Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #380: Tapping For When We Need To Make An Ask

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Human beings are social creatures.

That means that in order to thrive, we need to do more than just interact with others, we need to work together, whether collaboratively in a professional context, or by sharing enjoyable activities in our social lives.

Whenever we ask someone to do something with or for us, we risk being turned down. That may seem obvious, but there is a deeper issue at play because on a subconscious level, a rejection may be read as a rejection of us and who we are.

Even though this isn't the case, if we are struggling with that emotion, we are unlikely to take the action that we want to take. When we don't ask to connect and work with others, we miss opportunities and our lives aren't as rich.

This week I have for you a simple tap-along (tapping script below) to help you to know it is safe to ask others, even if they might say no.

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I recognize that I really want someone to say yes…Because if they say yes, it will be good for me…And it will be good for them…Because we're doing something together, our lives will be better…If I ask them to do this…I'm giving them the opportunity to say no…And when someone says no to my request…Especially a request I really believe in…Especially a request I really want…It is easy to feel that when they say no, they are rejecting me as a person…Like they are saying I am not worth their time…They are saying I'm not worth their effort…They are saying I am not worth their energy…They are judging me as unworthy…Because when I ask for something…It is because I believe in it…On some level my request is part of me…And when they turn down my request, it feels as if they are turning me down…I give myself permission to recognize that when people say no to me…They are saying this is the wrong fit…They are saying this isn't the right time…They're saying they're not in the right emotional state to say yes…They are saying they don't understand what I am offering…When someone rejects my offer…That is not the same as rejecting me… They aren't making a value statement about me…They're not making a judgment of me…They are stating where they are…Therefore it is safe for me to ask…When I ask I'm giving them permission to say no…It is not judgment…It is not a statement of who they think I am…I give myself permission to know my life is better when I ask for what I want…Even if most of the time people say no…Every time someone says yes it is an opportunity and experience I wouldn't otherwise have…I give myself permission to be easy with myself as I ask…Knowing that my ask doesn't have to be perfect…It is safe for me to want what I want…And it is safe for me to ask…It is even safe for me to hear them say no.

Pod #379: The Problem With Goals And Expectations

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I am a huge proponent of goal setting.

Having clearly defined goals is helpful in two ways. First, it helps to define the actions we need to take to achieve them. Second, it gives us a measuring stick with which to evaluate our efforts along the way and after the fact.

Without having set goals I wouldn’t be as happy and successful as I am. I love goal setting so much that I created an entire web site dedicated to working toward your goals.

But there is a problem with goals: they create expectations.

Expectations aren't the problem, but they can create a false dichotomy. On a subconscious level we may believe that either we achieve our goals as written OR we have failed, with nothing in between.

Failing to recognize our progress can demotivate us.

In this short audio and tap-along I talk about how you can avoid the feeling of all or nothing that setting goals can create. (As always, the full tapping script can be found below the audio player.)

If you are interested in a systematic way of using tapping to achieve your goals and avoiding common pitfalls like the “all-or-nothing” disposition, I encourage you to check out The Ruach Center

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There is a part of me…That wants me to be successful…That wants so much better for myself…That wants me to move forward…It wants me to achieve my goals…I am so happy that there is a part of me that wants to be successful…That wants better…That knows I am capable of more…I can appreciate where I am…I can appreciate the blessings in my life…And still recognize the fact that more is possible…That growth is possible…That progress is possible…But sometimes I look at my goals and I feel disappointed…I feel sad…I feel overwhelmed…I feel angry…I feel frustrated…Because I haven't reached those goals…I know how much better my life will when I achieve them…But I'm not there yet…And that feels so disappointing…But I give myself permission to recognize the fact…That success is not an all-or-nothing proposition…It doesn't come down to simply success or simply failure…As I take steps…As I work towards my goal…I'm positioning myself to achieve what I want…And there will be success along the way…I am already getting better…I'm already making progress…When I don't take the time to acknowledge and appreciate that progress…I do myself a disservice…I end up demotivating myself…I make it harder for myself…To keep taking action…I give myself permission to recognize the fact that I am making progress…I am having success…It is making a difference…Success is not an all-or-nothing proposition…As I move forward…And as I get closer…Success comes with me…Success grows…And as those degrees of success increase…So does my enjoyment…So does my enrichment…So does the quality of my life…I give myself permission to keep striving for better…To work towards my well-crafted goals…To appreciate the progress I'm making in the moment… To appreciate how this progress is helping me to have a better life right now.

