Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Dealing With Procrastination When You Can’t Name The Drawback For Doing It?

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photo by Doug Waldron

I have read a lot of articles on tapping/EFT and procrastination. Almost every article talks about the first thing you should do is to name what could go wrong or what is the penalty for taking the action. I can see that if you cleared the emotional charge around these pitfalls how it could help you to move forward. The problem I have is I have no idea why I don't want to do these tasks. I know they are important. I know they are needed. I know they will improve my life. I can't figure out why, even on a subconscious level, why I think these are bad steps for me to take. How else can I use tapping to get through this procrastination?

I have heard from my clients and I have seen in my own life the biggest reason that we don't have the success we want is our own procrastination.

The question above states it correctly: The fastest way to get past procrastination is to find what could go wrong or what penalty is associated with the action, but sometimes this is not possible. When you find yourself procrastinating but you can't figure out why you are procrastinating, here are four things you can do to help get past the procrastination.

[Looking for a more comprehensive way of getting past what is keeping you stuck? Check out: 10 Steps To Getting Out Of Your Own Way]

Break The Task Into Steps
One of the reasons that we don't start a project is because we aren't clear on exactly what we need to do. Because we are unclear about this on a subconscious level it can feel unwieldy, overwhelming, or just plain confusing.

Merlin Mann recently said something really interesting on the Back To Work Podcast. He said (to paraphrase), that if something takes more than one step it is not a task, it is a project. The example he gave was putting up the Christmas tree. It feels like one small task, but you have to get the tree out of storage, clear the space the tree is going to go into, and put the stuff that was in that space somewhere else. AND, we haven't even considered decorating the tree yet!

Suddenly, the one line on the to-do list “put up the Christmas tree” is a much bigger task. Subconsciously, we know there is more to it, but since we are unclear what the steps are, it just feels bigger. Bigger means it is going to be harder than we thought. It is easier to just avoid bigger.

If you have a task, no matter how small, that you can't seem to get yourself to do, come up with a detailed list of the steps. This will make the project much more manageable. You will recognize that it can be done quickly or you will realize that you don't have to do it all right now, but there is some of it you can do now.

Tapping would look something like this:

I have this task that I just don't want to do…I know that if I break this task up into smaller pieces that I am going to be able to see that it is not that big of a deal…right now part of me knows that it is just bigger than the one task I am saying it is…even if I don't know exactly what all the steps are…by taking a few minutes to think about this task in steps I am going to be able to get it done…I know I can figure out the steps

[take a few moments to come up with a list of steps and then continue tapping]

I can now see that this task isn't as complicated as my subconscious thought…I now have a plan of what needs to be done…even if I can't do all of these steps right now…I know what the next step is…each of these steps are manageable…and if one of the steps isn't manageable and I procrastinate away from it…I can repeat this process…and break those steps down into smaller steps…this is possible…I can do this

Think Of Something You Failed At
Many times we have a hard time doing a task because there is part of us that feels like we have failed before and we are going to fail again. This can be hard to pinpoint because we might have failed at a relationship in the past and now we are trying to clean our house. I know that seems like a very extreme leap, but I have seen such wild connections with my clients.

When this happens it is very difficult for us to make the connection between these two extremes, therefore making it hard to tap on the original failure. When this happens it is possible for us to tap on failing in the past without having to know the exact manner in which it might be tied to this moment.

To do this start by thinking of something small that you failed at recently. It could be a meal that you burned, someone you forgot to pick up, or something you didn't complete on time. Tune-in to as many of the details as possible. Pay attention to how you feel now about the situation. Tap on something like this:

I have made mistakes in the past…I hate when I make mistakes…I look silly…I look foolish…I look like I can't do anything…but I have made many mistakes in the past that haven't been the end of the world…Even when it feels like it is the end of the world…it wasn't really the end of the world…I thought it was much worse than it was…as I look back now it just seems a little silly…I know there are times when I am not going to do everything right…but I can recover from these mistake…when I give something a try I am going to learn in the process of doing it…and I am going to do better the next time…I give myself permission to be easy with myself as I try new things…I don't have to do them alone…I can make this happen… in the past where things didn't work out perfectly…but it worked out in the end…that can happen again.

After doing this, try the task you are struggling to do again. Most times you will be able to easily start the task. If not think of another past failure and tap on it. Even though these past failures are not directly related to what is going on, the tapping will help free our subconscious up from it’s misperception that imperfection is unacceptable, and this in turn will make taking action easier.

