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How Progress Happens – 10 Lessons Learned From Working With The Feeling of Anxiety All Day At Work

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photo by Phil Hollenback

Recently I was working with “Kelly.” We had been working every week or two for 30 minutes at a time on the issue of anxiety she was feeling at work. When we started working she described the anxiety as being present from the moment she walked in the door until she left. There were moments that she just wanted to run from the room screaming.

In the last eight weeks we have had six 30-minute sessions. We have not completely taken care of the issue, but a lot of progress has been achieved. Here are the steps that we have taken and the lessons that can be learned from our process.

Thinking About The Day And Not Feeling The Stress
In the beginning the anxiety that Kelly felt lasted well beyond just the work day. As the weekend would come to an end the feeling would start to grow. She would wake up in the morning with that gross feeling in the pit in her stomach. Just thinking of the office would bring the feeling on.

To begin with we started very simple. I had her imagine a very specific day she was at work and to start describing how she felt. I had her explain, in very specific detail, how she felt physically in conjunction with the emotion. Each time it was a little different. It would manifest itself as wanting to run away, a sinking feeling in the stomach, her heart quickly beating, or fidgety hands.

With each of these symptoms I would have Kelly thank the symptom for trying to get her attention and ask the symptom why it felt the way it felt. The system would provide information like it is not safe, I don't know what to do if too much comes up quickly, or I might say something foolish to the clients.

We took each of these issues one at a time and tapped on them like we would for any other issue. After clearing the particular issue I would have Kelly once again imagine that she was at work. We did this until she would feel no more anxiety while thinking she was at work.

When we chatted a week later she reported that she still felt the same level of anxiety at work.

Lesson 1: Just because we are able to clear an issue imagining that it is happening to us, it does not mean that we have cleared the issue. At the same time this does not mean that the tapping we have done is useless. There are many more triggers to anxiety when we are in the working environment versus just thinking of the working environment. It simply means that we are not done.

Lesson 2: We can get a great deal of information from a physical sensation. Many times all we need to do is ask what it is about. If you haven't done this type of work before this might seem very odd. All you have to do is pretend the tight chest has a voice to speak and ask, “Why are you so scared?” You will be surprised. Treat this newly found voice as a friend that you are tapping with. Keep providing it information like, “I know you think you are not safe at work, but you know intellectually no one is going to hurt you at work.” As you do this you will continue to get more and more specific information about the issue at hand which will give you more specific tappable issues.

Thinking About Going To Work
We continued the same pattern in the next sessions. Kelly would tune-in to something happening at work. We would tap on the issue. We got to the point where we were quickly knocking out the anxiety around the past moments and they weren't revealing any new information in regards to the core issues.

We then moved to having Kelly imagine future moments at work. Each time we did this we would add more and more details that we knew would make her more anxious. Kelly would imagine that more than one person would be approaching the desk at once, that the phone was ringing, that a co-worker came up from behind to ask for something, and we had her imagine that one of the people she didn't know who was approaching her desk was particularly handsome. We didn't add all of these details at once, but instead one at a time. As we added new details we would see where the anxiety was and why it was there. Once Kelly was able to tap it away we would add another detail.

We did this until she could imagine every detail at work and not feel any anxiety. Once we got to this point Kelly reported that she felt anxious at work, but no longer felt anxious heading into work in the morning. Many mornings she even felt a little calm, but the feeling of anxiety would slowly creep in. Before long it was at full bore.

Lesson 3: Once we have worked through past memories it is very helpful to place ourselves in future situations where we are experiencing the thing that is giving us trouble. The nice thing about EFT is we are able to creep up on an issue and not have to deal with everything all at once. I have found it to be most effective to add one new detail at a time so we make sure we are clearing as much as we can about one aspect before we move on to the next aspect. The nice thing about doing work in this fashion is we can create extreme scenarios without having to place ourselves in any sort of danger. Kelly may never experience everything going wrong at once, but we can pretend that that is what it is going to be like. As we saw above, this doesn't mean that we are going to be symptom-free when we step into the situation, but we are going to deal with it in a better way.