Pod #378: How to tell if you are making progress with Tapping w/ Mary Ayers

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With some issues measuring our success is a simple task. For example, after going to the gym four times a week for a few months I can measure how much stronger I am by how much weight I can now lift compared with when I started.

But not all types of transformation are as easy to track, particularly for issues and responses that are incrementally changing over time. For example, how could you measure more confidence or less anger?

In this conversation Mary Ayers and I talk about how we can measure our progress through the lenses of three different characteristics of the issue that are all measurable.

If you are tapping on an issue over the course of multiple tapping sessions, then understanding this is a must. First, it will help you to understand what is working so that you can continue to do it. Second, it will identify the areas where you need to try a different approach. Finally, seeing the progress that is often missed will help you to gain momentum in your transformational work.

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Guest: Dr. Mary Ayers

Contact: web @ TapIntoAction.com; web radio @ The Chickenshits Guide to Success; facebook @ Tap Into Action

About Mary: Dr. Mary Ayers knows how to get people un-stuck! With her years of experience as a therapist and a coach, you won't find the typical or ordinary coaching techniques in her programs. When it comes to taking action, she pulls out all the stops – delving deep to find those hidden fears and limiting beliefs. Known for her UNconventional, often “off the wall” methods, she will get you moving towards your goals without bullying, shaming or “pushing through the fear”. With over 27 years in the Human Development field, her accomplishments include 5 years as a coach with the Anthony Robbins Organization, EFT Expert on The Tapping World Summit, and Host of the radio show “The Chickenshit's Guide to Success”.

Pod #377: When The Body Is The “Enemy” and Weight Release Is A “Battle”

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We often treat our bodies as if they are the enemy and the journey towards better health as a battle.

We can feel betrayed by our bodies, and feel hopeless and frustrated by our slow or lack of progress.

But our bodies are not our enemy. In reality, our bodies are doing what they can to be healthy and there are simply unseen obstacles to the healing process

Once we recognize that we are not separate from our bodies, and that they are trying to function in an optimal way, it becomes easier to work towards better health and well being.

Recently I was working with a client on returning to a healthier body after backsliding (again). After a great session he asked if we could spend some time on helping him to believe that progress was possible and to reconnect with his body.

When we had finished the session he said, “You should write that down so others can use it.” When I told him that I could share the recording if I had his permission, he insisted I did, so here it is.

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Pod #376: Tapping For How We Act Based On How Others See Us

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Recently I was introduced to the quote “I'm not who I think I am. I not who you think I am. I am who I think you think I am.”

[Note: Unfortunately the source of this quote is not clear, or I would provide it. It is variously credited to Charles Horton Cooley, Thomas Cooley, and Dennis Cooley.]

The gist of the quote is that we often find ourselves trying to live up to an imagined standard that we think other people have for us.

This is a surefire recipe for self-sabotage! Either we will be trying to do what we want to do and trying to do what we think others want us to do. This has us taking action in multiple and often conflicting ways, which results in little to no progress. OR we take no action at all because we are caught between our own desires and the perceived desires of others.

In this week's podcast I provide two ways to remedy this situation.

First, I have a simple process for uncovering and tapping for the specific expectations we think others have for us. Second, I have more general tap-along to help you get moving even when you can't see the beliefs clearly.

As always, I have included a text version of the tapping script below the audio player that you can print out.

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I know that other people have impressions of me…They have beliefs about who I am…They have beliefs about what I am capable of…They have beliefs about how I act…And I also have an impression of what I think other people think about me…Based on who I am…Based on my experience…Based on her past interactions…I have written a story inside of my head about how they navigate the world…I've written a story inside of my head about what they think about me…It is possible that the story I have written about what they think about me has nothing to do with what they actually think about me…I'm in a situation where I respond to what I think they think…Because for me what I think they think is the reality I operate in…And my emotional response comes from this…The action I take is informed by it…This means my actions and emotions are impacted by a story written inside my head about what I'm guessing they think about me…It doesn't matter if this is what is really going on…Because I am responding emotionally to the story that I have written…I give myself permission to let go of these stories…I give myself permission to know I don't have to respond in this way…I give myself permission to define myself in my own terms…I give myself permission to choose who I am…Not what other people think I am…Not what I think other people think I am…But who I am…It is safe for me to be authentically me…It is safe for me to be my true self…It is safe for me to make choices and actions based on who I am…Knowing that it does not matter what I think others think about me…The reality is most people aren't thinking of me at all…They are so wrapped up inside their own experience they are completely missing me…I am not crossing their mind…And since I'm not crossing their mind…It doesn't matter what I think they think about me…All that matters is me being myself…It is safe for me to be myself.