Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

9 Websites, Newsletters And Podcasts That I Always Read AND You Should Too!

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While writing the first draft of this article I typed “EFT” into Google and it returned 49,600,000 results. When there is that much information it is really hard to find what is useful.

I read everything I can get my hands on because I am always trying to learn and always on the lookout for guest posts and podcast guests. Even with this desire to read it all, there are times that I have too much on my plate and can’t get through everything. When this happens I need to make choices about what will get my time and attention.

Here is a list of 9 online resources where I read or listen to everything they produce, even if I am busy. If you are are not already reading some of these then you are missing out on great opportunities to learn.

Note: These are not affiliate links. I am not getting anything from sharing these. I just want you to find the good stuff!

Deborah Miller’s Newsletter – Deborah is probably best known for her work with children with cancer. She has a wonderful newsletter from which I have re-published many of her articles. To subscribe scroll down to the bottom of this page: FindTheLightWithin.com
Karen Nueman’s Newsletter – Sadly Karen passed away in Feb. 2013. She is greatly missed!
Practical Wellbeing – Practical Wellbeing is written by England based practitioner Andy Hunt. One mistake I think a lot of sites make is that they produce lots of very average material. Andy puts up a new article every few weeks which is always thoughtful, well-written, and informative. PracticalWellbeing.com
Sarah Holland Twitter Feed – Sarah is a practitioner who specializes in fertility issues. Her Twitter feed is often filled with great framing questions as well as awesome set-up phrases to tap to, all in 140 characters. Find her (even if you don’t have Twitter) @SarahEFT
You Are Not So Smart – The motto of You Are Not So Smart is “A Celebration of Self Delusion”. In each article and podcast David McRaney looks at a new piece of research about the mind in an irreverent and funny way to see how delusional we are about the way we see ourselves and the world. There are many things from this site that have transformed the way I work with clients and how I do my own tapping work. Articles and podcast: YouAreNotSoSmart.com
PsyBlog – Jeremy Dean’s PsyBlog is devoted to the most recent interesting (!) developments in psychology. When working with clients it is really important to understand where people are coming from and why they make the choices they make. As a bonus Jeremy also shares offbeat studies that will make you smile even if you don’t learn anything new. Read more: Spring.org.uk
Radiolab – Radiolab is the happy marriage of science, art, day-to-day life, and the choices we make. I always learn something from Radiolab. The show has transformed my understanding of how the brain works and how scientific concepts meet daily life. If I were to create a university degree program I would want this show to be in the core curriculum. Radio show and podcast home: Radiolab.org
Marc and Angel Hack Life – I am not the biggest fan of the self-help industry (though it would be very easy to argue I am part of it). I am suspicious of platitudes and affirmations. Marc and Angel Hack Life is a total revelation in the self-help blog world. Each post is to the point and immediately useful. I have written many tapping scripts inspired by their work and point of view. Website: MarcAndAngel.com
Get Bullish – Jen Dziura writes two weekly columns for the b5media network of blogs. It is best described as life and career advice for kick-ass women. Jen doesn’t pull punches, doesn’t get caught up in fluffy cuteness, and is all about moving forward. Transformation work is about being able to level with yourself about what is really going on. Whether you want to or not, Jen is going to make you do that. Jen’s work can be found at Bullish and Bullish Life

(PS: Be warned, at some point Jen is probably going to make fun of part of your world view, tip a sacred cow, or mock someone you think is a guru. I’m sure she would make fun of my point of view from time-to-time. You don’t have to agree with everything she says, but she will challenge you to see your world and choices in new ways.)

What Are You Reading?

I am always on the lookout for great resources. Please add the stuff you can’t wait to read or listen to in the comment section.

EFT Beyond The Basic Tapping Points

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photo by Dawn Endico

I have a feeling that your experience with tapping has gone something like this…

You learned the basic tapping points. You’ve had some small successes when tapping with a teacher, a practitioner, or a friend.

You know tapping works because you have experienced it firsthand, but now you are not sure what to do next. You have the picture of someone with the tapping points marked on their body staring up at you.

