Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Cleaning House

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I’m having a hard time cleaning my office. Can I use EFT to help from being distracted and just get the job done?


photo by Jaymie

Recently one of my clients, “Julie,” was about to start packing up her office. She had quit her job as she was moving on to do work that she really loved. I offered the following suggestion. “Before you clean your office, sit in the middle of the mess and tune in to it. See if it has anything to say about how you feel about the transition you are going to make. If any emotions arise from this, simply pay attention to them. Do Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) on any undesirable emotions before you start to clean the office.” Often the emotions we feel tell us something about how we fit in that situation. When we make necessary changes in ourselves first, the other tasks, even cleaning and organizing, are much easier.

Here is what she later wrote about the experience on her blog:

“Yesterday I received some wisdom from a friend regarding the only item on my to-do list this week…cleaning and packing my office. His advice was to tune myself in to the mess, let it speak to me, let any emotions related to the mess come to the surface and pay attention to them, acknowledge them, and then clean them.

“Having said that, I completely disregarded his advice when I got to the office this morning because I had done an amazing job on the drive in convincing myself that the state of my office is clearly about a lack of shelf space and couldn’t possibly be emotional, a reflection of myself, etcetera, on any level.

“Forty minutes into my cleaning and packing project all I had done was rearrange piles. Not one paper clip was packed. Not one piece of paper tossed in the recycle bin. I plunked myself onto my leather sofa, took a few deep breaths, and started to tune myself in to the space around me. And it began to speak. My bookshelf told me one thing. My desk told me another. The enormous box of Christmas lights whispered that I am really afraid that by choosing to leave my current job I am going to be left with a giant void of laughter in my life if I don’t spend time with teenagers on a regular basis. Who knew Christmas lights were so insightful? The wall in front of my desk covered in pictures, quotes, and notes, spoke very clearly about the struggle of managing long distance relationships. Little by little I was able to acknowledge and clean the feelings around cleaning my office…and as a result I made a serious dent in packing things up. By the time I got to the stack of paintings leaning against the wall, my perspective had completely shifted. (Sometimes we don’t want to hear what things, situations, or relationships have to say.) But now I was ready, even eager to keep moving forward. I will admit that I was tempted to take the artwork and spread it out around the room but I had at some point chosen to stack them in a pile way back when and needed to pay attention to that.

“So I did.

“And this is what was revealed…

“Don’t be afraid. You are an artist in bloom.”

Now, did the mess, the desk, the walls, or the paintings really talk? They talked no more or less then when I ask my clients, “If the pain in your knee could say something, what would it say right now to you?”

Did the information come from outside or within? In my mind it doesn’t matter, but by tuning in and listening Julie was able to identify emotions she was feeling about her transition. Before they were under the surface. They were hiding (or she was just refusing to hear them). By tuning in a different way — admittedly a very different way– she dealt with feelings that needed to be healed before she could move on.

From time to time I suggest this to my clients. The process is very.

  1. Sit in a place where you spend a great deal of time (office, kitchen, bedroom, or car).
  2. Tune into the area around you.
  3. Ask if the car/desk/table/wall could say something, what would it say?
  4. If something arises, do EFT on what you were tuning into, but whatever emotion has just grown in yourself.

I Can’t Focus

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There just aren’t enough hours in the day. I know setting time aside to tap is important, but I have trouble focusing on my tapping. When I sit down to tap I have a million thoughts running through my head. What can I do to focus on the task at hand?


photo by Eni Turkeshi

This is a common problem. We know we need to take care of ourselves, and we think we have the time to do it. But somehow our responsibilities expand to absorb our whole day.

Despite busy days, we HAVE to find time to take of ourselves. When we don’t take care of ourselves we become less effective, which puts us even farther behind.

I encourage all my clients to take some time, to focus before they start tapping. I know when I do this I’m less distracted, more focused on the task at hand, and I.m more likely to spend enough time tapping.

Usually I recommend they address a few areas before tapping:

1) Dealing with any resistance to believing EFT works

EFT seems so weird…How is it possible that tapping on my face and body is going to help me emotionally…If my friends saw me now, they would think I’ve lost my mind…But tapping has worked in the past…It does make me feel better…And it only takes a few minutes of time…Even if the tapping has nothing to do with it, I feel better for taking the time to care for myself

2) Dealing with a cluttered over-busy mind

I have a million thoughts running through my head…I have so many things to do…My thought are running a million thoughts a second…But I choose to know that I can focus my mind…I know that I can slow the thoughts down…I give myself permission to let all those thought go…I know that as my mind slows down I will relax…I don’t need all those thoughts right now…I am focused here

3) Dealing with feelings of guilt for not doing the tasks that are at hand

I have so much to get done…I’m so far behind…Every time I catch up some new problem erupts…I don’t have time to do this tapping…I should be working on my to-do list…I should be making dinner, cleaning the house, getting work done, working out…But I choose to know that I need to take care of myself…I know that if I don’t take care of my self I will get sick and won’t be able to get done what I need to get done…I give myself permission to take time for myself…I deserve to take some time for myself…I know that when I take care of myself I am a happier, more efficient person

You can do each of these by themselves or you can just run through all three without stopping. The goal of this tapping is to get your self into the mindset that will allow you to take the time you need to tap, guilt-free.

If after doing all these phrases you are still unsettled and not focused, just tap through the phases again.

I’m doing it all WRONG!

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It’s hard for me to get motivated to do EFT because I’m afraid I’m going to do it wrong. What can I do?

Trying new things is always hard. We get used to being able to do things well. Most of us, as adults, don’t have to learn many new skills. Because of this, when we are faced with learning a new skill we’re uncomfortable.