Being Calm At Work
As more time passed it became easier and easier for Kelly at work. In addition to the weekly tapping we were doing, she was also tapping daily before going into work. She wasn't spending a great deal of time, but just 10 minutes at the beginning of each day. At this point she was very familiar with the different aspects so she knew what to tap on. She reported that the calm now lasted through most of the morning. Most days as the afternoon got busy at the office the feeling of anxiety would come back. Some days it came back as strong as it did when we first started.

Lesson 4: Issues that have taken a lifetime to build are not going to change over night. Yes, we are making progress. Yes, things are better. An issue like general anxiety can knit itself into many parts of our life and isn't going to be neutralized over night. That doesn't mean that if we have taken 10 years for an issue to develop that it is going to take 10 years to remove it, but we need to be patient with ourselves and patient with the problem. Healing is a process and a process that we need to give time.

Lesson 5: Persistence pays off! The sessions we were doing weren't my traditional full one hour sessions and Kelly wasn't doing tapping work for hours a day. Instead, together and on her own, were doing a little work at a time, just chipping away at the issue. Thirty minutes of more intense tapping with me plus 10 minutes a day was being much more successful than if we just tapped once a week for those same 80 minutes. If you are going after a persistent issue, then being persistent with your tapping is the best way to go.

Naming What Is Going On As It Happens
In a recent session Kelly said, “This week at work when I was feeling really anxious, I decided to write down everything I was feeling in that moment so we could work on it.” This made me so happy because not only was she giving us information that would be helpful in our tapping, but it was also a sign of great progress. She was no longer so overwhelmed by the anxiety. Sure she felt it, but instead just being overwhelmed she was able to think, “Hey, it is happening again. I know what is going on.” When we do this it allows us to do work in the moment, not just after the fact.

Lesson 6: One of the real goals of this type of work is to become observers of our own lives. When we are able to notice our own thoughts and reactions we are able to change them. It is because of the persistence that Kelly had been working with that got her to this moment. She went from only noticing why things were happening at a great distance with the help of a practitioner, to being able to notice what was happening on her own after the fact, and finally to noticing important details in the moment.

Lesson 7: Getting things out of our head is a great way to defuse some of their power. I asked Kelly what it was like to write the symptoms down as she was feeling them. She said that is made some of the anxiety go away. Our minds often act as an echo chamber. As the thought bounces around it gets louder and slightly distorted. This is how we can work ourselves up about some feared event that hasn't happened. When we get these thoughts out of our mind and observe them in the warm light of day we see they are silly and they lose their power. In Kelly's case she wrote down that, “It is not safe at work and I need to escape.” The moment she saw that on her note pad she realized that this distorted thought wasn't true, and so writing it down took some of the power out of the anxiety. Writing down what we are feeling is a great tool. You can take what you have written down and throw it away or you can use it for tapping phrases and then get rid of it. [Tapping and journaling]

Being Frustrated With Not Getting The Tapping To Work Every Time
Right now Kelly is getting through most mornings without a problem. There are still issues most afternoons and she reported that some of the time when she tapped in the afternoon it had little effect and this has hurt her enthusiasm for tapping at work.

Lesson 8: It is very easy to be frustrated with the new normal when we have lost touch with the old normal. In the beginning, for Kelly it was painful just to think about being at work. She is not at the point where most mornings are fine and some afternoons are good. But in the moment of her current frustration she is no longer thinking about the progress. She is only thinking about the feeling she has right now. This is what we all do. We are so engrossed in the emotion of the moment that we forget how far we have come. It is good from time to time to take a step back and see how much progress we have made. This will make it easier for us to move forward.

Lesson 9: Just because something doesn't work every time doesn't mean that we shouldn't try it. I wish tapping worked every time for every issue, but that is not the case. But consider this: I have something that is going to work half the time for that feeling of anxiety, it isn't going to cost you anything, there are no negative side effects, and it will only take 10 minutes. Would you give it a try? When I framed it that way to Kelly she said of course she would. She even conceded that if it only worked one day a week it would be more than worth giving it a try.

Being Frustrated With Progress
This is one thing that Kelly hasn't experienced. She has kept a very even head all the way through the process. She has recognized how much better her life is and excited to keep working toward more progress. But not everyone does this during the healing process. (I am one of those people who struggle with this!)

