Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #157: Lovership w/ Rick Wilkes

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lovership-mainI always find my conversations with Rick Wilkes interesting. Of all of the interviews I do they tend to be the least planned because they are much more interesting conversations than they are traditional interviews.

When I email Rick to see what he wanted to chat about this time he replied with the world “lovership”.

My first thought was, “That sounds great!” and then, “I have no idea what that means.”

When Rick uses the word lovership he is talking about how we create relationships (that aren’t sexual) in a way that is open, transparent, and in congruence with the other person.

It is somewhere between making choices out of obligation (saying yes or no without thought) and always saying yes to any request a friend has.

It is a state of intentional friendship building.

It is a great conversation that will help you to evaluate if your relationships are serving you.


Rick Wilkes

Guest: Rick Wilkes, LMT

Contact Info: thrivingnow.com, Rick@Thrivingnow.com, 1-828-357-4674 or 1-888-222-3856

Bio: Rick Wilkes is an EFT practitioner based in Asheville, NC. Over the last six years Rick has worked with more than 1500 clients. He works regularly with individuals and with his Thriving Now Groups.

Here’s what one of Rick’s loyal clients says: “Working with Rick Wilkes both privately and on team calls has helped me greatly to release the past, move more confidently into the future, and mostly to be more joyfully present in the now. Rick’s open-hearted broader perspective, amazing intuition, and great sense of humor always help me to get right to the core and effectively reframe whatever issue I have. Listening to him work with others has helped me to get in touch with stuff I didn’t even know was there and inspired me in my own work with others. It is a blessing and honor to work with such a master.”

Rick’s articles, programs, and products Thriving Now

They Would Arrest You If They Could Hear Your Thoughts

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If-They-Could-Hear-Your-ThoughtsA number of years ago Andy Hunt wrote an interesting article on his site Practical Wellbeing that has stuck with me.

In Self-Hate Speech he looks at the hate speech laws of the UK and asked the question of how would law enforment respond to you if they heard the words you thought about yourself.

I don’t know about you, but I am certainly capable of thinking some nasty things about myself.

In addition to thinking nasty, hateful things about ourselves, for some reason we also give those thoughts much more weight than the positive thoughts..

[Read more…] about They Would Arrest You If They Could Hear Your Thoughts

Pod #156: How To Share Tapping With Others Without Sounding Like A Whackjob

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HOW-TO-TAPI love talking about the work I do.

When I am meeting someone for the first time I don’t jump right into tapping or EFT. I talk about self-sabotage, limiting beliefs, and emotional healing.

At some point in the conversation, because people are so interested in what I do, the conversation turns to how I do it.

This means we have to talk about tapping and EFT. Don’t get me wrong, I love talking about EFT, but to the uninitiated it sounds weird.

OK, it’s not just weird, it’s really weird.

Because of this I think we need to be careful in the way we share tapping with others. I am not saying that we should hold anything back or be dishonest, but instead we need to remember where the other person is coming from when we are sharing new information.

Here are few simple things to keep in mind when sharing about EFT so that others will be more willing to hear what you are saying.

Pod #155: Creating Emotional Boundaries w/ Rue Hass

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Create Emotional BoundariesI love people who have a natural healing disposition. They see their healing talents as a gift that they want to share with others.

Sometimes this giftedness has the drawback of attracting many more people than we are capable of helping.

For helpers and healers it can be hard to create healthy boundaries. When our boundaries are overrun it’s easy simply to want to cut ourselves off.

In this conversation with Rue Hass we talk about how we can establish boundaries from a generative rather than a defensive posture.


Rue Hass

Guest: Rue Hass

Contact Info: web @ IntuitiveMentoring.com, email @ rue (at) intuitivementoring (dot) com

How Rue describes herself: When I first meet a new client/customer/co-creative partner, I walk them through an interesting process of understanding their life as a story. It concludes with asking them to consider what they want their life to leave in the world as a legacy. How do they want the world to be a better place for their having been in it?

When I contemplate this in myself, and ask, “What do I want to focus on in this phase of my life, as a culmination of everything I have learned and gained?”, what emerges for me is the concept of “spiritual eldering.” This impulse finds expression in my work with individuals and local groups, inviting and assisting people and communities to move into a sense of the real transformative power of their spiritual Presence in the world.

