Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Reinforcing Progress By Recognizing Progress

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photo by David Goehring

Sometimes we make progress with our tapping that is so sublet that we don’t even notice it. This is much like going on a long walk. Because the pace is so slow you don’t realize how far you have gone.

Other times we make such a radical change that it is impossible to believe we had the problem before. This is something that always makes me smile. I will be working with a client on an issue that is so gripping it is the only thing they can think of. After doing some work I will ask them to tune back into the issue and they will say something like, “Oh, we don’t have to worry about that, because that isn’t really an issue.”

We don’t have to recognize the progress we are making. The simple fact that we are progressing and growing is reward enough for doing our tapping work, but there are some befits to recognizing our progress.

1) Encouragement
By seeing our progress we are going to keep working for more. It is very easy to be caught in our current emotional state. When it feels bad it is hard for us to recognize how much better thing are now than they once were. We when can take the long view and see our progress it encourages us to keep doing work.

With many of my regular clients every few weeks we have a conversation about the progress they are making because it is so easy to miss.

2) See what works
When we recognize progress in one area of our life we are willing to use the tool set in another. When we can see how tapping directly helped with our fear of speaking we are willing to use it on our procrastination.

3) Insight to be shared
When we can see the transformation that we are going through and why it is happening then we are able to share that experience with others. As we grow and change we can help other to do the same.

How To Reinforce
One of the skills I have taken from my hypnosis training is the recognition of the power of repeating an insight or change. By revisiting a thought again and again we can create a pattern that becomes our default position. We see that with our negative self-talk. Why not use it in a positive way?

A great way to do this is to tap on the insight and growth of the most recent session. All you need to do is complete and tap on the following phrases. This will help you to gain all the benefits of reinforcing your progress, plus give you great positive phrases to tune into.

  • I know I have changed because I now feel….
  • I know I have changed because I now believe…
  • I know I have changed because I now know…

Psychological Reversal

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One more time, what is the deal with psychological reversal and how does it relate to secondary gain?

A friend of mine was working on a writing project and she called to get my perspective on psychological reversal. Here are my reflections.

What is psychological reversal?
The entire body system and each piece of the system (such as a muscle group, organs, and individual muscle) have an electromagnetic current and frequency associated with it. It is this electromagnetic energy that manages much of the healing and growth inside they system.

For example, when we cut our finger the brain does not think over and over again, “Heal the finger. Heal the finger. Heal the finger.” until the finger is healed. Instead, the electromagnetic field around the finger changes. The body then responds to this new electromagnetic frequency in a number of ways. As white blood cells are floating by they encounter this new frequency, much like an alarm, and spring to action to create a scab to stop the bleeding. The skin cells respond to this new frequency buy building new cells to repair the wound. As the state of the wound changes the frequency will continue to change giving they parts of the system information to continue the healing until the cut is healed.

The electromagnetic frequency associated with the system (and each part of the system) has a current flow like any other current in nature. In the example of a magnet there is a north and south poles. If the current changes the directions it flow in a magnet the poles switch ends.

When we are psychologically reversed there is a reversal in the direction of the current in part or all of they system. When the current is reversed it is impossible for the system to create the frequency that will instruct the system to heal.

What is secondary gain?
Secondary gain is the name of the benefits that come from a certain issue. When secondary gain is present it is harder for us to change because we are losing the benefit from the issue.

Here are a few examples:

  • Pretend I am a smoker. As a smoker I am reasonably allowed to leave my desk every two hours for a 10 min break. If I quite smoking I will not be able to take these breaks.
  • Pretend that I am widower with adult children. I fall and hurt my hip. Now my kids are calling me each night, meals on wheels are coming by twice a day, and the pastor for my church is stopping by Sunday afternoon. If I get well I am going to lose all of this attention and be lonely once again.

As you can see in both of these examples, on a subconscious level the system is able to name something that is a gain by having this issue. For that reason the system is going to want to protect that gain by preventing the healing.

How are psychological reversal and secondary gain related?
Once the system recognized that there is gain in an issue it is going to do everything in is power to insure we don’t lose that gain. The conscious mind might look at the smoking situation and think, “Yes, it is too bad that when I get better I am going to lose the attention I am currently receiving, but it is well worth it to lose the constant pain and to know that it is not going to develop into something much worse that could create long term health issues.”

The subconscious do not think in these cost benefit terms. Instead the subconscious mind thinks very simply in terms of protection. It is simply trying to protect the system from losing this newfound attention.

In this situation one of the ways the system can insure that it is going to keep getting the attention is by preventing the body from healing. A very easy tact to insure the body doesn’t heal is to create psychological reversal in the area of the body that is injured, in this case the hip.

