Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

You Don’t Need One Minute Miracles, You Just Need To Do A Little Every Day (And Here Is One Way To Start)

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photo by Matthew

I have written before on how I think the way we talk about one minute miracles is bad for the EFT community. One minute miracles aren't bad, but I think they create a very unrealistic approach.

Just because we don't have one minute miracles with all of our tapping doesn't mean that it we need to do a huge amount in order to see change. Often it takes a little work every day.

One of the neatest examples of this that I have seen recently was in a link that Jen Dziura shared about a woman who taught herself to dance in just one year.

Here is the video proof:

It is amazing what doing a little work each day will do!

What To Do With Each Day?

Just because you decide to tap every day doesn't mean that you know what to do or say when tapping. If you don't know what you want to tap on try this:

I know that I need to do a little tapping each day…But right now I don't know what to tap for…And I don't know what words to say when I am tapping…The most important thing is the fact that I am taking the time right now to tap…By doing this I am getting the juices flowing and I am setting myself up to make progress…Even if nothing in particular comes to mind…The fact I am taking these few moments to tap will bring me peace…Bring me calm…Making it easier for me to make better choices for today.

If you tap in this way one of two things will happen. Either an issue that you need to tap on daily will come to mind OR you will still have blank mind but will feel great and ready to take on your day in a positive, calm way.

Either way it is a win!

The First Question I Ask When I Can’t Get To The Root Of My Self-Sabotage

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photo by Nina Matthews

Sometimes we can be in two minds when it comes to change.

There is one part of us that wants the change because it knows our life will be better because of it and then there is another part that wants things to stay the same.

My move to Brooklyn is a perfect example. The move has been an exciting adventure that I have been wanting to make for a really long time AND Baltimore was my home for ten years and I left behind many people I love.

When we are of two minds about a goal it can slow us down or even stop us from taking action toward our goals.

(If I am really honest I know that I made the move to New York a year later than I should have because I consistently failed to take the action I needed take to make the move.)

There are times when it is obvious why we are in two minds. We feel almost like we have a cartoon devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, each pulling us in a different direction.

And then there are times when this pull isn't as obvious. We aren't taking action towards achieving our goal but we don't exactly know why.

When my clients can see the action they need to take but simply aren't taking it I like to ask them the question: “What would you have to give up to achieve this goal?”

The answers given to this question are fascinating. They range from the pragmatic, “I will have to give up some of my free time”, to the philosophical, “I will give up my image as a hard worker because my colleagues will see me as lazy if I start taking more time to rest and take care of myself.”

The next time you are stuck and can't figure out why you aren't taking the action you need just ask yourself the question, “What would I have to give up in order to do this successfully?”

Your answers will provide you with some great and possibly surprising information to tap on!

[Are you tired of feeling like you have no power over your own choices and that you keep sabotaging yourself as you try to move toward your goals? Over at the Ruach Center I have 49 reasons just like having to give up something to achieve your goal. There are tools to help you find the root cause of your self-sabotage and tools to knock those root causes out so that you can start taking the action you need.]

What Happens When You Are Looking For An Answer That Isn’t There?

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photo by Alberto G.

One of my favorite parts of working with clients is watching them work through the process of learning that they can have better, that it can happen sooner rather than later, and that they can make conscious choices every day to move towards that better life.

Over time my clients go from needing help from me to doing lots of work on their own between sessions.

As this happens they gain skill at finding the root causes of the symptoms they are experiencing in their daily lives.

Finding root causes to our issues is an important skill to develop. When we are able to knock out the root causes not only are we dealing with the symptom that we are experiencing right now, but we are also clearing the issue so that it doesn't come back again.

But there are times when looking for the root cause will actually hold up the healing process and lead to self-sabotage. What happens is that we get so focused on finding the root cause we can’t see the wood for the trees!

Sometimes there just isn't a root cause or we don't have the right tool to find it. If we continue to focus only on looking for the root cause we will become frustrated by our lack of progress and might even feel worse emotionally as a result.

