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Pod #512: How To Speed Up The Healing Process

June 24, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

We have all heard the old saying that “hindsight is 20/20 vision” because it is so much easier to look back and see how we could have done things differently from the vantage point of the present.

When this happens we can end up judging ourselves very harshly. The problem with this type of evaluation is we are judging our past self with new knowledge. It's easy to think “What on earth was I thinking?! It is so clear that was the wrong choice to make!” when in reality we were doing the best we could with the knowledge and information we had at the time of the choice.

In this week’s podcast I share a fresh approach you can take when evaluating your past choices and use it to guide you towards more effective healing.

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Create v. Responsible

June 16, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our minds, giving us an opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series here: Tools:Words]

Note: This article was originally published November 20, 2011 and has been updated.

I was recently working with a client who has Lyme disease. At one point in the session he said, “I created this situation.”

This statement really struck me. I asked myself, “Did he really create the situation?” and more importantly, “Is it helpful to worry about how a situation was created?”

Sometimes it is obvious when we create a situation, such as choosing to accept a job offer. At other times our lack of action creates a situation, like having your power turned off for failing to pay an electric bill.

But just because something is happening in my life does not mean that I have created it. I think this is one of the areas in which Law of Attraction teaching only goes so far. To assume I am creating everything in my life would mean that my intention is more powerful than the free will of the people around me.

For example, if I am sitting in my living room and a baseball smashes through my front window, it wasn't because I created that situation.

Even if you are willing to argue that I did somehow create the situation of the baseball shattering the window, in the short term it doesn't matter how or why it happened. What matters is what comes next as the window will not fix itself. It is up to me to take responsibility for the broken window, clear up the glass so that nobody gets hurt, and have the window fixed to keep the elements out.

One of the pitfalls of looking at the world through the eyes of “how we created” a situation is it can impede the healing process. It's often helpful to reflect on why something happened so it won't happen again. At the same time, if we are only trying to figure out how it was created or how we created it, we will get stuck.

In our example, if I am only worried about how and why the baseball came through my window, my living room will remain covered with broken glass.

For me, it is much better first to respond to what I am responsible for in a situation without allowing myself to get entangled in the emotional trap of wondering why or how I got there.

In the example of my client with Lyme disease, worrying about the specifics of how he got it will not be helpful. More than likely he will never again be in a situation where he is exposed to the disease. Instead he can move forward by recognizing what he is responsible for. He is responsible for how he feels physically right now, for taking his medication, following his doctor's advice, and understanding the lifestyle choices and environments that cause a flare up of the symptoms.

By focusing on what we are responsible for we are able to leave behind the emotions of what was and move to the energy of working with what is.

That is why I think it is so important that we understand the difference between creating and being responsible for something in our lives. First, I respond to what I am responsible for. This is what is in front of me and what I am going to do next. Once that is done there will be the opportunity to ask questions about how something was created. It might be the consequence of a choice I made, the choices of others, or a situation that will never happen again.

Doing our investigation in this order allows us to take care of the healing in the most efficient order and prevents us from taking more responsibility than is warranted.

Click here to read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #511: How Our Ancestral Past Makes Us Feel Unsafe Today

June 9, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

As my friend Jondi Whitis likes to say, “At our core we are herd animals.” This statement has some profound impact when it comes to how we see ourselves, the actions we take, and how self-sabotaging behaviors show up in our lives.

When we are making choices and taking action, we aren't just considering facts and practicalities, we are also influenced by our genetic heritage.

This week I explore how some of our hardwired survival instincts impact our ability to make choices that line up with our authentic selves AND how we can use tapping to get past this and live the lives we want.

Link mentioned in the episode:

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Click here to Read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Knowing Good Enough Is Good Enough OR The Myth Of Excellence

June 2, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

Note: This article was originally shared on June 4th, 2013. This is an updated and edited version of that article.

While working with small business owners I bump into the issue of perfectionism a great deal. We all worry about what other people think of us but this becomes a particularly acute problem for small business owners whose success is directly related to their personal credibility and how they are perceived by others.

As an example, a client I'll call “Jane” was building a WordPress website for her business and she was unsure how she wanted it to look.