By reversing the electromagnetic field it is impossible to change frequencies to give the commands to heal. Since the system is not giving the signal to heal to wound persists. Therefore the system insures that the secondary gain of not being lonely is going to be preserved.

This is not the only reason for the system to by psychologically reversed, but to preserve secondary gain is one of the most common.

[Also, if this topic interests you please check out Podcast #25: Psychological Reversal w/ Gwenn Bonnell]

Pod #39: Questions and Answer

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Gene host’s a radio program every other Tuesday @ EFT Radio On-line. In the most recent show Gene answered questions from beginners and practitioners alike from all over the world.

This week Gene answered:

  • I would like to know is why I just get temporaries results with EFT and tapping ?? and Why I don´t get good results with, self esteem ,fear of rejection, people speaking, failure, procrastination and discipline?
  • I want to tap everyday, but for some reason it doesn’t happen. How can I make sure I tap every day?
  • As I do more work I am becoming more and more aware of my inner thoughts. One level this is good because I can see the areas of my life that I want to change, but in other ways it feels bad because I am always noticing it. Is there a way that I can keep from feeling so over whlemed about the amount of work i need to do?
  • Do I have to be seated while tapping or can I do it laying down?
  • My husband and I are having trouble conceiving a child. Can tapping help?
  • I am having a hard time coming up with phrases. Are there any tricks I can use?

Why It Is Good To Be Selfish

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[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]


photo by wonderferret

I think being selfish gets are really bad rap. Most people think that being selfish is bad. We are taught we must not be selfish, but instead we must be giving. I personally don’t believe these things are opposite.

I believe that every act I make is a selfish act because it is a self-defining act. Let me give you a few ridicules examples to help prove my point.

Right now as I type the article I am taking a deep breath in which means I am being selfish. There is no other reason to breath than to stay alive. That is very selfish.

When I choose to love my family I am being selfish because I want to be a loving person. This is different than wanting to be seen as a loving person. I believe (and hope this is true) in my heart of hearts I can be and am a loving person. When I choose to love someone (and it is a choice) I am defining myself as a loving person.

When I choose to run my practice and help other people I am being selfish because I am choosing how I us my time. Yes I am helping people, and that is a great thing, but I am not healing them. That is their choice. I am just a guide in the process. They are being selfish when they choose to heal. I am being selfish when I choose to articulate who I am as person who guilds people on this path.

Yes, I know these examples are extremes, but I think they bring out the point because we think of being selfish in such extreme terms.

Not only is it okey to be selfish, it is impossible not to be selfish because every action we make with our conscious choice is a self-defining act.

When I work out to get healthier I am being selfish because I could be doing other things with my time. When I study a new skill I am being selfish to make myself a different type of person later. I am being selfish when I take a nap so I can be more present to my clients later this afternoon.

It is okay to be selfish.

The reason you are still feeling uncomfortable every time you read that is because it is very easy to believe that selfish equals greedy, mean, heartless, and willing to hurt other.

Other than this article I willing to bet less than five times in your life have you been told it is okey to be selfish.

We need to be selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves we are never going to be able to take care of others.

We need to be selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves then we aren’t taking care of ourselves.

We need to be selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves we are never going to grow and heal in to who we truly are.

Yes, I know you are still resisting this. That is okey. Tapping for this might sound like:

I don’t want to be selfish…because I need to care for other people…there are people who have it so much worse than I do…that I can’t ask for anything more or better…and the things I have…I have squandered…it would be really selfish to ask for more…but I choose to know that selfish means I am making self defining act…every choice I make is a selfish act…I can love someone else and be selfish…because I want to be love…I can care for someone else because they are in need and be selfish…because I want to be giving…this doesn’t take anything away from those loving acts…this doesn’t mean they are less valuable…it just mean that when I am share I am also defining myself…it is okey to want better for myself…because I can then share with other…it is okey to want more for myself because then I can share more of the self with others…I am worthy of taking care of myself…that is not greedy…that is being healthy….I need to be healthy…I must be healthy…it is okey that I don’t think being selfish is a bad thing…I don’t want to be mean…I don’t want to be greedy…but those are not the same a selfish…to be selfish is to choose to be the type of self I want to be.

The Growing Up Method

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photo by flydime

I am always on the look for new ways and easy ways to get tap on issues. Here is a great process by Natalie Hill. (Natalie writes regularly on new ways to approach tapping at EFT Tapping Techniques.