I particularly like to work with young people, adolescents and young adults as a mentor/coach. I have always been drawn to the kind of kid who might find him/herself in trouble in school, academically or socially, but who on the inside is bright, sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, often artistic or athletic, deep hearted and imaginative, and who just doesn’t fit the norm. I want to make it easier for these young people to find their place in the world. I think they are here to save it.

Make sure you check out all of Rue’s guest articles and podcasts on Tapping Q and A.

Getting Past The Extinction Burst

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Extinction-BurstYou have been there before. You are trying to make a change, like giving up sweets.

The first day is hard. The second is harder. The third day, for some unknown reason, is really easy. You feel awesome. You are making progress. Real change is happening.

Then along comes day four…

You come home from work and you find yourself eating one little piece of candy. You think, “This is no big deal. It is only one piece.”

Then it is two, then four, and then the bag is empty and you think, “Screw it! It’s too late!” and you devour every sweet in the house plus some potato chips for good measure.

Within moments you’re filled with shame and self-loathing. You wake up the next morning feeling defeated.

The Extinction Burst

What you have just experienced is an “extinction burst”. I think David McRaney described extinction burst perfectly when he writes: “a predictable and common blast of defiance from the recesses of a brain denied familiar rewards.”

In more common terms you are in the process of making a change and some part of your system is not getting what it wants, it is royally pissed off, and so it does whatever it can to get what it wants.

In our example, the body was expecting a feel good sugar high from sweets. When it didn’t get what it wanted it it turned you into an emotional monster that was willing to eat everything in sight.

What You Can Do To Overcome The Extinction Burst

First, knowledge is power. When we know that something troubling is coming (aka an inflection point) we are much more likely to make a good choice if we have a plan to deal with it.

Imagine this is like the fire drill you practiced as a kid at school. If there ever was a fire you would know exactly what to do.

The way I deal with this is when I feel an extinction burst coming on I name it and tap for it. It looks something like this:

Right now my system is throwing a bit of a temper tantrum…It wants its needs met in a way that I know is unhealthy…I know I could easily give in to its needs…And I would feel better for about 7 seconds…But then I would feel really awful and disappointed in myself…I am making choices that are going to serve me in the long term…If I can last through this extinction burst then the habit of making better choices will be stronger…I am stronger than this…And I am worthy of making the better long-term choice.

Do you think saying this out loud and tapping is silly? You’re right. But since the first of the year I have effectively fought off donuts, chocolate, and white bread just like this.

Second, understand your system is seeking to have a need filled when you are having an extinction burst. As I was working my way off sweets my body was having a hard time because it needed them. In the first 3 days where I completely cut all carbohydrates out of my diet I was having headaches in exactly the say way I had caffeine withdrawal when I cut down on coffee a few months ago.

Even when I am tapping for fighting the extinction burst there is still an underlying need for pleasure or comfort or relaxation that requires satisfaction. It’s a good idea to plan how you you can meet that need in another way.

When my friend was quitting smoking she realized that part of the reason she was doing it was because she was looking for an excuse to go outside to get away from her crazy co-workers. So when she craved a cigarette she took a walk around the block instead to give her a break from the office.

When I was cutting out carbs it was permissible for me to have a teaspoon of all natural almond butter. When the extinction burst showed up and I wanted to eat everything I would allow myself the little treat and it got me through the afternoon.

Third, it is important to have clearly defined, measurable stepping stone goals so that you can reward yourself for reaching them as you work towards a bigger goal.

For me, I usually experienced an extinction burst when there was some unmet emotional need. I am much less likely to have emotional needs when I am feeling good about myself and my progress.

To boost my self-esteem I celebrate my successes along the way. For example, every time I lost another 3 lbs of body fat I would go to one of my favorite places in NYC and take photos.

Getting outside, with no work responsibilities, trying to find beauty, and give myself a chance to work on being a better photographer is a real treat for me.

By allowing myself a chance to celebrate my successes I was much more likely to have the will to make good choices as I kept working towards my goals.

Unfortunately (And Fortunately) It Is A Natural Thing

Unfortunately, extinction bursts are something that everyone experiences when they are trying to change a habit.

Fortunately, extinction bursts are something that everyone goes through. You are not crazy. You didn’t fail miserably. AND you are not alone. Because this is something we all go through. You will notice the use of the the word “predictable” in the definition above. It is not a matter of if this is going to happen, but when.

But with the right planning and preparation we can respond to it in a way that doesn’t derail our goals.