There are times in our lives where we feel out of place in the world. We feel we don’t belong because we don’t believe we are smart enough, popular enough, attractive enough, or something else enough. When this happens to me there is a small part inside my mind that wishes the earth would just […]
Social media is a reality of modern life. In itself it isn’t good or bad, it is simply a tool we can use. On one hand, social media channels can help us to find useful information, stay connected to loved ones, and connect with like-minded people we wouldn’t otherwise have met. On the other hand, […]
“In most pursuits, one’s self is one of the biggest hurdles to get over. You can’t pursue something and be committed to it if you’re apologizing for it at every party.” – Lisa Kudrow, Vasser Commencement Address, 2010 For some reason part of us believes that it is not proper to want more. Maybe it […]
Back in July I shared a tap-along audio for the shame of making a bad choice. I was overwhelmed by the positive response I received. This week we go a little bit deeper in responding to the emotion of shame. I hope you enjoy this tap-along audio.
I hate being wrong. I pride myself on making thoughtful choices and I work really hard to make sure I consider the best course of action and all the possible outcomes. That doesn’t mean that I expect myself to be perfect before I act (which is a different issue), but that I am really hard […]
Over the last few weeks I have done a lot of writing and recording on guilt and shame.
There have been two reasons for this. First, they have come up a lot in client calls as of late. Second, because they have been coming up so much for my clients I have been reflecting on them a lot in my own life. As I have stated before, shame is the emotion I find the hardest to deal with and the most debilitating.
For me, the most painful and debilitating emotion is when I feel ashamed of something I have done wrong.
When I feel ashamed, it is because I know I could have done better or I chose the wrong path. Many times I know the right thing to do and still choose the wrong thing. That produces a lot of feeling ashamed!
And as I hate feeling ashamed, I limit my risk. I don’t take chances. Because if I don’t take chances then I can’t make poor choices. And if I can’t make poor choices then I avoid feeling ashamed.
This emotional state is the most powerful source of self sabotage in my life.
A few weeks ago I woke up on a Saturday morning and decided I need to tap for feeling ashamed. This video is the result.
When I am working with clients one of the things I keep in mind with all behavior is that when someone makes a choice they are making the best choice they can make based on the information they have and the resource state they are in.
We can quickly realize that we have made a bad choice (something in a split second after we have acted), but in that moment we are really doing the best that we can.
The problem comes when we are working for a place of fear. When this happens we will make lots of short term choices and very few long term choices. This can create a series of many bad choices.
Over time these choices add up and we can end up in a place where we no longer trust ourselves or trust our ability to make a good choice.
In this interview I talk with Andy Bryce about what are the underlying causes of losing that trust in ourselves (such as guilt, shame, and lack trust) and how we can turn that around.
Shame is the most powerful, self-defeating and crippling of emotions. In this interview I talk to Rhona Clews about the power of shame, how it is created, how it is toxic in our lives, and how we can use tapping to clear it out.
Shame is a really interesting emotion. It is something that causes us to recoil inside of our selves. It wants us to hide our past and our present. Even with all of these negative outcomes it is rooted in a good place. Our shame wants us to have done better and it wants us to do better. The problem is it prevents us from moving forward because it is trying to keep us safe from making the same mistake again or it feels that we have so clearly messed up that it doesn’t think we deserve to move forward. Because of this it can be very crippling. But, we don’t have to stay stuck in shame.