Learning a new skill means we have to admit we don’t know something.

It means we can expect to fail on some level because we are not going to get it right the first time.

When we were small children learning to walk, we failed lots of times. Each time we failed there was the consequence of falling down. And we did this a lot.

Not only that, we learned to walk in front of our family, who saw us fail time and again, but we could finally take a few wobbly steps on our own.

Luckily we weren’t self conscious at that point in our lives. Failure did not deter us. Having others see us fail didn’t stop us either. We simply wanted to walk, and we were going to do whatever it took to do it.

As adult, it’s not as easy. We don’t like the feeling of failure. We don’t like knowing we are not very good at something. We REALLY DON'T LIKE having others see us struggle at something.

Because of these feelings there is a part of us which will try (and often succeed in) talking us out of trying new things. This part of ourselves is trying to protect us from the feelings of failure and embarrassment of looking bad in front of others.

These feeling are fine to have, but if we let them control us we will never try anything new and we won’t grow.

It is no surprise that people have a hard time doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) on their own at first.

First, EFT itself is so mysterious. It is a modality outside of our normal experience of the world. (What do you mean tapping my face will reduce my fear?) Because it is so foreign to our experience, it must be very hard to master.

Second, typically when someone learns EFT, they learn from an experienced EFTer. This person seems to come up with just the right phrase at the just the right time. It appears that picking the right phrase is a difficult skill to master.

Speaking as someone who has done EFT for a long time, when I’m working with clients I’m often guessing right along with the client as to what phrase to use next. With experience I’ve gotten better at figuring out what path to head down. But I don’t always know what I’m doing.

The reason I am able to do this, is because EFT is so forgiving. There is no way that you can do EFT wrong. If you do a round of tapping, getting no progress, the round is not a failure. Instead the round has given you information.

You now know you might need some water in your system, that you are psychologically reversed, or you need more specific phrases. You are one step closer to success because you have more information.

It also didn’t cost you very much to get this new information. It only cost you 45 to 60 seconds. With this new information, you can then start a new round of tapping.

If you struggle with feeling you are going to fail when you do EFT, here are some phrases you can use to start your session.

I know EFT is a powerful tool….I have seen it work in my own life….I have felt it in my own body….I’ve heard amazing stories of all that it can do….But I worry that I am not going to do it right….It is still something I don’t understand….It worked great when I was working with Gene….He is really good at EFT…. I’m not as good as he is….But I choose to know I can’t do this wrong….Even if I use the wrong words….Even if I tap the wrong points….There is no penalty for doing this….I only waste a few second of my life….Each time I do a round of tapping I get more information….Making the next round of tapping more successful….I give myself permission for the next 20 minutes to make mistakes….Because making mistakes is the only way I am going to learn…I’m not very good at EFT right now….But the only way I can get better is if I try — and make mistakes….This is how I learned to walk, and talk, and drive a car….At the beginning those things were really hard to do….But with practice I got better….I am going to do the same with EFT….I am going to try, because it is in the trying that I am going to learn. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Yawn!

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Sometimes when I’m tapping I yawn a lot. Why do I yawn during tapping, and is it a good or bad thing?


photo by Daniel James

Fear not! Yawning is good news.

There are a number of common physical reactions to tapping, such as feeling:

  • Light and free
  • Very relaxed
  • Sleepy
  • Energized

or releasing:

  • Long signs
  • Yawning

When we are doing tapping, especially around an emotional issue, I have found yawning means a great deal of energy is being moved. So when I see lots of yawning, I know progress is being made.

It is important to pay attention to your body. Lots of yawning also mean your body has less energy than when you started. If you feel very tired, it’s best to tap more later.

ALSO, if you are feeling drowsy after a tapping session you shouldn’t drive or do anything that requires intense concentration until your energy level is up again.

Remember, if your body is feeling pain or responding in a way that is not comfortable, stop tapping and consult a medical professional.

It Hurts!

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When I tap, some of the spots are very sensitive, even to the point of hurting a little. It doesn’t happen all the time, and it’s not always the same spot. Should I be worried?

It’s a common experience for some (or all) of the tapping points to be a little sensitive. Remember we are tapping on the ends of energy channels, so they are going to be a little tender by nature.

Chiropractors and reflexologist report that tenderness and pain can be a sign that you have found a place that is definitely in need of work.
REMEMBER, when you are doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) you are taking total responsibility for your body. I’m not a big fan of pain. When I encounter tapping points that are too painful, I won’t tap them. Instead I use one of two options.

The first option is “Touch and Breath” (TAB). In this method you lightly touch the tapping point and take a deep breath or two. This is avery effective alternative to tapping. Some practitioners I know only teach TAB because they have found their clients are less self-conscious and it’s as effective as tapping.

The second option is to close your eyes and imagine you’re tapping on the point. The body responds and changes in response to our thoughts. Think of the last time you did some sort of relaxation meditation. Just by thinking relaxing thoughts you were able to calm down and release tension from your body.

It is very simple to do.

Say (or think) “This pain in my neck” and imagine you are tapping the eyebrow point.

“This pain in my neck” and imagine you are tapping the side of the eye.

[How to use these tapping phrases]

Tapping by just thinking about points does take some practice. It helps to watch yourself tap in a mirror; it builds the mental picture of you tapping. Initially it may not be as effective as tapping, but it can be very powerful.

There are also two other advantages to tapping in your mind. First, you can do it in public and nobody will notice. (Clients have reported it does look a little odd to start tapping in the middle of a staff meeting.) Second, you can move from tapping point to tapping point much quicker. As fast as you can move to the next point in your mind, you are tapping on the next point.