Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Why Work With A Practitioner and What Characteristics To Look For

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Gene, You have so many great resources on your web site. Aren't you worried you are going to put yourself out of business? Why would someone hire you (or any practitioner for that matter) when they can get so many free resources online at your site and other sites like EFT Universe?

photo by msspider66

This is a question I get quite a bit. But I think it has the exact opposite effect. I think there are four reasons why someone would work with a practitioner and I believe my web presence only helps me when it comes time for someone to pick a practitioner because I hope I am demonstrating these qualities.

Here are the four reasons why I work a practitioner (because I go to someone for my own work):

Expertise
There is more to Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping than just knowing the tapping points and the set up phrases. The basic recipe is a great place to start and for most people it is the only tapping tool they are going to need. But there are going to be times when the basic recipe is not enough to quickly knock out an issue.

For example, tapping is great for dealing with cravings, but it might take a very long time to knock out the root cause of the craving by only tapping on the symptom – the craving itself. Because of the training a qualified practitioner has, they are going to be able to cut to the quick on an issue like this. They are more than likely going to knock out the issue in just one session.

I think Gary Craig's assertion that the basic recipe is enough to take care of any issue is correct but for some issues there are much faster ways of healing. By working with a skilled practitioner their expertise is going to speed-up the healing process.

Experience
One of the benefits of working with an experienced practitioner is knowing that they have been down this road before and they are not going to be surprised by the possible outcomes.

I can remember the first time with a tapping client where there was a very unexpected jump. We were doing some work on a craving and all of a sudden we were talking about a very traumatic event from the client's childhood. Even though this jump was something that was unexpected, because of the training and experience I had with age regression from my hypnosis training it didn't catch me off guard.

An experienced practitioner is going be able to work with many different issues and know how to deal with something that is unexpected. In addition to begin able to work with the unexpected they are also going to be able to know when they are in over their head. I think knowing when you are not qualified to work with something is a very important skill to have. Experience doesn't guarantee that a practitioner has learned this skill, but they are more likely to understand this point of view.

Distance
One of the great skills that any practitioner has isn't really a skill at all. The simple fact that they are not caught-up in the client’s emotions means that the practitioner is going to see the situation much more clearly.

This is the reason we go to our friends for advice. Sometimes we even seek advice from friends in areas that we know more than they do, but we know that their outside point of view is going to see things we can't. I have had client sessions where I was able to help a client heal and transform with one simple observation.

I was recently working with a client who has been dealing with Lyme disease for a number of years. While tapping on how his body was dealing with it I suggested, “Maybe the system is trying as hard as it can and it is just really tired. That is why it is not being as successful as it could be.”

He said, “Wow! That is a completely new way of looking at this. I have been so mad at my body for not doing better. It never crossed my mind that it was really trying hard and that I need to support its work. I need to stop beating it up.”

The interesting thing about this exchange was that right before I made my observation he had described his body as being like a damp, rung-out rag. I just took his metaphor and said it back to him in new words. My distance from the situation provided the insight.

There is a second way that distance server a good practitioner. When working with someone else, it frees you from having to think about how to deal with an issue and actually deal with the issue at the same time. This came to my attention with a recent client.

To start a tapping session we did a simple exercise that I like to call “clearing the decks.” It is a very simple few rounds of tapping where we tune-in to the whole constellation of emotions they are feeling in the moment, we thank the emotions for doing their job, and we let them know they have been heard. By doing this we end up with a much clearer mind with which to tune-in to the issue we want to work on.

After a few minutes of tapping I asked my client how she felt. She replied, “I feel much more clam. I try to do that exercise all the time, but I can't seem to get the same effect. When you lead me through that, I can just tap and not give it any thought. It is much easier to relax when that is the case.”

It is so much easier to focus on one thing. When working with someone else we don't have to worry about how we are going to deal with an issue. We can just sit back, tap along, and let the practitioner guide us.

Accountability Structure
If there weren't such a thing as resistance we would have already made the change. Resistance is a fact of life. There are lots of reasons why we don't do the tapping we need to do or why we don't do it as completely as we could. It can be scary to do the work on our own. It can be uncomfortable to tune-in to negative emotions. There are a million other things that we feel we need to do with our time.