Lesson 10: Just because you don't have total success doesn't mean that you don't have success. My friend Dan Cleary [Podcast interview with Dan Cleary] introduced me to the concept of the 10% solution. In a nut shell the 10% solution states that changing an issue 10% to the better can dramatically improve the quality of life. For example, someone who has 10% relief in chronic pain might now be able to sit through a full movie or now go out to dinner with a loved one. Sure they still have pain, but by reducing the pain just 10%, their life is noticeably better.

So often we look at an issue as we either have it or we don't have it and we fail to realize that by changing the degree we experience something, that this can change our life. If you asked Kelly, “Do you still have anxiety at work?” the answer is obviously yes. This might look like a failure. But she has gone from feeling it every moment of every day to feeling it some afternoons, often to a lesser degree. Is it perfect? Not at all, but it is a major improvement and her life is much better because of it.

It is important that we don't turn our issues into “we have it or we don't,” but it is much more important to understand how the issue impacts our life and how we can move to reduce its impact.

Conclusion
Any issue that has knit its way into many parts of our lives is very often going to take time and persistence to knock it out. When we know this, it is possible to stay focused on the task at hand and create a reasonable plan for making the change.

Pod #53: Fibromyalgia w/ Rue Hass

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According to U.S. National Library of Medicine at the National Institutes of Health Fibromyalgia is:

a common syndrome in which people experience long-term, body-wide pain and tender points in joints, muscles, tendons, and other soft tissues.

Fibromyalgia has also been linked to fatigue, sleep problems, headaches, depression, anxiety, and other symptoms.

The cause of this disorder is unknown. Although none have been well proven, possible causes or triggers of fibromyalgia include:

  • Physical or emotional trauma
  • An abnormal pain response. Areas in the brain that are responsible for pain may react differently in fibromyalgia patients.
  • Sleep disturbances, which are common in fibromyalgia patients.
  • An infectious microbe, such as a virus. At this point, no such virus or microbe has been identified.

The following conditions may be seen with fibromyalgia or mimic its symptoms:

  • Chronic neck or back pain
  • Chronic fatigue syndrome
  • Depression
  • Hypothyroidism
  • Lyme disease
  • Sleep disorders

More and more I am seeing clients with these symptoms. In this interview I spend time with EFT Rue Hass talking about her experience with clients who are experiencing symptoms of fibromyalgia. We talk about causes as well things she has seen in her practice that has been helpful for these symptoms


Rue Hass

Guest: Rue Hass

Contact Info: IntuitiveMentoring.com, rue (at) intuitivementoring (dot) com

How Rue describes herself: When I first meet a new client/customer/co-creative partner, I walk them through an interesting process of understanding their life as a story. It concludes with asking them to consider what they want their life to leave in the world as a legacy. How do they want the world to be a better place for their having been in it?

When I contemplate this in myself, and ask, “What do I want to focus on in this phase of my life, as a culmination of everything I have learned and gained?”, what emerges for me is the concept of “spiritual eldering.” This impulse finds expression in my work with individuals and local groups, inviting and assisting people and communities to move into a sense of the real transformative power of their spiritual Presence in the world.

I particularly like to work with young people, adolescents and young adults as a mentor/coach. I have always been drawn to the kind of kid who might find him/herself in trouble in school, academically or socially, but who on the inside is bright, sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, often artistic or athletic, deep hearted and imaginative, and who just doesn’t fit the norm. I want to make it easier for these young people to find their place in the world. I think they are here to save it.

Links & Resrouces From Episode:

Round up – What is one thing you wish your clients believed about healing process?

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There is a wealth of information in the tapping community. From time to time I ask practitioners I respect their thoughts on tapping, healing, and their work. (I “round up” their opinions.) This happens about once a month. You can read past round-ups.

If you would like to check out my answer to this question (and more) you can download “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto“. (For free w/o having to sign up for anything.)

What is one thing you wish your clients believed about healing process?

That they are not victims of the process, but they are in charge of it. Once they understand that they are an integral part of the underlying process, they then start to use it more effectively and extricate themselves from being victims.
Ted Robinson

That sometimes it isn't a straight progression and every bump on the healing journey isn't a failure but more knowledge and insight about the problem.
Alina Frank

I believe that any belief that doesn't serve you can be changed. If I could get my clients (and the world) to believe that, I would be content with that as my life's work.
Pamela Bruner

You are designed as a divine being that has the ability to constantly renew themselves. Just like a wound on your skin, this is the regenerative process that occurs naturally, you want it or not.

