Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Recovering Self – A Healing Manifesto

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After months of work it is finally here: “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto”

A manifesto is nothing more than a statement of beliefs. This is what I believe about the healing process. This is not about tapping the tool, but what happens when we heal and transform. This is how I think when I am working with clients.

You can download the pdf or mp3 book for free here:

PDF Book Version (updated 10/25/2010)

Recuperando el Ser – Un Manifiesto de Sanación Español PDF “Traducido por Vera C. Malbaski” (Thanks to Vera! )

Audio Book Version (updated 10/15/2010)

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Who “Recover Self – A Healing Manifesto” is For:

This if for anyone who is interested in transforming their lives, healing past wounds, and people who are trying to understand how this process happen. If you want to understand yourself a little better it is for you.

What You Will Learn In “Recovering Self – A Healing Manifesto”:

  • Why you stop the healing process even when you know the steps you should take
  • Why others don't want you to heal
  • The two categories that all healing falls into
  • What you need to know (and what you don't need to know) to heal
  • How to stop fighting yourself and start healing

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Like it? See something that is miss? Am I Wrong?

1) Let me know what you think in the comment section.

2) Tell a friend, a loved one, a client, your mailing list, or your enemies. This is free so tell the world about it. It would mean a lot to me.

Announcement

Thoughts on Surrogate Tapping By Gwyneth Moss

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Gwyneth Moss is an EFT Master and Trainer based in Yorkshire, United Kingdom. She currently offers EFT Level 1, 2 and 3 Workshops in the UK and for EFTUniverse in San Francisco, California.

photo by Stefano Corso

In Gary Craig’s retirement blog he said there are two things about EFT “What it does and Where it points” and that Surrogate Tapping is leading us to “Where it points.” When I first found EFT, the tapping itself was weird enough for me and the idea that you could tap on your own face and something would change for someone else at a distance was just too woo-woo.

However for the last few years I have been intrigued by experiences and stories of distant work. My first experience was when a passenger in heavy rush hour traffic in the centre of Manchester and my friend Masha who was driving complained of a 10/10 headache like a vice. Almost as a joke I started tapping on myself whilst she concentrated on navigating the crowded narrow streets. To the amazement of both of us her headache eased to a 6 then a 2 and then she forget it had ever been there.

Later I designed a group exercise to teach EFT Practitioners how to work with groups and deliver the borrowing benefits instructions. To illustrate that it does not matter who we borrow benefits from or how unrelated their problem, I had a member of the group role play their pet whist we all tapped along. My expectation that anything would change for the pet was close to zero. However if you read Two Cats and a Puppy (pdf), you can read the full story of Oscar the cat and how the tremor in his tail disappeared.

These tapping circles with animal role play continued and a succession of animals changed their behaviour. From this and with my colleague Heather Smiles who does marvelous work tapping for horses, we developed a three stage protocol for surrogate tapping using animals as our teachers. The three stages we call “talk about,” “talk to,” and “talk as.”

The three stages are designed to get you out of the way and gently increase the connection to the other’s energy. Here I’d simply like to share some of our learnings:

