Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Good Questions Help Illuminate the “Big Picture” of a Core Issue

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We are taught when tapping it very import to be as specific as possible. The more specific we are the faster Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping works. Sometimes it is better to take a more global approach to an issue. Instead of moving from the general to the specific we can use the specific to find our way to a much deeper issue. When doing this we see the specific as being a symptom to a much larger issue that we weren't aware of. In this article Vermont based practitioner Jade Barbee shares an experience were he was able to take a very specific issue to find a much deeper issue to do work on.

[Jade Barbee shares EFT from his office in Southern Vermont. He specializes in using EFT to help people recover from the effects of trauma of all kinds, as well as step into a greater sense of personal power, authority, self-esteem and authentic expression. His friend Ganesha is in private practice in New Orleans and can be reached at reikiganesh [at] gmail.com.]

Recently, I learned something very powerful about practicing EFT that I’d like to share. A practitioner friend named Ganesha, a friend and recent student of Sonya Sophia out in California, did something with me that has not only been beneficial for me personally, but has also strengthened my ability to help others. In essence, by offering a gentle, thorough line of questioning, he helped me release my problem. I believe this happened because I was able to make connections at the beginning of our session that served to disarm my resistance to looking deeply at what was going on with me.

Many practitioners are familiar with the importance of asking good questions and building rapport with your client. What was new to me was how Ganesh allowed the details and intensities to linger while we delved deeper and deeper into my subjective experience of the issue. This is something I had previously touched on in many sessions, but never quite like this. Later what I realized was so powerful about this approach was how our exploration seemed to naturally disarm any body resistance to change (called PR or Psychological Reversal).

Our rapport together was also strengthened, and I literally felt so held and free by his gentle line of questioning, there was literally no real need to use the “setup” phrase during the entire process. Experienced EFTers will also notice how we employed the strategy of “continuous tapping” on acupuncture points during the discussion – which helped my body clear the energy of the words as we tapped. He also tested and measured my intensity levels around the original issue as well as several other aspects that were uncovered along the way.

My Body Won’t Let Go

We began with me talking about my “issue.” I had just awoken from a nap at a friends house and had noticed my jaw was tight and that I felt frightened. It had occurred to me that this was a somewhat common occurrence. I started to describe my symptoms:

“It feels like I’m scared to sleep sometimes. Like I’m afraid to completely let go. It’s almost as if my consciousness is hanging on for dear life and won’t let go of the bed.”

He asked me to put my issue into a few succinct words. We decided upon, “My body won’t let go.”

What Are Some Negative Feelings You Have Around “My Body Won’t Let Go?”

In other words, he was asking me what is was like to experience what I was going through. My EFTer’s mind was racing: I remembered that these symptoms had appeared in my late twenties, and I knew that there had been trauma that was a likely cause. However, I actually didn’t want to revisit this today. Instead I chose to go with the sense that something else, something earlier in my life was involved. Ganesha was already tapping, and motioned that I could tap along as well. So I tapped as I talked, one thought per point or so:

“Frustrating. It isn’t safe. Disappointing. I can’t fix it. Out of control. Awareness of teeth clicking. Unease. Trepidation. Limitation. Stuckness. The stuckness is about a 7 (on an intensity scale of 1-10).”

As many people know, EFT can be applied to any one of these words or phrases – each one a possibly rich healing doorway, but Ganesha encouraged me to keep tapping while he gently questioned me some more:

What’s Some of Your Negative Self-Talk Around This?

I answered:

“You should be free of this. All this EFT and you can’t be free of this? You’re doing something wrong. You’re irreparably broken.”

I was kind of surprised at what was coming out of my mouth, but it was honest, and I sensed the tapping – and Ganesha’s gentle voice, was really helping things flow. I did really want to get to the bottom of “body won’t let go,” not just in my sleep habits, but in my musical, creative expression as well.

What Do You Think Are Some of the Cultural Beliefs Around This?

