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Teaching Others How To Tap

April 12, 2010 by Gene Monterastelli

I want to share Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping with my friends and family and I would even like to teach workshops on tapping, but I don't know where to begin. Do you have any suggestions on how to teach tapping to others?


photo by freeparking

Over the last four years I have taught tapping in formal and informal settings. Here are a few tips that I have learned from my successes and failures.

Don't Oversell Tapping, Undersell It
It is really easy to be excited about all the wonderful things that tapping can do. In addition to hearing the many stories of one-minute miracles, many of us have very profound personal stories to tell about tapping. I think we can do our teaching a real disservice by building up expectation of our students too high.

I have found in the beginning it is best to under sell how successful tapping can be. If you ever run in to a situation where it isn't working perfectly it can still look like a success.

For example, when asked “Will tapping work on (insert issue)?” you can respond, “It might, I know some people have had success with that type of issue.”

Or, when asked, “How often is tapping successful?” you can respond, “People have seen some level of relief in just a few minutes of tapping as much as half of the time?”

We know for our experience that the success rate is much higher than that, but this help to create a more forgiving audience if it doesn't work out the first time. By approaching it is this way you are giving yourself some room to have different degrees of success right off the bat.

Their Idea of Success
When teaching someone tapping it is important to keep in mind of what their idea of success is going to be, especially when you are teaching someone who is in pain at that moment. As noted before, if you are teaching tapping it is because you have seen its power. The people we are teaching in most cases have no idea what tapping is capable of doing.

I learned this lesson while sitting in a coffee shop in Costa Rica. I was reading when a group of travelers came and sat down. As we chatted I found out that they had just gotten off the zip lines and one of them was have real problems with his back.

I said, “I have something funky that might help.” And off we went.

He tuned into the level of pain at a 5. We did a round of tapping and I asked, “So, what is the pain level now?”

He responded, “It is at a 4.”

My heart fell. That is pathetic. The pain should be gone.

BUT, as my thoughts we going to despair everyone in his group, almost as if they were a chorus, said “WOW!”

After a moment of pause I realized that really was a wow. A total stranger in a coffee shop with no drugs of any sort in under 60 seconds just helped to remove 20% of the physical pain.

One minute wonders are great to talk about, but when people first being introduced to tapping it is okay is we also talk in term of smaller results because they can still be amazing.

Everything Is Perfect
One of the things I have learned from my hypnosis training is to recognize everything as perfect. This is particularly important in hypnosis because building repore with a client is very important. If they start to doubt you or the process then progress is going to be likely lost. As a hypnotist, regardless what happens, you act as if it is not a surprise to keep your repore with the client.

The nice thing about tapping is that it is mechanical. It works whether the client believes it or not, but it is still important to have the person trying tapping for the first time engaged so that they can stay tuned into their issues (which is required for success).

It is important to keep in mind that every round of tapping is successful. It might not be a round that leads to relief, but it does provide information.

For example the intensity might stay at the same level. This is just letting us know that there is something else we need to be more successful (clear PR, be more specific, drink water). The level might go up letting us know we are more tuned into the issue than before.

When I am checking in with someone after a round of tapping I say something like, “Did the intensity go up, stay the same, or go down?” By asking the question in this fashion I am setting it up so there is no failure, just information.

If you would like more ideas on this topic check out Feedback – What We Can Learn From Each Round of Tapping

Start Simple
When teaching someone how to do tapping for the first time it is best to get them to experience some level of success that we can build upon. To do this I recommend to start with something that is simple. Introducing someone to tapping through a major childhood trauma might be hard.

For physical symptoms I simply say, “Scan your body right now and I want to you to notice any aches or pains. I want to you to find one of the places that has the highest level of stress, strain, or pain, but I don't want you to choose something that is chronic.”

The last part of that set up is important. Often time when we are dealing with a pain that has been present for a long time it might be associated with deeper emotional roots. Tapping is prefect for these cases and it is great to go after the emotional roots in a client session, but as a first time teaching tool it might be too much.

