Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

I’m doing it all WRONG!

by

It’s hard for me to get motivated to do EFT because I’m afraid I’m going to do it wrong. What can I do?

Trying new things is always hard. We get used to being able to do things well. Most of us, as adults, don’t have to learn many new skills. Because of this, when we are faced with learning a new skill we’re uncomfortable.

Learning a new skill means we have to admit we don’t know something.

It means we can expect to fail on some level because we are not going to get it right the first time.

When we were small children learning to walk, we failed lots of times. Each time we failed there was the consequence of falling down. And we did this a lot.

Not only that, we learned to walk in front of our family, who saw us fail time and again, but we could finally take a few wobbly steps on our own.

Luckily we weren’t self conscious at that point in our lives. Failure did not deter us. Having others see us fail didn’t stop us either. We simply wanted to walk, and we were going to do whatever it took to do it.

As adult, it’s not as easy. We don’t like the feeling of failure. We don’t like knowing we are not very good at something. We REALLY DON'T LIKE having others see us struggle at something.

Because of these feelings there is a part of us which will try (and often succeed in) talking us out of trying new things. This part of ourselves is trying to protect us from the feelings of failure and embarrassment of looking bad in front of others.

These feeling are fine to have, but if we let them control us we will never try anything new and we won’t grow.

It is no surprise that people have a hard time doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) on their own at first.

First, EFT itself is so mysterious. It is a modality outside of our normal experience of the world. (What do you mean tapping my face will reduce my fear?) Because it is so foreign to our experience, it must be very hard to master.

Second, typically when someone learns EFT, they learn from an experienced EFTer. This person seems to come up with just the right phrase at the just the right time. It appears that picking the right phrase is a difficult skill to master.

Speaking as someone who has done EFT for a long time, when I’m working with clients I’m often guessing right along with the client as to what phrase to use next. With experience I’ve gotten better at figuring out what path to head down. But I don’t always know what I’m doing.

The reason I am able to do this, is because EFT is so forgiving. There is no way that you can do EFT wrong. If you do a round of tapping, getting no progress, the round is not a failure. Instead the round has given you information.

You now know you might need some water in your system, that you are psychologically reversed, or you need more specific phrases. You are one step closer to success because you have more information.

It also didn’t cost you very much to get this new information. It only cost you 45 to 60 seconds. With this new information, you can then start a new round of tapping.

If you struggle with feeling you are going to fail when you do EFT, here are some phrases you can use to start your session.

I know EFT is a powerful tool….I have seen it work in my own life….I have felt it in my own body….I’ve heard amazing stories of all that it can do….But I worry that I am not going to do it right….It is still something I don’t understand….It worked great when I was working with Gene….He is really good at EFT…. I’m not as good as he is….But I choose to know I can’t do this wrong….Even if I use the wrong words….Even if I tap the wrong points….There is no penalty for doing this….I only waste a few second of my life….Each time I do a round of tapping I get more information….Making the next round of tapping more successful….I give myself permission for the next 20 minutes to make mistakes….Because making mistakes is the only way I am going to learn…I’m not very good at EFT right now….But the only way I can get better is if I try — and make mistakes….This is how I learned to walk, and talk, and drive a car….At the beginning those things were really hard to do….But with practice I got better….I am going to do the same with EFT….I am going to try, because it is in the trying that I am going to learn. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Yawn!

by

Sometimes when I’m tapping I yawn a lot. Why do I yawn during tapping, and is it a good or bad thing?


photo by Daniel James

Fear not! Yawning is good news.

There are a number of common physical reactions to tapping, such as feeling:

  • Light and free
  • Very relaxed
  • Sleepy
  • Energized

or releasing:

  • Long signs
  • Yawning

When we are doing tapping, especially around an emotional issue, I have found yawning means a great deal of energy is being moved. So when I see lots of yawning, I know progress is being made.

It is important to pay attention to your body. Lots of yawning also mean your body has less energy than when you started. If you feel very tired, it’s best to tap more later.