By working with someone else we are creating an accountably structure to increase our progress. First, when we are working with someone else they can help us to push-through the resistance. We are more likely to do our daily tapping when we know we are going to have to report to someone else in our next sessions. A good practitioner is going to push us (gently) to look at aspects we wouldn't be brave enough to look at on our own. Finally, a skilled practitioner is going to keep looping back over the same issue again and again to make sure we have taken care of all of the aspects when we might stop work a little sooner on our own.

Not For Everyone and Not For Every Issue
One of the reasons I love tapping is because it puts an amazing tool at everyone's disposal. There are going to be times when we all need (myself included) to reach out to a skilled professional to help us move through an issue quickly and safely.

Writing Articles To Build Your Practice – Part 1: Before You Start

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I know creating free content is a great way to show your competence and experience as a practitioner. You create so much stuff for your site and other sites. I would love to start to write stuff about tapping but don't know where to begin. How do you come up with ideas, and what is your process for writing?

photo by churl

Before we get too far into answering this question, I want to make one thing very clear. You don't need to create as much content as I do. When it comes to content creation I am extreme. Some weeks I spend as much as 15 hours on content creation between the free resources I provide on this site and products I sell in the on-line store.

I create free content for three reasons (in no particular order):

  • It is a great way to build my reputation as a trusted expert. The more quality material I create the more proof I am providing that I can be trusted with client's time, money, and issues.
  • I learn something in the process. Many times when I think I am dashing-off a quick e-mail in response to a reader's question it turns into a 750 word article. When I am done writing I think, “Wow, I didn't realize I believed that?!?” I have found explaining what I know is a great way to learn new ideas and gain mastery over the knowledge.
  • I really enjoy it. Explaining difficult concepts in simple ways is something I enjoy. There are days when writing feels like a chore, but most days I love the process.

Some of my favorite Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping writers only create new content a few times a year. You don't need to write as much as I do for you to get some or all of the benefits listed above.

The goal is to get started. In the first year of this web site I wrote less than 20 articles (less than two a month). At the time it didn't seem like a lot, but if someone visited my site for the first time after that first year it looked like a more comprehensive site.

If you do a little bit every now and then you are going to be surprised (in a very pleasant way) with what you end up with.

We are going to look at this process in three parts. First, we are going to look at what to keep in mind when you are starting. Second, we are going to look at the different types of articles you can write. I have found it much easier to start when I have a more defined form or type of article to work within. Finally, we will look at how to pick a topic and how to start.

[Once published all three parts of this series can be found @ content creation series]

Getting started can be the hardest part. There are few things more intimidating than a blank page. There are endless possibilities but you don't know where start. Here a few things to keep mind.

It's called a first draft for a reason
We know what the finished product is supposed to look like. Even if we don't know what we are going to say we know the look, feel, and quality of a finished piece. When we start we don't have a finished product.

That's okay.

Your first draft is going to be rough. Things aren't going to be in the right order. You aren't going to explain things the way you’d like. You might not even know where you are going to end.

Sometimes the only thing that comes from a writing session is knowing how you are not going to explain something. The only way you are going to get to the finished product is to get the rough draft out of the way.

One of my favorite tricks is to turn off my monitor and just to start typing the article. This prevents me from being over-critical and going back to edit things while writing. By just letting it flow to begin with I can get the ideas out and then come back to polish it.

You don't need to explain everything all at once
One of the biggest mistakes writers make is trying to do too much in one article. Remember, the article you are working on right now is just one article. You don't need to do it all at once. The first article I ever wrote about Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping wasn't about tapping at all. My first article was how to make tapping a part of your everyday routine.

I didn't talk about the tapping points. I didn't talk about psychological reversal. I didn't talk about the movie technique or the palace of possibilities. I chose a very narrow topic and explained it completely. When I try to do too much in a single article I end up not explaining anything very well. It's okay (and preferable) to choose a narrow topic.

If you are looking for a great example of effective short blog posts check out Seth Godin's blog. His entries are regularly less than 300 words.

Not everything is going to be great
Not every article you are going to write is going to be perfect. Not every article you write is going to be great. Not every idea you have is going to be earth-shattering.

That is okay.

Not every episode of The Simpsons is great. Not every movie directed by Spielberg is perfect. Not every resource on this site is amazing. (I know, it is hard to believe!).