Emotional wounds will not heal if they are not allowed to through remembrance of these with resentment, anger, fear and hate. If you inundate your soul with Love and forgiveness you will heal. Remember an emotion is not a fact,.. you can let it go.
Till Schilling

Don't judge the shift by the drama!

For whatever reason, some clients believe that they need a massive cathartic experience with lots of drama to change and heal. Yet, in the hands of a skilled practitioner, healing can be gentle, subtle and complete.
Rod Sherwin

That is worth taking time of your busy day to spend on healing. Even if you don't feel like it (or should I say ESPECIALLY when you don't feel like it). The longer you put it off, the longer you will feel unhealthy, unhappy or unfulfilled and there is absolutely no need for you to feel these negative emotions – you can heal. But none of the techniques will work unless you do them (or have sessions with a practitioner).
Mel

I wish they believed that it can be fun. It doesn't have to be deadly serious and earnestly heartfelt all the time. Humor is so healing in itself, and to mix it into any healing process is a total blessing. I have found that it really speeds things up. It goes against the common belief that unless the healing is a struggle, it's not worth much. I wished they believed that the healing process can feel good — because it most definitely can.
Janet Hilts

How would you answer this questions? Let us know!

FEAR! – 4 Questions That Will Help Us To Deal With It. (part 2 of 2)

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Where do I start with unbridled fear?


photo by Loretta Prencipe

I recently asked the members of Tapping Q and A Facebook Group what topic I should spend some time writing about. The first response back was “Where do I start with unbridled fear?”

In part 1 we looked at why we experience fear (and how that is not a bad thing). In part two we are going to look at how we can address the fear.

As we saw in part 1 fear exists for a reason, but often times it is responding to things that aren't truly dangerous (even though they feel very dangerous) or it is a response to things that might be dangerous but the reaction is excessive.

When this happens, because of the nature of fear, it becomes our predominant thought and this can become crippling. When I am starting to work with the emotion of fear there are four basic questions that I ask the fear.

[Note: For the rest of this article I am going to discuss the emotion of fear as if it had its own personality. I don't believe that each emotion has its own personality and I am not saying someone who is able to do this work has multiple personalities. You know what it is like to be of two minds. That is when you have two thoughts seemingly simultaneously that are opposite of each other. You can feel as if these two parts of your mind are in conflict with each other.

In this article we are going to deal with fear in the exact same way. I am going to talk as if we are going to have the conscious mind ask the fear for information. It is just simply easier for clarity sake to talk as if it is distinct. It isn't really separate.]

These are the steps I take to use these questions:

  • Take a deep breath and feel yourself grounded in the moment.
  • Start to tap. All you need to do is just tap 6-8 times on each point and move on to the next while you do the whole process.
  • Tune-in to the feeling of fear. You might do this by thinking of the thing, event, or experience that causes you fear. If it is more just an overriding feeling that is always there in the background then simply tune-in to how it feels in your mind and your body.
  • Ask the fear, as if you were asking another person, one of the questions from below.
  • Wait for information to come back. This information might come right away, while at other times it might take some time to come into focus.
  • If you get information that is unclear or incomplete ask for more information.
  • Use the information gathered for more specific tapping.

Let's take a look at the 4 simple (and I mean very simple) but powerful questions before we look at a few concrete examples to see how this works.

What are you afraid of?
This seems like a very straightforward question, but often times we are so caught-up in the feeling of fear that we are only feeling fear and not thinking about what we are actually feeling the fear about. This is also a very good question for the feeling of fear that just always seems to be there. When we are on-edge and just feeling dread all the time there is very little thought given to what the fear is about, so this is a great question to ask.

What are you keeping safe from?
The feeling of fear is all about danger. There is something out there that can be harmful. This question is very similar to the first but comes at it in a little different way. By asking what we are being kept safe from, this is a great way to find out what the direct threat is. It is important to keep in mind that this question isn't just about physical danger in the world, like a tiger attack. The fear could be trying to keep us safe from being embarrassed, not living up to our potential, or creating unrealistic expectations for our life.

