In real terms, what does it actually look like when I start making changes in my life with Tapping/EFT?

Tapping/Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) can make changes in our lives in very practical ways. It allows us to change the way we respond to the world around us.

EFT is often most useful for aspects of life where we feel like we have the least amount of control. These could be situations where we feel like we are a victim to circumstance or a victim of other’s choices, or where we feel much too emotional.

Often when we are working on issues like these it takes a little time to see major change because of the amount of work that we need to do. As we do EFT we begin to feel ever more in control of our emotions, and it becomes easier for us to make good choices.
After working with numerous clients, I’ve found we move through 6 basic stages from feeling out of control to easily being in control and making the choices that bring us closer to our better selves.

For example, let’s assume “Anne” is trying to deal with feelings that one of her co-workers has it in for her, undermining every choice she makes.

As Anne does work with EFT on this issue she would move through these six steps.

Stage 1 Of Healing and Transformation: Unaware

In this stage we are completely unaware of the way our thoughts affect our emotions and how our emotions affect our choices. We are simply floating along, reacting to events. We don’t feel like we have much control over what’s happening in our lives.

It might look something like this:

• At work Anne completes a project.
• A co-worker comments, “I might have done it this way…”
• Anne feels like her co-worker is attacking her.
• She spends the rest of the day in a bad mood.
• In the future she continues to feel resentful toward the co-worker.

Stage 2 Of Healing and Transformation: Aware Well After the Fact

In the second stage we start to understand cause and effect, but it is well after the fact and it’s only with a great deal of self-analysis. Generally in this stage someone must help us see the cause and effect.

It might look something like this:

• At work Anne completes a project.
• A co-worker comments, “I might have done it this way…”
• Anne feels like her co-worker is attacking her.
• Anne spends the rest of the day in a bad mood.
• After work Anne has a drink with a friend and she explains how her co-worker attacked her today.
• Anne’s friend is able to help her see that maybe her co-worker was only trying to help her out by offering another option, not attacking her.
• Anne realizes that she did overreact.
• Once she sees what has happened she gets back to a happier mood.

Stage 3 Of Healing and Transformation: Aware Right After the Fact

In the third stage you see how you are reacting to a situation. You still overreact, but shortly after the fact you understand what has happened.

It might look something like this:

• At work Anne completes a project.
• A co-worker comments, “I might have done it this way…”
• Anne feels like her co-worker is attacking her.
• After Anne gets mad for a moment she realizes her co-worker was just sharing her own experience. Anne might not agree with it, but she understands the spirit in which it was offered.

Stage 4 Of Healing and Transformation: Aware as the emotion is arising

In the fourth stage it feels like the world is starting to slow down a little. We recognize what’s happening as the emotion arises. It is as if we are becoming a third party observer of our own experience. As it happens we will think, “This is what just happened, this is how I have interpreted it, and I am now reacting like this.” We may be quick enough to stop the emotional reaction.

It might look something like this:

• At work Anne completes a project.
• A co-worker comments, “I might have done it this way…”
• Anne feels like her co-worker is attacking her very briefly, but she realizes almost instantly that she’s about to overreact. She hears her co-worker clearly.

Stage 5 Of Healing and Transformation: Aware of the thought which leads to the emotion.

In the fifth stage it feels like the world has slowed down even more. In this stage we recognize the thought before the emotion. Once we recognize the thought, we can see how the thought is flawed. Recognizing that the thought is flawed, we are able to stop the unwanted emotion before it has the chance to arise.

It might look something like this:

• At work Anne completes a project.
• A co-worker comments, “I might have done it this way…”
• Anne realizes three weeks ago if her co-worker had said this she would have felt like she was under attack.

Stage 6 Of Healing and Transformation: No thought

Once you get to stage six, once again you don’t notice anything happening, just as you didn’t notice in stage one. But stage six is very different because the thought and emotional response occurring in stage one simply don’t occur. In stage one you don’t notice anything because you are unaware. In stage six you notice nothing because there is nothing to notice. You no longer feel like you are being attacked in any way, therefore there is nothing to react to.

It might look something like this:

• At work Anne completes a project.
• A co-worker comments, “I would have done it like this…”
• She thinks about their feedback.
• She might use it. She might not.
• Anne thanks him for his feedback and moves on with her day.