But now what?

What issue to start with? What phrase to say out loud?

Because you are not sure and you don’t want to do it wrong you decide to try it again sometime later.

AND later never comes.

Not Knowing How To Do EFT On Your Own Is More Common Than You Think

What is described above is a very common experience. EFT is deceptively subtle. It is very simple to do. All you have to do is tune into an issue and tap.

The problem is there is a lot going on in an unspoken way.

To help you I have created some very simple tools that will help move from tapping with someone else to being able to tap on your own.

Each of these tools will either answer a very common question or give you slightly more sophisticated tools to use while tapping.

Think of this like taking your tapping training wheels off.

If you have questions that aren’t answered here, please let me know by entering your questions on the contact page.

9 Tools To Take Off Your EFT Training Wheels

Why Do I Have To Tap Anyway? – One of the most common questions I am asked is “Why do I have to tap? Shouldn’t the phrases be sufficient? Here is a quick explanation of why we need to tap and why the words aren’t enough.

Forget About The Words – It is very easy to get hung up on what words to say when tapping. This short audio will help you put the words you say in perspective by showing you how easy it is to come up with tapping phrases and that you CANNOT do it wrong.

How I Start Every Session – Sometimes starting is the hardest part. We have so many thoughts and feelings swirling around that we are not sure where to begin. Here is how I start all my tapping sessions. This will ground you and clear your head a little so you do not feel overwhelmed.

EFT Script Generator – Answer 8 questions about the issue you want to tap on, hit the button, and *poof* you have a tapping script. Just read it and tap along.

10 Simple Steps To Tapping For Any Emotion Or Issue – I think the title says it all. Follow these these steps and you are set.

Do I Really Have To Say “I Love And Accept Myself”? – Asking that question is kind of like saying “I really like riding my bike, but I skip all the uphill parts.” Sometimes the phrase “I love and accept myself…” is hard to say. That is ok. If we are tapping, on some level we are working on loving ourselves more. Here is a great little tool that will come up with over 2,400 alternative set-up phrases you can use when tapping.

Can I Tap To Change My Spouse, Children, or Co-Worker? – I am asked all the time if there is a way for us to tap to change the behavior of the people in our lives. The short answer is NO, but the long answer is SORT OF. This my favorite EFT tool ever!

When Unexpected Things Come To Mind – There are going to be times when you are tapping and something unexpected comes to mind. It might be a new emotion, a different issue, or something so off the wall that you have no idea where it came from. Here is what to do when unexpected things come to mind when you are tapping.

Tap Along Audios – Let someone else do the work. Here is list of over 35 free tap along audios. Pick a topic that you need to tap for, hit play, start tapping, and feel the relief.

Conclusion

Remember there is no wrong way to do tapping. There are tapping rounds that are successful and tapping rounds where you learn you need to try it in a different way. It is ok to tap in a way that is not perfect (because there is no such thing as perfect tapping). Give it a try with these new tools and each time you do it you will grow in skill and in confidence.

Is It OK For Christians To Use EFT?

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photo by Gene Monterastelli

As you may or may not know, since 1996 I have traveled the US and Canada speaking and performing as part of APeX Ministries. APeX is a Catholic Christian performance ministry that works with teens and because of this I am frequently asked about tapping from a Christian point of view.

Here are my thoughts on the topic. Please be warned that I am not speaking for Christians, Catholics, or any specific denomination. These are my thoughts and my thoughts alone. I would love your feedback in the comment section below.

Instead of tackling the topic all at once here are the four most common questions I am asked about the topic.

Is EFT evil and/or does it come from an evil place?

EFT is a mechanical process. If you follow the steps it will work. Much like an aspirin it will work even if you don't believe in it. There have been over 50 peer reviewed studies for using EFT with stress, PTSD, and physical issues and it is probable that in the next 12 months EFT will be considered an evidence based technique (check out summaries of the studies).

