Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Forgiveness Equals Condoning The Action

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I was introduced to EFT about a year ago and I love it. I’m amazed at the way it quickly gets rid of unwanted emotions, but I’m wondering if this is always a good thing. I made some really poor choices in the past. I feel really bad about these choices. I know EFT would be a great tool for getting rid of these emotions, but I’m afraid that if I don’t feel bad about them that I am condoning the past behavior. Is it okay to let go of these negative emotions about my past choices?

At its core this question is about forgiveness. Sometimes this question is about forgiving ourselves (like the questions above); other times it’s about forgiving others. “If I forgive them for hurting me I am saying what they did is okay.”

The person who asked this question is exactly right. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a great tool for helping us to forgive, but forgiveness can be a tricky business.

Forgiveness can come along with lots of baggage.

  • “If I forgive myself I am going to make the same mistake again”
  • “If I forgive I am saying what happen was right”
  • “If I forgive they are going to do the same thing to someone else and I will have condoned it.”
  • “I did something wrong and I deserve to suffer, not to be forgiven.”
  • “If I forgive them then I am going to give up my status as victim and I don't know how to live not as a victim.  People only give me attention because I am a victim and they will all leave me.” [This was a real fear of one of my clients.]

When discussing forgiveness it’s a good idea to look at forgiving oneself and forgiving others separately.

Forgiving Ourselves
Forgiveness and un-forgiveness are routinely accompanied by regret and/or guilt. Even though these two emotions are very similar they are different in a very striking way.

For example, I may say, “I regret eating that extra candy bar.” When I make this statement I am saying I wish I had made a different choice because I now understand the consequences of that choice, but it’s not something I am emotionally bound up in right now.

To feel guilty about something is not only to wish we had made a different choice, but we also feel emotionally bad in the moment. “I feel guilty for eating that extra candy bar.” With this statement I am saying I wish I had made a different choice and I feel bad about that choice right now.

When we forgive ourselves we are not saying we made a good choice in the past. We are not saying we will make the same choice again. We are not saying we didn’t learn from the past. Instead, when we forgive we are moving from guilt to regret.

Guilt is debilitating. Regret is instructive. That is why forgiveness of our self is so important. When we forgive we move from being an emotional prisoner of the past to learning from the past.

Forgiving Others
When it comes to forgiving others the most powerful idea I have encountered is, “When we hold a grudge and refuse to forgive someone else we are wishing ill on them and taking the poison ourselves.” When we refuse to forgive someone else we are not hurting the person in any way. We are only hurting ourselves by carrying around the ill will (and sometimes hatred) for someone else.

When we choose to forgive someone else we are doing this solely for ourselves. We are not condoning their action. We are not saying they can take this action against us (or anyone else) again. We are simply saying, “I choose not to be a prisoner to this past action. I will no longer carry this poison of guilt, hatred and un-forgiveness in my body.”

How To Use EFT To Forgive
Often we hear the phrase, “forgive and forget.” This is a really accurate — and sometimes destructive — sentiment. When we forgive we are not forgetting what has come before. We still keep the lessons from the past. We are going to make choices in the future to keep us safe from the same situation. When we forgive we are simply choosing not to be an emotional prisoner to the past.

With that in mind, I think it is very important to carry the ideas of why we forgive into our tapping, not just the fact that we are forgiving. By doing this we are able to not only deal with the emotions around what needs to be forgiven, but we are also dealing with all the resistance we have to offering forgiveness.

Here is a sample tapping patter for forgiving oneself:

Just because I am forgiving myself for past actions, this doesn’t mean I am saying those were good choices…those choices are who I was…not who I am…I have learned from those choices…I don’t need to be holding onto the guilt to make sure I make good choices in the future…by holding onto guilt I am continuing to punish myself…I don’t need to keep punishing myself…I give my self permission to forgive myself…I choose to know forgiving myself is allowed…I choose to know forgiving myself is a path to health…and not forgiving myself is not a path to health…I forgive myself for not forgiving myself yet…I know I have learned the lesson from the past poor choice…I give myself permission to let this go and move on. [How to use these tapping phrases]