Immediately I came out with:

“Letting go isn’t safe – I might be out of control. I might be too much. Things might get out of hand. If things get out of hand, they might embarrass someone. Maybe someone else will feel bad. Oh my god, I’m totally seeing an image of my mother.”

What is Your Earliest Memory of This?

This one was easy:

“My mother disapproved. At 10 or 11, she could shut me down with just one look. I made her feel uncomfortable. My behavior was too much for her. Too girly for a young boy. Too expressive. I had to protect her from me. I think I still do that. Letting go is never safe. Always trying to let go, but how can anyone TRY to let go? It’s impossible! I’ll never be able to let go. Music. It’s part of why I have never given myself over to music.”

Ganesh asked for some intensity levels around what was coming up for me. Sad: 8 (out of 10). I responded with some more thoughts about letting go, knowing from my own work that imagining the possibility of “letting go” might bring up some more core stuff. I continued to talk and tap:

“I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I can let go consistently. What might happen if I did? If I let go, others might be hurt. I was always worried about letting go and hurting others.”

He asked:

What Happened Before When You Did Let Go?

“I lost control. People got hurt. It was ugly. I could have killed someone. I was afraid to hurt others. It was also humiliating. It was shameful when I did lose control.”

At this point a clear memory surfaced. I was seeing myself as a 10 year old, dancing in the laundry room of one of my childhood homes. I tapped and described the scene before me and how I had been mercilessly teased by the neighborhood kids who had been spying on me. How there had been no privacy in that house and how angry I had been. I recognized that there were literally a cascade of emotions, aspects and other memories here, but it felt right to just bring my attention back to this one, specific memory. I continued to visualize myself as a young man, then talk about the house and that time in my life, including all the players involved. It was at this point Ganesh took me back to my original phrase with some systematic tapping:

“Eyebrow Point (EB): Body Won’t Let Go
Side of Eye (SE): Body Won’t Let Go
Under Eye (UE): Body Won’t Let Go…”

Long story short, we continued to tap through “Body Won’t Let Go,” stopping to measure the intensity (in this case, the truth) of the original statement. I actually couldn’t find much truth in the statement at all by this time, and the “stuckness” (remember if was a 7) was now quite low as well.

As our session drew to a close, we discussed the many aspects that had come up, and how I could use EFT to “sweep out the corners” or investigate other areas further as the days went on. I was thankful that he had four pages of notes outlining the process for me to take home.

The Ability to See the Big Picture

In the days that have followed, the most startling effect from our session is my approach to my creative work. Something powerful has shifted within me, and I’m heartily exploring my musical work in ways I never have in the past.

I have also been awakening with a greater sense of peace and confidence in all my abilities – and having this last throughout the day. I attribute this profound shift to this latest session.

In EFT, we are always on the lookout for core issues, but sometimes a core issue is so big, it’s like we’re standing too close to a large painting. Tapping through the questions in the way we did was a like a slow stepping back. With each step the whole story was allowed to come into greater focus. I am greatly appreciative to my friend Ganesha (and his recent teacher Sonya Sophia) for their mindful approach to EFT. Stay tuned!

Reasons That Stop Us From Trying

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Often we are ourselves the biggest obstacle to our success. We hold beliefs that prevent us from trying, that prevent us from recognizing the opportunities we have to move forward. “Brian” was in a situation where he wanted to move forward with his business. He came up with a number of brilliant ideas to move his business ahead, but when push came to shove he wouldn’t take the steps he needed to take to move forward.

When we successfully identify these beliefs, tapping/Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT) is a perfect tool for melting these beliefs away, allowing us to easily follow through on our inspiration.

Using a few advanced techniques, we had isolated the source of Brian’s resistance. He was afraid because he had accepted the belief, “I have to be perfect at everything.”