Often the problem isn't with EFT itself, but when it is combined with things that are not evidence based. Here is my favorite way to explain this concept:

We know that vitamin C is good for our health. Let's pretend that because it is good for our health people decide to start using it for other things. They start adding it to their shampoo to deal with dandruff, they add it to lotion to improve their skin, they sprinkle it in the garden to help their crops grow, and they make earrings out of it to keep evil spirits away.

Just because people are doing wacky things with vitamin C it doesn't stop it from keeping us healthy during cold and flu season, but it becomes much easier to dismiss its usefulness when it when it is surrounded by things that are less grounded.

I love the fact that EFT is something that is so easy to access and share, but it comes with the drawback that everyone who presents EFT becomes a spokesperson for EFT. Some people do this in a highly credible way, while others are less successful. I find it so frustrating when EFT websites have things like dragonflies and butterflies on them. Yes, they are cute, but they don't present this powerful healing tool in a very professional light.

When working with EFT it is important that you work with people you trust and learn from sources that share your world view to ensure you are getting what you need and what is the best fit for you.

Can EFT be useful for my spiritual journey?

I have found EFT to be an extremely powerful tool in my personal growth. Many of the ways it has been helpful has been with my spiritual journey and spiritual life, which is easiest to illustrate through an example:

I believe that I have been created worthy of God's unconditional love. It is not something that I have to earn in any way and it is always there. My problem isn't in believing in God's unconditional love, but the fact that I prevent myself from fully acknowledging and receiving it.

I will hear someone say “God loves you unconditionally” and the little voice in my head will pipe up, “That is true for others but not you,” or “It would be true if you didn't do those horribly selfish things!” or “Maybe someday, but you are too much of a screw-up to be loved in that way right now.”

Even though it is true that I am loved unconditionally by God, I end up living as if that isn't true.

EFT has been a powerful tool in my life in uprooting the beliefs around feeling unworthy of God's love. As I remove these beliefs it makes it easier and easier for me to see myself as God sees me.

EFT is no replacement for spiritual practices, an active prayer life, or participating in a supportive loving community of fellow believers who encourage us and keep us accountable. It is one more tool that we can add to our regular practice to keep us healthy and facilitate our growth and healing in conjunction with many other tools.

What is the deal with “We are all energy”?

In my mind this a case of a little information being dangerous. The statement itself is accurate. Everything in the universe is energy. Einstein's theory of relativity concerns this fact. E = m c ^2 says that an amount of matter (m) multiplied by a really big number (c ^ 2 is the speed of light squared) is equal to the amount of energy of which it is made.

In layman's terms that means if we were able to turn the coffee cup on your desk into its pure energy form, it would be enough energy to blow the state of Kansas off the face of the earth. (Just because that is true, doesn't mean it is easy. If it were easy we wouldn't need oil to provide power, but that is another issue.)

The place that people start to go astray is how they apply what this means for us in an EFT sense. There are ramifications for this fact on a quantum level, but I am not smart enough to explain them (also at this point most of our quantum understanding is theoretical).

Most of the people who speak in this way are doing it terms of the “Law of Attraction” (LOA). If you would like my opinion specifically about LOA check out this conversation I had with Carol Look.

Just know that you can use EFT for physical and emotional issues without having to concern yourself with this approach or these issues. If someone is speaking in LOA terms and it makes you uncomfortable, then steer clear of their resources. It means they are not the right fit for you. It doesn't mean that EFT is bad.

What about when people talk about that we are co-creators?

Often times Christians have trouble with the term co-creator. It can feel like by making a statement like this we are putting ourselves on the same level as God. I don't believe this is the case. I use this term in two ways.

First, I am a creature who has been given free will. My life does not unfold unless I am exercising my free will by making choices. I create my own experience, but I am not doing this on my own. My experience is also created by the choices that are made by those around me, in both positive and negative ways. Someone in my life can choose to give me a new job opportunity or someone can hit me with a car. In both instances their choices are impacting the life I am creating for myself and in that sense we are co-creating, i.e. creating together, my experience. We don't have an equal sense of how much we are contributing to this reality, but both parts are creating it together.