THE MATRIX
I think a great illustration of this is in the movie The Matrix. For those who didn’t see the movie here is a quick recap of the critical points:

Neo, the main character played by Keanu Reeves, is minding his own business living on the fringe, a very brilliant computer hacker. Through a series of events he is introduced to the idea that the world he perceives is not a real physical world. Instead what he is experiencing is a very realistic-feeling virtual reality experience. It’s nothing more than a giant computer program that is giving him information. He is not simply watching a movie in his mind, but is actively interacting with the program. The program responds to his thought as actions.

Others who understand they are living in a virtual world persuade Neo to help bring down the system. As Neo learns more and more about the virtual reality system his mind is caught in he also learns that he can control more than just his actions, he can also control other elements of the system as well because it’s nothing more than information.

The most famous scene from the movie comes after Neo begins to assert control over elements in the system. One of three bad guys who had been sent to stop Neo fires a handgun at him. With his newly-gained control of the system Neo is able to slow the world enough to dodge the bullets.

At the beginning of the movie Neo is completely unaware of what is going on. Once he chooses to see that there is more at play than he had previously thought and that he might be able have some control, the world changed. At first he understands very little; he’s more overwhelmed than before because he has little control. Because he is unable to process all he’s been taught about the system, he feels like he has less control over his life than he had without this extra knowledge.

But as time passes he gains more knowledge and experience. He starts to understand how the world works and the things he can control. He sees more clearly what is illusion and what is real. As he does this he is able to see the world around him slowing down.

The scene where Neo is dodging bullets is the first time in the movie where he demonstrates a great level of control. This is very similar to stage 4 describe above. He sees the trouble coming but is able to slow it down enough that he’s not hit. In stage 4 we see the emotions arising from the thought, but since we are aware, we stop it from affecting us.

To extend this analogy even more:

• Stage 1
  • Analogy: We are shot but don’t realize it. We let the wound fester, making us miserable.
  • Real World: We feel we have no control over the world and no control over how we feel. Things happen and we suffer.
• Stage 2
  • Analogy: The bullet hits us, but we don’t realize it right away. It is only after we realize we have been hit that we seek medical attention.
  • Real World: Something happens, making us feel like we are a victim of circumstances. We just suffer emotionally until we understand what has happened. At this point we stop suffering.
• Stage 3
  • Analogy: We are hit, but realize it right away. We seek immediate attention.
  • Real World: We react over-emotionally to something, but right away we realize why we are overreacting and are able to find our way back to peace.
• Stage 4 (As stated above)
  • Analogy: We see the bullet coming and get out of the way.
  • Real World: As something is happening around us our emotions start to rise, but we recognize this right away and are able to deal with it quickly.
• Stage 5
  • Analogy: We recognize the gunman but get out before a shot can be fired.
  • Real World: We see what’s happening and recognize how it might normally get an emotional charge out of us, but we remain in a state of peace.
• Stage 6
  • Analogy: The gunman never shows up.
  • Real World: Situations that would have brought emotional charges in the past no longer mean anything to us, so we don’t even notice the situations occurring.

Depending on the severity of the issue, we are going to move through these 6 stages at different rates. In some cases we’ll pass from stage one to stage six in just one round of tapping. In others, where issues have built up over years, like self-esteem issues, it will usually take much more time to move through these six stages.

The primary reason it’s important to understand these stages is that this helps us to understand how we are healing. A number of my clients have been frustrated that after doing so much work, they still haven’t gotten better. They feel they haven’t gotten any better because they still have the same emotional responses. What they don’t always realize is that they now recognize why they are overreacting, and they regain emotional stability much faster. Understanding these stages of healing enables us to see that we are healing.

What is interesting about these stages is we can pass through them at different rates for different issues and different parts of our lives. We can be moving from stage to stage in one part of our life (how we interpret what others say as judgment on us) while in another part of our life we are stuck in stage one, completely unaware of what is going on (why being around people in bad moods rubs off on us and brings us down).

Remember, the healing process is just that, a process. Some issues are going to take more time to heal than others. When we understand the process of this healing, we will identify this healing as it is happening, which will encourage us to continue working towards our goal.