Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #523: Tapping to release your old identities

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As humans we are constantly changing and evolving.

Sometimes this happens gently over a long passage of time. At other times major events in our lives cause us to see ourselves and the world in new ways.

Even as this change is happening, our subconscious mind clings to the definitions of who we were and how the world was. It does this because the subconscious mind is most comfortable when the world is consistent and predictable.

The subconscious perceives change as unpredictable and therefore dangerous.

For that reason, the unconscious mind is slow to catch up when we change our definitions of ourselves. This means that even when we change how we see ourselves, our actions don't always match the new version of ourselves.

This week's podcast explores how we can tap to release outdated definitions of ourselves so that our actions can match who we are today.

You can find the full tapping script of this audio as a pdf over at Tapping Q and A Podcast Scripts and Transcripts.

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How Acupoint Tapping Can Help Transform Relationships

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In an effort to make the research around tapping more accessible to the general public David Feinstein, Ph. D., is writing summaries of these studies. You can find all the summaries that have been shared so far here.

Relationships are challenging for everyone, yet the quality of your relationships correlates strongly with your happiness, sense of well-being, and even your physical health. Can acupoint tapping help you and your clients address the challenging issues that even the best relationships bring our way? Practitioners are, in fact, finding that the answer to that question is “Yes!” Tapping can be effectively applied to foster greater intimacy, trust, understanding, and ease.

This month’s article takes a close look at the power of energy psychology for improving relationships. It shows how tapping can be used to develop 7 key relationship skills and includes revealing examples from Donna Eden’s 44-year relationship with her husband and closest collaborator, David Feinstein (hint: it’s not always been easy, even after it’s become wonderful!) Read more >>>

About David: DAVID FEINSTEIN, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and a pioneer in developing innovative therapeutic approaches, leading to nine national awards for his books on consciousness and healing. He and his wife, Donna Eden, have built the world’s largest and most vibrant organization teaching energy medicine. Their latest award-winning book, The Energies of Love, achieved best-seller status on the NY Times Relationship List. David has served on the faculties of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Antioch College, and the California School of Professional Psychology.

Perfectionism Is Protection (That Is Running Amok)

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Note: This article first appeared March 26th, 2014 and has been updated.

When the same topic shows up repeatedly in client sessions over a short period of time, it always gets my attention.

A significant number of my clients have recently been reporting that they are struggling with a tendency towards perfectionism. They tell me that it's getting in the way of their completing tasks and making progress.

Perfectionism generally shows up in two ways.

The first and most common way is spending way too much time on a task to make sure it is just perfect before moving on. This is especially prevalent when you are working on something that other people will see, such as creating a product or service for your business.

This kind of perfectionism becomes problematic because it causes us to fall behind schedule, or never get to the other tasks we need to address.

The second way that perfectionism presents itself is when we never make a start on certain tasks because of the subconscious fear that they won't turn out perfectly.

When humans lived in nomadic tribes many thousands of years ago, the world was a treacherous place. Danger lurked around every corner and we were hardwired for caution and safety. Humans didn't start anything they couldn't finish for fear of depleting precious reserves of energy that might be needed in a life threatening situation.

It's an understatement to point out that neither of these outcomes are useful!

Perfection Is Protection

At its core, perfectionism is really about keeping us safe. It is much less about something needing to be perfect because perfect is better, and more about fearing what may go wrong if it is not perfect.

Subconsciously you might worry that if something is not perfect:
It will end badly
You will be judged as not good enough
Others won’t trust you in the future
You will be found out to be a fraud

Those concerns might seem extreme, especially when perfectionism is focused on small daily tasks, but in reality that is what is happening.

What Could Go Wrong?

Below are some simple steps to help you interrupt your drive towards perfection.

I encourage you to tap the entire time you are doing this process. When I do exercises like this one, I often tap on my collar bone with my left hand and write out my answers with my right.

  1. First, imagine taking and completing the action you are struggling with.
  2. Next, tune in to whatever physical sensation arises when you are thinking about the action you are resisting. Ask that sensation “What would go wrong if I don’t do this perfectly?”
  3. Ask the sensation “What proof do I have that this is true?” This is one of my favorite questions because it reveals whatever is propping up the belief that something could go wrong. Does it produce a memory from the past? Tap on it! Does it unveil a limiting belief that we know isn’t true? Tap on it!
  4. Continue to tap on whatever comes up in response to these two questions!