Is It A Priority?
We can say something is really a priority, we can say something is very important, and we can say something needs to get done, but do we really mean it? In the business world companies talk all the time about their core values as a business. They will choose things like integrity, quality, and customer service. In many cases these are just empty words that might seem like a good idea but the company isn't really taking them seriously day-to-day.

The only time a company takes these values seriously is when they can state why they want this goal, there is a budget for it, there is a due dateand there is someone who is assigned to be in charge of making it happen. Otherwise they are just paying lip-service.

The same can be true for many of our tasks that don't seem to get done. We can state that working out is a really good idea. In a concrete way we can name why it is a good idea. We might even tell others that working-out is something we want to do. Working-out can be on our to-do list every day, but if it isn't really a priority it is never going to get done.

Here is how you can determine if a task is something that is a priority or if it is something that you are just paying lip-service to and therefore can just be crossed-off your list because your are never going to do it. Think of the task you are struggling to do and answer these four questions (also, write the answer out):

  • Budget/Resource: What are you willing to commit to achieve this goal? I am not talking about just financial resources, but also your time and your emotional energy. Some tasks are only going to take a little time while others are going to require you to carve out time regularly (like working out a couple days a week). Clearly name what you are willing to do for this task.
  • Due Date: When does it need to be done by? It is amazing how powerful a deadline can be.
  • Responsibility: Are you willing to take responsibility for it? This is something to consider seriously. Are you willing to say, “I am taking responsibility to do [insert task]”? If you aren't, then the task is never going to get done.
  • Why do you want to do it? This is an important question. Often times we say what we want to do without giving any thought as to why we are doing it. It is hard to lose weight, but it becomes easier to work out when we are doing it to make sure we are healthy to be around for our children. What do you get from doing this task? How does your life change by doing this task?

After you answer these four questions you can do one of two things. One, you can realize it is something that you don't want or need to do and it has ended up on your to-do list for some other reason. If this is the case, kill the task. Or secondly, take your answers and read them out loud as you tap. This will clear resistance and you will be doing the task before you know it.

What Is The Worst Thing That Could Happen?
The question, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” is a very powerful reframe. I love using this when tapping with clients by pointing out really ridiculous outcomes that are not going to happen. For example, let’s say you want to ask for a raise, but can't bring yourself to do it. Here is a way to tap for it:

I want to ask for a raise…but I am worried it is going to go badly…I know that when I ask for a raise the building is not going to blow up…I am not going to drop dead of a heart attack…my boss is not going to run out of the room screaming and yelling…I am not going to be fired on the spot.

Are all of those extreme? Yes, but when we tune-in to the absolute extreme it is going to take some of the power out of our fear. Even when we don't know what might go wrong we can name a thousand really bad things that aren't going to happen. Give it a try. Just start tapping and name the things that aren't going to happen.

  • The world is not going to end
  • You are not doing to die
  • All hope and love are not going to be eliminated
  • Puppies are not going to die
  • Children are not going to cry
  • The BeeGees are not going to get back together

Yes it is laughable, but you will feel easier about what you would like to do.

Conclusion
The most import thing to remember when you are procrastinating about doing a task or taking a step is to not get frustrated with yourself. When we get frustrated we are compounding the problem. Not only are we not doing what we want to be doing, but we are also feeling bad about it. Be easy with yourself. Take a deep breath and try one of these steps and you will start moving towards your goal.

Another New Year’s Goal Setting Post (AND That’s A Good Thing)

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I know we are months past the beginning of the year. More than likely you have forgotten all your New Year's Resolutions.

The fact that January 1st is the beginning of the “New Year” is somewhat arbitrary. Really the first day of the year could have been any day, but for some reason when calendars where being created they chose January 1st. If we use the “New Year” as a tool to reflect on our life and as a chance to look ahead then it can be a very helpful thing.

So now that we are well past the craziness of the holidays and you have some time to reflect on what you thought was going to be important this year, let's try this again.

Let's make today the Re-New Year to reflect and plan action.

Last year I wrote about “Why I Am Giving Up Self Improvement In The New Year” and I would encourage you to revisit (!) it as a new way of looking at taking care of yourself.

The last week of December Joe Vitale shared 7 Ways to Make 2011 Amazing on his blog. Here are a few of the points that I really loved. (If you are interested I would encourage you to read Joe's full article.)

