Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Fear of Fear

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I have a really big emotional issue I need to deal with, but I’m afraid. In the past when I tried to work on the issue it was too painful, and I’m afraid to even think about the issue now. Is there some way I can get over my fear of the emotions that might come up?

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
-Franklin D. Roosevelt (1933)

I’ve noticed an interesting trend in my practice. Recently, a number of clients have come in for a session and have spent the first twenty minutes talking about the newly painted office, the weather, and just about anything else to stall for time.

A perfect example would be “Jane,” a client whom I had worked with for a number of months. She contacted me after her mother had been raped. She postponed the appointment two times before she finally made it in.

Once she was in my office she was anything but focused on the task at hand. Finally after 15 minutes I asked her, “Do you want to do this or not?”

She said she didn’t know. She explained, “I know this is going to be very emotional, and the feelings are so raw. I don’t want to go into
that pain.”

I thanked her for her honesty. Then I asked her to show me with her hands how big all the emotions are.

[Note: With my hypnosis background I am a huge fan of using imagery and visualization to find information about issues. The subconscious is a very powerful creative tool that is willing to give us information in lot of ways. I personally love watching clients come up with imagery that even surprises themselves.]

I specifically asked her to show me how big all of the emotions were (the emotions she felt about the situation and the emotions she felt about dealing with the situation). I know from experience that the more specific we get, the better Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is going to work, but in this case I didn’t think there was going to be any way that Jane was going to be able to separate the various emotions out.

She responded to my question by outlining something about the size of a egg-shaped beach ball. And so we started tapping:

This is such a scary time…My heart is broken…I know this has hurt me…I am afraid to dive into to these emotions because it’s going to hurt…It’s easier to just not think about this and bury it…But I know I need to heal…I need to move on…I have used EFT in the past and it has worked for other things…I know it will work for this…I have worked with Gene in the past, and he won’t allow me to be harmed…I trust the process. [How to use these tapping phrases]

I then asked her how much of the total emotion was left. She held her hands to the size of a softball. We then proceeded to work on the
emotions surrounding the reason she had come in.

There are a few thoughts I took away from this experience (and a number of similar experiences):

1) Often times the biggest hurdle to healing is our willingness to take the step towards healing. Something in ourselves prevents us from seeking the help we need because we expect it to be painful.

Now, when I am working with someone who is dealing with a particularly emotional issue, I will first check to see if we need to clean up any emotional aspects about facing the problem, we can do that before we starting the work on the core issues they are seeking help for.

2) In the case documented it appears that more than 70% of the issue was just the fear of dealing with the issues. I don’t know if this is the case. It is very possible that we were also cleaning up aspects of the main issue while we were dealing with the fear of dealing with the issue. But it is very clear that the way that we interpret the event can be as powerful, if not more powerful, than the event itself.

I have seen instances where clients can’t seem to remember traumatic events from the past after they have cleaned up the emotional response. It is as if 70% of the memory is their emotional response to the memory.

I don’t know what to say! (part 1)

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When I was working with the person who taught me EFT, it worked great. Now that I’m working on my own, I don’t know what phrases to use. Do you have any suggestions?

This is a very common question. Remember, the words are simply intended to help us pull whatever we are working on into the thought field. Often clients get worked up because they feel like they are going to use the wrong words.

Remember there is no penalty for getting it “wrong”. The worst outcome with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is wasting 90 seconds of your life. Be easy about the words. Trust your intuition. What matters is your focus on the problem, not the words.

Over the next few weeks, I will address this with a number of suggestions on what to do when you can’t think of what to say.

Here is my first…
“Christi,” an EFT phone client, was having a very hard time getting out of bed in the morning to go to the gym. We had been doing a lot of work about all the “penalties” for going to gym:

Everyone will see she is so out of shape … She doesn’t like the way she looks in exercise clothing … She is so out of shape it’s hopeless … She will fail again.

We were making great progress around these issues, but it was still a great struggle for her to get out of bed in the morning.

I had read an article from the “EFT Insights Newsletter” on Future Tapping for dealing with things we fear for the future, the thought being if we make statements about what we would like to have happen, all of the issues that prevent this from happening will arise, even if we don’t name them or even know what they are (much like the Hero Technique). I thought future tapping might work for Christi.