This doesn't mean that we don't strive for excellence in our work, and this doesn't mean that we are satisfied with sharing crap. (There are articles that I have written that you will never see.)

One of the reasons I write articles is to get better at writing articles. From time to time I go back to re-read some of my earlier articles. It becomes (painfully) obvious how much better I am today at explaining things to my readers. Not only am I a better writer, but I know more because of my previous writings.

Not everything is going to be for everyone
Everything we write isn't going to perfect for everyone. When I write something I know that all six billion people of the world aren't going to read it, much less learn something from it.

When I started this site I was responding to an e-mail question I received. My thought was, “Instead of answering this question for one person, wouldn't it be cool if twenty five people read my response.”

There are times that I write things for a more general audience while other times I am writing for a much more specific audience. Take this article for example. Less than 15% of my readership is composed of actual EFT practitioners. I am okay knowing that the vast majority of the people who visit my site are not going to read these words.

If you write about a topic well, the right people are going to find their way to the article.

Even if you are writing something that has been written a hundred times before it doesn't mean the person who is reading it has read it before. You have access to people whom I will never have access to. Not only are you a unique voice in sharing information, you have unique avenues through which to share it.

Just know that you don't need to be all things to all people.

Conclusion
Now you know a few things to keep in mind before you start. In part 2 we will look at the types of articles you can write.

The Danger Of The Word “Need”

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photo by Omar MK

[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind, thereby giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]

Because of my training in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), I listen very closely to the words that people use. My clients find this skill very useful because it is helpful in finding the logical errors in their speech which, in turn, helps us to find root causes of core issues. My friends, on the other hand, simply find it annoying (kind of like the verbal grammar police).

One of the words that I always focus-in on is the word “need”. Very rarely when we use the word “need” do we mean “need”.

Recently Leo Babauta wrote very elegantly on the topic of need on his blog Minimalist in the article Letting Go of Fake Needs:

Our lives are filled with things we need to do. Until we look a little more closely at those needs.

Think about what needs you might have: the need to check your email every 15 minutes, or empty your inbox, or read all your blogs, or keep something perfectly neat, or dress to work in the latest fashions. The need to constantly badger your kids about things, or control your co-workers, or meet with everyone who wants a meeting, or be wealthier and wealthier, or own a nice car.

Where do these types of needs come from? They’re completely made up.

Sometimes the needs are created by society: the industry you’re in requires you to work until 9 p.m. or dress in impeccable suits. Your neighborhood has certain standards and if you don’t have an impeccable lawn and two BMWs in the driveway, you’ll be judged. If you don’t have the latest iPhone, you won’t have your geek cred or status symbol, and you’ll be jealous of those who do.

Sometimes the needs are made up by ourselves: we feel the urge to check our emails or RSS feeds or news websites or text messages or Twitter accounts constantly, even though there is no negative societal or work consequences if we don’t keep up with them. We want a perfectly made up bed even if no one else cares. We want to create a list of goals in life or for the year and achieve every one of them, even if nothing bad will happen if we don’t achieve most of them.

This article clearly points out one of the ways we use the word “need” inaccurately. Most of the time when we use the word “need” we mean “really want.”

The problem with the word “need” isn't a problem of communication with others. When you say, “I need a cup of coffee,” I don't think you need coffee to live the same way you need oxygen to live. I know you are really saying, “I would really, really like a cup of coffee and the quality of my life will improve in the short term with a cup of coffee.”

The real problem with the word “need” is a problem of communication with ourselves. When we say we need something our system responds by trying to fill that desire as if it were an absolute.

If we take the body’s need for oxygen as an extreme example, we can quickly see how this can cause problems. When the body is without oxygen it will do anything it can to get it. Try to prevent your body from getting oxygen. No matter how hard you try you can't prevent your system from trying to get oxygen.

Even if you go under water to prevent getting oxygen, at a certain point the system is going to force your mouth open in an attempt to get what it needs. Obviously, in the example of being under water it is not going to work, as you will suck water into your lungs. Even with the conscious knowledge that opening your mouth under water to get oxygen is not only going to not give you oxygen, but will be harmful to your health, your system’s real need forces you to do it.

Our subconscious mind is very literal. It doesn't understand nuance. It doesn't understand the difference between “need” and “really, really want.” Each time we speak a desire we are giving a command to our system.

