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How Acupoint Tapping Can Help Transform Relationships

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In an effort to make the research around tapping more accessible to the general public David Feinstein, Ph. D., is writing summaries of these studies. You can find all the summaries that have been shared so far here.

Relationships are challenging for everyone, yet the quality of your relationships correlates strongly with your happiness, sense of well-being, and even your physical health. Can acupoint tapping help you and your clients address the challenging issues that even the best relationships bring our way? Practitioners are, in fact, finding that the answer to that question is “Yes!” Tapping can be effectively applied to foster greater intimacy, trust, understanding, and ease.

This month’s article takes a close look at the power of energy psychology for improving relationships. It shows how tapping can be used to develop 7 key relationship skills and includes revealing examples from Donna Eden’s 44-year relationship with her husband and closest collaborator, David Feinstein (hint: it’s not always been easy, even after it’s become wonderful!) Read more >>>

About David: DAVID FEINSTEIN, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and a pioneer in developing innovative therapeutic approaches, leading to nine national awards for his books on consciousness and healing. He and his wife, Donna Eden, have built the world’s largest and most vibrant organization teaching energy medicine. Their latest award-winning book, The Energies of Love, achieved best-seller status on the NY Times Relationship List. David has served on the faculties of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Antioch College, and the California School of Professional Psychology.

Perfectionism Is Protection (That Is Running Amok)

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Note: This article first appeared March 26th, 2014 and has been updated.

When the same topic shows up repeatedly in client sessions over a short period of time, it always gets my attention.

A significant number of my clients have recently been reporting that they are struggling with a tendency towards perfectionism. They tell me that it's getting in the way of their completing tasks and making progress.

Perfectionism generally shows up in two ways.

The first and most common way is spending way too much time on a task to make sure it is just perfect before moving on. This is especially prevalent when you are working on something that other people will see, such as creating a product or service for your business.

This kind of perfectionism becomes problematic because it causes us to fall behind schedule, or never get to the other tasks we need to address.

The second way that perfectionism presents itself is when we never make a start on certain tasks because of the subconscious fear that they won't turn out perfectly.

When humans lived in nomadic tribes many thousands of years ago, the world was a treacherous place. Danger lurked around every corner and we were hardwired for caution and safety. Humans didn't start anything they couldn't finish for fear of depleting precious reserves of energy that might be needed in a life threatening situation.

It's an understatement to point out that neither of these outcomes are useful!

Perfection Is Protection

At its core, perfectionism is really about keeping us safe. It is much less about something needing to be perfect because perfect is better, and more about fearing what may go wrong if it is not perfect.

Subconsciously you might worry that if something is not perfect:
It will end badly
You will be judged as not good enough
Others won’t trust you in the future
You will be found out to be a fraud

Those concerns might seem extreme, especially when perfectionism is focused on small daily tasks, but in reality that is what is happening.

What Could Go Wrong?

Below are some simple steps to help you interrupt your drive towards perfection.

I encourage you to tap the entire time you are doing this process. When I do exercises like this one, I often tap on my collar bone with my left hand and write out my answers with my right.

  1. First, imagine taking and completing the action you are struggling with.
  2. Next, tune in to whatever physical sensation arises when you are thinking about the action you are resisting. Ask that sensation “What would go wrong if I don’t do this perfectly?”
  3. Ask the sensation “What proof do I have that this is true?” This is one of my favorite questions because it reveals whatever is propping up the belief that something could go wrong. Does it produce a memory from the past? Tap on it! Does it unveil a limiting belief that we know isn’t true? Tap on it!
  4. Continue to tap on whatever comes up in response to these two questions!

By undermining the “proof,” we can also undermine the belief that something could go wrong. And when the fear of something going wrong is dislodged, then perfectionism doesn’t arise because it no longer needs to keep us safe. This leads us to taking more action, more progress, and feeling more comfortable with sharing our work with others.

Pod #522: Tapping for when you don’t feel like you belong

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Sometimes we spend time with people whose lives are very different from our own.

They might have different jobs, make more money than us, have success or notoriety, or access to opportunities that we will never have.

When this happens it is so easy to feel like we don't belong. It can even undermine our confidence and sense of self-worth.

This week's podcast explores how we can respond to these kinds of situations and includes a tap-along to help you feel more secure and boost your self-esteem.

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What Tapping Has Taught Me That I Wish I Knew When I Was 13 (Tapping For Self-Respect)

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I wasn’t the coolest of kids when I was in middle school. I was on the math team. At the age of 13 my feet were larger than my 6′ 2″ tall father's, although I was only 5′ 7″ at the time. AND to complete the picture, I had a mullet.