This was a really wonderful piece of information. We could easily understand why this was preventing the forward progress. The belief system looked something like this:

  • I have to be perfect at everything
  • When I am not perfect it feels horrible
    • I am not living up to what I should live up to.
    • Others are going to look down on me.
    • I am going to let myself down.
    • I am going to feel foolish when I fail.
  • Therefore, I am only going to try things I know I am going to be perfect at

This belief system served Brian well. It spared him the misery of feeling foolish by avoiding the conditions that required him to be perfect.

The flaw in the system was the first supposition.

We don't have to be perfect at everything.

There are lots of things that we don’t have to be perfect at. So we tapped:

I don’t have to be perfect at everything…there are lots of things that I need to do just well enough at…I don’t have to tie my shoes perfectly…I don’t need to make a sandwich perfectly…I don’t have to make the bed perfectly…there are lots of things in my life that all I need is to do them well enough…this doesn’t mean that I am going to stop striving…this doesn’t mean that I am going to stop striving for excellence…but I am going to keep everything in perspective…I am going to give myself permission to know that I can do some things well enough without having to do them perfectly.

This round of tapping created a greater sense of peace for Brain, but he could still feel some resistance. For some reason it was still a standard he needed to live up to. So we continued the work by going after the definition of perfect.

It is good that I am trying to be perfect…this is rooted in wanting to do my best…this is rooted in wanting to become my best self…but perfect isn’t about getting everything right…perfect is about doing the best that I can…perfect is about living in this moment…perfect is being able to be thankful for this moment…perfect is being able to recognize that in this moment I get to choose who I am…in this moment I get to learn more about myself in the world…perfect is being easy enough with myself that I can know I am going to get another chance…perfect is striving to be my better self…I am always going to be a work in progress…I am never going to do everything perfectly…but I can live this moment as perfect…by striving to be my best…this moment can be perfect because I can learn from the things I am not doing perfectly

This created more peace and relief for Brian. It also created a belief that he could move forward without having to be perfect. As we were doing the tapping described above, Brian remembered his father’s need for perfection from Brian, even when he was a young child. We then tapped to clean up the emotions in those memories.

Lessons from this session:
1) If you don’t know why the feeling is there, ASK!
Brian had no idea what beliefs were preventing him from moving forward. Once we isolated where the belief was located it was a simple matter of asking. The answer was, this kept Brian safe.

When I tune in to a physical feeling, belief, or emotion, and I don’t know why it is present, I ask three questions:

  • What are you afraid of?
  • What are you trying to protect me from?
  • What information are you trying to convey?

This won’t always give us the information we need, but it will lead us in the right direction.

2) It is there to protect us
I feel like a broken record when I repeat this over and over, but it is a point that can’t be missed. Brian’s failure to move forward protected Brian from the pain of not living up to perfection. Once we understood how Brian was being protected, we were able to transform the false belief into more useful thought patterns.

[Note: Are you looking for tools to help you get out of your own way and achieve what your really want? Check this out]

Trying On The Old Positive Feeling

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Things in my life have gone all pear-shaped lately. About three years ago life was just going great then everything seemed to fall apart. I started to have health issues, I ended a long-term relationship, and I just didn't have the same energy when I got up in the morning. Is there a way that I can use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to make my way back to feeling good?


photo by Maria Morr

I love synchronicity in life. I received this e-mail the same day I worked with a client for a very similar issue. The client call was with “Betty.” Betty wanted to do some work because physically she was exhausted all the time and life seemed like a real chore.

At the beginning of our call Betty shared that in the last six years she has had two loved ones die, she had gained weight, and she was feeling very disconnected at work from a job she used to enjoy.

To start with we spent some time with her emotional state and how she felt in the immediate moment. I have found when working with an issue that is multifaceted it is best to start with how we feel about all the issues and how all the issues are affecting our lives today.

I do this because it can be hard to focus on any one aspect of the issues when we feel overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to be done. I have found if we take just a few rounds of tapping to deal with the current emotional state that we will have much more clarity around the larger issues that need our attention.