By undermining the “proof,” we can also undermine the belief that something could go wrong. And when the fear of something going wrong is dislodged, then perfectionism doesn’t arise because it no longer needs to keep us safe. This leads us to taking more action, more progress, and feeling more comfortable with sharing our work with others.

Pod #522: Tapping for when you don’t feel like you belong

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Sometimes we spend time with people whose lives are very different from our own.

They might have different jobs, make more money than us, have success or notoriety, or access to opportunities that we will never have.

When this happens it is so easy to feel like we don't belong. It can even undermine our confidence and sense of self-worth.

This week's podcast explores how we can respond to these kinds of situations and includes a tap-along to help you feel more secure and boost your self-esteem.

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What Tapping Has Taught Me That I Wish I Knew When I Was 13 (Tapping For Self-Respect)

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I wasn’t the coolest of kids when I was in middle school. I was on the math team. At the age of 13 my feet were larger than my 6′ 2″ tall father's, although I was only 5′ 7″ at the time. AND to complete the picture, I had a mullet.

It wasn’t pretty.

I didn’t think my life was horrible or that I was a total loser. I wasn’t a complete loner. But I knew my place.

It was fine for me to be my quirky, funny self around my fellow nerds (back when being a nerd wasn’t cool like it is today). At the same time, when I was around anyone of a “higher” social status, I just kept my head down.

I felt that if I opened my mouth everyone would look at me and think, “I can’t believe what a waste of time he is, why is he hanging around us? Could he just leave?!”

This internal dialog persisted well into my twenties.

I can still remember one particular moment whilst I was at university. I was on campus early for training for a job I had in the resident halls. During a long afternoon break I sat with two guys I worked with who were older than me (and both former military). Their conversation lasted for almost two hours and I barely contributed a word.

I felt out of place…or more likely I “knew” my place, which was well below theirs.
As I think back to that moment, I can still imagine what it felt like to be a little kid who is tagging along with the big kids and hoping they wouldn't notice that I was there. In my memory, even though I was 20 years old, my body feels 4’ 10” tall.

Self-Respect

On swiss-miss.com my friend Tina Roth eisnberg featured the following quote from Joan Didion:

“Self-respect is a discipline, a habit of mind that can never be faked but can be developed, trained, coaxed forth.”

I really love this idea. It points to the fact self-respect isn’t something that is granted to us by an external source. It comes from within. Self-respect is all about recognizing your own worth AND (most importantly) it can be consciously nurtured and developed.

I wasn’t able to see that when I was younger. My understanding of my place in the world was based on where I perceived my rank in relation to everyone else. I was either an equal or I was below.

There were certainly many times where I faked belonging. I walked upright with a confident smile on my face. But just because I was projecting a sense of confidence and belonging didn’t mean that I was really comfortable inside of my own skin.

My personal journey with tapping, especially in my late thirties, has been about becoming more comfortable inside my own skin, which is really just another way of saying I have been working on self-respect.

If you are working on growing your own sense of self-respect, I encourage you to tap along to this script every day for a week. It won't take more than a few minutes, and doing it daily will be a huge boost:

I choose to know I am worthy of respect…I choose to know that I am worthy of respecting myself…I don’t need to do anything to prove that I am worthy of self-respect…I am made for self-respect…I don’t need to do anything to gain self-respect…I know I am not perfect…I know I make mistakes every day…I know there are things in my life I would like to improve…Even though I am not perfect…I am worthy of self-respect…I am worthy of seeing that I am good…I am worthy of seeing that I am lovable…It is possible to see that I am worthy and still know that I would like better…By respecting myself I am not holding back my growth…Self-respect will not hold back my healing…Who I am is not determined by other people…Who I am is not determined by what others think…My value is not determined by other people…My value is not determined by what other people think of me…I choose to know I am worthy…I choose to know I am lovable…I choose to know that I am deserving…I choose to know that I am worthy of being heard…I am worthy even if I sometimes find that hard to believe…My belief in my worthiness is not a prerequisite to my worthiness…Even if I don’t believe it right now, I am worth of love and respect.