So I had Christi rate the truth of the statement, “I am going to jump out of bed tomorrow morning, energetically, and ready to go to the
gym.” She rated this as a 4 on a scale of 0 to 10. So we tapped…

I am going to climb into bed and be relaxed….My body is going to peacefully and naturally drift to sleep….I am going to get a good night’s sleep….The sleep will be restful….I will wake up energized and ready for the day….I am going to be ready to go to the gym….I am going have a great workout….I am going to be happy with my progress….I’m going to leave the gym full of energy for the rest of the day. [How to use these tapping phrases]

We then tested the truth of the statement, “I am going to jump out of bed tomorrow morning, energetically, and ready to go to the gym.” It had become an 8 out of 10. I then asked what part of the statement didn’t feel true. We dealt with whatever residual issues there were (which I can’t remember right now). Christi has reported back that this has made it easier to get up in the morning to go to the gym. In fact, it was so effective, she now uses the technique to set up her whole day.

I have found this is a great technique for EFT beginners to use by themselves. Many of my clients don’t feel like they know what they are supposed to say or what to focus on when they are tapping on their own. All they need to do is state exactly what they want. The protocol is very simple:

  1. State what you would like to see happen in the future. (e.g., I am going to spring out of bed tomorrow. I am going to be calm when I confront my boss. I am going to be at peace when I visit my mother in the hospital.)
  2. Rate how true you think the statement is.
  3. Keep tapping and state how everything is going to unfold in a perfect world.
  4. Re-rate the original statement. If it is not fully true, repeat the process.

Making Tapping and EFT Routine

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I love EFT, but find it hard to remember to use it. Do you have any suggestions to help me remember to use EFT regularly?
I find it very funny. When friends, family and clients are sharing with me something that has happened in the past week, when I ask, “Did you tap on it?,” inevitably they respond, “I always forget.”

Initially, in my practice, I found that very few clients were doing the homework we had agreed upon. As I started to investigate this, generally the response was as simple as, “I forgot.” In response to this, I started to give homework AND assign the time they should be doing the homework (e.g., sitting in the car before walking in to work, right before bed, while taking a morning walk).

Basically, without saying this, we were creating an Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) routine. Here is an example of a routine for one of my clients, “Jane”.

Jane works for an agency that places and supports children in the foster care system, an emotionally trying job. It is stressful too because they are trying to do so much with limited resources. Jane was taking quite a bit of anxiety home from work.

The routine we created was very simple. Each day before she left work she would stop in the restroom, go into one of the stalls, and do EFT for five to ten minutes. She would address any emotions she had at that moment, as well as take a quick review of the day to see if there was anything she needed to clean up. Then, symbolically, she would flush the toilet to show her self that she had gotten rid of all the stress she was carrying around.

We very intentionally chose her workplace as the place she was going to do the work. Her concern was that she was bringing the emotion from work home with her. We very easily could have had her wait until she got home before she did EFT.

There are two problems with this. First, by waiting until she got home she was still bringing the emotion home (which is what we were trying to fix). Second, it was very easy to get distracted when she got home. There was the dog to take care of, her husband to greet and spend time with, and dinner to fix. It would be very easy to get distracted with all that was happening at home and not get to the EFT work she needed to do.

By having her do the EFT at her workplace both of these problems were resolved. First, doing the EFT at work, all of the emotion associated with the job was staying at work. Second, by making it part of her exit routine from the office there was no way she was going to get distracted from doing EFT. It simply became one more step to getting out the door, like turning off her computer, packing her bag, and turning the voice mail on.

4 Steps to Tapping and Doing EFT Everyday

1) Do it at the same time everyday.
There will be occasions when we need to do EFT right away, but most things can be dealt with at a designated time. Look at how well we brush our teeth. Every night before we go to bed, the last thing we all do is brush our teeth. I know I don’t think why I’m brushing, it’s just part of the routine. It’s much easier to do any sort of maintenance for our health when it’s done at a regular time. This is true for brushing our teeth, going to the gym, or doing EFT.

2) Do it in the same place every time.
Now this might not be possible, but I have found it very helpful to have a consistent location. I do all of my prayer, meditation, and EFT in a special chair, which I use the chair only for these activities. The moment I start moving toward that chair, I immediately start to feel relaxed because my body, mind, and spirit know what’s coming.

You don’t have to have a special place where you only do EFT, but by having a consistent location (in bed, the kitchen table, the porch swing) you’re more likely to do it.

Also, it is important to pick a place where you won’t be distracted. In the living room while the kids are watching TV might not be the best choice.