[Side note: This is really a two-part article in disguise. In this part I am talking about what you can do. In part two I am going to give you tapping scripts for each of these steps. If this feels overwhelming, just hang in there, help is coming.]

1. Set Intentions.

Tip: To get out of the ego’s trap of thinking in terms of limitations, add “this or something better” to each intention. Example: “I intend to increase my income in 2011 by 50%, or something better.”

I think setting goals is a really import part of success. I have been doing a little tapping experiment in my own life. I have been reviewing my goals for the year every week. When I say review I mean I am just reading the list every Monday. Then I am just doing my regular tapping. I am not even tapping on the issues around the goal. The simple fact that the goals are at the front of my mind is also bringing my resistance to the front of my mind. The combination of these facts with tapping daily is vaulting me towards my goals.

I also love Joe's tip of “this or something better.” I have been using that for years. It really opens us up to possibilities that we didn't know that are out there for us, but we might miss because we are not looking for them.

2. Schedule Actions.

Tip: If an intention seems overwhelming, break it down into doable smaller steps. As the saying goes, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How do you write a book? One chapter (or even one page) at a time.

I use the free version of the website Toodledo to manage all my tasks. This is not just for my business, but I also use it to remind me to work out, plan my day, and to take time to do my personal tapping. You don't have to use some fancy tool, but naming the steps and putting them in writing is a great way to move forward.

3. Take Action.

Nothing happens until something moves.

Tip: Look at your schedule (in step two) to know what to do. Then go do it. Your rule of thumb is to take ten actions every day in the direction of making your intentions for 2011 come into reality.

Tony Robins once said something to the effect of, “If you sit at home all day gazing at your vision board something is going to happen . . . the repo man is going to show up and take all your stuff.” We need to be people of action.

I think expecting yourself to do 10 things every day is a great goal to work towards, but let's start simple. If you spend 10 minutes working towards a goal today, by the end of the month you will have spent 5 hours working towards your goal. If you are looking for ideas on how to add action to your day, check out Making It Routine

4. Face Fears.

Along the way in the new year you’ll have doubts, fears, set-backs and blocks. Don’t let them stop you. Fear isn’t something to redirect you; if anything, it’s simply warning you that you are leaving your comfort zone and doing something new.

If there weren't resistance, then you would have already reached your goal. There is something that is holding you back from moving forward. Be honest with yourself. Name your fears. Knock your fears out!

5. Feed Your Brain.

Turn off the mainstream news. It’s designed to program you with fear and uncertainty. Instead, listen to self-improvement audios, read success literature, and watch inspirational and informational shows.

Take time to take care of yourself. Make it a priority. It is really easy to say, “I really need to do this task and I can tap tomorrow.” The next thing you know you haven't spent any time tapping in three weeks.

Make it a priority. Put it on your schedule. Make an appointment with yourself. Turn off your phone. Lock your door. Do what you have to do to do a little each day to care for yourself. YOU ARE WORTHY OF DOING THIS!

7. Get Support.

Surround yourself with people who encourage, motivate, and inspire you . . . find at least one person who believes in you.

None of us are going to get where we want to get alone. Get help with your tapping. Pick the brain of someone who has achieved what you want to achieve. Every Tuesday I have a 15 minute call with my business coach to make sure I am staying on track and to use the wisdom of a man who has owned a small business for over 30 years. At least once every six weeks I work with someone to help me to tap on my issues. Get help you are worthy of!

A Million Thoughts Going Through Your Head
As you read through this list I am sure you had a number of thoughts.

  • Yes! I already know that.
  • Wow! That is a new way of looking at that.
  • I've tried that before, but it didn't work out so well.
  • There is too much to do all at once. I don't know where to start!
  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

It is one thing to know what we need to do, but it is something completely different to do it. Over the next few weeks I am going to take each one of these ideas and expand upon them with a tapping script to deal with the resistance that you are feeling. I know it is there because I feel it too! But that is ok . . . we can get through this together.

Pod #55: Cravings, Savoring Food, and 3 Steps To Approach Every Problem

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This is a slightly different type of podcast. Instead of a straightforward teaching or an interview it is much more a conversation. The topic of the conversation with my friend Sue is cravings, eating, and weight release. Because of the nature of conversation we touch on many other things.