To demonstrate tapping for emotional issues I ask them to, “I want you to think of a moment in the last few days in which you had a disproportionate emotional response to some event. You know what I mean by disproportionate? Right?”

Not only does this usually get a smile it will direct them to something that is very close to the surface. This is make it easier for them to tune into the emotion (opposed to something that is years or decades old.)

Remember, the goal is just to get them use to the idea of tapping. Small successes are enough to do this for someone who has never experienced the power of tapping.

You Might Be Planting Seeds (and that is enough)
There are people who are going to listen to your presentation or demonstration and just walk away with a closed mind.

BUT, the next time they hear about tapping their mind is going to be a little more open. When we hear about something odd once we question it, but the more places we hear about something the more believable it becomes.

Your demonstration of tapping might be sowing the seeds to more open mind. If you just plant a few seeds in someone mind you have done good work.

You Are Not The Right Teacher For Everyone
Every teacher has their own teaching style and every student has their own learning style. Their are people that you are the perfect voice to teach tapping to them and there are others who in a million years would not listen to you.

I became much more comfortable with my web site when I realized I didn't need to be all things to all people. Some are going to find my resources helpful whiles are not.

There are enough people in the world who could use tapping in their life that if one person (or a group of people) don't listen to me it is okay because there are many more to teach.

You are not the right teach for every person you encounter and that is okay.

It Is OK If They Don't Accept It
Tapping is not right for everyone. If someone isn't willing to be open to what you are offering that is perfectly okay. When someone doesn't want to learn they are making a choice about what they think is needed (or not needed) in their life. This is not a judgment on tapping, on your teaching style, or on you.

Even When Working With A Group Just Start With A Few People
Presenting in front of a large group is not comfortable for some people. If you are in this camp then I would recommend when teaching tapping and doing a demonstration do it for a small group and have everyone else watch.

What I mean by this is get a group of three or four people up front with you and teach them tapping and do a few demonstrations. If you are not comfortable in front of a large group you are more than likely comfortable in front of a few people. All you need to do is create this dynamic by getting a few volunteers.

It is important that when you are selecting volunteers you do this in a way that is going to give you good demonstration subjects. I would do it something like this:

“I just a moment I am going to teach you how to do tapping to deal with physical pain and emotional issues. To do this I am going to need a few volunteers to demonstrate and teach. Those who volunteer will be given a first hand experience of tapping, just like working with a practitioner. If you do volunteer your going to need to be willing to talk about the issue you would like to tap for, like the pain in your knee or being frustrated with a co-worker, so that everyone can learn for the processes. I am not going to ask anything too personal, such as the name of the person you are frustrated with, but it is import that you are willing to talk, at least in general terms, about what we are going to work on.”

If you do something like this before you ask for volunteers you are going to help to insure you are going to work with someone willing to talk and will be more likely to avoid a deep trauma issue. Again, tapping is great for these types of issues, but they are not always ideal as a teaching tool, especially if you are not use to teaching tapping to groups.

Conclusion
I hope these tips are helpful in making it easier for you to teach tapping. If you have some suggestions I missed, I would encourage you to add them to the comments below.

Filed Under: Q&A Tagged With: How To, Others, Practitioner, Speaking, Teaching

Fear of Loving and Being Loved

April 1, 2010 by Gene Monterastelli

I know I would like to have deeper loving relationships in my life, but for some reason I keep self-sabotaging. Is there a reason I might be doing this and is there a way to us Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping to deal with it?

Often times self-sabotage is rooted in the fear of being successful and who would come with us being successful. Right before Valentines Day Deborah D. Miller, PhD
(FindTheLightWithin.com) wrote a great article on this topic. Here is the article shared here with permission.

There is a secret about human love that is commonly overlooked: Receiving it is much more scary and threatening than giving it. How many times in your life have you been unable to let in someone's love or even pushed it away? Much as we proclaim the wish to be truly loved, we are often afraid of that, and so find it difficult to open to love or let it all the way in. ~ John Welwood

We are fast approaching Valentine's Day, that day that reminds of love, of whether we are in a happy and loving relationship or not in one. With it can come to the surface our fears about being loved and giving love. It can remind of us feeling lonely and isolated – again when in or not in a relationship. It can remind us that love is fabulous but also requires that we are vulnerable. That is something most of us don't like to feel.

