Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Being Open to Blessings

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I am trying to bring abundance into my life. Can I use EFT to help this process?


photo by d ha rm e sh

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a great tool to help you create more of what you would like in all areas of your life (job success, relationships, and health, to name just a few). There are a number of articles here at EFT Q & A that talk about this issue and can be found by clicking the topic “abundance“.

Last week I found one more way EFT can be helpful in the quest. I had an interesting conversation with a client. Let’s call her “Kathy”. We have been working over the course of the last few months to help her make major changes in her professional life. Her desire is to move from a typical office job to a job where she feels passionate about the mission of the organization she’s working for.

Kathy understands that moving from her law office job to a non-profit will mean a cut in pay. She’s fine with that. The problem is she has some debt she feels she needs to eliminate before she can make the transition to a lower paying job.

Over the first part of her phone session we did some work on these issues. Among these were feelings of frustration because she wants to progress more quickly towards this goal. Somewhere in the middle of the tapping, Kathy mentioned that her parents had offered to help her with her debt and she had refused their offer.

I said, “Wait a minute! We’ve been doing all this work on how you can move to a new place in your life. We’ve doing work on how you can clear out all the obstacles to get you to a place where you can do what you love. A major gift which could help you do this showed up, and you said, ‘No.’ That is interesting.”

[Side Note:I would like to point out that this wasn't an accusation or a condemnation of the choice she made. It was something that I found “interesting” because when find that we make choices in opposition to the things we desire, something else is at play. When we make these choices and name them, it’s evidence we’re uncovering more issues we can work on.]

This is a clear case of someone getting wrapped up in what is the appropriate way to get what they want.

As we poked around it became very clear that Kathy had the two following limiting beliefs:

  • Success is only possible/deserved when I work hard for it
  • I have already taken so much form my patents I can't take any more

These limiting beliefs are not unique to Kathy. A number of times I have myself felt that success could only come in very limited ways. Such beliefs prevent abundance in our lives.

For this reason I have added the following to my tapping when I tap about changes I would like to see in my own life. (In this case I am talking about all types of change, not just getting financial help.)

Bring chance into my life in unique ways…So I know that I am not the sole creator of this abundance…Help me to be open to whatever ways good things will come into my life…I don’t have to feel like I have earned everything in my life…It’s okay if good things come into my life in easy ways…When good things come easier it will make it easier for me to share those good things with others…Progress and evolution don’t have to be hard…When I help others out, I don’t make them earn it…It’s okay for others to help me without me earning it…By letting other people help me I give them a chance to be loving…If I turn down their gifts I block them from an opportunity to show love for me…Keep my eyes open today to unique ways the universe brings me blessings…What matters is the change I want to make in my life…The path I take for that change is less important…Thank you for the blessings I have received and the blessings I am receiving…Thank you for the constant flow of blessings in my life…I give myself permission to be open to these blessings in whatever form they come today…I don’t have to earn these blessings…It’s okay if it’s easy…I am thankful for those who want to bring blessings into my life…I forgive myself for the times I have blocked blessings in the past…Thank you for the blessings I have received and the blessings I am receiving

Seeing Yourself as an Expert

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I am very passionate about EFT and have seen results for myself and my clients, but for some reason I still struggle with my confidence in feeling I am really good at what I’m doing. I have gotten extensive training for EFT, so it’s not a matter of being a beginner. Any tips?

[This guest article is by AnaMaria Herrera, also known as “Agent EFT.” AnaMaria specializes in helping business owners and professionals reach their goals with ease using what she calls “Your Secret Weapon”: EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques. To learn how you can reach your personal and professional goals with greater ease, check out: YourSecretWeaponForSuccess.com]

This is a common dilemma! Did you know the challenge of believing you’re an expert crops up in seasoned entrepreneurs as well as in new business owners? It can be experienced as ‘not feeling I am good enough (an expert) yet.’ The result? Not ‘playing a bigger game’: leading tele-seminars, creating an information product or approaching a joint venture partner, raising your rates and setting the prices you deserve.

What to do? Bring out your Secret Weapon (EFT) and remove the limiting beliefs, of course!

Here are some suggestions.

Set up statement:

Even though I don’t feel like an expert, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway….Even though I feel I need much more training, clients, etc. before claiming I am an expert, I am choosing to remain calm and confident…Even though I feel intimidated by others in my field who are more successful than I am (or who have been doing this much longer, are better looking, can speak better, etc.) I accept my feelings and my fears…Even though I can’t seem to stop comparing myself to others, I completely accept myself and this habit. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Of course if common sense is warranting more training in doing your expertise, EFT does not replace that need for further training in EFT. Instead it takes away the emotional charge and judgment that we ‘are not good enough yet.’ So if the matter is getting more training, by all means seek this out.