I really like Natalie’s process because it is very straight forward and allows you to be very easy with yourself when coming up with phrases. I receive questions all the time about what is the right phrases to be used for a specific issue. The process is as easy as explaining to a close friend what is going on, what you would like to be able handle, and what you would like the outcome to be. Is a prefect example of how flexible the tapping protocols can be.

Step One: Dumping

When you first tune in to a strong emotional issue…

…you may hear things a two, five, 10 or 15-year old might think and feel.

Dumping is the ideal place to start, when you’re in that immature place.

In other words, for the first phase and rounds of this tapping technique, allow yourself be petty and childish.

Dump, vent, rant, whine, complain, moan, gripe.

Let all the negative out.

Don’t worry about accentuating or increasing the positive –
– you are doing a psychological cleanse.

Up and out with those petty thoughts and emotions.

If you ignore the crummy thoughts and feelings, try to deny or repress them, they will prevent you from fully resolving the issue. You’ll have an inner conflict, even if you’re not consciously aware of it.

After a few rounds of Dumping, you’ll feel a lot better.

The way I would do this step is just to start talking. Don’t worry about crafting the perfect tapping phrase. Just start letting it out. As you do this just move from tapping point to tapping point. Just tap and let it out.

This is a great first step. I often refer to this step clearing the decks. Yes, it is very important to be very specific on the issue that we are tapping on, but sometimes there is so much spinning around in our head that it is impossible to focus. By dumping in this fashion we are going to clear out all the extraneous emotions and thoughts. This is the step that is going to allow us to find our way to what is really at the heart of the issue.

Often time when I this type of step with my clients a great deal of clarity is found. They go from “feeling really frustrated” to being able name what is really going on, giving us a great spring board to go after the deeper roots.

This step is not meant to take care of the issue completely. As Natalie writes, ” When you’re feeling somewhat better, down from where you started (or from an 8, 9 or 10) to somewhere between 4 and 7, move to Dreaming.”

Step Two: Dreaming

Dreaming is the way we sneak the change we want by the conscious and unconscious gatekeepers that don’t want us to change.

In this tapping technique, we are introducing the possibility of letting go of the stuck place, without raising so many objections.

In the dreaming phase, we start our EFT affirmations with the words,

“Wouldn’t it be nice if…”
“Wouldn’t it be great if…” or
“What if…”

For example if we were tapping for overwhelm, this might be your Dreaming tapping round:

Eyebrow: What if I could slow down a little?
Side of Eye: What if I could acknowledge that I don’t have to do everything right now?
Under Eye: What if could just focus on one task at a time?
Under Nose: Wouldn’t it be nice if I could relax, knowing I can’t get it all done in a day?
Chin: Wouldn’t it be nice if I could feel more confidence in myself?
Collarbone: Wouldn’t it be nice if I could trust that it will all work out?
Under Arm: What if I could focus on just the most important thing first?
Top of Head: What if I could let go of everything else?

You can do one, or several rounds in this Dreaming phase.

I love using questions when tapping. The subconscious mind does a wonderful job of filling in the blanks. Often times when we tap in this fashion we are going to come to insights and realizations. Clients often report a being amazed that the things there own system comes up with when tapping on questions.

One recommendation I might add to this is not to rush through a list of questions like these. Instead, linger on each question for a few tapping points allowing the system to sit with each questions, giving it a chance to provide useful information.

Natalie recommends that you do this type of tapping until you have reached the SUDs level of 3 or lower.

Step Three: Deciding

This will be your final round or two. Its intent is to bring you to a fully positive and empowered state, with your desired result.

You begin your EFT affirmations in this Deciding part of the process with the phrases,

“I have decided…” and
“I choose…”

To continue our example of tapping on feeling overwhelmed, this final round would go like this:

Eyebrow: I have decided I actually can handle everything I want and need to do.
Side of Eye: I have decided to focus on just one task at a time.
Under Eye: I have decided to feel confident about my abilities.
Under Nose: I choose to relax and do one thing at a time.
Chin: I choose to trust my judgment.
Collarbone: I choose to know that it will all work out fine.
Under Arm: I choose to remember I’m good at prioritizing.
Top of Head: I have decided to feel calm and confident.

It is amazing how much of a difference making a choice can make. Even if it is about something in the future, the simple act of committing to something moves the mind from the place of living in all of the possible outcomes.

I would also add “I give myself permission…” to this list of tapping phrases. I have found that giving permission is a powerful act that allows us to make transformation.

Natalie thoughtfully adds:

If, in any stage of this process, a new disturbing emotion or memory arises, take a little side-trip by returning to Dumping to clear it. Use the whole Growing Up process on that new emotion or memory. Then return to the place you left off in the process.