Do you have to feel vulnerable to be loved? Does it have to be scary to love someone? Do you have to feel insecure about your loved ones?

Of course not. Love can be open, honest, delightful, and a deep sharing. It can. It starts with self-love. As you love yourself you will automatically open to being loved. More people will love who you are. More people will love you as you are. Doesn't that feel great?

How does one get to the place of feeling so secure and safe in their own love that they can give and receive love opening? Let's do some tapping to create just that feeling of love inside of you.

FEAR OF LOVING AND BEING LOVED

Even though I desire to be loved and accepted as I am, I'm afraid of what that would mean if I really got it. I choose to love myself anyway.

Even though I've learned that love is not safe, that opening up to someone means being vulnerable and unsafe, I love that I can see how love starts within me. I create safety by loving myself.

Even though it is not safe to give my love because I can't be assured that it will be returned, and feels really scary, best to run the other way, or not open up or just ignore the opportunity, I love myself because I'm just trying to protect myself.

Eyebrow:
I feel threatened and scared when I think about receiving love.

Side of Eye:
What if I invest all that time, energy and love and it's not returned? What if I'm scorned or found not to be good enough?

Under the Eye:
What if I'm abandoned again? What if I feel unworthy again?

Under the Nose:
What if I surrender to love and it doesn't work out? Will I be hurt and sad again? Will I have more wounds?

Chin:
How will I ever know love if I don't open up to it? How can someone love me if I'm closed down and afraid of being hurt?

Collarbone:
How will I ever create love if I am not willing to open up and receive love and give love?

Under the Arm:
I choose to begin by loving and accepting myself more, by being open to look at my vulnerabilities.

Top of Head:
I choose to smile and hold myself with compassion as I look at old hurts and patterns. That allows me to release them.

Eyebrow:
I choose to observe my patterns in love with gentleness so that I can identify them, modify them and begin to love in a healthier fashion.

Side of Eye:
That feels so good. It feels good to allow myself to be vulnerable with myself. It shows me that it is ok and that I will survive.

Under the Eye:
Loving myself even with my vulnerabilities allows me to love others as they are – with their vulnerabilities and fears.

Under the Nose:
Loving in this open accepting way allows me and those I love to share deeply.

Chin:
It feels so good to love myself, be open to love, to share my love, and to know that as I feel good about myself love comes to me easily.

Collarbone:
Loving includes trusting and surrendering to the process, to the journey of love.

Under the Arm:
A part of loving includes allowing someone to give to me. Scary as that may be, I would like to receive that love.

Top of Head:
Scary as it may be to give love not knowing if it will be returned, love is always returned. It may not be from the object or person I'm giving my love too but love given out always returns to me. That is how love works – give love and then you receive love.

Filed Under: Q&A Tagged With: Deborah Miller, Fear, Guest Author, Love, Phrases, Relationships, Self Sabotage

Negative Thoughts (A New Way To Use Negative Thoughts To Clear Issues)

March 7, 2010 by Gene Monterastelli

I am trying to get rid of the negative thoughts and feelings. Isn't saying and thinking negative thoughts while Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping just reinforcing the negative situation I am in? Shouldn't I just be saying positive things?


photo by Christine Vaufrey

This is one of the most common questions that beginner tapper ask. It seem counter intuitive to think of negative thoughts to get better. In the article Why do I have to tap? How is Tapping Different From Just Thinking About The Issue? I explain the whys and hows of negative thoughts while tapping.

In a nut shell when we are tuning into the negative emotion we are tuning into the root of the issue and giving us direct access to the issue we would like to heal. Recently Dr. Kiya Immergluck shared a really interesting thought in her news letter on one of the ways we can use negative thoughts to clear the issues.

