Two weeks ago I shared with you what a bunch of my favorite tappers think are the biggest mistakes made by beginner tappers. Now I have have some of their answers to, “What are the biggest mistakes made by pro tappers?”
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Does Using EFT Erase Your Memory?
 photo by Kristin Nador |
Here is part of an email I received from a reader last week:
“I had a profound experience with my first EFT session whilst just tapping along and now I'm almost scared to indulge in some more. It's as if I have large chunks of my memory missing. Am I really erasing my memories?”
This is a great question because it is a common experience. AND if we are worried that tapping will “erase” our memories it makes sense that we wouldn't want to use it.
There are two things we need to understand in order to answer this question: how memory works, and what happens to memories when using Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).
Your Memory Isn't Accurate
The first thing to note is that our memory is not an accurate representation of what has happened. Our memories are incomplete interpretations of the past. If you don't believe me, ask three of your family members to tell the story of what happened last year over the holidays and you will be given three different versions of events.
In addition to our memories not being a perfect representation of what happened, they also alter over time. Each time we access a memory we are not just replaying what happened, but we are also adding to it.
That is why as time goes by our past looks better and better (or worse and worse). Not only are we remembering something that happened in the past, but each time we think about this past we add positive feelings to the memory.
Many people would describe their first kiss as a magical moment. The reality may have been it was an experience shared by two 13 year olds who had no idea what they were doing, but as the moment is recalled over and over again it is slowly turned into the most magical moment ever.
The fact that tapping changes the way we remember things is not surprising because we are always changing and reforming our memories without even realizing it.
We Didn't Erase It, We Released It
Once we understand that the memory is not static we can start see what happens to our memories when we are tapping.
Our memories are not just the fact of what happened. In addition to, “she said this, he said that, and then someone walked in,” our emotion also forms part of the memory.
The memory is: She said this and felt worried. He said that and I felt overwhelmed. He walked in I felt like I had an ally.
In many cases the emotions we remember (and relive when we remember) are a large portion of the memory. When we tap on a memory we release the emotion associated with the memory.
If the memory was 70% emotion and we release all the emotion, then we are only left with 30% of the memory. When this happens it feels like the memory has been erased. It is much like if we only had 30% of the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. The picture would be so incomplete we couldn't tell what we were looking at.
It Is Part Of The Healing Process
When you tap on a deeply emotional past memory there is a very real possibility that it might feel like you are erasing your memory. In really you are just letting go of the emotional charge that is part of the memory. This is a natural part of the healing process and it is OK. There is no need to worry.
AND when this happens you are freeing yourself up to fill the space occupied by the emotion with better and richer feelings.
What Are The Biggest Mistakes Made By Beginner Tappers?
I recently asked some of my favorite tappers “What are the biggest mistakes made by beginning tappers?” Below you will find their answers. When everyone answered they didn't know what anyone else was saying. I found it very instructive to see the number of similar answers that were given by many people.
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Did You Know You Aren’t Trying To Get Rid Of Emotions With EFT?
 photo by Kerr Photography |
A recent conversation with my client went like this…
Client: I am really sad because I am never going to get to see him again.
Me: Good!
Client: What do you mean good?
Me: It is good that you are mourning the loss of the friendship. It is important to mourn that loss. It’s healthy to recognize that the relationship was important to you, recognize the positive things it gave you, and acknowledge you are going to be missing something.
Client: I didn’t know it was OK to feel this way.
If you search the internet you will find thousands of articles and videos on how to get rid of emotions. When we are working on a negative emotion our the goal is often to get that emotion down to a zero on the SUD scale.
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a great tool to use in responding to emotions.
BUT our goal with tapping is not to be emotionless!
Our emotions serve us. They give us information about how we are responding to what is going on around us.
When we feel angry it is because we perceive that we are under attack. When we feel frustrated it is because we feel like we want or need better. When we feel sad we are recognizing that we are missing something that is important to us.