  • “I need coffee to get going in the morning.”
  • “I need to get this done before I move forward.”
  • “I need to get rid of this debt before I can start a long term relationship.”

With each of these statements you are creating a contract with yourself that part of your system is going to want to live up to. I am not saying that the entire system is going to spend all of its resources to live-up to these contracts the same way the system seeks oxygen, but it is going to strive to fulfill this named need.

Here is how the system responds to these simple statements.

  • I am going to spend part of my time and attention on finding coffee regardless what task is in front of me. AND, I am not going to believe I am not happy and ready for the day without coffee.
  • I am going to ignore any and all opportunities that present themselves for me to move towards my goals until I get everything done I feel I need to get done.
  • I am not going to start dating and sabotage any and every relationship until I get rid of this debt.

In all three examples there is a kernel of truth. A small caffeine boost can be helpful to start the day, being distracted by future projects can hinder us from getting done what needs to be done, and it is good to start a long-term relationship without a lot of personal debt.

I know you consciously understand these statements are not truly absolute terms.

The system doesn't notice these subtleties and this is where the problems begin.

To solve this problem all you need to do is pay attention to what you are saying. Every time you use the word “need,” transform the statement into a more accurate statement.

  • Most mornings I feel a lot better after my first cup of coffee. Today I have a feeling I will feel better after having some coffee.
  • It is really important that I don't get too wrapped-up in future projects while I still have tasks to get done.
  • It would be really nice to start my next long-term relationship without a huge amount of debt hanging over my head.

Those changes seem very small, but they make a big difference in the way we respond to our day.

If this is something you sometimes struggle with, here is a way you can use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping to respond:

I say the phrase “I need” a lot . . . in most cases I don't really mean that I need something . . . but instead I really want something . . . I know there is a difference between these two ideas . . . but sometimes my system doesn't know the difference . . . there are going to be times in the future where I will say “I need” when what I really mean is “I want” . . . that is okay . . . right now my goal is just to be more observant of my speech . . . when I say “I need” I am going to take a minute to rephrase what I mean . . . by saying what I really mean . . . as I start to see the way I use the word “need” I am going to get better and better about what I am saying . . . as I start to describe my wants better . . . then I am going to set myself up for success . . . it is okay that I said “I need” too much in the past . . . now is the time to be more accurate with what I say . . . as I change this it will make moving forward easier and easier.

Pod #45: Three Step Approach To Surrogate Tapping w/ Gwyneth Moss

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One of the questions I get the most often into the site is about surrogate tapping. In this interview Gwyneth explains how she came to understand the power of surrogate tapping and a very elegant three step approach that anyone can do any time. Over the course of the interview we talk about surrogate tapping for animals as well as people. We even spend a little time talking about if we need to get permission to tap surrogately for someone else.


Gwyneth Moss

Guest: Gwyneth Moss

Contact: web @ EFThelps.com; email @ contact form; web @ Annual EFT Gathering

About Gwyneth: Gwyneth Moss is one of the original EFT Masters and the founder of the EFT Gathering annual community conference which has run since 2009. With a degree in Physics and an MBA she is known for the clarity and depth of her teaching style and for her innovative techniques which include EFT Imagineering; Protective Distancing; Projection Tapping; The Surrogate EFT Protocol and more. Gwyneth teaches EFT in the glorious countryside of Yorkshire and at Esalen, Big Sur, CA.

What more info on surrogate tapping:

Weight Loss with EFT against All Odds

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[Note From Gene: I have encountered a number of people who are willing to try Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping, but because they don't get earth shattering results right away they give up. There are many times issues can be cleared up right away, but that is not always the case.

Here is a great example, by Lynne Shaner, of the power of tapping when it is applied in a systematic way and applied to many different aspects of the issues. In this example she uses tapping for the emotions she is feeling, the medical treatment she is receiving, and for the cravings. This is a model we can all learn from.]

    Lynne Shaner is an EFT practitioner and hypnotherapist. She is director of Praxis: Wellness in Life + Work and has a practice based in Washington DC, where she works with clients locally and by phone/skype.

photo by James Jordan

I work every day as an EFT practitioner, and reassure my clients that EFT works. I also use hypnotherapy—the two are beautiful together. But then, sometimes, my own concerns need to be worked on, and I find myself as worried as a newcomer—will this work? What should I say? This is a medical thing—-how can it work?