What Kiya suggests is that we indulge our mind in revenge fantasies while we are tapping. I think this is helpful for two reasons. First, at least for me, when I am really angry at someone my mind is going to drift some of these thoughts any way so I might as well use them for healing. Second, I think it is health to meet head on the thoughts we have that aren't for our highest good. Instead of pretending these thoughts aren't there, we are getting a chance to recognize and heal them.

Here is Kiya's article in its entirety (reprinted with permission) followed by a few more comments.

Revenge Tapping
Dr. Kiya L. Immergluck, LCPC
eft-tap.com

I went to hear a very wise woman speak recently, and she answered someone’s question in a very unusual way. A woman I’ll call “Jane” asked: “How can I get over the resentment I feel about being stuck taking care of my abusive mother now that she’s old and there are no other relatives?”

I was sure the wise woman was going to speak about forgiveness, or the possibility of learning valuable lessons, or the “gift” of having time to heal a toxic relationship. But the message was very clear and very controversial. She said:

“Entertain revenge fantasies!”

I was so shocked, I almost fell out of my chair, and then I began to laugh. I realized that it was actually a very good idea. She emphasized that the exercise was about fantasy and not about anything real. Jane began to laugh and said immediately: I just pictured the movie “Misery!”

If you don’t remember, the movie pictured a very crazy woman holding a man captive and causing him great bodily harm. I knew that Jane wouldn’t ever really hurt her mother, but giving herself permission to have violent fantasies was very comforting for her.

I knew that tapping would be an excellent tool so that a person could have unacceptable and inappropriate negative fantasies, and feel totally neutral about them with no guilt or discomfort.

For example, Jane could have tapped:

SoH: Even though I am having terrible fantasies about revenge on my mother, I accept myself anyway. (3X)
EB: These “Misery” fantasies…
SE: These “Misery” fantasies…
UE: I feel so guilty…
UN: These “Misery” fantasies…
Ch: I shouldn’t have them…
CB: I am being a “bad daughter.”
UA: These “Misery” fantasies…
UB: I would never REALLY do anything to hurt her…
Wr: But it is so comforting
T of H: I am being a “bad daughter.”
(Side of Hand, Eye Brow, Side of Eye, Under Eye, Under Nose, Chin, Collar Bone, Under Arm, Under Breast, Wrist, Top of Head.)

The idea of giving voice to negative thoughts has often been confusing for some of my students. Once, a retired minister in her 80’s came to one of my tapping workshops, and couldn’t understand why we were saying such “un-Christian” statements about situations, other people, and ourselves. She spent her lifetime teaching people to be kind, patient and loving. Her message to her congregation was always to “be patient,” “show Christian charity,” and work hard to get to a place of “forgiveness” for our enemies.

What I always emphasize is that we are only giving voice to the negative thoughts that already exist within us. I believe that some of our stress-related physical illnesses can be traced back to the “unacceptable” negative emotions that we bury in our psyches.

With the added tool of tapping, we let those emotions out in the open so that the negative emotions are neutralized and really dispersed for good. Remember, revenge tapping is only about fantasy, never about seriously wanting to harm yourself or anyone else.

Like all tapping tools, this isn't for everyone. If this is something you are not comfortable indulging in, then don't. Be safe. Know your self. If this is something you are comfortable doing then it is going to take the edge off your rage and anger by moving it from something that is bubbling under the surface and bring it in to the light of day it is going to lose its power and were are going to be able to heal it.

Filed Under: Q&A Tagged With: Dr. Kiya Immergluck, Guest Author, Guided Imagery, Negative Phrases, Phrases

Transforming Our Critical Voice In To Something Helpful With Tapping and EFT In 8 Easy Steps

February 21, 2010 by Gene Monterastelli

Filed Under: Q&A

Limiting Beliefs About Money

January 29, 2010 by Gene Monterastelli

I would like to be more financially successful, but for some reason I just keep making really poor choices. It is almost as if a part of me wants me to stay poor. I don't even know where to begin with this issue. Do you have any suggestions?


photo by Andrew Magill

Like lots of issues, when we struggle with financial success it is often because we believe there is some penalty for having more money. On the surface that might seem silly that there is a penalty for having money. Many of these beliefs are not only rooted in our subconscious but are also rooted in our culture.

