Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

11 Best of the Last 6 Months

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photo by vectorportal

These are necessarily the best articles on the site, but these are some of my favorites. To make it easier to navigate I have chosen one entry from 11 different categories. Please add a comment to the bellow on what some of your favorites have been.

Information
From time to time I get an e-mail or a comment that says, “You are just money grubbing hack. How dare you charge to share healing information. It is good that we are all on the same page. Here is the most recent explanation of Why Tapping/EFT Q and A Was Created.

Podcast
There have been so many great pods it was hard to choose. Tapping for Trauma w/ Gwyneth Moss transformed the way I understood the ways we are wounded which directly impacts the way we heal.

Bonus Podcast
Bonus pods are quick records that have great infor, but don't need a full show. In Something That Needs A Cool Name, But Doesn’t Have One I share a great little tool you can use everyday. The pod is only 4min long.

(subscribe to the the podcast feed in iTunes or check out the complete podcast archive)

Post I am Most Proud Of
I spent much or 2010 working on A Healing Manifesto – Recovering Self I think it is one of the best things I have written to date. I think this information is so important I am considering making it required reading for new clients. There is both English and Spanish versions of the ebook and an English version of the audio book.

Words
This is personally one of my favorite types of articles. I love language. I love words. I love the way the words we use shape the way we heal (or don't heal). “…and I choose this for my reality!” I look at how the way we describe ourselves can stop our healing process dead in its tracks.

I would encourage you to check out the full words series.

Sessions
One of the reasons I love working with clients is because I learn so much. From time to time I share some of the lessons I have learned from working with clients. In 12 Lessons From Tapping With A Total Stranger On A Flight I share the story of what I learned from tapping with a stranger on a flight.

Question and Answer
The heart of this site is still answers peoples questions. The Q & A that received the most feedback was People Who Suck Us Emotionally Dry – AKA Emotional Vampires. You know who your emotional vampires are. Here is how you can care for yourself.

Big Picture Information
There are the detailed articles (how to tap for cravings) and then there are big picture ideas. I love the big picture stuff. It helps me to move from one issue to the next. One of the hardest concepts to get in tapping is Psychological Reversal. Here is my take on it.

Opinion
Sometimes I write about what I think, not just what I know. How One Minute Miracles Can Be Bad For The Tapping Community covers what I think is a very important idea to keep in mind.

TapAlong Audio
As you know I have been adding TapAlong Audios every week to the site. In “The crap I know is better than the crap I don’t know” you can tap on one of the main reasons we resist change.

Practitioner
I love helping other practitioners build and grow their practices. In the three part Content Creation Series I explain my process for creating free resources (like this) and products that I sell.

Guest Article
From time to timoe I feature an article from a practitioner I admore. In Round Up I was able to get great info from 10 awesome practitioners on the healing process.

Dealing With Procrastination When You Can’t Name The Drawback For Doing It?

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photo by Doug Waldron

I have read a lot of articles on tapping/EFT and procrastination. Almost every article talks about the first thing you should do is to name what could go wrong or what is the penalty for taking the action. I can see that if you cleared the emotional charge around these pitfalls how it could help you to move forward. The problem I have is I have no idea why I don't want to do these tasks. I know they are important. I know they are needed. I know they will improve my life. I can't figure out why, even on a subconscious level, why I think these are bad steps for me to take. How else can I use tapping to get through this procrastination?

I have heard from my clients and I have seen in my own life the biggest reason that we don't have the success we want is our own procrastination.

The question above states it correctly: The fastest way to get past procrastination is to find what could go wrong or what penalty is associated with the action, but sometimes this is not possible. When you find yourself procrastinating but you can't figure out why you are procrastinating, here are four things you can do to help get past the procrastination.

[Looking for a more comprehensive way of getting past what is keeping you stuck? Check out: 10 Steps To Getting Out Of Your Own Way]

Break The Task Into Steps
One of the reasons that we don't start a project is because we aren't clear on exactly what we need to do. Because we are unclear about this on a subconscious level it can feel unwieldy, overwhelming, or just plain confusing.