Betty and I spent about 15 minutes just working with how overwhelming it felt to be dealing with so many issues. We also spent some time with how overwhelming life felt because of the lack of energy she was feeling. After doing this work she was much more at peace. Life wasn't perfect, but she was ready for the next step.

Without being asked she started talking about what life was like six years ago. She talked about how she just felt like she had a “spark” back then and that she really wanted to feel and experience that spark again. Her goal was not to somehow achieve an issue-free life, but instead she really just wanted have energy for life again.

I had her start tapping again and asked her to take a few deep breathes. I asked if she could tune-in to the feeling she felt six years ago when she felt the “spark.” After a few seconds she said, “Yes” and I could hear a little more energy in her voice.

I asked her, figuratively speaking, to “try on” the old feeling of that spark, energy, and zest for life as if it was a new outfit that she was trying on at a store. She said, “That feels really good.” I then followed up by asking, “What doesn't fit quite right? Is it too small, too big, or does it feel uncomfortable in any way?”

Betty then described that it didn't fit right because some of the relationships at work had changed. A good friend had been promoted and she felt it would change their relationship. We then did some tapping around that issue. Very quickly she was at peace around this relationship.

Again, I had her “try on” the outfit of feeling that old spark for life. It felt even better, but this time she was worried because of her health. She was afraid that she wasn't going to be able to do as much at work as she did before. Since she was doing less work she was concerned that it was going to be less enjoyable. We spent some time tapping around having balance at work and not doing too much. We also did some tapping around the idea that good work is judged by the quality of work, how we are challenged, and being able to contribute. Good work is not judged by the quantity of work that is done.

We repeated this process three or four more times. Each time Betty tried the outfit of spark on again. We found the parts that didn't fit right. By doing this each time the feeling of spark became more and more possible.

Obviously this isn't going to work in every satiation but if you are struggling to find a place to start tapping think about how it would feel to be back to your old self. Try that feeling on. Doing this will help you to find the parts that don't “fit” right and are a little off which, in turn, will give you a great place to start tapping.

An Unexpected Place To Start With Physical Pain

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Recently one of my clients, “Ann,” who wanted to do some Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) for her ankle, contacted me. She had been jogging in a park. Because of the way the grass had grown she did not see a large hole. She stepped into it and went down hard.

Fortunately for Ann she did not rip or break anything. However, she was in a great deal of pain and was told that she needed to be on crutches for two weeks to give the ankle a chance to heal.

As it turned out, we had a chance to do some tapping five days after she had hurt herself. At first glance you would have thought that we would have started with the physical pain and the physical healing process. Instead we started with emotions around the injury itself and how she felt about it at that moment.

I took this approach for two reasons. First, I am not a doctor and physical injury is not my expertise. Second, even though I have no proof, I believe that if we are spending energy on emotions (like overwhelm and worry) then we are spending resources that could be used for the physical healing process. We can also create secondary gain issues around not having the injury heal.

Our tapping sessions happened in 5 steps.

Embarrassment
To begin with, I had Ann take a few deep breaths and tune-in to all that had happened. I had her think about how she hurt herself and how everything had unfolded since the fall. She reported that she felt embarrassed.

I asked her if she felt embarrassed because she fell while simply running on seemingly flat ground. Ann said, “No, I am more embarrassed by the fact that I am on crutches and everywhere I go people ask me about what happened.”

You will notice that my initial thought was wrong. I was injecting my perceptions of what I would personally find embarrassing into her moment. Remember, whenever you are tapping with someone who says they feel a certain emotion it is good to ask them why they feel that emotion.

Once Ann had identified that she was embarrassed by the attention she was getting we tapped on:

  • People are asking because they are concerned and care
  • This will only happen for a short period of time
  • In a few weeks no one is going to remember

Missing Running In The Fall
After we had cleared the embarrassment I again asked Ann what emotion was dominant now. She reported a little sadness. When pressed on why she was sad she said that she really enjoyed running at this time of year and felt the injury was causing her to miss an opportunity.