Second, I believe part of my calling from God is to exercise my free will and to create a meaningful life. I can only do this because I have been given life, gifts, talents, and opportunities from God. Again, in that sense my experience is created in a combination of what God has given me and the choices I make, in other words a co-creation. This does not imply an equivalence between me and God, simply a working together.

Conclusion

I hope you find my reflections helpful. I am still on my own learning journey and don't claim to have all (or any) of the answers. I would love to hear your thoughts. Please add your thoughts or questions below so others can benefit from them, or drop me a note to let me know what is on your mind on the contact page.

How To See If EFT Really Worked

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Q: When I have finished a tapping session I feel so much better, but I can’t tell if anything has changed in a lasting way. How can I tell if the tapping session has really landed and made a difference?

photo by o5com

In many ways our physical environment is a reflection of our mental state. The spaces in which we live and work are filled with things that remind us of our emotional triggers. The pile of unpaid bills, the photo of our family, the living room that just won’t stay clean, the pile of work on your desk, and the look of your co-worker’s desk can all remind you of what is going on in your emotional life.

One of my favorite ways of seeing how I am doing after I have tapped is to interact with my environment. If I am at home I go from room to room looking at everything, and making sure that I do not rush as I do this. I will pay attention to what is on the floor, hanging on the walls, and the general state of the space. (The same works if you are in your office.)

As I am walking around I pay attention to my emotional state. Do I get a feeling of overwhelm or do I have the feeling that I can clearly see what the next steps are in cleaning and rearranging my space? If there are negative emotions then this is a sign that I could use some more tapping. Often, as I move through the rooms, I will see the things that I can do right now to make things better. I am filled with ideas and motivation. This is a sign that the tapping was very fruitful.

Obviously this type of test isn’t going to work with every type of issue we tap on, but the way we respond emotionally to our physical environment is usually helpful in gauging how we are doing emotionally.

[Side note: This process also works in reverse. Here is how you can use your space to find out what you need to tap on: Cleaning House]

Don’t Do These 10 (plus 1) Things If You Want To Fail At Teaching Tapping

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photo by Martin Deutsch

I love tapping. I want everyone to love tapping. I have seen its power in my own life and I want to share that with others.

When I was very new to tapping I made many mistakes when I was sharing about how great it is, mostly running people over with my enthusiasm! Here are 10 things you can do when you are teaching tapping to help you communicate better, create open-mindedness in those you are sharing with, and as comfort for yourself, regardless how it is received.

1) Control Your Enthusiasm

Yes, this will be hard! Tapping is really amazing. Everyone can find some use for tapping. It is the greatest thing since sliced bread!!!

(Deep breath)

When sharing about tapping it is important to keep in mind what it is like when you talk to someone who is really excited about something like vitamins, home composting, a new exercise regime, a new television show, or their favorite brand of cereal. At a certain point we start to tune them out because they go on and on and on about what they love and why it will change your life forever.

Be excited, but don't run people over (or you risk looking like a lunatic)

2) Undersell it!

This goes hand in hand with controlling your enthusiasm. I have seen some really amazing things when it comes to tapping. Some of these things are so amazing that they are unbelievable to the point that it hurts tapping’s credibility because it seems over-hyped.

I have firsthand experience with tapping in helping an autistic child go from having the verbal skills of a 20 month old to that of a 5 1/2 year old in two weeks. That is amazing AND on a lot of levels unbelievable (even to me, and I saw it with my own eyes).

In these times when over-hyping is commonplace, we have a tendency to tune out really big claims.

Remember, making a headache go away in 3 minutes without the use of drugs is amazing. Killing a craving for a life-long addiction to cigarettes in 90 seconds is unreal, even if the relief is only for a few hours.

I always start with a statement like, “I know this really weird thing that might help. It doesn’t work all the time, but it only takes 60 seconds to try. Want to see what happens?”

By doing this any success will be welcomed. If we oversell it, a “small” amount of success can feel like a let down.

3) Call Tapping “Weird”

Tapping looks and feels weird because it is weird. But that is OK. There are two very good reasons to call tapping weird.