The emotions themselves are not the problem. Emotions are only a problem when they spring from misinformation, or are disproportionate to the circumstance.
An example of a misinformed emotion would be when we get really mad at someone for not showing up to dinner when we didn't know they were involved in an accident on the way.
An example of a disproportionate emotion would be pulling over and crying for 45 minutes after we were cut off by another driver.
In both examples we experience the emotion because it is trying to convey information about our experience. The anger is there because we feel attacked because we were stood up. The overwhelm on the road came because there was a part of us that feared for our life. In both cases the emotion went too far and was too big.
We don't tap to get rid of our emotions, but instead to achieve balance and have them respond accurately and in proportion to our experience.
Many times when we tap we do release emotion completely because it has done its job and passed along the information needed.
At other times we will not get the emotion all the way to a zero and that is perfect because there are emotions we need to feel.
What are your thoughts on tapping for emotions and getting them all the way to a zero? I would love to hear about your experiences below.
Why Do I Always Make Change So Hard? How To Make It Easier With EFT!
 photo by mjzitek |
Why do I always make it so hard for myself to change? I know there is an easier way, but I always choose the hard way. Why am I doing that?
That is a direct quote from one of my clients this week. (Did you know you can work with Gene too?)
In my experience, there are two main reasons why my clients make things harder for themselves: value and worth.
Making Our Work Valuable
As a culture we attribute value to hard work to the point of making it a virtue. Whenever we talk about someone who is hard worker it is almost always a compliment.
“He is someone you want on your team. He is such a hard worker.”
“Wow! That was so well done. You must have worked really hard at it.”
There is nothing wrong with hard work. Working hard is a good thing, but it is easy for us to turn working hard into an end in itself. When this happens it becomes distorted from, “It is good to work hard,” into “It is only good if I work hard.”
When this happens we will intentionally choose the harder path because there is a part of us that now believes that only hard work is valuable. To address this we can tap to something like this:
I want to be a hard worker…I want to pull my own weight…I want to make sure I am contributing…But the best way to contribute is to add something that is valuable…Value is calculated by what I add…Or by what I receive…My value is not in how hard I work…There is an easier way…I am allowed to choose the easier way…Even when I do things the easy way…I am contributing…And my work has value…When I do things the easy way it takes less time…And that makes it possible for me to do more…When I have more time I can contribute in more ways…I can add more to my life…And I can take time to enjoy my success…It doesn't have to be hard to be good…It doesn't have to be hard to be valuable…
Making Myself Worthy
In addition to making our work feel more valuable we can also make ourselves feel more valuable by doing something that is hard.
We might think on a subconscious level, “Look at how worthy I am! I am struggling therefore I deserve to be here and to be noticed.”
If we think the only way we are worthy is if we work hard, then we will make sure that our work is hard in order to feel more valuable. When this happens we can tap to something like this:
I want to be seen as valuable…I want to be seen as worthy…There is a part of me that believes that if I am working hard…I have a reason to be here…I have a reason to be seen…I have value…There is a part of me that thinks…”Look at me…I am working so hard…I am struggling…Therefore I am carrying my weight…And I am valuable…I am worthy”…I am glad there is a part of me that wants to be seen as valuable and worthy…But I don't have to work hard…To be valuable…Or to be worthy…I don't have to work hard…I don't have to struggle…I can be good and do things the easy way…I am not cheating by doing them the easy way…I am not a cheater by doing it the easy way…I am making the best choice for me…
Conclusion
We don't have to make it harder than it need be. When we are able to transform the thought that things have to be hard then we can start to make it easier for ourselves. This will allow us to move forward more quickly and with less effort.
A final note: Often the idea that we have to work hard is given to us by other people, such as our parents and teachers. When working with this issue you might also want to look at how to let go the beliefs we have picked up from loved ones. These can be particularly hard to change because it might feel like we are disrespecting or letting our loved ones go when we let go their beliefs. Here is a simple process to release beliefs given to us by others.