3) Have a game plan when you sit down.
Mine looks something like this. First, I scan my body for any aches and pains and work on them first.

Second, I review my day to see what residual emotions are kicking around.

Third, I think about what’s happening tomorrow. I see if I’m worried about what is to come and then do one round of future tapping. 

Fourth, I do work on whatever pressing issue there is in my life (e.g., a new job, relationship with someone). This is some area of my life that needs work, but isn’t going to happen in just one session.

Finally, I do a round of thanks-giving tapping.

This routine might be too involved for you, but having a game plan assures that you make good use of your time.
Also, this is not set in stone. If I find there is something else I need to do with my time, I can do it, but it’s a good starting point.

4) Don’t get too ambitious when creating a routine.
When you create your routine, start small. The quickest way to stop doing a routine is to simply avoid doing a routine that’s too complex. When you are first creating your routine, make it as simple as just working on your aches and pains, in bed, right before you fall asleep. After you’ve done this for a week or two, add another component to your routine.

What is TFT, EFT, and Tapping? and What is the difference?

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[None: This short history lesson is offered because many people ask about it. You do not need to understand the history of tapping in order to utilize it in your life. If you aren't interested in the history lesson, no worries. Skip to the next section and don't give it a second thought.]

The brief history of tapping goes something like this…

First there was Thought Field Therapy. Thought Field Therapy was developed in the early eighties by Dr. Rodger Callahan. Over the years the techniques have evolved. Different variations can be referred to as Thought Field Therapy (TFT), Evolving Thought Field Therapy (EvTFT), and the Callahan Techniques Thought Field Therapy (CTTFT).

In TFT there is a particular and unique way to tap for each and every issue. TFT is a very effective protocol, but some people find it frustrating because it can be complicated and cumbersome to beginners. (If you would like more info about TFT please visit [link]).

In the nineties Gary Craig studied TFT with Dr. Callahan and innovated Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) from this and other trainings. When creating EFT Gary's intention was to create a powerful tool that was simpler than TFT that anyone could do with limited training.

This original version of EFT is often referred to as the basic recipe.

When presenting the basic recipe to the world in the late 90's early 00's Gary encouraged people to take his work to add, change, and transform in as many ways as possible.

And people all over the world did just that.

If you spend any time poking around the internet looking for tapping stuff you will find TFT, EFT, FasterEFT, Ask and Receive, Adv. EFT, Matrix Re-Patterning, Matrix Re-Imprinting, and I am sure if you look long enough I'm sure you will find Gene's Really Cool Tapping Technique That Will Make You Rich, Handsome, and Allow You To Live Forever Technique.

Because there have been so many changes, innovation, interaction, and (honestly) renaming of the same thing eight ways to Sunday I am going to simple call it all tapping.

In the end it doesn't matter what you call it. All that matters is if tapping works for you.

Does Tapping Work For [insert issue]?

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The question I am most often asked is, “Does tapping work on [insert physical or emotional ailment]?”

The answer is yes and no.

In my own practice I have seen success with tapping for joint aches, headaches, warts, nasal congestion, upset stomachs, and swollen kidneys.

Some of my clients have experienced success with anger, inability to forgive, sadness, and loss. It has worked on writer’s block and difficulty in concentrating. I have clients who have seen progress with learning disabilities and autism, and others who have successfully killed cravings for sweets, carbs, and cigarettes.

So, yes, more than likely tapping can be helpful for your physical or emotional issue.

BUT (and this is a very important but) it is essential to keep two things in mind.

First, some issues will take much more work than others. As you spend time tapping you will probably experience “one minute miracles”, where after one round of tapping you will gain total relief. This won’t happen every time. You wouldn’t expect a cut finger and a torn muscle to heal in the same way and at the same rate. Tapping is no different.

Keep your expectations realistic when tapping.

Second, some issues are way more complicated than others. Some issues are going to be straightforward to deal with but others, especially those that have taken years to develop, will be very complex. For a beginner, even knowing where to start might feel overwhelming.

That’s OK. We were all beginners once. Just because you don’t have success right away does not mean that tapping does not work for that issue. It only means that how tapping is being applied at this time is not successful. It is quite possible that you are just not approaching the issue the right way.

Like all things, this will come with time. The more you try tapping, and the more time you spend reading about the experiences of others with tapping, the better you will be and the higher your success rate.

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