We talk about:

  • Reasons people have cravings
  • Becoming the observer of our self
  • How to be able to tap when something is happening, not just after the fact
  • Why treat your inner voice like a 5 year old
  • The difference between craving and savoring (lessons in conscious choice)
  • What we can learn (and not learn) from “What Not To Wear”
  • The balance between losing ourselves in our goals and total apathy
  • Why it is good that we struggle with how we look
  • Degrees of pain
  • Trading one craving for another (changing habits v healing wounds)
  • 3 steps to approach every problem

Strategic Self Kindness

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[Note from Gene: One of the biggest struggles I face in my own healing is the ablity to be easy with myself. I want better for myself. I expect more of myself. I know what I am capable of better. I WANT IT NOW! This makes it very hard to be easy with myself. It is something I tap on almost daily. In this article Janet Hilts a wonderful plan on how we can be easy with ourselves.]

photo by Aunt Owwee

Being gentle with yourself feels good. But do you know that it’s also a very practical tool? Self kindness is a great strategy for moving ahead – either for personal development or for business. It works for whatever your focus is and here’s why:

Self kindness saves time and energy, leaving you more of both for what you really want to do.
If you’re NOT gentle with yourself, you lose momentum every time something goes wrong or doesn’t go the way you want it to.

  • Criticizing yourself takes head time: all your thoughts about what you did wrong, what you should have done instead, etc.
  • Criticizing yourself takes heart time: all the crummy feelings about yourself.
  • And your focus turns totally inward.

To pull out of this state takes even more time and energy — recovery time to get your head turned around, to open your heart back up and feel better emotionally, and to turn outward again.

Self kindness, on the other hand, leaves you buoyant – with plenty of energy to focus outward and keep moving. It subtracts nothing from you to be kind to yourself. It doesn’t use up energy; it increases it. And the vibe it creates is contagious.

My point is that it’s highly practical as a strategy. So I hope you’ll consider using self-kindess — deliberately.
These are the steps to take to start using self kindness on a regular basis for yourself:

1. First, investigate your resistance to making self kindness a deliberate strategy. Get quiet and listen to the little voice inside your head that tells you why it’s not a good idea to do that, and stirs up fears about it. If you’re not using self kindness, it’s because a part of you has some good reasons for that. So listen for those reasons, those fears and beliefs. And then write them down.

What beliefs come up for you? They could be things like:

  • I’ll lose my motivation if I’m too nice to myself. I won’t feel like doing anything.
  • I don’t know how to do it. The people I know don’t do this.
  • It’s going to be too hard. Maybe it’s impossible.
  • I don’t know what I’m doing. This sounds crazy to me.
  • I don’t know if this can help me. What’s the point?
  • Etc. (whatever comes to mind)

Write those down.

2. Then take the whole list and cluster them together as a package. Now measure the emotional impact of that package on a scale of 1 to 10. How strong is that resistance of all those fears and beliefs together? And write the number down.

3. Then start tapping. Do one round of “This resistance to self kindness.”

Then do a few rounds of tapping, giving voice to the resistance. You can just read off your list as you tap.

Continue tapping until you get your resistance down to a zero.

4. The next thing that you can do is to create some positive statements and tap those in as affirmations. For example:

  • I easily go to self kindness first thing.
  • I love how it makes me feel.
  • My self kindness is contagious to the people around me.
  • I can feel my heart opening as I relax into self kindness.
  • Etc. (whatever comes to YOUR mind)

Have fun creating the list. Then just tap those affirmations in as a practice, first thing in the morning – no need for a setup. Simply move around the points as you tap on the positive statements.

Then enjoy the rewards of practicing self kindness as a deliberate strategy – and the ripple effect. Everyone you come in contact with will reap the benefits.

With coaching and EFT, Janet Hilts helps creatives and professionals dissolve personal blocks to success so they can move forward to do what they really want to do. Find Janet on-line @ web; facebook; twitter; radio

How Progress Happens – 10 Lessons Learned From Working With The Feeling of Anxiety All Day At Work

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photo by Phil Hollenback

Recently I was working with “Kelly.” We had been working every week or two for 30 minutes at a time on the issue of anxiety she was feeling at work. When we started working she described the anxiety as being present from the moment she walked in the door until she left. There were moments that she just wanted to run from the room screaming.

In the last eight weeks we have had six 30-minute sessions. We have not completely taken care of the issue, but a lot of progress has been achieved. Here are the steps that we have taken and the lessons that can be learned from our process.