So we tapped on:

  • Appreciating the fact that she has run during this time of year in the past
  • Running isn't the only thing she can do outside at this time of year
  • That because she can't run this time of year it is helping her to realize that she can do lots of other things in this weather besides just running
  • It was only temporary

Breaking Down
Once the feeling of sadness was clear I asked again what she was feeling. She said that she was realizing that she wasn't as young as she once was. Now she is starting to break down physically.

So we tapped on:

  • Aging is a reality
  • But she is in better shape today than she was 10 years earlier because of the fact that she had been running on a regular basis
  • A moment like this gives her a chance to recognize that her health is a blessing
  • It is a reminder that she needs to keep working to maintain her health and well-being
  • She was going to bounce back from this much faster because she was in shape. When she started running again she wouldn't be in the exact same shape, but she wouldn't have lost as much as she thought.

Appreciating The Healing Process
Ann then reported that there wasn't an emotional charge left so we moved on.

The next thing I had her do was to tune-in to the physical pain itself. I had her think about the whole ankle area. After having her tune-in to the level of pain and to the type of pain I had her concentrate on the work the body was already doing. We tapped on something like this:

Right now my body is healing in many ways . . . most of these ways are happening on a subconscious and unconscious level . . . I love the fact that my body is able to do so much healing in big and small ways without me having to think about it . . . I know my body has been working day and night to continue the healing process . . . I give my system permission to continue this healing process . . . I know that if it needs anything it can just ask.

After tapping in this fashion Ann reported feeling even more at peace.

What Does The Space Need
Finally, after all of this we did some work on the actual physical pain. Ann said that there was a feeling of pressure coming from the inside of the ankle. She reported that it felt like a conflict between the flesh around her ankle that was swelling to heal and the compression of the wrap that was helping the healing process.

So we tapped on:

I appreciate the fact that my ankle is swelling to be able to heal . . . but I want my ankle to know that it is not the only part of my system that is working for my ankle's health . . . I am adding compression to my ankle to help the healing process . . . by doing this I am using the intellect and advice of my medical team . . . to insure that I am healing at the right rate . . .

After tapping in this fashion she asked her ankle what else it needed in that space. Ann reported that it needed support on the inside, “Kind of like little crutches on the inside.” As she tapped she imagined that happening.

At that point she reported that her ankle felt much better.

It is important to note that she did not jump up and start dancing on the ankle. The healing process was not done, we had just helped it along. I encouraged her to keep tuning-in to the emotions around the injury and to keep tapping for the ankle.

If you are interested in a longer conversation about how to tap for pain and how to manage pain, check out Tapping For Physical Pain w/ Carol look and Pain Is Not Real w/ Dan Cleary.

Weight Loss with EFT against All Odds

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[Note From Gene: I have encountered a number of people who are willing to try Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/tapping, but because they don't get earth shattering results right away they give up. There are many times issues can be cleared up right away, but that is not always the case.

Here is a great example, by Lynne Shaner, of the power of tapping when it is applied in a systematic way and applied to many different aspects of the issues. In this example she uses tapping for the emotions she is feeling, the medical treatment she is receiving, and for the cravings. This is a model we can all learn from.]

    Lynne Shaner is an EFT practitioner and hypnotherapist. She is director of Praxis: Wellness in Life + Work and has a practice based in Washington DC, where she works with clients locally and by phone/skype.

photo by James Jordan

I work every day as an EFT practitioner, and reassure my clients that EFT works. I also use hypnotherapy—the two are beautiful together. But then, sometimes, my own concerns need to be worked on, and I find myself as worried as a newcomer—will this work? What should I say? This is a medical thing—-how can it work?

As ever, we try it on everything. Most recently, I had a perfect storm of problems that pointed to a bad outcome. EFT did work, I am happy to report—though it took persistence.