Here is a sample tapping patter for forgiving someone else:

I give myself permission to forgive [insert name]…When I forgive them I am not saying what they did is right…when I offer forgiveness it is all about me…it has nothing to do with them…it has nothing to do with condoning their actions…I am letting go of this so I am no longer imprisoned by the past…when I hold a grudge it is like I am wishing ill on someone else but taking the poison myself…I need to forgive for my health and well being…this choice is for me…it is not for them…I also forgive myself for not giving forgiveness earlier…what matters is that I am now choosing to move on…by giving forgiveness I am not giving them permission to do the same thing again…when I forgive it doesn’t mean that I have not learned a lesson from this…I have learned from this…when I forgive I am not inviting this in again…I am forgiving so I can move on…when I forgive I still might remember what happened, but I am no longer imprisoned by what happened…forgiveness can be hard…I give myself permission to be easy with myself as I go through the forgiveness process…I am doing this for me…and no one else…and I am allowed to do this for myself…it doesn’t matter if the other person deserves forgiveness…I deserve to forgive…because it is the best thing for me [How to use these tapping phrases]

Using Color With EFT

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I was on the teleclass you did with Catherine Poole on color and I loved it. But there is still something I am confused about. She talked about how each type of physical issue is related to a color (or a couple of colors). It sounds like if we are suffering in that part of our body we could tap using EFT and just image that color coming in. My questions is how do I know which color to bring in?

I asked Catherine if she would answer this question by creating a list of issues, by color, that we could pay attention to when we are doing EFT on ourselves or with a client. Below you will find her response on (in her words) “how to listen to what the body needs”.

[This article is by Catherine Poole. Catherine is a medical intuitive who has spent decades studying and teaching color theory. In this article she explores what each color represents when it comes to healing. At the end of this article there is a short audio which shows you how to combine color with EFT. Catherine is available for private readings (which can be done in phone sessions) and can be contacted at http://CatherinePoole.com/.]

Base/Red Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they complain about family, their church, their government? Parents (living or dead)? Childhood? Job? Money?

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Foundation/Solids
  • Any system or organ that relates to solids can be affected when one gives too much of this base energy away or they are attracting too much to them.
  • Arthritis
  • Hemorrhoids
  • Constipation
  • Teeth
  • Joints
  • Muscles
  • Bones
  • Legs
  • Weight
  • Lower Back
  • ED

Sacral/Orange Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they complain about one particular person that “ticks them off”? Are they emotional? Afraid? Resentful? Guilty? Do they have sexual issues? Mother issues? Daughter/Son issues? Sibling issues?

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Kidneys, Urethra, Bladder
  • Lower Back
  • Reproductive System
  • Lymphatic System
  • Circulatory w/Heart Center
  • ED/Impotence/Frigidity
  • Endometriosis
  • Infertility
  • Cysts/Cancer
  • Allergies
  • Bedwetting (incontinence)
  • Crohn's Disease
  • Diarrhea
  • Lymph glands (Hodgkin's, Swollen)
  • Kidney Stones
  • Lupus
  • Breast Cancer (also Heart Chakra)
  • Compromised Immune System

Solar Plexus/Yellow Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they consistently apologize? Choose to “not make waves”? Are they always “tired” of something? Depressed? Confused? Feel that others control their life? Always worried? “I'm afraid”

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Represents element of fire: how we burn energy.
  • Stomach
  • Pancreas, gall bladder
  • Small intestine
  • The sugar level in our blood relates to the amount of sweetness and love in our lives.
  • There is a great desire for affection and love, yet an inability to know how to act if it is received.
  • This gives rise to anger and resentment, a blaming of others for our own inner fear and confusion in dealing with love.
  • Acne (low self esteem)
  • Anorexia (rejection)
  • Bulimia (abandonment)
  • Blood Cell Disorders (not worth living)
  • Crohn's Disease (gripping fear)
  • Diabetes (sweetness)
  • Obesity (ashamed)
  • Agoraphobia
  • Adrenal Gland Challenges (fight or flight)
  • Indigestion (can't stomach life)
  • Back Pain (5th-11th Dorsal Vertebrae)-material
  • Nausea (worry)
  • Motion Sickness (control)
  • Ulcer (no control)

Heart /Green Energy
What do they talk about?
Are they fearful of relationships? Letting go, being free? getting hurt? being abandoned? Family members getting hurt? Do they “hate” things? Do they need constant reassurance? (always ask if everything is “OK”?)

