, love is always returned. It may not be from the object or person I'm giving my love too but love given out always returns to me. That is how love works – give love and then you receive love.

Pod #31: Using NLP with Tapping

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Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a powerful tool and can help you to understand where you are standing and help you to make choices to transform your life. NLP and EFT/Tapping are a match made in heaven. More than likely you are already using NLP techniques and don’t even know it.

What people are saying about the NLP 4 part class:

“I was taking notes but couldn’t get it down fast enough. That was one super-loaded-with-info hour. I loved it! What Gene said was most helpful to a few issues I’ve been working on, tapping away at, for months and not making any obvious headway. Well, already I can see a difference, in just over 24 hours.”

“Thanks so much for yesterday’s teleclass. So interesting, because it outlined points that I keep making in my work with people in study crisis. They’re often catastrophising the situation in all the ways Gene outlined. I wasn’t aware that all these logical flaws had been so carefully documented so that was very helpful. I also thought Gene was so clear and packed the hour with so much information.”

“Wow…that was an amazing call! I always learn something when I listen to you.”

Using The Ways Others Aggravate Us As A Tool To Self-Healing

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Here is a tweet that I love: @robpurdie i am the things i don't like about other people.

Sometimes this is a really hard fact to admit, but I know in my own life it is true. When I am really bent out of shape by someone else's actions it is providing me an opportunity to take a look at myself.

Here is a simple exercise that I use from time to time. I wish I could remember where I learned it form. For this activity you will need a sheet of paper divided into three columns.

1) Who are you frustrated with and why?
In the first column make a list of the people who are frustrating you and why they are frustrating:

Jane only talks about herself
Bill is always late
Sam doesn't realize how easy he has it
Jill picks on other behind their back
…

2) Write a statement of forgiveness
In the second column write a sentence that is forgiving of them.

Jane only talks about herself I forgive Jane for only talking about herself
Bill is always late I forgive Bill for always being late
Sam doesn't realize how easy he has it I forgive Sam for not realizing how easy he has it.
Jill picks on other behind their back I forgive Jill for picking on others
… …

3) Change the forgiveness statement about yourself

Jane only talks about herself I forgive Jane for only talking about herself I forgive myself for only talking about myself
Bill is always late I forgive Bill for always being late I forgive myself for being late
Sam doesn't realize how easy he has it I forgive Sam for not realizing how easy he has it. I forgive myself for not realizing how good I have it
Jill picks on other behind their I forgive Jill for picking on others I forgive myself for picking on others
… … …

4) Look at the third column for a starting point for tapping.
Each of the statements in the third column are great set-up statements. Now, each of them might not apply to you, but be honest. You might be surprised in what you discover.

Our Relationships Around Food (7 of 10)

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[Note: This is part 7 of a 10 part series on using EFT/Tapping for weight release with a new article or podcast being added every 10 days. The complete series can be found @ weight release series.]

photo by lfl

Much of the time we spend with loved ones food is present. It can be in the form of celebration, gift, or just mealtime with loved ones. Because food is present in so may different aspects of our relationships our relationship to food can get tangled up in our relationship to relationships.

Here are two examples:

Being Shown Love With Food
Food is literal nourishment and many times can be put into a place of metaphorical nourishment. I think the old wives tale is, “Feed a cold; starve a fever”. In my house growing up we always joked, “Feed a cold; feed a fever; feed a sprained ankle.”

When we are trying to make someone feel better, showing them sympathy for a loss, or celebrating something we show up with food. Because of this it can become very easy for us to equate food with love. The subconscious can make the connections that “Many times when there is food present people are showing me love and affections. Therefore, if I have food present I will have love and affection.”

You don't have to have a post gradate degree in logic to see how wrong that statement is, but it can create a very powerful link in the subconscious mind. When this sort of link is created the body will crave food everything time it is feeling sad or lonely. It is no surprise that we call it comfort food.

Tapping for this might look like:

I know there are many times in my life where food has been a central element…food is present when we celebrate…when we grieve…when we care for each other…food is a wonderful way to show love and affection…just because I am doing this work does not mean that I am going to stop using food as one expression of love…and it does not mean that I am going to stop accepting food as others expression of love…but food does not equal love…food is not the same as love…when I eat food I am not going to find love…love and food can be present at the same time…food can be an expression of love…food is not love…food does not equal love…it is good my system is seeking love…I need love…but I am not going to find it in food…right now I am going to speak to the part of me that thinks food equals love…thank you for wanting more love in my life…i want more love in my life as well…but I am not going to get that love by having food…there are time that when people love me they bring food…but food and love are not the same thing…right now I am going to think of three examples of what real love is…so you can see that love has many form…(tap as long as you need to as you think of these things)…thank you for trying to fill my life with love…I now ask that you help me fill my life in new ways

The Only Time We Get Together Is With Food
I grew up in a wonderful family. One of the rules in the house while growing up was that we ate dinner together. Even when my parents, my siblings, and myself we involved in school, community, church, and sporting activities we ate dinner together.

I am not sure what I thought about it at the time. I have a feeling I gave it little thought then. In hindsight it was a real blessing.

With that being said, it is very easy for the subconscious mind to take a feeling like that and twist it around. It can conclude, “If I serve a meal…then everyone will come around…and we can spend quality time together…and we will be a happy loving family.”

Again, there isn't a straight line to this logic. Just because a family is gathering around a table doesn't mean that it is doing it in a loving way. Not all families work the same way. For some families meal times were the most chaotic time because everyone had to be in the same place. By doing this we can cause two problems. First, we can be creating lots of extra meals we don't need because we are trying to create connections. Second, when those connections don't work out we can get stress or frustrated causing us to eat more.

In part 8 of this series we will look at the why we sabotage our own success.

Would you like to work with Gene one-on-one with your weight release? Here is the current weight release special.

Pod #30: Keys For Marketing Mastery w/ Pamela Bruner

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Most of us who have private practices or want private practices want to spend our time helping our clients. We don't want to spend time marketing. Not because we don't think marketing is important, but because we aren't very good at it or even worse it is scary. In this podcast I talk to Pamela Bruner and we discover that not only do you need to be marketing for your own sake, but for your clients’ sake. We talk about the unique challenges that transformational entrepreneurs face in marketing their products and services. This is a must listen to if you have or would like your own practice.


Pamela Bruner

Guest: Pamela Bruner

Contact: web @ MakeYourSuccessReal.com, twitter @ PamelaBruner, facebook @ MakeYourSuccessEasy;
phone @ 888-403-4057

About Pamela: Pamela Bruner is a Business Success Coach, author, speaker, and EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) expert. After removing her own marketing fears to grow her business from $375/month to a $1,000,000 in less than 3 years, Pamela specializes in working with conscious entrepreneurs to build six-and seven-figure businesses by removing their fears and blocks around marketing and sales. She is co-author of ‘EFT and Beyond – Cutting Edge Techniques for Personal Transformation', and is the co-author of the book and DVD ‘Tapping into Ultimate Success’ with Jack Canfield, author of ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul'.

Resources from this episode: