Wanting to belong is a basic human desire.
For our ancestors thousands of years ago, belonging to a tribe was a matter of life and death. Without the protection of a tribe and its strength in numbers, death was a real prospect, so this desire to be accepted is part of our genetic heritage.
Even today, on a subconscious level, belonging equals safety and not belonging equals death, though intellectually we know that is no longer true in most situations.
We evaluate whether or not we belong in many ways.
- Are we included in activities?
- Do people ask us for our input and listen to our contributions?
- Do others share and celebrate their success with us?
- Are we given a warm welcome when we arrive?
Those are clear indications of invitation and inclusion, but there are more subtle signs too. When I am working with clients and students, one of my favorite ways to unearth times in their past when they felt excluded is to ask the question, “In the past, when were you told you were too much of something?”
These types of being “too something” include being too loud, too emotional, too closed off, too dramatic, too quiet, too serious…and the list goes on.
Being told that you are “too something” can bring up subconscious fears of being wrong, and therefore excluded from your tribe.
This week in the podcast we explore how and why the word “too” feels corrosive and as if it undermines our experience. I also share a tapping process you can use to transform those times when you were told you are “too something” into an asset and empowering resource.
If you have ever been told you are too something, then this is a must-listen.
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Erik Tait is a world class magician and someone I love to see perform. He has spent over two decades performing as a juggler, standup comedian, and magician.
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