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Element of Air anything that flows.
  • Heart
  • Lungs
  • Esophagus/Trachea
  • Arteries/Blood
  • Immune System: thymus, lymph glands
  • Asthma (take on too much)
  • Upper Back and Neck (stop being the emotional support for others)
  • Cancer
  • old (easily influenced by external forces)
  • Cough (easily irritated)
  • Hiccups (enough is enough, gain control)
  • Snoring (repressed your “noise” during the day)
  • Blood Disorders: urgent message that you need a profound shift in self-image
  • High cholesterol  (arteriosclerosis)
  • High Blood Pressure

Throat /Blue Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they often say “to tell you the truth”? Do they “uhm”? Are they shy? Quiet? Inconsistent? Unreliable? Manipulative? Have trouble expressing their thoughts? Clear their throat? Persistent cough? Use words associated with talking, hearing, listening?

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Any organ that involves communication.
  • Ears/Mouth/Throat
  • Thyroid/Parathyroid
  • Hearing Loss
  • Inner Ear (off balance)
  • Vertigo/Meniere's Dis-ease
  • Ear Infections
  • Lip Biting
  • TMJ (anger, resentment, revenge)
  • Teeth (defensive, fear of wrong decisions)

Third Eye/Indigo and Violet Energy
What do you talk about?
Are they undisciplined? Oversensitive to the feelings of others? Read too much into things? Other examples are authoritarian personalities, “egomaniacs” are opinionated visionaries, there is an imbalance between higher self and ego self. Nightmares and night terrors as well as overactive imaginations can create deficiencies in this area.

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Pineal Gland
  • Third Eye
  • Eyes
  • Sinuses
  • Nose
  • Nose: Represents Self Recognition
  • Sinus (Irritation to one person)
  • Nose Bleeds (Recognition)
  • Snoring (also with green and blue)

Crown/All (White) Energy
What do they talk about?
Do they talk about feeling hopeless? Or a relationship being hopeless? Lack joy? Refer to someone or something as “a headache”? Are they constantly frustrated and can't make decisions? Saying “I don't know”?

Parts of the body or dysfunction:

  • Corresponding Organs
  • Crown of the Head
  • Pituitary Gland
  • Brain
  • Only place on the body where bone (foundation) covers tissue rather than tissue covers bone.
  • White energy represents the capacity to process
  • Autism
  • ADD, ADHD
  • Coma (escape, fear of something, someone)

What if you don't know what color to bring?
Still confused on what color you might want to add to your EFT? The body knows what you need. Trust its wisdom. Here is a simple way to make sure you get the right color.

  • Would you like to have a version of this audio you can download, burn to a CD or load on your mp3 player? Buy it here
  • You can hear a full version of the teleclass Catherine gave here: Color, Disease, and EFT

Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)

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[Note: Since posting this in 2008 I have written a guide for parents. You can find it here: EFT for ASD]

Anyone who has the opportunity to get to know a family with a child who has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) knows how baffling and mysterious ASD can be.

One of my regular clients has a son, “Nathan”, who was diagnosed with ASD. About two years ago I approached Nathan’s father, “Jason”, and share with him that EFT can be very effective for clearing up substance sensitivities. In a number of cases symptoms of children with ASD have radically improved when substance sensitivities had been cleared up.

[“Defeat Autism Now! (DAN)” (a collection of medical doctors, research scientists, and parents) is leading the charge in showing how substance sensitivities can be related to the symptoms of ASD. Their protocol is very thorough, dealing with but not limited to allergies, diet, digestive enzymes, vitamins and minerals, and the gastrointestinal (GI) tract. These areas are taken one at a time. Each child responds differently to each step, but it gives parents and doctors a methodical approach to deal with symptoms.]
With some skepticism Jason agreed to try surrogate tapping for Nathan’s sensitivities. Using surrogate muscle testing I created a protocol of substances to tap for and time frames to tap for each substance (e.g., times a day and number of days). To help reduce Jason’s skepticism I told him, “Even if nothing comes of the tapping, you will be thinking loving thoughts about your son a few times a day.”