As always with EFT, modify the words to fit your feelings/beliefs. Remember our feelings come from our thoughts and beliefs. So once we shift any doubts or negative beliefs to positive, empowering ones we become completely aligned (and unstoppable) in our business!

When Things Go Wrong

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Today was a bad day. All the plans I had blew up in my face. It sent me into an emotional tailspin. I know EFT would have been useful, but I didn’t know where to begin. How can I use EFT when thing don’t go as planned?


photo by sonson

I had this very thing happen to me recently.

Another EFT practitioner and I have been creating a website to help EFT practitioners market and build their practices. We had done about a month of work. This included planning the contents, contacting people to interview for teleclasses, and doing some web design.

We had a great domain name that was memorable and descriptive. It was really perfect for what we were going to do.

I was about to make my first announcement about the launch of the web site. I went to my domain registrar to grab the domain name. The name we wanted (and had done a great deal of planning around) was gone. Not only had someone else purchased the domain, it had happened that morning.

At first I went into a bit of a funk. My self-talk went like this, “Why did I wait so long? I knew I wanted this name a month ago. I am such an idiot. Did the person who bought the name know we were going to do this and just snatch it up? Did they steal our idea? There are no other good names for us to use. This sucks! I am so stupid!”

Then I caught myself. I realized I couldn’t do anything about the fact that someone else has the domain name. I have no idea if someone tried to get it before us, and even so, there was nothing I could do about it. It was time to move on and make the best of it.

So I took a few deep breaths. At first I tapped with nothing particularly on my mind. After a few minutes, I continued to tap and asked myself, “What is the best possible outcome so that one year from now when I look back I will thank God someone beat me to that domain name?”

And I tapped.

And I asked the question again.

And I tapped.

And I asked the question again.

And I tapped.

And I asked the question again.

And I tapped.

Over the next few moments my mood began to shift. My energy moved away from “this sucks” to “this is not the end of the world.”

Then the possible domain names started to come, and come quickly. I pulled out a pad of paper and wrote as fast as I could.

After my creative burst came to an end, I moved on to another task. An hour later I came back. Some of the names were good and some weren’t.

One name stuck out: EFT Marketing Lab.

It really said everything we are about.

It says this isn’t just theory, but stuff we have tested in the real world with our own practices.

It says marketing doesn’t have to be life or death (which it can feel like). We can try a marketing experiment on a very small scale and learn from it so when we do it on a bigger scale we’ll do it more effectively.

We can create a lab notebook for each experiment to lead the students through the experiment step by step. This way the tasks won’t be so overwhelming. We will be able to provide feedback for each lesson so the students can learn from both their experience and our experience.

Suddenly we went from some EFT marketing ideas to real structure that will help us form our lessons and create a way for our students to really learn.

Instead of being annoyed I had lost my domain, I now had a new focus for our work.

Things that are out of our control are going to happen. The only thing we can control is how we respond. The next time you’re having a hard time getting out of a funk, take a deep breath, tap, and ask “How could this really be a blessing?”

PS: You should check out EFT Marking Lab

When thinking of the problem is too much

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I want to do EFT for a major issue in my life, but somehow I always find an excuse not to do EFT. I know it will help me. I do want to get over this, but it just doesn’t happen. What can I do?


photo by (Erik)

I have been teaching people Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) for a number of years.

I’ve noticed an interesting pattern. Certain people learn to use EFT, see the benefit of it in their lives, and yet have decided it’s not for them.

At first I took this as some sort of failure on my part. I thought, “I must have done something to turn them off to this very powerful tool.”

My point of view changed while working with a friend. Someone in her life had been hurt in a very violent way. The loved one was hundreds of miles away. She was disappointed in herself for not being able to stop it from happening, she was sad for the attack, she was scared that her loved one was not going to seek the attention she needed out of fear, she felt helpless from such a great distance, and she worried it would happen again. These were just a few of the emotions racing through her head.

We agreed that I would come over in a few days so we could do some work. When I got to her place we talked about everything in the world, except what I had come for. This continued for almost 45 minutes. Finally I said, “Do you want to do this or not?”

I wasn’t frustrated or angry; I was giving her an out. Sometimes people feel safer having these types of conversations with a paid professional rather than a close friend.

She hemmed and hawed as she tried not to answer.

So I asked, “Why are you afraid to do the work?”

“Because it’s going to hurt. I know how raw my emotions are right now. I feel like I’ve let my loved one down. I don’t want to wander into that pain.”

All of that was fair. I asked her, “How large are all the emotions you’re feeling?” (This was for the emotions around her loved one plus the emotions around her fear of having to get into the problem).