When this happens I like to tap on the idea that I don't need to find the root cause in order to heal. The tapping goes something like this:

There is a part of me that knows there is often a root cause to my issues…And I know that if I am able to find the root cause it will help me to heal faster…There is a part of me that really wants to find that root cause…And because I want to find the root cause so badly…I might be pressing too hard…But when I press too hard I sometimes miss what I am looking for…I give myself permission to know that it is possible to heal this without knowing the root cause…I can find relief even if I never know why this is the way it is…I can be free of this just by tuning into the symptoms that are there…I am also willing to accept that sometimes there isn't just one reason why…Sometimes there are issues that have lots of small aspects that have added up to create the whole…And there is no way that I will ever know…And that is OK…I don't have to know to heal…I can heal without knowing…As nice as it would be to know the root cause…Relief is more important…And I can have lasting relief without ever knowing the root cause.

After tapping like this we will have one of two results.

1) We will feel relaxed about not knowing the root cause. This will improve our mood and help the process. We will feel better when we can let go of the worry about doing it right or getting it solved right now.

2) We will find the information we are looking for. It is an odd thing, but there have been countless times when I have been tapping where I will say something like, “I am OK not knowing the answer right now,” and in the very next moment the information that I am looking for comes right to mind.

Either way it is a win. You will either feel better and at peace or you will have the information you need.

The next time you can't find the root cause you can relax. Tap for the idea that you don't need to identify the root cause and you will open yourself up to new avenues for healing.

If you would like to expand the number of creative ways you know to uncover root causes please check out the Ruach Center. Some of the best tools I know can be found there.

There Is So Much, I Don’t Know Where To Begin When Using EFT

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I have a lot of issues that I want to use Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping on, but I don’t know where to begin. Should I deal with the memories chronologically or should I do them in chunks of related issues?


photo by Brian Barnett

This is a question that I receive often. Once someone has been introduced to the power of EFT and understands how it can be used to address many physical and emotional issues, they start to look for all of the areas in their life to apply this powerful technique.

The problem comes when, as we do this self-assessment, we realize that there are many more issues beneath the surface than we initially thought.

At first this can feel overwhelming because there is so much to do. Once we get past the feeling of overwhelm (if you are having trouble with overwhelm see Overwhelmed By How Much Healing I Need – link) then the next task is to figure out where to begin.

There is no right or wrong place to start. With every issue we clean up we make progress, which will make it easier and easier for us to live with joy and fulfillment. What’s important is to recognize that not all issues have the same effect on our daily lives.

For example, let’s pretend I am phobic about monkeys. When I am around monkeys I lose my mind.

Could I use EFT to deal with this fear? Absolutely.

BUT, is this the most pressing issue in my life right now? If I lived in Costa Rica it might be, but since I don’t, it’s not the best use of my EFT time.

In my opinion the best place to start is with the issues and limiting beliefs that are affecting your life right now and having an impact on where you would like your life to go next. Clearing the emotional charges around the people and situations that you deal with regularly will bring immediate benefits and ensures that you invest your tapping time well.

Approaching What Is Going On Right Now With EFT & Tapping

I recommend that you make a few lists, starting with the people in your life you spend the most time with, or think about most. As well as those we see in person, we can expend a lot of energy in both positive and negative ways on the people we don’t see every day, like our family.

Take time to think about each person and your relationship with them. Pay particular attention to the emotions that come up as you think of them.

As you think of someone who elicits an emotion (or emotions), write down their name and what you are feeling. I would do this for the five to ten people you spend the most time with, or spend the most time thinking about.

Next go through the same process with the places where you spend most of your time and energy. These could be work, school, church, at your children’s activities, places where you shop often, and your neighborhood.

Again, give thought and attention to each of these places, writing down any emotions that arise on your list. Notice the emotions that you feel about the place itself as well as the emotions you feel when you are interacting with the community there.

Once you have finished creating these two lists you will have a wealth of areas on which to focus your tapping time.