Just as a coincidence the day Jason started tapping for Nathan, Nathan was taken to a language lab and tested out having the verbal skills of a 20 month old. He was six at the time. Two weeks later, when the language lab started for the school year, Nathan was asked to leave because his verbal skills tested equal to those of a 5 1/2 year old.

Seemingly overnight Nathan started speaking in complete sentence and using three syllable words. The only change in those two weeks was the surrogate tapping of the parents.

Within three months Nathan’s general practitioner had taken him off all of his behavior medications. Jason reported the GP saying, “I have no idea what you’re doing, but don’t stop.”

Over the last few years Nathan’s parents have been slowly working through the DAN protocol. As part of the process a number of months ago Nathan was tested for and diagnosed with “leaky gut,” a very common condition for children with ASD. In very simple terms, leaky gut involves microscopic holes in the lining of the GI tract. Particles of food slip through these holes, moving directly into the blood stream without being properly processed.

Because of some other medical treatments Nathan was going through, they were not going to start the leaky gut treatment for three months after the diagnosis. I asked Jason if he was willing to do another surrogate tapping experiment. Having seen the obvious successes from clearing up the substance sensitivities, he was excited to try.

I drew Jason a very crude drawing of what the cells in the lining of the GI tract look like and what happens when leaky gut occurs. Each night for a few minutes Jason would tune into Nathan and see the cells moving back together, closing the holes, while tapping.

Three months later when it was time to start the leaky gut treatment Nathan was retested for a base line. In the three months that Jason had been tapping Nathan’s leaky gut had improved dramatically. The doctors were quite surprised.

We are now looking at each of the steps of the DAN protocol to find ways that each of those steps can be surrogately tapped for.

Getting What We Want (Part 4 of 4) – Taking Inspired Action

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I know that I can use EFT to help me get what I want in my life, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions?

So far we have named what we didn't want, named what we do what, and started to get clear of the emotional blocks that are preventing us from moving forward. There is one final step. We need to take action.

Often when the idea of getting what we want is presented it is oversimplified.

“Just think about what you want and you will get it. It's really that simple.”

But without action nothing happens. I can spend hours thinking and dreaming about the most beautiful amazing sandwich ever made, but if I don’t open my eyes and take some action I will just sit quietly in my living room slowly starving.

It is certainly possible for a great sandwich to arrive with little effort in a way I never dreamed, taste like nothing I have ever had before, and cost me nothing, but usually I need to do something first.

I need to act. This might seem to be the most obvious step, but somehow we often miss this step (or as we talked about in the last step, there are compelling reasons for us not to take this step).

I know how hard it is to take action to get what we want. As we talked about in step three, there can be many penalties for taking action. We could fail, be unsatisfied, or make the situation worse.

These possibilities often make action steps daunting. In step three we named many underlying unspoken fears. If we take the time to apply Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to these worries, taking action will be much easier because fears have subsided and resistance has melted away.

Now it’s time to consider what type of action you want to take. Not all actions will effectively lead you toward your goal.

We’ve been using the example of job satisfaction in this series of articles. Does this mean that since you’ve cleared your emotional blocks that it’s time to walk into your boss’s office and quit today? Maybe. Maybe not.

There are a number of ways that you can make changes to improve your job situation. Maybe because you have a better sense of what you need from your job and feel more confident to speak up for yourself you can negotiate a change at your current job. You also might be in a situation where you are supporting a family and it would be impractical to quit your job without having a new source for a paycheck.

So how do we know which is the right action to take? To be honest there is no way to “know” with 100% certainty which is the right action to take (at least I haven’t found it so), but there are times where I have felt inspired to take a certain action. This inspiration is not so much about believing the action will lead me to a definite, expected outcome. It’s more a case of feeling it is the right action to make now because it matches my new vision minus the limitations, or blocks, that once existed.