Merlin Mann recently said something really interesting on the Back To Work Podcast. He said (to paraphrase), that if something takes more than one step it is not a task, it is a project. The example he gave was putting up the Christmas tree. It feels like one small task, but you have to get the tree out of storage, clear the space the tree is going to go into, and put the stuff that was in that space somewhere else. AND, we haven't even considered decorating the tree yet!

Suddenly, the one line on the to-do list “put up the Christmas tree” is a much bigger task. Subconsciously, we know there is more to it, but since we are unclear what the steps are, it just feels bigger. Bigger means it is going to be harder than we thought. It is easier to just avoid bigger.

If you have a task, no matter how small, that you can't seem to get yourself to do, come up with a detailed list of the steps. This will make the project much more manageable. You will recognize that it can be done quickly or you will realize that you don't have to do it all right now, but there is some of it you can do now.

Tapping would look something like this:

I have this task that I just don't want to do…I know that if I break this task up into smaller pieces that I am going to be able to see that it is not that big of a deal…right now part of me knows that it is just bigger than the one task I am saying it is…even if I don't know exactly what all the steps are…by taking a few minutes to think about this task in steps I am going to be able to get it done…I know I can figure out the steps

[take a few moments to come up with a list of steps and then continue tapping]

I can now see that this task isn't as complicated as my subconscious thought…I now have a plan of what needs to be done…even if I can't do all of these steps right now…I know what the next step is…each of these steps are manageable…and if one of the steps isn't manageable and I procrastinate away from it…I can repeat this process…and break those steps down into smaller steps…this is possible…I can do this

Think Of Something You Failed At
Many times we have a hard time doing a task because there is part of us that feels like we have failed before and we are going to fail again. This can be hard to pinpoint because we might have failed at a relationship in the past and now we are trying to clean our house. I know that seems like a very extreme leap, but I have seen such wild connections with my clients.

When this happens it is very difficult for us to make the connection between these two extremes, therefore making it hard to tap on the original failure. When this happens it is possible for us to tap on failing in the past without having to know the exact manner in which it might be tied to this moment.

To do this start by thinking of something small that you failed at recently. It could be a meal that you burned, someone you forgot to pick up, or something you didn't complete on time. Tune-in to as many of the details as possible. Pay attention to how you feel now about the situation. Tap on something like this:

I have made mistakes in the past…I hate when I make mistakes…I look silly…I look foolish…I look like I can't do anything…but I have made many mistakes in the past that haven't been the end of the world…Even when it feels like it is the end of the world…it wasn't really the end of the world…I thought it was much worse than it was…as I look back now it just seems a little silly…I know there are times when I am not going to do everything right…but I can recover from these mistake…when I give something a try I am going to learn in the process of doing it…and I am going to do better the next time…I give myself permission to be easy with myself as I try new things…I don't have to do them alone…I can make this happen… in the past where things didn't work out perfectly…but it worked out in the end…that can happen again.

After doing this, try the task you are struggling to do again. Most times you will be able to easily start the task. If not think of another past failure and tap on it. Even though these past failures are not directly related to what is going on, the tapping will help free our subconscious up from it’s misperception that imperfection is unacceptable, and this in turn will make taking action easier.

Is It A Priority?
We can say something is really a priority, we can say something is very important, and we can say something needs to get done, but do we really mean it? In the business world companies talk all the time about their core values as a business. They will choose things like integrity, quality, and customer service. In many cases these are just empty words that might seem like a good idea but the company isn't really taking them seriously day-to-day.

The only time a company takes these values seriously is when they can state why they want this goal, there is a budget for it, there is a due dateand there is someone who is assigned to be in charge of making it happen. Otherwise they are just paying lip-service.

The same can be true for many of our tasks that don't seem to get done. We can state that working out is a really good idea. In a concrete way we can name why it is a good idea. We might even tell others that working-out is something we want to do. Working-out can be on our to-do list every day, but if it isn't really a priority it is never going to get done.

