Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #311: EFT To Give Yourself Permission To Be Angry

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In last week's podcast I talked about (and shared the scientific evidence) as to why it can be useful to swear while tapping. Even if we accept that swearing is useful, it doesn't necessarily mean that we are comfortable doing it.

When I say uncomfortable I don't mean in terms of using swear words. Instead, we may feel bad because we are angry at all. Anger feels like such a strong and primitive emotion that we may believe that we should be above it and feeling angry represents some sort of personal failing.

Feeling angry from time to time is both natural and healthy. This week we are going to tap for being OK with the fact that we sometimes feel anger. (As always, the full tapping script can be found below the audio player.)


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I know I have a rich emotional life…My emotions are useful…My emotions are one way in which my system communicates with me…And because of this…It is useful information…I also recognize the fact…That there is a part of me that thinks I am above emotional responses…That believes I have transformed so much…That I should no longer be overcome by these emotions…I should be able to deal with everything…In a calm and reasonable way…The fact that I am feeling these emotions feels like I have failed…Feels like I have made a mistake…Feels like I haven't evolved as much as I think I have…But I give myself permission to know that I'm allowed to feel my emotions…I give myself permission to feel the whole spectrum of emotions…I give myself permission to know that emotions are healthy…I give myself permission to know my emotions are natural…I don't want my emotions to be disproportionate…I don't want to lash out at others with my emotions…But I am allowed to feel them…I am allowed to experience them…It is healthy for me to feel deep emotion…It is not a failing to feel emotion…It is not a shortcoming to feel emotion…Emotions are information…It is unhealthy for me to repress my emotions…I give myself permission to articulate my emotions in a clear honest and authentic way…I am healthier when I articulate my emotions…I am happier in the long term when I articulate my emotions…I give myself permission to feel…I give myself permission not to hold back…I give myself permission to grow through my emotional experience.

Pod #310: Why You SHOULD Swear While Using EFT

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Did you know that swearing is good for you?

And I don't mean just swearing for the sake of it, but there are a number of contexts in which scientific research has shown it is actually good for you. It can help to manage pain, build comradery, and release stress.

It can also be a powerful tool in helping you to tune into your emotions while tapping. Recently Emma Byrne combined her own research into the power of using curse words with the large body of other research on the same subject into a new book Swearing Is Good for You: The Amazing Science of Bad Language.

I have taken all of the pertinent information as it relates to tapping and have included it in this week’s podcast. I explain why swearing is good for you and how you can get the most out of tapping by swearing while you tap.


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Pod #309: EFT for Carrying the Expectations of Others

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One of the situations that my clients struggle with the most is dealing with the expectations of their loved ones.

Our loved ones want what is best for us, but they want what is best of us in terms of what they think will make us happy. Often what they think will make us happy and what will actually make us happy are totally different.

Difficulties arise when going against the expectations of our loved ones feels like a violation of the relationship and the trust inside it. When we fear hurting people in this way, either we do what they want OR we don't follow through on what we want, and remain stuck.

This means that we fail to move forward AND we can end up feeling resentful towards the people we love for holding us back.

This week I have a simple tap-along that will help you to respect and honor what others want while also being able to make the choices that are right for you based on what you want or need.

The full tapping script can be found below the player.

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I recognize that the people in my life want what's best for me…They want me to be successful, happy and healthy…Based on their experience they have a clear definition of what happy is…Since it is their definition of happiness…In their minds it must be everyone's definition of happiness…Therefore their expectation is for me to live up to that definition…I want to be happy too…But I recognize the fact that my definition of happiness and their definition of happiness are not the same…I can appreciate that they want what's best for me…I can embrace their desire for me to be happy…I can do this in such a way where I don't have to adopt their definition of happiness…I do not have to live up to their expectations…I don't have to pick up their specific desires for my life…I can accept that they want what's best for me…Without having to accept their definition of what is best for me.

I also recognize the fact that there are times where I assume others have expectations of me…I assume there is a specific definition about my life…These expectations impact me…But just because I believe expectations are there…Doesn't actually mean these expectations exist…There are going to be times in which I fabricate those expectations inside my own head…I give myself permission to let go of received expectations…Knowing it is possible for me to live the life that I want…Without those expectations.

Sometimes there are really clear expectations others have for me…These expectations are stated in subtle and obvious ways…There are times in which there is nothing I can do to live up to their expectations…Even if I tried to live up to those expectations every moment of the day…There are people in my life who will never be satisfied…And since they're never going to be satisfied…I might as well live the life that I want to live…It does me no good to be dissatisfied with my life…And to have them be dissatisfied with my choices…If they are going to be unhappy with unfulfilled expectations…I might as well live the life that I want…Because my choices will not impact their happiness…Therefore I need to make the choices that are best for me.

I give myself permission to know that the only thing that matters…Is how I perceive my life…Is how my choices resonate with me…About who I am creating myself to be…About whether or not I am satisfied with that…I know my choices impact others…I know there are people who have strong beliefs about how I should live…I know others have invested in me helping me create the life that I have…I have to take responsibility for my life…I have to take responsibility for myself…I give myself permission to know I'm allowed to live up to my expectations and not anyone else's…And that will serve me in the short term and will serve me in the long term.