As ever, we try it on everything. Most recently, I had a perfect storm of problems that pointed to a bad outcome. EFT did work, I am happy to report—though it took persistence.

Last December, I was faced with a difficult situation. Because of a serious medical condition, I had to go on a massive dose of steroids. I had tried other approaches but the condition was not improving, so steroids were necessary. It was the holiday season, the season of wonderful, high-calorie food. I had just turned 51 and my doctor and just let me know that menopause was in full swing. And now I was on heavy-duty steroids. A prescription for significant weight gain. I was terrified that I would gain twenty or more pounds. I had just lost a few pounds, and needed to lose about 10 more. I told my doctor that I intended to do just that and he basically said that it was impossible, that mostly (in almost 100% of the cases he worked with) people gained weight on steroids; they never lost weight.

So—a challenge. I decided to make this into a test of EFT. What would I do if a client came to me with this concern? And what might be possible? The story ends on a good note—I lost weight (and the steroids and other EFT work did the job of fixing the medical problem.)

Here’s how it worked.

Addressing the Fear
First, I addressed all of the fears I had, tapping on every fear and worry I had. I used language like this:

Even though I am afraid I’ll gain weight…
Even though obesity runs in my family and I’m now on steroids and I’m afraid I’ll gain weight…
Even though I’m starting menopause and women always gain weight, and now I’m on steroids so it must double the problem….
Even though my doctor believes I will gain weight…

I addressed all of the fears I had, all of the stories about weight gain with steroids, with menopause, and my fear that this was just a completely impossible situation.

I did this many times—not just once. Whenever fears came up, I addressed them, throughout the eight months I was on steroids.

Addressing the Medical Treatment
I then, every day, did a little ritual with my medication. I told my body, while tapping, that these were miracle drugs, and that we could take the miracles and leave the rest…that there was no need to take on any side effects.

I also did a little Reiki on the pills each morning before I took them, allowing them to be “blessed” with energy that I intended for healing—-without side effects.

When fear came up, I’d do a little round on that:

Even though I am afraid of the side effects, especially weight gain and sleeplessness…
Even though these are so powerful and I’m still afraid of them…I love and accept myself and I’m giving my body permission to take the miracles and leave the rest.

Doing the Footwork
I spent a lot of time online looking for “weight loss while on steroids,” and there isn’t much there. But there was one story of a woman who did lose weight while on steroids. That’s all I needed. If one other person could do it, so could I—especially since I have EFT at my fingertips. The power of suggestion, her example to me, helped lift my sense of hopefulness.

The other critically important part of the footwork was to do the calorie calculation needed to lose weight. I did that and lopped off a few more—(consult your medical doctor, please; I am not a health care professional and did what worked for me—you and your body’s needs are different from mine.). I stuck rigidly, religiously, slavishly to my nutritional program, which was a low-calorie regime. No exceptions. I was absolutely rigid on this.

Dealing with Cravings
The dirty little secret of steroids is that not only do they have the capacity for wreaking all sorts of havoc, they give you the appetite of a teenage linebacker. I was no exception. I wanted to eat everything in my path. So—I treated myself as I would an alcoholic and assigned myself a tapping routine for each time the cravings came up. Sometimes I had time to do a whole round:

Even though I want this (name the specific food) so badly, I love and accept myself and it’s ok to let it go…
Even though I feel hungry, and this looks so good, I love and accept myself and it’s ok to have water instead
Even though I really, really want this, I’m going to be ok without it….

Sometimes I wanted to rush into the refrigerator and there seemed to be no time for a round, so I tapped on the collar point and just said “releasing this craving,” as many times as I needed to (backing out of the kitchen.)

What Happened?
Month one: Five pounds dropped off. My doctor said he had never experienced that with a patient.

Month two: Another five pounds.

Month three: Three more pounds and I was at my goal weight. Again, the doctor just said that he had never seen this before.

Month eight: Steroid usage complete and terminated. I have kept the weight off and now am back to normal.

Mindful, creative use of EFT achieved what is considered to be practically impossible, given all of the factors in my situation. I lost weight while on steroids, going through menopause, despite starting off during a high-calorie holiday time. From now on I’ll never question whether EFT works for weight loss—in my own body and in any client’s. As long as the steps I outline above are used consistently, it is very likely to work every time.