It wasn’t pretty.

I didn’t think my life was horrible or that I was a total loser. I wasn’t a complete loner. But I knew my place.

It was fine for me to be my quirky, funny self around my fellow nerds (back when being a nerd wasn’t cool like it is today). At the same time, when I was around anyone of a “higher” social status, I just kept my head down.

I felt that if I opened my mouth everyone would look at me and think, “I can’t believe what a waste of time he is, why is he hanging around us? Could he just leave?!”

This internal dialog persisted well into my twenties.

I can still remember one particular moment whilst I was at university. I was on campus early for training for a job I had in the resident halls. During a long afternoon break I sat with two guys I worked with who were older than me (and both former military). Their conversation lasted for almost two hours and I barely contributed a word.

I felt out of place…or more likely I “knew” my place, which was well below theirs.
As I think back to that moment, I can still imagine what it felt like to be a little kid who is tagging along with the big kids and hoping they wouldn't notice that I was there. In my memory, even though I was 20 years old, my body feels 4’ 10” tall.

Self-Respect

On swiss-miss.com my friend Tina Roth eisnberg featured the following quote from Joan Didion:

“Self-respect is a discipline, a habit of mind that can never be faked but can be developed, trained, coaxed forth.”

I really love this idea. It points to the fact self-respect isn’t something that is granted to us by an external source. It comes from within. Self-respect is all about recognizing your own worth AND (most importantly) it can be consciously nurtured and developed.

I wasn’t able to see that when I was younger. My understanding of my place in the world was based on where I perceived my rank in relation to everyone else. I was either an equal or I was below.

There were certainly many times where I faked belonging. I walked upright with a confident smile on my face. But just because I was projecting a sense of confidence and belonging didn’t mean that I was really comfortable inside of my own skin.

My personal journey with tapping, especially in my late thirties, has been about becoming more comfortable inside my own skin, which is really just another way of saying I have been working on self-respect.

If you are working on growing your own sense of self-respect, I encourage you to tap along to this script every day for a week. It won't take more than a few minutes, and doing it daily will be a huge boost:

I choose to know I am worthy of respect…I choose to know that I am worthy of respecting myself…I don’t need to do anything to prove that I am worthy of self-respect…I am made for self-respect…I don’t need to do anything to gain self-respect…I know I am not perfect…I know I make mistakes every day…I know there are things in my life I would like to improve…Even though I am not perfect…I am worthy of self-respect…I am worthy of seeing that I am good…I am worthy of seeing that I am lovable…It is possible to see that I am worthy and still know that I would like better…By respecting myself I am not holding back my growth…Self-respect will not hold back my healing…Who I am is not determined by other people…Who I am is not determined by what others think…My value is not determined by other people…My value is not determined by what other people think of me…I choose to know I am worthy…I choose to know I am lovable…I choose to know that I am deserving…I choose to know that I am worthy of being heard…I am worthy even if I sometimes find that hard to believe…My belief in my worthiness is not a prerequisite to my worthiness…Even if I don’t believe it right now, I am worth of love and respect.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 30 – Tapping for thanksgiving for the opportunity to change

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping for thanksgiving for the opportunity to change.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 29 – Tapping to trust your intuition

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping to trust your intuition.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 28 – Tapping to clear the fear of success

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping to clear the fear of success.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 27 – Tapping to believe that better is possible

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping to believe that better is possible.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 26 – Tapping to be open to emotional connections with others

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping to be open to emotional connections with others.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 25 – Tapping to escape being in a bad mood

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping to escape being in a bad mood.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

Pod # 521: It’s not what you say, but how you say it

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The most common question I receive from my readers and listeners is “What are the best phrases for [insert issue] when tapping?”

The reality is there are no magic phrases, only ones that are useful or not.

At the same time, there is something that is often overlooked when tapping. For tapping to be the most effective it is less about the words you use and more about your focus.

In this week's podcast I explore how we can tune in to issues in a way that will lead to optimal results and how you can easily incorporate this in your tapping.

Support the podcast!

Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Android | Google Podcast | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio

Don't forget to check out the Tapping Success Academy if you are serious about getting better results with your tapping.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 24 – Tapping to help you to keep your word to yourself.