Here is how you can determine if a task is something that is a priority or if it is something that you are just paying lip-service to and therefore can just be crossed-off your list because your are never going to do it. Think of the task you are struggling to do and answer these four questions (also, write the answer out):

  • Budget/Resource: What are you willing to commit to achieve this goal? I am not talking about just financial resources, but also your time and your emotional energy. Some tasks are only going to take a little time while others are going to require you to carve out time regularly (like working out a couple days a week). Clearly name what you are willing to do for this task.
  • Due Date: When does it need to be done by? It is amazing how powerful a deadline can be.
  • Responsibility: Are you willing to take responsibility for it? This is something to consider seriously. Are you willing to say, “I am taking responsibility to do [insert task]”? If you aren't, then the task is never going to get done.
  • Why do you want to do it? This is an important question. Often times we say what we want to do without giving any thought as to why we are doing it. It is hard to lose weight, but it becomes easier to work out when we are doing it to make sure we are healthy to be around for our children. What do you get from doing this task? How does your life change by doing this task?

After you answer these four questions you can do one of two things. One, you can realize it is something that you don't want or need to do and it has ended up on your to-do list for some other reason. If this is the case, kill the task. Or secondly, take your answers and read them out loud as you tap. This will clear resistance and you will be doing the task before you know it.

What Is The Worst Thing That Could Happen?
The question, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” is a very powerful reframe. I love using this when tapping with clients by pointing out really ridiculous outcomes that are not going to happen. For example, let’s say you want to ask for a raise, but can't bring yourself to do it. Here is a way to tap for it:

I want to ask for a raise…but I am worried it is going to go badly…I know that when I ask for a raise the building is not going to blow up…I am not going to drop dead of a heart attack…my boss is not going to run out of the room screaming and yelling…I am not going to be fired on the spot.

Are all of those extreme? Yes, but when we tune-in to the absolute extreme it is going to take some of the power out of our fear. Even when we don't know what might go wrong we can name a thousand really bad things that aren't going to happen. Give it a try. Just start tapping and name the things that aren't going to happen.

  • The world is not going to end
  • You are not doing to die
  • All hope and love are not going to be eliminated
  • Puppies are not going to die
  • Children are not going to cry
  • The BeeGees are not going to get back together

Yes it is laughable, but you will feel easier about what you would like to do.

Conclusion
The most import thing to remember when you are procrastinating about doing a task or taking a step is to not get frustrated with yourself. When we get frustrated we are compounding the problem. Not only are we not doing what we want to be doing, but we are also feeling bad about it. Be easy with yourself. Take a deep breath and try one of these steps and you will start moving towards your goal.

Another New Year’s Goal Setting Post (AND That’s A Good Thing)

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I know we are months past the beginning of the year. More than likely you have forgotten all your New Year's Resolutions.

The fact that January 1st is the beginning of the “New Year” is somewhat arbitrary. Really the first day of the year could have been any day, but for some reason when calendars where being created they chose January 1st. If we use the “New Year” as a tool to reflect on our life and as a chance to look ahead then it can be a very helpful thing.

So now that we are well past the craziness of the holidays and you have some time to reflect on what you thought was going to be important this year, let's try this again.

Let's make today the Re-New Year to reflect and plan action.

Last year I wrote about “Why I Am Giving Up Self Improvement In The New Year” and I would encourage you to revisit (!) it as a new way of looking at taking care of yourself.

The last week of December Joe Vitale shared 7 Ways to Make 2011 Amazing on his blog. Here are a few of the points that I really loved. (If you are interested I would encourage you to read Joe's full article.)

[Side note: This is really a two-part article in disguise. In this part I am talking about what you can do. In part two I am going to give you tapping scripts for each of these steps. If this feels overwhelming, just hang in there, help is coming.]