  1. Get yourself out of the way. Work first on your own stuff about wanting or needing change in the other. You have to simply get out of the way and let healing flow through you. This is not about your agenda. You are not out to “fix” someone. You are simply offering healing that they can accept or not. Think of it as a means of loosening an energetic stuckness around the person. Be unattached to the outcome. When that stuck energy starts to move the change will be how they choose to use that for themselves. It may not be the outcome you desire.
  2. Allow the words to come to you in a stream of consciousness. Don’t think about it or analyze. What comes may surprise you or be unexpected, that’s ok and if you feel like you are making it up then that is ok too. Let yourself pretend.
  3. Do not lead or use positive suggestion or over optimistic reframes. Stick to simple EFT, being specific and cleaning up all aspects. With animals the times it has not worked is when there has been direct suggestion of change – leading. Try to find or imagine earlier events, in what context would this behavior or emotion make sense.
  4. Start by telling the story, the facts and the feelings about the other, talk in the third person as you tap on yourself. That may lead you to having an imaginary dialogue as you talk to them, allow some silences for the responses and again let yourself pretend or make it up. And keep tapping.
  5. Don’t go to the first person “talk as” tapping unless you intuitively feel an open door, an energetic permission. Trust your intuition. And don’t worry if that door feels closed just continue with the “talk about” and “talk to” tapping, that is often sufficient. If you efforts are perceived as unwanted or you are working to your own agenda at best you will get nowhere at worst you may get an energetic kick back.
  6. Be relaxed and don’t go looking for changes after your tapping to “prove” that it worked. Sometimes the change may be something other that that which you directly tapped for.
  7. Find someone to partner you. It’s a good idea to do surrogate tapping together with a partner and this is how we teach it in the workshops. One of you manages the content by telling the story or role playing. The other of you manages the EFT process by asking simple questions, identifying aspects, testing and keeping the flow going.

What more info on surrogate tapping:

Pod #44: Interviewing, Being Interviewed and Lessons Learned w/ Jessica Ortner

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Over the past few years I have been lucky enough to get to know Jessica Ortner through a number of projects. She just has a wonderful, joyful spirit. I asked Jessica if she would be willing to be interviewed for the podcast and she was initially a little bit hesitant as she is very good at doing interviews, but being interviewed isn't something she is used to.

We talked about how to do interviews and how to do a good job as an interviewee. My favorite part of our talk was exploring some of the lessons and wisdom Jessica has learned from all the great people she has has the opportunity to interview.


Jessica Ortner

About Jessica Otrner: Jessica is the producer of the documentary film on meridian tapping “The Tapping Solution.” She has been heard by over 100,000 people worldwide interviewing experts on Meridian Tapping for the Tapping World Summit.

Coming Up With A More Accurate Description of How You Feel: Part 2 Positive Emotions

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photo by Thai Jasmine

We know the more specific we are when describing the issue the faster we are going to find relief. Sometime we think we are being specific when we really aren't as specific as we can be.

Most of the time when I am working with a client and I ask them how they are feeling at any give point in the session I am given a one-word answer. “Angry.” “Sad.” “Confused.” I normally will ask a follow up question along the lines of “[insert emotion] how?”

The reason I do this is because there are many different shades to emotions. There is “angry=I need space” and “angry =I need to punch the wall.” The clearer we are with the particular shade of the emotion the easier it is going to be to clear it out.

Below you will find a list of positive emotions created by The Center For Nonviolent Communication. This list can be very helpful when you are trying to describe what you would like to achieve. It is not enough to say “I want to be happy.” Figure out what happy means to you.. I would keep this list handy when tapping. Just read through the list and see which emotions ring true at the moment.

[h/t to Rod Sherwin's blog for pointing out this resource.]

AFFECTIONATE
compassionate
friendly
loving
open hearted
sympathetic
tender
warm

ENGAGED
absorbed
alert
curious
engrossed
enchanted
entranced
fascinated
interested
intrigued
involved
spellbound
stimulated

HOPEFUL
expectant
encouraged
optimistic

 CONFIDENT
empowered
open
proud
safe
secure

EXCITED
amazed
animated
ardent
aroused
astonished
dazzled
eager
energetic
enthusiastic
giddy
invigorated
lively
passionate
surprised
vibrant

 GRATEFUL
appreciative
moved
thankful
touched

INSPIRED
amazed
awed
wonder

JOYFUL
amused
delighted
glad
happy
jubilant
pleased
tickled

EXHILARATED
blissful
ecstatic
elated
enthralled
exuberant
radiant
rapturous
thrilled

 PEACEFUL
calm
clear headed
comfortable
centered
content
equanimous
fulfilled
mellow
quiet
relaxed
relieved
satisfied
serene
still
tranquil
trusting