Approaching The Future With EFT & Tapping

One of the main reasons that we don’t have the life we want is because of the limiting beliefs we hold about the world and ourselves. Figuring out what we want – because many of us don’t know what we truly want – and then finding and clearing our limiting beliefs is a more complex topic than can be dealt with in one short article.

There are many approaches to doing this. One approach is laid out in this four part series:

Getting The Most Out Of Your Tapping/EFT Time

When it comes to using EFT on a whole host of issues it is best to start in the place that will produce the greatest change in your life. If you can’t name one pressing issue, then find your focus by looking at where your life is right now, identifying the emotional struggles you face daily, and how you want your life to be different in the future. In this way you will see the greatest change for the time you invest in your healing.

You Don’t Have To Tap Away Your Fear With EFT In Order To Take Action

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photo by Svante Adermark

My life is a little crazy right now. From the outside it looks like I am being really brave in the midst of all the craziness.

I am in the process of moving from Baltimore to Brooklyn, NY. I am uprooting my life to move to the fourth largest metropolitan area in the world, where housing rentals are snapped up in a matter of hours, not days. At the moment I know I am certainly moving but I have no clue where I am moving to.

At the same time I am working on some new things that I will be offering on the website which are the most personal things I have ever shared. As those of you who are part of MyEFTYear.com know, one of my goals for this year was to work on my issues around dating and romantic relationships.

About six weeks ago I came up with a list of 32 fears that I have around relationships. Not only have I been tapping for these issues, I have been videoing myself tapping for each issue. Sometime later this summer I plan to make those videos available for you to tap along to too.

Oh boy are those videos raw and messy. Because of their honesty they are more than a bit embarrassing! And there is the little issue of how emotional I have become in a few of them.

“You really are in the brave space right now!!”
That is what one of my friends wrote while we were chatting online: “You really are in the brave space right now!!”

And the truth is, I'm not really in a brave space right now.

Instead I am having moments of bravery and I am taking full advantage of those moments and acting.

For example, one of the reasons the move to NY is happening right now is because I had to let the property managers of my building know this week if I was going to renew my lease. Had I taken no action, then my lease would have renewed automatically.

To let them know I was leaving I had to notify them in an official letter via certified mail.

I wrote the letter, put the letter in an envelope, and stuck the postage on the outside.

AND then I had a hard time breathing. My head was filled with: “What if I can't find a place to live? What if I can't really afford the move? Am I going to wreck the relationships I have with my friends here in Baltimore by leaving? Oh crap…moving is hard!”

So I started to tap. I calmed myself down. I walked to the postal box and dropped the letter in.

Fifteen minutes later I was gripped with panic again.

BUT that was OK because the process of moving had started.

The Fear Doesn't Have To Be Completely Gone To Act
About eight times a day I feel some (or a lot) of anxiety about the move. But just because the worry is still there doesn't mean that I have to stop making progress. With each passing day I’m progressing and crossing more items off my moving todo list.

I haven't had to be brave every moment. I haven't had to eliminate the fears of everything going wrong.

I have only had to keep the fear at bay long enough to take an action that moves me closer to my goal. Once an action is taken it sets off a chain reaction of events to which I respond.

I now have to move out of my place in Baltimore, which is pushing me forward to take more action.

You Don't Have To Tap It All The Way To A Zero
A lot of tappers make the mistake of thinking that they have to tap an issue completely away. They think that if they haven't erased the issue with tapping then it isn't done and they can't act until it is.

We only need to tap our way to being able to take the next step towards our goal. We might have to start tapping the moment we have completed that step, but what is more important is the fact that we have acted and are closer to our goal.

When tapping our goal isn't to be anxiety free (though that would be great). Our goal is to make it possible for us to take the action we need to take to progress.

Sometimes those actions might be made in a state of fear, but they are being taken.

You don't need to tap your way to total relief.

You just need to tap to action.

(And if you need it you can start tapping again.)