1. Set Intentions.

Tip: To get out of the ego’s trap of thinking in terms of limitations, add “this or something better” to each intention. Example: “I intend to increase my income in 2011 by 50%, or something better.”

I think setting goals is a really import part of success. I have been doing a little tapping experiment in my own life. I have been reviewing my goals for the year every week. When I say review I mean I am just reading the list every Monday. Then I am just doing my regular tapping. I am not even tapping on the issues around the goal. The simple fact that the goals are at the front of my mind is also bringing my resistance to the front of my mind. The combination of these facts with tapping daily is vaulting me towards my goals.

I also love Joe's tip of “this or something better.” I have been using that for years. It really opens us up to possibilities that we didn't know that are out there for us, but we might miss because we are not looking for them.

2. Schedule Actions.

Tip: If an intention seems overwhelming, break it down into doable smaller steps. As the saying goes, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How do you write a book? One chapter (or even one page) at a time.

I use the free version of the website Toodledo to manage all my tasks. This is not just for my business, but I also use it to remind me to work out, plan my day, and to take time to do my personal tapping. You don't have to use some fancy tool, but naming the steps and putting them in writing is a great way to move forward.

3. Take Action.

Nothing happens until something moves.

Tip: Look at your schedule (in step two) to know what to do. Then go do it. Your rule of thumb is to take ten actions every day in the direction of making your intentions for 2011 come into reality.

Tony Robins once said something to the effect of, “If you sit at home all day gazing at your vision board something is going to happen . . . the repo man is going to show up and take all your stuff.” We need to be people of action.

I think expecting yourself to do 10 things every day is a great goal to work towards, but let's start simple. If you spend 10 minutes working towards a goal today, by the end of the month you will have spent 5 hours working towards your goal. If you are looking for ideas on how to add action to your day, check out Making It Routine

4. Face Fears.

Along the way in the new year you’ll have doubts, fears, set-backs and blocks. Don’t let them stop you. Fear isn’t something to redirect you; if anything, it’s simply warning you that you are leaving your comfort zone and doing something new.

If there weren't resistance, then you would have already reached your goal. There is something that is holding you back from moving forward. Be honest with yourself. Name your fears. Knock your fears out!

5. Feed Your Brain.

Turn off the mainstream news. It’s designed to program you with fear and uncertainty. Instead, listen to self-improvement audios, read success literature, and watch inspirational and informational shows.

Take time to take care of yourself. Make it a priority. It is really easy to say, “I really need to do this task and I can tap tomorrow.” The next thing you know you haven't spent any time tapping in three weeks.

Make it a priority. Put it on your schedule. Make an appointment with yourself. Turn off your phone. Lock your door. Do what you have to do to do a little each day to care for yourself. YOU ARE WORTHY OF DOING THIS!

7. Get Support.

Surround yourself with people who encourage, motivate, and inspire you . . . find at least one person who believes in you.

None of us are going to get where we want to get alone. Get help with your tapping. Pick the brain of someone who has achieved what you want to achieve. Every Tuesday I have a 15 minute call with my business coach to make sure I am staying on track and to use the wisdom of a man who has owned a small business for over 30 years. At least once every six weeks I work with someone to help me to tap on my issues. Get help you are worthy of!

A Million Thoughts Going Through Your Head
As you read through this list I am sure you had a number of thoughts.

  • Yes! I already know that.
  • Wow! That is a new way of looking at that.
  • I've tried that before, but it didn't work out so well.
  • There is too much to do all at once. I don't know where to start!
  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

It is one thing to know what we need to do, but it is something completely different to do it. Over the next few weeks I am going to take each one of these ideas and expand upon them with a tapping script to deal with the resistance that you are feeling. I know it is there because I feel it too! But that is ok . . . we can get through this together.

Pod #55: Cravings, Savoring Food, and 3 Steps To Approach Every Problem

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This is a slightly different type of podcast. Instead of a straightforward teaching or an interview it is much more a conversation. The topic of the conversation with my friend Sue is cravings, eating, and weight release. Because of the nature of conversation we touch on many other things.