Let me explain.

I believe deep at my core is a still small voice of inspiration. This voice is never quiet. It is constantly speaking the truth of who I am. It sees past all of my worries, fears, and doubts. All of the emotional blocks we cleaned up in step three have no effect on this small voice. As it speaks the truth, it constantly encourages me to move closer and closer to who I am truly meant to be.

When we have all the “noise” of the emotional blocks running through our heads (for example, ”You can’t do that.” “What is your family going to think?” “You are going to fail again.” “You don’t deserve better.”), it’s very difficult to hear the still small voice of inspiration.

Once all the noise is quieted, we are more able to hear this still small voice. Then ideas, thoughts, and inspirations start floating to the forefront of our minds. We begin to see opportunities we didn’t see before, and progress comes easier to us.

I truly believe all of these opportunities and inspiration have always been there, but now we are able to see them.

For many of us it’s difficult to trust the inspiration that bubbles up inside. You might be asking yourself, “How can I tell the difference between some hair-brained scheme that gets me in trouble and true inspiration?”

For me, discerning between the two has been a learned skill. The more I trust my intuition, the more things works out easily, and the more I trust my intuition.

I have also added a tapping routine to being open to true inspiration in my life. It goes something like this:

I know a part of me is guiding me to my higher self…a part of me is only speaking the truth about who I am at my core…who I am in my very nature…I am very happy I have this still small voice guiding me…but there are times it is very hard for me to hear this voice…or to trust this is the part that is leading me forward…any block I have to hearing or trusting this voice…I now name it…thank it for trying to protect me…and let it go…I give myself permission to trust the wisdom that is inside me…as I move through my day I give this still small voice permission to speak up and guide…I know I am in full control and can make any choice I want…I am just looking for guidance…bring the guidance to me in unusual and unexpected ways…because if this happens I will be more likely to recognize where the inspiration is coming from…this will make me more willing to trust this inspiration in the future…I give myself permission to make the hard choices…in big and small ways…to make changes to my life today [How to use these tapping phrases]

When I start my day like this I am more likely to be open to the still small voice guiding me to better things.

Conclusion
It is possible for us to radically change our lives for the better. EFT can be a great tool in achieving these changes. Before we can make changes to our life we need to know how we want to change our lives. Often it is easier to name what we don’t want in our lives than what we do want. Once we have named how we would like to change our lives, it is important to clear out the emotional blocks that are preventing us from making these changes. Even when we have a very clear picture of how we would like our lives to change and have very compelling reasons to make these changes, it can be very hard to make these changes because of these emotional blocks. Finally, as the emotional blocks melt away, it becomes possible for us to take direct action, not just mind action. Because we have cleared out the noise that comes along with emotional blocks, we are able to hear the still voice of inspiration leading us to live as we truly are.

Where To Tap

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How do I use the tapping phrases you suggest in your articles?

Here is the exact question I received recently from one of my readers:

Q: At the end of your first article you give a tapping suggestion:

“Tapping for this might look like: I am not a complainer…and I don’t want to be seen as a complainer…I know that there are many blessings in my life…I am thankful for these blessings…but I know that I can have more and I deserve more…in order to move down this path to get closer to what I want I need to name what I don’t want…for this short period of time I give myself permission to name the things I don’t like about my life…I know I am not going to harp on these things…but this is just a step in getting closer to the life I want…I am thankful I have the chance to consider these changes.”

This is a lot of talking, just how do you tap saying all of this? Do you tap it all using the Side of Hand? Or do you tap on all 9 points while saying all of this?

A: My personal style of tapping is very free form. I have found it just as helpful and sometime more helpful to tap out of sequence. I basically let my tapping hand go where it needs to tap next. Each of the phrases listed here would be for a tapping point. So each time you come to a “…” you move on to a new point. If you would like to follow the basic recipe and tap in that order, that is great. If you want to tap in some other order that is great as well.

Also, these are just suggested phrases. You might have more appropriate phases for your worldview. Trust yourself. Be easy with yourself.