What could go wrong?
Fear is always on the lookout for what is coming next. One of the main things it is looking out for is what could go wrong as we move forward following a certain path. If we ask the question, “What are you afraid of?” the answer might be speaking in public. When we ask, “What could go wrong?” and the answer is, “I am going to look like a fool in front of my boss,” we are starting to get to the core of the matter.

What proof do you have this is true?
Often times the fears we have are reasonable. It is reasonable that we might do a bad job giving a presentation at work and that we would look like a fool in front of the boss. But just because it is a reasonable possibility doesn't mean that it is probable. When we ask the fear the question “What proof do you have that this is going to happen?” one of two things are going to happen. First we might be presented with a past situation where things didn't go well. This gives us a memory that we can tap on. Second we might get, “Well . . . I don't have any proof at all. Many times just this realization (while tapping) that there is not real proof this will happen will help to discharge some of the fear.

When we are using these questions we are going to do it in a fashion that is not necessarily in the order that is listed above. One question will often lead us to another and then again back to the first. These are just tools to help you with the conversation that you are having with the fear. It might look something like this.

Question: What are you afraid of?

Answer: Something bad is going to happen.

Q: What are you afraid of that is bad?

A: I am going to be exposed.

Q: What are you afraid you are going to be exposed as?

A: Being exposed as a fraud

Q: What proof do you have that you are going to be exposed as a fraud?

A: I don't have any, but I don't know what I am doing and they are going to see that

Q: What will go wrong if they see you as a fraud?

A: They are not going to trust me in the future

Q: When you didn't know what you were doing in the past and they found out, how did it turn out?

A: Actually not too bad. When they found out I didn't understand something they created space for me to learn the skills I needed.

Q: Now that you know it is okay to not know everything, are you still worried?

A: Yes

Q: What are you worried about?

A: I hate not being able to do the job right the first time

Q: What is the penalty for not getting it done right the first time?

A: Because I would be a loser

Q: What proof do you have that you are a loser if you don't get it right the first time?

A: My father always said, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”

By taking the time to have a conversation with the emotion and by making sure that you take time to keep asking for more information, it is going to lead you deeper to the roots of the issue. If you are tapping while doing this question-and-answer process, you are going to be taking the edge off of the fear and then when you come to a clearly tappable issue (like the memory of the father in the example above) you go after that issue. After that issue is clear you start the process again seeing if there is any fear left. If there is, you simply start asking the questions of the fear again.

Pod #52: Self-Compassion w/ Rod Sherwin

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When I approached my friend and fellow practitioner Rod Sherwin about what topic he wanted to talk about in a podcast interview he recommended a conversation about self-compassion. At the time of the interview I was unfamiliar with the word. Self-compassion is in stark contrast to self-esteem. It is all about seeing yourself in the same way as you see others. Often we are supportive and understanding when others fail, but when we fail we are very hard on ourselves. Self-compassion is about being able to extend that same love and understanding towards ourselves.

In this interview we explore self-compassion in depth and practical ways in which we can incorporate it into our daily lives and our daily tapping.


Rod Sherwin

Guest: Rod Sherwin

Rod's Contact Info: web @ tap4health.com, e-mail @ rod@tap4health.com, phone @ +61 3 9650 0250, twitter @ rodsherwin; facebook @ facebook.com/Tap4Health; youtube youtube.com/rodsherwin; google+ Tap4Health

About Rod: Rod Sherwin, known as “the tapping man”, is an Energy Therapist from Melbourne, Australia. Rod runs the Tap4Health EFT Practice and works with clients all over the world on issues such as stress, anxiety, trauma, abuse, anger management, depression, weight loss, public speaking and presenting. Rod's approach is an unconventional and original combination of genuine warmth, respect, intuition, and skill.

Rod's primary tool is the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) which he combines with his experience in Energy Medicine, Solutions-Focus Brief Therapy, 6-Human Needs Psychology, and Neuro-Associative Conditioning. Rod's original qualifications are in Computer System Engineering and Computer Science which gives him a very grounded and practical approach that focuses on getting real results.

Rod loves spreading the word about EFT and speaks to groups, small and large, including community groups, social groups, and corporates. Rod has lived in Melbourne for since 2005 and, while he enjoys the city life, he is originally from a small country town in North Queensland called Charters Towers.

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