Last December, I was faced with a difficult situation. Because of a serious medical condition, I had to go on a massive dose of steroids. I had tried other approaches but the condition was not improving, so steroids were necessary. It was the holiday season, the season of wonderful, high-calorie food. I had just turned 51 and my doctor and just let me know that menopause was in full swing. And now I was on heavy-duty steroids. A prescription for significant weight gain. I was terrified that I would gain twenty or more pounds. I had just lost a few pounds, and needed to lose about 10 more. I told my doctor that I intended to do just that and he basically said that it was impossible, that mostly (in almost 100% of the cases he worked with) people gained weight on steroids; they never lost weight.

So—a challenge. I decided to make this into a test of EFT. What would I do if a client came to me with this concern? And what might be possible? The story ends on a good note—I lost weight (and the steroids and other EFT work did the job of fixing the medical problem.)

Here’s how it worked.

Addressing the Fear
First, I addressed all of the fears I had, tapping on every fear and worry I had. I used language like this:

Even though I am afraid I’ll gain weight…
Even though obesity runs in my family and I’m now on steroids and I’m afraid I’ll gain weight…
Even though I’m starting menopause and women always gain weight, and now I’m on steroids so it must double the problem….
Even though my doctor believes I will gain weight…

I addressed all of the fears I had, all of the stories about weight gain with steroids, with menopause, and my fear that this was just a completely impossible situation.

I did this many times—not just once. Whenever fears came up, I addressed them, throughout the eight months I was on steroids.

Addressing the Medical Treatment
I then, every day, did a little ritual with my medication. I told my body, while tapping, that these were miracle drugs, and that we could take the miracles and leave the rest…that there was no need to take on any side effects.

I also did a little Reiki on the pills each morning before I took them, allowing them to be “blessed” with energy that I intended for healing—-without side effects.

When fear came up, I’d do a little round on that:

Even though I am afraid of the side effects, especially weight gain and sleeplessness…
Even though these are so powerful and I’m still afraid of them…I love and accept myself and I’m giving my body permission to take the miracles and leave the rest.

Doing the Footwork
I spent a lot of time online looking for “weight loss while on steroids,” and there isn’t much there. But there was one story of a woman who did lose weight while on steroids. That’s all I needed. If one other person could do it, so could I—especially since I have EFT at my fingertips. The power of suggestion, her example to me, helped lift my sense of hopefulness.

The other critically important part of the footwork was to do the calorie calculation needed to lose weight. I did that and lopped off a few more—(consult your medical doctor, please; I am not a health care professional and did what worked for me—you and your body’s needs are different from mine.). I stuck rigidly, religiously, slavishly to my nutritional program, which was a low-calorie regime. No exceptions. I was absolutely rigid on this.

Dealing with Cravings
The dirty little secret of steroids is that not only do they have the capacity for wreaking all sorts of havoc, they give you the appetite of a teenage linebacker. I was no exception. I wanted to eat everything in my path. So—I treated myself as I would an alcoholic and assigned myself a tapping routine for each time the cravings came up. Sometimes I had time to do a whole round:

Even though I want this (name the specific food) so badly, I love and accept myself and it’s ok to let it go…
Even though I feel hungry, and this looks so good, I love and accept myself and it’s ok to have water instead
Even though I really, really want this, I’m going to be ok without it….

Sometimes I wanted to rush into the refrigerator and there seemed to be no time for a round, so I tapped on the collar point and just said “releasing this craving,” as many times as I needed to (backing out of the kitchen.)

What Happened?
Month one: Five pounds dropped off. My doctor said he had never experienced that with a patient.

Month two: Another five pounds.

Month three: Three more pounds and I was at my goal weight. Again, the doctor just said that he had never seen this before.

Month eight: Steroid usage complete and terminated. I have kept the weight off and now am back to normal.

Mindful, creative use of EFT achieved what is considered to be practically impossible, given all of the factors in my situation. I lost weight while on steroids, going through menopause, despite starting off during a high-calorie holiday time. From now on I’ll never question whether EFT works for weight loss—in my own body and in any client’s. As long as the steps I outline above are used consistently, it is very likely to work every time.