Thinking About The Day And Not Feeling The Stress
In the beginning the anxiety that Kelly felt lasted well beyond just the work day. As the weekend would come to an end the feeling would start to grow. She would wake up in the morning with that gross feeling in the pit in her stomach. Just thinking of the office would bring the feeling on.

To begin with we started very simple. I had her imagine a very specific day she was at work and to start describing how she felt. I had her explain, in very specific detail, how she felt physically in conjunction with the emotion. Each time it was a little different. It would manifest itself as wanting to run away, a sinking feeling in the stomach, her heart quickly beating, or fidgety hands.

With each of these symptoms I would have Kelly thank the symptom for trying to get her attention and ask the symptom why it felt the way it felt. The system would provide information like it is not safe, I don't know what to do if too much comes up quickly, or I might say something foolish to the clients.

We took each of these issues one at a time and tapped on them like we would for any other issue. After clearing the particular issue I would have Kelly once again imagine that she was at work. We did this until she would feel no more anxiety while thinking she was at work.

When we chatted a week later she reported that she still felt the same level of anxiety at work.

Lesson 1: Just because we are able to clear an issue imagining that it is happening to us, it does not mean that we have cleared the issue. At the same time this does not mean that the tapping we have done is useless. There are many more triggers to anxiety when we are in the working environment versus just thinking of the working environment. It simply means that we are not done.

Lesson 2: We can get a great deal of information from a physical sensation. Many times all we need to do is ask what it is about. If you haven't done this type of work before this might seem very odd. All you have to do is pretend the tight chest has a voice to speak and ask, “Why are you so scared?” You will be surprised. Treat this newly found voice as a friend that you are tapping with. Keep providing it information like, “I know you think you are not safe at work, but you know intellectually no one is going to hurt you at work.” As you do this you will continue to get more and more specific information about the issue at hand which will give you more specific tappable issues.

Thinking About Going To Work
We continued the same pattern in the next sessions. Kelly would tune-in to something happening at work. We would tap on the issue. We got to the point where we were quickly knocking out the anxiety around the past moments and they weren't revealing any new information in regards to the core issues.

We then moved to having Kelly imagine future moments at work. Each time we did this we would add more and more details that we knew would make her more anxious. Kelly would imagine that more than one person would be approaching the desk at once, that the phone was ringing, that a co-worker came up from behind to ask for something, and we had her imagine that one of the people she didn't know who was approaching her desk was particularly handsome. We didn't add all of these details at once, but instead one at a time. As we added new details we would see where the anxiety was and why it was there. Once Kelly was able to tap it away we would add another detail.

We did this until she could imagine every detail at work and not feel any anxiety. Once we got to this point Kelly reported that she felt anxious at work, but no longer felt anxious heading into work in the morning. Many mornings she even felt a little calm, but the feeling of anxiety would slowly creep in. Before long it was at full bore.

Lesson 3: Once we have worked through past memories it is very helpful to place ourselves in future situations where we are experiencing the thing that is giving us trouble. The nice thing about EFT is we are able to creep up on an issue and not have to deal with everything all at once. I have found it to be most effective to add one new detail at a time so we make sure we are clearing as much as we can about one aspect before we move on to the next aspect. The nice thing about doing work in this fashion is we can create extreme scenarios without having to place ourselves in any sort of danger. Kelly may never experience everything going wrong at once, but we can pretend that that is what it is going to be like. As we saw above, this doesn't mean that we are going to be symptom-free when we step into the situation, but we are going to deal with it in a better way.

Being Calm At Work
As more time passed it became easier and easier for Kelly at work. In addition to the weekly tapping we were doing, she was also tapping daily before going into work. She wasn't spending a great deal of time, but just 10 minutes at the beginning of each day. At this point she was very familiar with the different aspects so she knew what to tap on. She reported that the calm now lasted through most of the morning. Most days as the afternoon got busy at the office the feeling of anxiety would come back. Some days it came back as strong as it did when we first started.

Lesson 4: Issues that have taken a lifetime to build are not going to change over night. Yes, we are making progress. Yes, things are better. An issue like general anxiety can knit itself into many parts of our life and isn't going to be neutralized over night. That doesn't mean that if we have taken 10 years for an issue to develop that it is going to take 10 years to remove it, but we need to be patient with ourselves and patient with the problem. Healing is a process and a process that we need to give time.