WordPress allows users to change the look and feel of an entire website at the click of a button by switching from one theme to another. There are thousands of free WordPress themes and Jane was overwhelmed by the choice. She wanted the website to be just perfect.

What Is “Just Perfect”?

I find the concept of “just perfect” interesting. What exactly does that mean?

For many the idea of “just perfect” means that what we choose has to be top of the line or in the top one percent. It needs to be better than everyone else.

But is that really worth striving for?

I don't think it is.

Often “just perfect” means that it is doing its job.

Where building a new website is concerned, it needs to provide information to prospective clients, so “just perfect” means that the site is visually clear, and easy to navigate and understand.

A $40 logo can be perfectly acceptable, so there's no need to spend $4000 on one.

Plain, easy-to-read text does the job just fine, so animations and videos are optional extras.

Ideally, a website is a delivery system for great content. Jane's readers will visit the site because of what they want to learn, not because of its fancy design.

That's not to downplay beautiful design and the thought that goes into the look and feel of a good website BUT it's important to understand the concept of “good enough”. Especially when we are just starting out, good enough is an excellent goal.

When Not Perfect = Failing

It is amazing that many of us feel like we have failed when something is just good enough.

We have been taught constantly to strive for better. We have been encouraged to dream. We long for a richer life. Because of all this expectation, we believe that if something isn't perfect, then it is bad.

I believe that in the majority of cases, good enough IS good enough!

Years ago, my father gave me a great example of understanding this concept. In order to sell a new product at work he needed to get at least 70% in a certification exam. In the weeks leading up to the exam he studied diligently. When he got home from the test I asked him how he did and he told me, “I got 74%…I studied too hard.”

He knew exactly what good enough was. He wasn’t looking for an ego boost in wanting the best score in the region or needing to prove anything to himself (or anyone else). He just needed to pass the test so that he could move on to the next thing.

Being Perfect At Being Good Enough

I was talking about the idea of “good enough is good enough” with another client. She asked, “How do I master the idea of ‘knowing good enough is good enough’?”

I paused for a moment.

And then she laughed at herself as she realized how ridiculous that statement was…she had just asked “How do I be perfect at ‘not needing to be perfect all the time'?”

The key to transforming our sense of perfectionism is first to be easy with ourselves, and to be easy with the process of not being so hard on ourselves. By doing this we can focus on what is needed to be successful and release the need for everything to be perfect in order to be successful.

Here's a tapping script you can use when you are struggling with the need to be perfect when good enough is just that:

It is important that I continue to strive in my life…There are parts of my life that I would like to be richer…There are relationships I would like to be fuller…I have gifts and talents I want to share with the world…But this doesn't mean that everything has to be the very best…It is important that I keep all of my goals in perspective…Just because something can be done better doesn't mean that it has to be done better…My laundry needs to be folded well enough…My bed needs to be made well enough…My car needs to be parallel parked well enough…It is possible for me to do all these things better…But nothing would be achieved by the extra effort…There are so many things I would like to grow into…That I need only spend as much time as is necessary on each task…I don't want to do less than is necessary…But it is important that I maintain balance and perspective…What is essential is the final goal…Not each of the pieces…I give myself permission to be comfortable with good enough…And to know that good enough isn't settling…But instead by achieving good enough I am giving myself the time and resources for all the parts making up what I am trying to achieve…I am going to keep the big picture in mind…To understand what is good enough in each situation…Good enough is not failing…It is good enough…And that is just perfect.

Click here to Read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #510: The Reason I Wasn’t Taking Action

May 26, 2021 by Gene Monterastelli

One of my favorite ways to use tapping is to help people to take the actions they want more consistently. At this point it is probably the number one focus of my work with clients in private sessions.

It's an issue that I love working with BUT it doesn't mean that I am immune to self-sabotage in my own life.

In August of 2019 I conceived a new project that resonated with me all the way to my core. It felt more like a calling than a project. It is now 19 months later and I am just now getting around to doing it.

In this week's podcast I talk about how and why I got in my own way, the catalyst that pushed me past my fear and, most importantly, how you too can use these same steps to take charge of your own sabotaging behaviors.

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