First, you will put people at ease by naming what it is. When I am teaching someone I will say, “I know this looks so silly.” It is hard to do something that people think is silly but when we name it, it becomes OK. Second, the word ‘weird’ is hypnotizing. People want to understand weird. “Oh my gosh, this is so weird you have to try it.”

Calling tapping weird won’t drive them away, but instead it will make them more comfortable with the idea and it helps with underselling it.

4) Start With A Simple Issue

You want to show people that it works so you want to use an issue that will demonstrate results quickly. If it has persisted for years or has taken years to create, it will be harder to knock out in a few minutes.

I like to have the person take a deep breath, scan their body, and find an ache or pain. Stiffness or aches in the shoulder or neck are perfect because they are normally stress related and easy to knock out.

This gives us a chance to demonstrate success without having to recall a long memory from years ago. Remember the goal is to get them excited about tapping. Once they are on board we can go after the bigger stuff because they will be willing to give us more time and attention.

5) Make Sure The SUDs Level Is Bigger Than A Three

You want to make sure the success is big enough to be significant. Many times when something goes from a 2 to 0 it is nice, but really isn’t that big of a deal. We want the issue to be big enough that it is worth trying again.

It is important to note that we don’t have to knock the whole thing out in one round to be impressive. For some reason taking a pain that is a 6 to a 4 is more impressive than taking a 2 to 0. Because we are impacting something that is much worse it feels more significant even though the first step might be small.

6) Show Them First

There have been a number of times when I have had someone who is willing to tap but as I explained it to them how to tap and why it worked, I talked them out of it. At first they were willing to try and then all of a sudden they think, “This is too weird. I’m out of here!”

What I do is something like this:

  • find an issue
  • rate its intensity
  • tap
  • get some relief
  • say, “Isn't that weird and COOL!”

Then I start to explain what has happened. Now that they have experienced it firsthand they will be more open to something that is outside their norm because they have experienced the positive results firsthand.

7) Don't Tell Them Everything You Know

You know a lot about tapping (more than you are aware). You did not get this information from one article, one video, one ebook, or one class. Because you have seen the effectiveness of tapping in your own life you have wanted to learn more. You have had time to build your knowledge base.

You need to give the people you are teaching the same chance to learn.

Give them enough information to start and try it on their own. When they are ready for more information they will ask. We don't need them to be master tappers. They just need to be excited enough to want to learn more.

8) Follow Up

I don't remember to tap all the time (and I do this for a living). The people you teach are very new to tapping. They will forget to use tapping as well. After showing someone how to tap make sure you check in with them a few days later.

First, it will serve as a great reminder to use it. Second, it will give you a chance to answer any questions they have that they might not have been comfortable asking out of the blue.

9) Talk About Tapping Without Talking About Tapping

People learn more when they are asking questions about something because it is coming from their own curiosity. You can talk about tapping in a natural way without beating people over the head with it, which can create a situation where they are going to ask questions.

It can happen like this…you are having coffee with a friend and you are catching up. She asking how things are going. You talk about how things were going at work, the things that were stressing you out, and how this really weird tapping thing helped you.

Your friend knows what stress at work is like and how much it stinks. She wants to be stress free and will start asking questions.

The easiest person you are ever going to teach is the person who is asking you questions and wants to learn.

10) Be OK With “Just” Planting Seeds

One of the things I am noticing about tapping is that more and more people have heard about it. Not that they are doing it (or even know how to do it), but they have heard of it. The more people hear about something from multiple sources, the more credible it is in people’s minds.

You might be the first person who brings up tapping to a friend and it might take them hearing about it from 4 or 5 places before they are willing to give it a try. It is too bad that they aren’t willing to try with you, but because you have brought it up they are one more experience closer to trying it.

Sometimes you are going to teach someone to tap and other times you will just plant seeds for the moment when they are ready to give it a try. Be easy with yourself that it is OK to be a seed planter.

Bonus) Be Easy With Yourself

You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to remember everything (or even these 10 ideas). Be open. Be honest. Be loving. You will find lots of people to share with.

I would love to hear your ideas about how best to share tapping with others. Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!