With her hands she showed something about the size of a beach ball.

We did some work on her fear of what we might uncover and how much it was going to hurt to dive into the emotions of the circumstance.
I then asked her how much emotion was left (in all areas). She gestured to show something about 30% of the size of the original.

This was a useful insight for me. She was more emotional about her reaction to the incident than she was about the incident itself.

Later, as I reflected on this, it brought to mind all of the people — myself included — who avoided doing work in some area of our lives because we were afraid of what we’d uncover about ourselves.

The belief is, “The crap I know right now is better than the crap around the corner. Sure, my life isn’t perfect right now, but I can manage the pain and disappointment I am facing now. If I go looking to change my life, who knows what I’ll stir up.”

This is not an indictment for not wanting to look under the bed to see what’s really under there. The beauty of free will is that we choose who we want to be. There are outcomes and consequences to those choices. Our decision to face or not face the ideas we have, about ourselves and the world, that hold us back determines whether our lives change. And for better or worse that is our prerogative.

I have just found that in the long run it’s better to get out the flashlight and face whatever is hiding under the bed, no matter how scary it is at the time.

When We Don’t Know The Root Cause Of An Emotion

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My 11-year-old daughter has suddenly developed a fear of school. She has previously been very, very happy there, and can’t give a reason for feeling like this. She really wants to go but feels she can’t, and doesn’t know why. Any ideas?


photo by Martin LaBar

Obviously, with so little information, there is no real way to answer this question. A whole host of reasons could be contributing to this fear. The reasons might involve the classroom, the play ground, or problems with other students or schoolwork.

What we can do is talk about how we approach any emotional response where the cause is entirely unknown.

There are two basic courses we can take. I would recommend taking both of them at the same time. They are to 1) deal with the emotions in the moment and 2) investigate to find the root of the emotions. This way we cope with the short-term fear and try to find the roots of the fear so there won’t be the same response in the future.

The Emotion Right Now
One of the blessings of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is that we are able to use it right now for the emotions we are feeling in this moment. In this case I recommend two things.

First, I recommend tapping before bedtime on the fear about going to school the next day. If the fear is large enough it will be present the night before. It is good to deal with this at bedtime because this fear is going to affect her sleep.

Second, I recommend spending tapping in the morning before heading out the door to school or even on the ride to school.

In both cases the tapping is very simple. I would have her explain to me how the fear feels, how her body feels, and what she’s worried about. I wouldn’t use any complicated tapping phrases. I would have her tell me what is going on in her body and in her head while she taps.

Investigating the Roots
With the immediate fear under a little more control we can start looking around for the root cause. When working with a client I would use all the information about them and their history as a start. In this case I know nothing more than she is 11 years old. With that in mind I would start by asking questions around the common reasons an 11-year-old wouldn’t want to go to school.

My questions would be something like this.
1) Why does she feel like she can’t go?
It sounds like the questions has been asked, but it’s a good place to start every time. Often people — not just kids — have a hard time admitting why they are afraid. By asking again they might give an answer they didn’t before.

2) What could go wrong if she does go to school?
Fear usually involves not wanting to experience a bad outcome. They might be able to name the outcome they fear and not associate that with the fear itself.

3) This feeling of not wanting to go to school, what does it remind her of?
This is a classic EFT investigation question. When you don’t know the root, see what it reminds you of. Lots of information can be found here.

4) If she could change one thing about school, what would it be?
Sometimes we don’t want to say what we fear, but we are willing to say what we would like to see different. Fear is often associated with weakness. We don’t like to share why we are fearful. This question lets us answer without looking weak.

5) If she could go to a new school, how would the new school be different from her old school?
This is very much like the last question. By giving them a chance to say what they do want, we give them a way of not saying what they don’t want or fear.

6) If she could go to school tomorrow and know one person was not going to be there, who would she want that person to be?
No one likes to be a tattletale. Also for kids there might be fear of retaliation for turning a bully in. This way they don’t have to tell on someone else and yet are free to state their needs.

7) When she is not at school, what does she think the other students say about her?
People, not just kids, can be ruthless. We don’t like to be places where we’re being picked on, but again we don’t like to be tattletales. By asking the question in this fashion we are not asking her to tell on anyone. Instead, she is pretending what they might say. This is a safe way to share what she fears.

Obviously this is just a start, but I think it’s a good start. We can’t help but get closer to the roots.

It is important to remember that with EFT we always have two plans of attack. We can always deal with what we feel right now. Then we can deal with the roots of the emotions. If we can find our way in with both courses, then we should use them. We’re not helpless just because we don’t know the root. We can always reduce or resolve the immediate problem until we get to the root of the issue.