We talk about:

  • Reasons people have cravings
  • Becoming the observer of our self
  • How to be able to tap when something is happening, not just after the fact
  • Why treat your inner voice like a 5 year old
  • The difference between craving and savoring (lessons in conscious choice)
  • What we can learn (and not learn) from “What Not To Wear”
  • The balance between losing ourselves in our goals and total apathy
  • Why it is good that we struggle with how we look
  • Degrees of pain
  • Trading one craving for another (changing habits v healing wounds)
  • 3 steps to approach every problem

Strategic Self Kindness

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[Note from Gene: One of the biggest struggles I face in my own healing is the ablity to be easy with myself. I want better for myself. I expect more of myself. I know what I am capable of better. I WANT IT NOW! This makes it very hard to be easy with myself. It is something I tap on almost daily. In this article Janet Hilts a wonderful plan on how we can be easy with ourselves.]

photo by Aunt Owwee

Being gentle with yourself feels good. But do you know that it’s also a very practical tool? Self kindness is a great strategy for moving ahead – either for personal development or for business. It works for whatever your focus is and here’s why:

Self kindness saves time and energy, leaving you more of both for what you really want to do.
If you’re NOT gentle with yourself, you lose momentum every time something goes wrong or doesn’t go the way you want it to.

  • Criticizing yourself takes head time: all your thoughts about what you did wrong, what you should have done instead, etc.
  • Criticizing yourself takes heart time: all the crummy feelings about yourself.
  • And your focus turns totally inward.

To pull out of this state takes even more time and energy — recovery time to get your head turned around, to open your heart back up and feel better emotionally, and to turn outward again.

Self kindness, on the other hand, leaves you buoyant – with plenty of energy to focus outward and keep moving. It subtracts nothing from you to be kind to yourself. It doesn’t use up energy; it increases it. And the vibe it creates is contagious.

My point is that it’s highly practical as a strategy. So I hope you’ll consider using self-kindess — deliberately.
These are the steps to take to start using self kindness on a regular basis for yourself:

1. First, investigate your resistance to making self kindness a deliberate strategy. Get quiet and listen to the little voice inside your head that tells you why it’s not a good idea to do that, and stirs up fears about it. If you’re not using self kindness, it’s because a part of you has some good reasons for that. So listen for those reasons, those fears and beliefs. And then write them down.

What beliefs come up for you? They could be things like:

  • I’ll lose my motivation if I’m too nice to myself. I won’t feel like doing anything.
  • I don’t know how to do it. The people I know don’t do this.
  • It’s going to be too hard. Maybe it’s impossible.
  • I don’t know what I’m doing. This sounds crazy to me.
  • I don’t know if this can help me. What’s the point?
  • Etc. (whatever comes to mind)

Write those down.

2. Then take the whole list and cluster them together as a package. Now measure the emotional impact of that package on a scale of 1 to 10. How strong is that resistance of all those fears and beliefs together? And write the number down.

3. Then start tapping. Do one round of “This resistance to self kindness.”

Then do a few rounds of tapping, giving voice to the resistance. You can just read off your list as you tap.

Continue tapping until you get your resistance down to a zero.

4. The next thing that you can do is to create some positive statements and tap those in as affirmations. For example:

  • I easily go to self kindness first thing.
  • I love how it makes me feel.
  • My self kindness is contagious to the people around me.
  • I can feel my heart opening as I relax into self kindness.
  • Etc. (whatever comes to YOUR mind)

Have fun creating the list. Then just tap those affirmations in as a practice, first thing in the morning – no need for a setup. Simply move around the points as you tap on the positive statements.

Then enjoy the rewards of practicing self kindness as a deliberate strategy – and the ripple effect. Everyone you come in contact with will reap the benefits.

With coaching and EFT, Janet Hilts helps creatives and professionals dissolve personal blocks to success so they can move forward to do what they really want to do. Find Janet on-line @ web; facebook; twitter; radio