Lesson 5: Persistence pays off! The sessions we were doing weren't my traditional full one hour sessions and Kelly wasn't doing tapping work for hours a day. Instead, together and on her own, were doing a little work at a time, just chipping away at the issue. Thirty minutes of more intense tapping with me plus 10 minutes a day was being much more successful than if we just tapped once a week for those same 80 minutes. If you are going after a persistent issue, then being persistent with your tapping is the best way to go.

Naming What Is Going On As It Happens
In a recent session Kelly said, “This week at work when I was feeling really anxious, I decided to write down everything I was feeling in that moment so we could work on it.” This made me so happy because not only was she giving us information that would be helpful in our tapping, but it was also a sign of great progress. She was no longer so overwhelmed by the anxiety. Sure she felt it, but instead just being overwhelmed she was able to think, “Hey, it is happening again. I know what is going on.” When we do this it allows us to do work in the moment, not just after the fact.

Lesson 6: One of the real goals of this type of work is to become observers of our own lives. When we are able to notice our own thoughts and reactions we are able to change them. It is because of the persistence that Kelly had been working with that got her to this moment. She went from only noticing why things were happening at a great distance with the help of a practitioner, to being able to notice what was happening on her own after the fact, and finally to noticing important details in the moment.

Lesson 7: Getting things out of our head is a great way to defuse some of their power. I asked Kelly what it was like to write the symptoms down as she was feeling them. She said that is made some of the anxiety go away. Our minds often act as an echo chamber. As the thought bounces around it gets louder and slightly distorted. This is how we can work ourselves up about some feared event that hasn't happened. When we get these thoughts out of our mind and observe them in the warm light of day we see they are silly and they lose their power. In Kelly's case she wrote down that, “It is not safe at work and I need to escape.” The moment she saw that on her note pad she realized that this distorted thought wasn't true, and so writing it down took some of the power out of the anxiety. Writing down what we are feeling is a great tool. You can take what you have written down and throw it away or you can use it for tapping phrases and then get rid of it. [Tapping and journaling]

Being Frustrated With Not Getting The Tapping To Work Every Time
Right now Kelly is getting through most mornings without a problem. There are still issues most afternoons and she reported that some of the time when she tapped in the afternoon it had little effect and this has hurt her enthusiasm for tapping at work.

Lesson 8: It is very easy to be frustrated with the new normal when we have lost touch with the old normal. In the beginning, for Kelly it was painful just to think about being at work. She is not at the point where most mornings are fine and some afternoons are good. But in the moment of her current frustration she is no longer thinking about the progress. She is only thinking about the feeling she has right now. This is what we all do. We are so engrossed in the emotion of the moment that we forget how far we have come. It is good from time to time to take a step back and see how much progress we have made. This will make it easier for us to move forward.

Lesson 9: Just because something doesn't work every time doesn't mean that we shouldn't try it. I wish tapping worked every time for every issue, but that is not the case. But consider this: I have something that is going to work half the time for that feeling of anxiety, it isn't going to cost you anything, there are no negative side effects, and it will only take 10 minutes. Would you give it a try? When I framed it that way to Kelly she said of course she would. She even conceded that if it only worked one day a week it would be more than worth giving it a try.

Being Frustrated With Progress
This is one thing that Kelly hasn't experienced. She has kept a very even head all the way through the process. She has recognized how much better her life is and excited to keep working toward more progress. But not everyone does this during the healing process. (I am one of those people who struggle with this!)

Lesson 10: Just because you don't have total success doesn't mean that you don't have success. My friend Dan Cleary [Podcast interview with Dan Cleary] introduced me to the concept of the 10% solution. In a nut shell the 10% solution states that changing an issue 10% to the better can dramatically improve the quality of life. For example, someone who has 10% relief in chronic pain might now be able to sit through a full movie or now go out to dinner with a loved one. Sure they still have pain, but by reducing the pain just 10%, their life is noticeably better.

So often we look at an issue as we either have it or we don't have it and we fail to realize that by changing the degree we experience something, that this can change our life. If you asked Kelly, “Do you still have anxiety at work?” the answer is obviously yes. This might look like a failure. But she has gone from feeling it every moment of every day to feeling it some afternoons, often to a lesser degree. Is it perfect? Not at all, but it is a major improvement and her life is much better because of it.

It is important that we don't turn our issues into “we have it or we don't,” but it is much more important to understand how the issue impacts our life and how we can move to reduce its impact.

Conclusion
Any issue that has knit its way into many parts of our lives is very often going to take time and persistence to knock it out. When we know this, it is possible to stay focused on the task at hand and create a reasonable plan for making the change.