Pod #308: EFT to Celebrate Success

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We all know that tapping is a powerful tool when we are in pain, distress, and discomfort. Did you know it can also be a useful tool when we are celebrating success?

The reason for this is because it is common to feel a number of negative emotions at the exact same time as feeling happy and successful. It is possible to feel:

  • That we are not worthy of success
  • Uncomfortable in the spotlight of attention that success can bring
  • Under pressure to always be successful
  • Anxious that our success was just down to luck and people will find out that we are an imposter
  • That it’s greedy or immodest to crave success and we should keep our head down and work harder

If any of these feelings are present, when we feel successful we will subconsciously want to avoid success in the future.

Here is a simple tap-along audio that will help you get comfortable with feeling successful and allow for more success in future. A full tapping script of the audio can be found below the player.

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I'm glad I have this moment for celebration…I'm glad that I've been successful…I appreciate all of the effort that I put into this success…I appreciate all the time that I put into making this happen…I'm glad I've had this success…It is appropriate for me to celebrate the success…Even though I understand intellectually I should be celebrating my success…It is possible that I have subconscious beliefs…About how success is bad and how celebration is wrong…There might be a part of me that is afraid…That since I've had this level of success…I always have to achieve this level of success…That this new success has become the new standard…I appreciate the fact that standards change…I'm glad that I'm consistently striving for more…I appreciate the fact that just because I have achieved this now does not mean I have to achieve this forever…This is a moment in time that demonstrates what is possible…What is possible does not become the new standard…I give myself permission to continue to have success…Without creating unrealistic expectations for the future…I also recognize that my success means people will notice that I'm having success…There's a part of me that doesn't like that sort of attention…There's a part of me that just wants to do the work…That wants to invest my time in what is important and move on to the next thing…I know this success is about me and what I'm getting from it…I'm not doing it for the attention…Any attention I receive does not impact that success…I give myself permission to focus on the success…I give myself permission to focus on what I have achieved and what I get for that achievement…Which gives me the opportunity to build more success in the future…There also might be a part of me that doesn't feel worthy of this success…It believes others deserve this success more…It sees others who have worked hard and not had the same success…It might even believe that this success is some lucky fluke that has nothing to do with me…And since it has nothing to do with me…I shouldn't have the success…I recognize the fact that I was made for success…I recognize the fact that I was built for success…I see how my success serves other people…I see how my success allows me to keep moving forward…I give myself permission to accept and enjoy my success…To use my success to build upon…To know that this is not a fluke…To know that my success does not mean I am stealing someone else's opportunity…I give myself permission to allow success to happen again…To know that I'm worthy of this success…To know I'm worthy of celebrating the success.

Pod #307: EFT For Decisive Action (Even When You Feel Uncertain)

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Recently I was listening to the actor and comedian Dan Van Kirk being interviewed on Kevin Pollak's Chat Show podcast. Dan told the story of his career path, moving from rural Illinois to LA, then to Chicago, and finally back to LA where he ultimately found success.

Dan described the choices he made early in his career and why he made them:

I have this thing, if it's not true north, get the arrow going that direction as much as you can. Conan O'Brien was on Charlie Rose…and he said “Identify the thing you want to do with your life and go to the place they make that, whether it is crayons or kool aid. It doesn't matter. When you get there, do whatever you can to be around that, whether that is making coffee or taking out the trash.” Because he just believed in the proximity to molecules. And if you’re a good person and you work and you can get the arrow in the direction of north as much as possible, it's gonna work out. There is nothing that is going to say you’re going to get to be on stage at the Golden Globes, but you probably won't hate your life either.”

I love the idea that if there isn't an obvious path to your goal, find the path to the place that is closest to your goal and follow it.

The problem is that taking action in the direction of something that isn't our goal and isn't certain can be scary.

This week I have a tap-along to help you to take action in the direction of your goal, even when you aren't sure it is the right step.

You can find the full tapping script below the audio player.

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I recognize the fact that I don't know the obvious path forward…I'm not exactly sure what the next step is…I know what I want in a big picture way…It seems so far away that it feels impossible…It seems so distant that it is almost unreal…Because of that I'm not taking any action…Because on a subconscious level I understand since I don't know where I'm heading next…The action I take might be a waste of time…It might be a waste of energy…Because it might be in the wrong direction…It is true this action might not be the next best step…It is true this next action might not work out…I believe that if I start heading in the right direction…Even if it's not exactly the right direction…I'm going to be moving forward in a way that is going to make the next action more obvious…It will make the next step more productive…Success is the accumulation of many small steps…There is no such thing as an overnight success…The small consistent actions heading towards true north will eventually lead me the right way…They might not lead me to exactly what I'm heading towards…But they will lead me to a place that is better…They're going to lead me to a richer life…They are going to lead me towards fulfillment…I give myself permission to take that next step…Action creates more action…Momentum creates momentum…Me doing nothing is the fastest way to not achieving my goals…I would rather take an uncertain step…Than stay stuck here…Uncertain steps become confident steps…Confident steps become a path…A path becomes a journey…And a journey leads to fulfillment…It's OK that I am scared…It's OK that I'm overwhelmed…It's OK that I don't know what is next…Making progress comes from taking action…I trust myself in this process to move in the right direction.