For some reason, certain situations and certain people just push our buttons, despite knowing logically that our response is irrational and shouldn't elicit as much emotion as we feel.
In this week's podcast I share with you a simple 7-step process you can use when you are having your buttons pushed.
In the audio I also share with you how you can get a free printed version of this tool (and 13 others).
Our relationships are living, breathing organisms, alive with the constant dynamic of give and take. At times there is a lot more give than take. This can affect our feelings about the relationship, about the other person in the relationship, and can even have a detrimental effect on our other relationships
At this year's Spring Energy Event, held just outside NYC, I shared how our relationships impact us and 5 simple tools you can use to cultivate healthier, stronger relationships. This podcast is a recording of my 35 minute presentation.
We would love to see you at next year's event. You can sign up to receive recordings from past events and information about next year's at ,a href=http://springenergyevent.com>SpringEnergyEvent.com.
In last week's podcast I talked about (and shared the scientific evidence) as to why it can be useful to swear while tapping. Even if we accept that swearing is useful, it doesn't necessarily mean that we are comfortable doing it.
When I say uncomfortable I don't mean in terms of using swear words. Instead, we may feel bad because we are angry at all. Anger feels like such a strong and primitive emotion that we may believe that we should be above it and feeling angry represents some sort of personal failing.
Feeling angry from time to time is both natural and healthy. This week we are going to tap for being OK with the fact that we sometimes feel anger. (As always, the full tapping script can be found below the audio player.)
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I know I have a rich emotional life…My emotions are useful…My emotions are one way in which my system communicates with me…And because of this…It is useful information…I also recognize the fact…That there is a part of me that thinks I am above emotional responses…That believes I have transformed so much…That I should no longer be overcome by these emotions…I should be able to deal with everything…In a calm and reasonable way…The fact that I am feeling these emotions feels like I have failed…Feels like I have made a mistake…Feels like I haven't evolved as much as I think I have…But I give myself permission to know that I'm allowed to feel my emotions…I give myself permission to feel the whole spectrum of emotions…I give myself permission to know that emotions are healthy…I give myself permission to know my emotions are natural…I don't want my emotions to be disproportionate…I don't want to lash out at others with my emotions…But I am allowed to feel them…I am allowed to experience them…It is healthy for me to feel deep emotion…It is not a failing to feel emotion…It is not a shortcoming to feel emotion…Emotions are information…It is unhealthy for me to repress my emotions…I give myself permission to articulate my emotions in a clear honest and authentic way…I am healthier when I articulate my emotions…I am happier in the long term when I articulate my emotions…I give myself permission to feel…I give myself permission not to hold back…I give myself permission to grow through my emotional experience.
Did you know that swearing is good for you?
And I don't mean just swearing for the sake of it, but there are a number of contexts in which scientific research has shown it is actually good for you. It can help to manage pain, build comradery, and release stress.
It can also be a powerful tool in helping you to tune into your emotions while tapping. Recently Emma Byrne combined her own research into the power of using curse words with the large body of other research on the same subject into a new book Swearing Is Good for You: The Amazing Science of Bad Language.
I have taken all of the pertinent information as it relates to tapping and have included it in this week’s podcast. I explain why swearing is good for you and how you can get the most out of tapping by swearing while you tap.
One of the situations that my clients struggle with the most is dealing with the expectations of their loved ones.
Our loved ones want what is best for us, but they want what is best of us in terms of what they think will make us happy. Often what they think will make us happy and what will actually make us happy are totally different.
Difficulties arise when going against the expectations of our loved ones feels like a violation of the relationship and the trust inside it. When we fear hurting people in this way, either we do what they want OR we don't follow through on what we want, and remain stuck.
This means that we fail to move forward AND we can end up feeling resentful towards the people we love for holding us back.
This week I have a simple tap-along that will help you to respect and honor what others want while also being able to make the choices that are right for you based on what you want or need.
The full tapping script can be found below the player.
I recognize that the people in my life want what's best for me…They want me to be successful, happy and healthy…Based on their experience they have a clear definition of what happy is…Since it is their definition of happiness…In their minds it must be everyone's definition of happiness…Therefore their expectation is for me to live up to that definition…I want to be happy too…But I recognize the fact that my definition of happiness and their definition of happiness are not the same…I can appreciate that they want what's best for me…I can embrace their desire for me to be happy…I can do this in such a way where I don't have to adopt their definition of happiness…I do not have to live up to their expectations…I don't have to pick up their specific desires for my life…I can accept that they want what's best for me…Without having to accept their definition of what is best for me.
I also recognize the fact that there are times where I assume others have expectations of me…I assume there is a specific definition about my life…These expectations impact me…But just because I believe expectations are there…Doesn't actually mean these expectations exist…There are going to be times in which I fabricate those expectations inside my own head…I give myself permission to let go of received expectations…Knowing it is possible for me to live the life that I want…Without those expectations.
Sometimes there are really clear expectations others have for me…These expectations are stated in subtle and obvious ways…There are times in which there is nothing I can do to live up to their expectations…Even if I tried to live up to those expectations every moment of the day…There are people in my life who will never be satisfied…And since they're never going to be satisfied…I might as well live the life that I want to live…It does me no good to be dissatisfied with my life…And to have them be dissatisfied with my choices…If they are going to be unhappy with unfulfilled expectations…I might as well live the life that I want…Because my choices will not impact their happiness…Therefore I need to make the choices that are best for me.
I give myself permission to know that the only thing that matters…Is how I perceive my life…Is how my choices resonate with me…About who I am creating myself to be…About whether or not I am satisfied with that…I know my choices impact others…I know there are people who have strong beliefs about how I should live…I know others have invested in me helping me create the life that I have…I have to take responsibility for my life…I have to take responsibility for myself…I give myself permission to know I'm allowed to live up to my expectations and not anyone else's…And that will serve me in the short term and will serve me in the long term.