ALSO, if you are feeling drowsy after a tapping session you shouldn’t drive or do anything that requires intense concentration until your energy level is up again.

Remember, if your body is feeling pain or responding in a way that is not comfortable, stop tapping and consult a medical professional.

It Hurts!

by

When I tap, some of the spots are very sensitive, even to the point of hurting a little. It doesn’t happen all the time, and it’s not always the same spot. Should I be worried?

It’s a common experience for some (or all) of the tapping points to be a little sensitive. Remember we are tapping on the ends of energy channels, so they are going to be a little tender by nature.

Chiropractors and reflexologist report that tenderness and pain can be a sign that you have found a place that is definitely in need of work.
REMEMBER, when you are doing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) you are taking total responsibility for your body. I’m not a big fan of pain. When I encounter tapping points that are too painful, I won’t tap them. Instead I use one of two options.

The first option is “Touch and Breath” (TAB). In this method you lightly touch the tapping point and take a deep breath or two. This is avery effective alternative to tapping. Some practitioners I know only teach TAB because they have found their clients are less self-conscious and it’s as effective as tapping.

The second option is to close your eyes and imagine you’re tapping on the point. The body responds and changes in response to our thoughts. Think of the last time you did some sort of relaxation meditation. Just by thinking relaxing thoughts you were able to calm down and release tension from your body.

It is very simple to do.

Say (or think) “This pain in my neck” and imagine you are tapping the eyebrow point.

“This pain in my neck” and imagine you are tapping the side of the eye.

[How to use these tapping phrases]

Tapping by just thinking about points does take some practice. It helps to watch yourself tap in a mirror; it builds the mental picture of you tapping. Initially it may not be as effective as tapping, but it can be very powerful.

There are also two other advantages to tapping in your mind. First, you can do it in public and nobody will notice. (Clients have reported it does look a little odd to start tapping in the middle of a staff meeting.) Second, you can move from tapping point to tapping point much quicker. As fast as you can move to the next point in your mind, you are tapping on the next point.

Fear of Fear

by

I have a really big emotional issue I need to deal with, but I’m afraid. In the past when I tried to work on the issue it was too painful, and I’m afraid to even think about the issue now. Is there some way I can get over my fear of the emotions that might come up?

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
-Franklin D. Roosevelt (1933)

I’ve noticed an interesting trend in my practice. Recently, a number of clients have come in for a session and have spent the first twenty minutes talking about the newly painted office, the weather, and just about anything else to stall for time.

A perfect example would be “Jane,” a client whom I had worked with for a number of months. She contacted me after her mother had been raped. She postponed the appointment two times before she finally made it in.

Once she was in my office she was anything but focused on the task at hand. Finally after 15 minutes I asked her, “Do you want to do this or not?”

She said she didn’t know. She explained, “I know this is going to be very emotional, and the feelings are so raw. I don’t want to go into
that pain.”

I thanked her for her honesty. Then I asked her to show me with her hands how big all the emotions are.

[Note: With my hypnosis background I am a huge fan of using imagery and visualization to find information about issues. The subconscious is a very powerful creative tool that is willing to give us information in lot of ways. I personally love watching clients come up with imagery that even surprises themselves.]

I specifically asked her to show me how big all of the emotions were (the emotions she felt about the situation and the emotions she felt about dealing with the situation). I know from experience that the more specific we get, the better Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is going to work, but in this case I didn’t think there was going to be any way that Jane was going to be able to separate the various emotions out.

She responded to my question by outlining something about the size of a egg-shaped beach ball. And so we started tapping:

This is such a scary time…My heart is broken…I know this has hurt me…I am afraid to dive into to these emotions because it’s going to hurt…It’s easier to just not think about this and bury it…But I know I need to heal…I need to move on…I have used EFT in the past and it has worked for other things…I know it will work for this…I have worked with Gene in the past, and he won’t allow me to be harmed…I trust the process. [How to use these tapping phrases]

I then asked her how much of the total emotion was left. She held her hands to the size of a softball. We then proceeded to work on the
emotions surrounding the reason she had come in.

