One of the situations that my clients struggle with the most is dealing with the expectations of their loved ones.
Our loved ones want what is best for us, but they want what is best of us in terms of what they think will make us happy. Often what they think will make us happy and what will actually make us happy are totally different.
Difficulties arise when going against the expectations of our loved ones feels like a violation of the relationship and the trust inside it. When we fear hurting people in this way, either we do what they want OR we don't follow through on what we want, and remain stuck.
This means that we fail to move forward AND we can end up feeling resentful towards the people we love for holding us back.
This week I have a simple tap-along that will help you to respect and honor what others want while also being able to make the choices that are right for you based on what you want or need.
The full tapping script can be found below the player.
I recognize that the people in my life want what's best for me…They want me to be successful, happy and healthy…Based on their experience they have a clear definition of what happy is…Since it is their definition of happiness…In their minds it must be everyone's definition of happiness…Therefore their expectation is for me to live up to that definition…I want to be happy too…But I recognize the fact that my definition of happiness and their definition of happiness are not the same…I can appreciate that they want what's best for me…I can embrace their desire for me to be happy…I can do this in such a way where I don't have to adopt their definition of happiness…I do not have to live up to their expectations…I don't have to pick up their specific desires for my life…I can accept that they want what's best for me…Without having to accept their definition of what is best for me.
I also recognize the fact that there are times where I assume others have expectations of me…I assume there is a specific definition about my life…These expectations impact me…But just because I believe expectations are there…Doesn't actually mean these expectations exist…There are going to be times in which I fabricate those expectations inside my own head…I give myself permission to let go of received expectations…Knowing it is possible for me to live the life that I want…Without those expectations.
Sometimes there are really clear expectations others have for me…These expectations are stated in subtle and obvious ways…There are times in which there is nothing I can do to live up to their expectations…Even if I tried to live up to those expectations every moment of the day…There are people in my life who will never be satisfied…And since they're never going to be satisfied…I might as well live the life that I want to live…It does me no good to be dissatisfied with my life…And to have them be dissatisfied with my choices…If they are going to be unhappy with unfulfilled expectations…I might as well live the life that I want…Because my choices will not impact their happiness…Therefore I need to make the choices that are best for me.
I give myself permission to know that the only thing that matters…Is how I perceive my life…Is how my choices resonate with me…About who I am creating myself to be…About whether or not I am satisfied with that…I know my choices impact others…I know there are people who have strong beliefs about how I should live…I know others have invested in me helping me create the life that I have…I have to take responsibility for my life…I have to take responsibility for myself…I give myself permission to know I'm allowed to live up to my expectations and not anyone else's…And that will serve me in the short term and will serve me in the long term.