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping to help you to keep your word to yourself.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 23 – Tapping to forgive yourself after judging others harshly

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping to forgive yourself after judging others harshly.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 22 – Tapping to acknowledge your healing and transformation

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping to acknowledge your healing and transformation.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 21 – Tapping for when your loved ones aren’t making healthy choices

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping for when your loved ones aren't making healthy choices.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

Energy Psychology Is Proving to be a Powerful Antidote to PTSD

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In an effort to make the research around tapping more accessible to the general public David Feinstein, Ph. D., is writing summaries of these studies. You can find all the summaries that have been shared so far here.

Every year, more than 8 million people in the United States struggle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) along with another 350 million people worldwide. PTSD can occur in people who have experienced or even witnessed a severe trauma, and it affects areas of the brain connected to managing difficult emotions, especially fear and anxiety. PTSD can create intense physical, emotional, and mental distress, and if left untreated, it can lead to long-term psychological and physiological damage. Thankfully, energy psychology – in this article acupoint tapping – can help! read more…

About David: DAVID FEINSTEIN, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and a pioneer in developing innovative therapeutic approaches, leading to nine national awards for his books on consciousness and healing. He and his wife, Donna Eden, have built the world’s largest and most vibrant organization teaching energy medicine. Their latest award-winning book, The Energies of Love, achieved best-seller status on the NY Times Relationship List. David has served on the faculties of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Antioch College, and the California School of Professional Psychology.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 20 – Tapping to clear procrastination

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping to clear procrastination.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 19 – Tapping to soften the blow of rejection

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping to soften the blow of rejection.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.

The Trouble With The Word Quit

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I just typed “quotes with quit” into Google and here are some of the results:

I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’ — Muhammad Ali

If you live long enough, you’ll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you’ll be a better person. It’s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit. — William J. Clinton

Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit. — Napoleon Hill

Winners never quit and quitters never win. — Vince Lombardi

We will all fail in life, but nobody has to be a failure. Failing at a thing doesn’t make you a failure. You are only a failure when you quit trying. — Joyce Meyer

If you quit ONCE it becomes a habit. Never quit! — Michael Jordan

For the most part, I agree with these quotes.

Most of the success in my life has come after I pushed past the place of struggle and pain. A sound work ethic and persistence are both important.

But there is a big problem with all the “Quitters never win” talk. It builds the unconscious belief that we shouldn’t quit anything. On a subconscious (and sometimes a conscious) level we equate quitting with failure. AND sometimes we make it even more dramatic than that. Instead of saying we have quit (an action), we call ourselves a quitter (as in defining ourselves as such).

There Are Things We Need To Quit!

Sometimes quitting something is the smartest thing we can do.

Some of them are obvious. People want to quit smoking, eating too many sweets, or staying in bed past midday on the weekend.

If a friend told you they wanted to quit smoking, I'm sure you wouldn’t respond, “Quitters never win.” That would just be silly!

But there is a part of us that thinks we have to finish everything we start and that quitting is a sign of weakness, or it questions our integrity because we are not living up to our work.

In truth, there are lots of things in your life that you need to quit doing.

Some of them were never healthy to begin with (like smoking), whereas others started out as helpful, but are no longer.

For example, you might have enrolled in a class because you thought it would help your career, but your goals have changed since you started the class. By staying in the class you are wasting your time and money.

BUT…a part of you won't let you give up the class because of the belief that quitting is a sign of weakness. Quitting signals your lack of integrity. And quitters never win!

I Give You Permission To Quit!

I want you to be a quitter. I want you to give up. I want you to let go of the commitments.

Not all of them. Not even most of them. Just the ones that are no longer serving you.

As you are thinking about this, is there a knot in your stomach? Is there a part of you that feels like you are letting yourself down, your family down, your pattern down, your collaborators down, or your religion down?

If so, tap along to this:

There is a part of me that doesn’t want me to quit…Because quitters never win…And winners never quit…But this is no longer serving me…It is a waste of my time and effort…It is holding me back…I am not quitting it because it is hard…I am not quitting it because it is too much…I am quitting it because I need to be doing something else…Quitting this is not a sign of weakness…It is a sign of strength to let go of something that is no longer serving me…It is OK for me to quit this thing that is no longer good for me…It is better for me to quit…I am not failing…I am crafting the life I want and need to create…I am not choosing away from something…But instead choosing toward something that is serving me.

2021 Tapping Challenge: Day 18 – Tapping to feel deserving of good things

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It is so easy to look at the progress of others and feel as if you aren't moving fast enough. It is natural to want the same results and transformation of those around us.

Today we are going to tap for tapping to feel deserving of good things.

Thanks for taking part in the November 30-Day Tapping Challenge!

Don’t forget to sign up to receive daily reminders so that you don’t miss a day of tapping.

If you liked today's video, please share it with a friend.