REFRESHED
enlivened
rejuvenated
renewed
rested
restored
revived

(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org
Phone: +1.505.244.4041

When We Keep Making The Same Poor Choice

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Gene, I really like the concept you talk about all the time about how the system is always trying to do what is best for us. I especially like the way you describe the way a part of the system are trying to be helpful but sometimes is really causing trouble because it isn't working in the most helpful way. (I think you use the analogy of being afraid of mice. The fear is trying to keep us safe, which is good, but there is no real danger.) My question is this: How come my system knows that eating lots of ice cream isn't good for me, but I still crave (and eat) a large bowl every night after work? If my system were really trying to do what is best for it wouldn't be craving something that isn't healthy. I'm I doing something wrong or does my system have it out for me?

This is a great question. You are exactly right. The system is only going to do what is best for us. With that being said it seems odd that it would encourage us in the form of cravings to do something that was away from health and well-being especially when we know what health and well being is.

The answer can be found in understanding what to “do what is best for us” means.

The reason you are having a hard time with the craving is because the system has been put in a position of having to choose between two things that have benefits, but each of these outcomes also have some negative side effect(s). Because there is not a cut a dry best choice it makes the decision harder (and as we will see, it is very hard for the subconscious to deal with the understanding the future).

Let's look at a much simpler example of this situation to see the concept in action. Then we will apply that information to the situation that is posed in the question.

Let's pretend that it is late afternoon/early evening and you are gripped with a horrible migraine headache. This is one of those headaches that blurs your vision and makes you nauseous. If left untreated you are not going to be able to eat dinner and you are not going to sleep much tonight. (Not to mention you are in horrific pain.)

You have some medicine that can remove the all the symptoms of the pain and nausea. If you take it you are going to be able to sleep through the night, but because it takes a little time for the medicine to clear the system you are going to wake up a little groggy in the morning and you are not going to be very sharp until about lunchtime.

I don't know about you, but I am going to willing to exchange a slightly groggy morning to be pain free and nausea free right now. Even if I know I am going to be wiped out for the whole morning the next day I am going to be very temped to take the medicine. I am in pain right now and I am going to be willing to exchange that for a somewhat undefined feeling pain in the future.

The example of the ice cream given in the question has exact same situation happening. I just happens to be in a much more subtle form.

Typically when we are dealing with a craving it is because there is something that is currently undesirable going on inside of us. In most cases it is a negative emotion like anger, loneliness, and/or hopelessness. The system doesn't want to feel these emotions and it knows that there are certain foods that are going cover these emotions.

That is the reason we call some foods comfort food. Much like an aspirin provides comfort to our headache, comfort food provides relief to our undesirable emotions. In the example given in the question more than likely there is a negative emotion that is being experienced at the end of the workday and the system is just trying to comfort and mask it.

Much like the example of the migraine headache the system is trading comforting the negative emotion for the possibility of having negative health outcomes from eating ice cream every day.

With that being said there is one big difference between the decision to take the migraine medicine and the craving for comfort food. When we choose to take the migraine medicine we are making the decision with our conscious minds. We are able to choose the long-term goal over the short-term relief. It might be hard to put up with the pain, but if we have something really important the next morning we might choose to endure the pain right now so we are sharp in the morning.

The subconscious mind is not capable of this sort of understanding. To the subconscious mind the only moment is now. The subconscious doesn't understand the past or future. Since the subconscious only knows this moment it is not going to be able to consider the long-term consequences of the choice very well (if at all). In this case it only knows the pain of this moment and what it can do to comfort it.

The subconscious mind is doing “what is best for us” through the lens of it recognizes pain (the negative emotion) and it is going to do what it can to care for us (crave something that is going to mask the emotion).

That is the reason that it is so important for us to use tool like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping to work with the underlying issues that are creating our “too much” behaviors (like craving too much ice cream).

Sure it is possible to tap every time a craving comes up to make it go away so we make a good choice in the moment, but it is much more effective if we are able to deal with the underlying issue which eliminates the lingering negative emotions. When the lingering negative emotions are gone then the system isn't going to have something to comfort and the craving will disappear.