There are a few thoughts I took away from this experience (and a number of similar experiences):

1) Often times the biggest hurdle to healing is our willingness to take the step towards healing. Something in ourselves prevents us from seeking the help we need because we expect it to be painful.

Now, when I am working with someone who is dealing with a particularly emotional issue, I will first check to see if we need to clean up any emotional aspects about facing the problem, we can do that before we starting the work on the core issues they are seeking help for.

2) In the case documented it appears that more than 70% of the issue was just the fear of dealing with the issues. I don’t know if this is the case. It is very possible that we were also cleaning up aspects of the main issue while we were dealing with the fear of dealing with the issue. But it is very clear that the way that we interpret the event can be as powerful, if not more powerful, than the event itself.

I have seen instances where clients can’t seem to remember traumatic events from the past after they have cleaned up the emotional response. It is as if 70% of the memory is their emotional response to the memory.

I don’t know what to say! (part 1)

by

When I was working with the person who taught me EFT, it worked great. Now that I’m working on my own, I don’t know what phrases to use. Do you have any suggestions?

This is a very common question. Remember, the words are simply intended to help us pull whatever we are working on into the thought field. Often clients get worked up because they feel like they are going to use the wrong words.

Remember there is no penalty for getting it “wrong”. The worst outcome with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is wasting 90 seconds of your life. Be easy about the words. Trust your intuition. What matters is your focus on the problem, not the words.

Over the next few weeks, I will address this with a number of suggestions on what to do when you can’t think of what to say.

Here is my first…
“Christi,” an EFT phone client, was having a very hard time getting out of bed in the morning to go to the gym. We had been doing a lot of work about all the “penalties” for going to gym:

Everyone will see she is so out of shape … She doesn’t like the way she looks in exercise clothing … She is so out of shape it’s hopeless … She will fail again.

We were making great progress around these issues, but it was still a great struggle for her to get out of bed in the morning.

I had read an article from the “EFT Insights Newsletter” on Future Tapping for dealing with things we fear for the future, the thought being if we make statements about what we would like to have happen, all of the issues that prevent this from happening will arise, even if we don’t name them or even know what they are (much like the Hero Technique). I thought future tapping might work for Christi.

So I had Christi rate the truth of the statement, “I am going to jump out of bed tomorrow morning, energetically, and ready to go to the
gym.” She rated this as a 4 on a scale of 0 to 10. So we tapped…

I am going to climb into bed and be relaxed….My body is going to peacefully and naturally drift to sleep….I am going to get a good night’s sleep….The sleep will be restful….I will wake up energized and ready for the day….I am going to be ready to go to the gym….I am going have a great workout….I am going to be happy with my progress….I’m going to leave the gym full of energy for the rest of the day. [How to use these tapping phrases]

We then tested the truth of the statement, “I am going to jump out of bed tomorrow morning, energetically, and ready to go to the gym.” It had become an 8 out of 10. I then asked what part of the statement didn’t feel true. We dealt with whatever residual issues there were (which I can’t remember right now). Christi has reported back that this has made it easier to get up in the morning to go to the gym. In fact, it was so effective, she now uses the technique to set up her whole day.

I have found this is a great technique for EFT beginners to use by themselves. Many of my clients don’t feel like they know what they are supposed to say or what to focus on when they are tapping on their own. All they need to do is state exactly what they want. The protocol is very simple:

  1. State what you would like to see happen in the future. (e.g., I am going to spring out of bed tomorrow. I am going to be calm when I confront my boss. I am going to be at peace when I visit my mother in the hospital.)
  2. Rate how true you think the statement is.
  3. Keep tapping and state how everything is going to unfold in a perfect world.
  4. Re-rate the original statement. If it is not fully true, repeat the process.