For example, we might fear being rich because a part of us believes that “All rich people are jerks!” We know this not to be true, but think of every rich person as they are portrayed in movies, tv shows, and books. Other than Daddy Warbucks from Annie I can't think of a single nice rich person in fiction. When we recognize these facts it is becomes very obvious on how we might hold this sort of belief in our subconscious.

The part of us that is preventing us from being financially successful is protecting us. By keeping us from being financially successful it is keeping us becoming a jerk.

I have found that when it comes to this sort of limiting belief the easy way to deal with it is through a kind of conversation Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping where we state both sides of the argument. It might look something like this:

All people who are rich are jerks…I know this isn't true…but when you are rich you only think of yourself…I know lots of rich people who have do good work…but you have to step on people to get rich…but not everyone who is rich has gotten rich by stepping on people…it is possible to get rich and help people at the same time…when you are rich you only hang out with rich people and you will forget where you came from…I can become rich and still keep my friends and connections…

That is only the beginning of the tapping, but you can easily see how all you are doing is stating both sides of the argument and tapping away.

Here is a great list of limiting beliefs about money and financial success published at the web site money-attraction.com

1. Rich people are greedy and dishonest
2. I could become overly dependent on money.
3. It will tarnish my sense of who I am as a person.
4. I’ll become a greedy and uncaring person.
5. I’ll attract the unwanted envy of others.
6. I will do wrong if I become rich
7. I will become a bad man if I have a lot of money
8. It’ll make me stand out and I’ll lose my privacy.
9. If I get rich I’ll abandon my values
10. I can’t be rich and spiritual!
11. If I’m successful, my friends will be jealous and stop liking me
12. I’m no better than my parents, so I shouldn’t make more than they did
13. I might forget what’s truly important and not like the person I’ve become
14. Money is dirty.
15. Money is the root of all evil
16. Money is not spiritual
17. It’s a sin to be rich
18. I am poor but I am a good man
19. I will never have enough money
20. I can’t get ahead
21. I’m not worthy
22. I’ll probably just fail anyway
23. We can’t afford anything we want
24. I’m not smart enough to be wealthy!
25. It is too greedy for me to earn more than ** in a month
26. It is impossible for me to earn so much
27. Friends around me don’t make so much money, so do I
28. Financial success will mean working all the time
29. You have to lie and cheat to get rich
30. It takes too much effort to earn it.
31. Money doesn’t grow on trees!
32. I have to work harder if I want to earn more money!
33. It is greedy/bad/joking to making money easily and effortlessly
34. It is impossible for me to making money effortlessly and easily
35. Getting by is good enough
36. I don’t deserve it.
37. I’m not like those people
38. There is virtue in poverty, and wealthy people are morally bankrupt.
39. Those who have figured out a way to achieve wealth and financial security are just lucky.
40. Only people who have access to large amounts of money from family and friends can be assured financial success
41. There are limits to how one can attain wealth and how much money one can make.
42. Saving money means making money
43. Spending money is far faster than making money
44. I can’t charge too much
45. Never lend money to others
46. I must save money for unexpected things
47. I hate/envy those wealthy people
48. I work to pay for the debt
49. I can’t afford what my wife/someone loves
50. I can’t buy what I like most but the cheapest because I have to save for the unexpected

Podcast 15 is all about tapping for financial success. You should also check out 3 Keys To Having and Keeping Finacial Abundance in the Tapping Q & A online store.

[Note: As I wrote this article I had a very hard time writing the word “rich”. I could easily write “financially successful”. Obviously there is a limiting belief I have about the work “rich”. I guess I should tap on that!]

Filed Under: Q&A Tagged With: Finance, Limiting Beliefs, Money, Phrases, Success

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Gene MonterastelliGene Monterastelli is a Brooklyn based tapping practitioner. In addition to working with individual clients and groups, he regularly writes and records about how to use tapping to move from self-sabotage to productive action.
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