Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

The First Question I Ask When I Can’t Get To The Root Of My Self-Sabotage

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photo by Nina Matthews

Sometimes we can be in two minds when it comes to change.

There is one part of us that wants the change because it knows our life will be better because of it and then there is another part that wants things to stay the same.

My move to Brooklyn is a perfect example. The move has been an exciting adventure that I have been wanting to make for a really long time AND Baltimore was my home for ten years and I left behind many people I love.

When we are of two minds about a goal it can slow us down or even stop us from taking action toward our goals.

(If I am really honest I know that I made the move to New York a year later than I should have because I consistently failed to take the action I needed take to make the move.)

There are times when it is obvious why we are in two minds. We feel almost like we have a cartoon devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, each pulling us in a different direction.

And then there are times when this pull isn't as obvious. We aren't taking action towards achieving our goal but we don't exactly know why.

When my clients can see the action they need to take but simply aren't taking it I like to ask them the question: “What would you have to give up to achieve this goal?”

The answers given to this question are fascinating. They range from the pragmatic, “I will have to give up some of my free time”, to the philosophical, “I will give up my image as a hard worker because my colleagues will see me as lazy if I start taking more time to rest and take care of myself.”

The next time you are stuck and can't figure out why you aren't taking the action you need just ask yourself the question, “What would I have to give up in order to do this successfully?”

Your answers will provide you with some great and possibly surprising information to tap on!

[Are you tired of feeling like you have no power over your own choices and that you keep sabotaging yourself as you try to move toward your goals? Over at the Ruach Center I have 49 reasons just like having to give up something to achieve your goal. There are tools to help you find the root cause of your self-sabotage and tools to knock those root causes out so that you can start taking the action you need.]

What To Do When It Feels Like EFT Has Lost Its Power

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Good Morning!

Most tappers go through the same process. They are introduced to tapping, they love tapping, tapping is really helpful…and then they hit a wall.

It feels like tapping isn't as effective as it once was. After a tapping session they might feel a little better, but major changes don't seem to be showing up like they once did.

I think that there is a very logical reason for this.

When we first start tapping most of the issues we work on are the easy ones. Because they are on the surface we have direct access to them AND we can see the immediate impact of clearing them out.

As time passes we find our way to issues with much deeper roots and our work isn't as quick and it isn't as easy.

Today I have two tools for you to use when you come up against this type of wall.

First, I have an approach for those issues where you can't seem to find a root cause.

(Sidenote: Did you know that looking for a root cause can actually slow the healing process in some cases? I know, crazy!)

Here is a simple way to move foward when you can't find the root cause: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9176

Second, often times it is hard to clear an issue when it is part of our identity. We start making statements like “The men in my family have always…” or “You know how Italians are…”

When we have been handed down beliefs from our family, heritage, and upbringing it can be difficult to let them go.

EFT Master Jaqui Crooks explains how we identify these generational beliefs AND how we can gently clear them out.

You can listen to the interview here: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9183

I know there is an issue that you have been afraid to go after or you have tried to address in the past but haven't seen the progress you would like. Here is the perfect opportunity to make some headway with those issues.

Take a few moments and do it now.

You will feel better for it!

As always, let me know what I can do for you.

Gene

PS: August 4th was the 6th anniversary of the creation of TappingQandA.com. The site has enriched my life in so many ways. It has challenged me to grow, heal, and be honest with my own issues. It has also connected me with many amazing people from all over the world who have become close friends. I hope you find the website and its many resources helpful in your daily life. It is wonderful and humbling to think that you take time to read and listen to my words. Thanks for your care and support!

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EFT for Generational Work w/ Jaqui Crooks – We pick up many of our beliefs and worldview from our family of origin. As we grow up and grow into our own person many of these beliefs no longer serve us and in many cases hold us back. In the interview with EFT Master Jaqui Crooks we talk about how we can identify the old beliefs that are holding us back, how to let them go, and how to provide healing for our whole generational line.

What Happens When You Are Looking For An Answer That Isn't There? – We know that the fastest way to get relief with tapping is to knock out the root cause, but the root cause isn't always obvious. Sometimes we stop the healing process because we are so fixated on finding the root cause. Here is what to do when you can't find the root cause.

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Being Addicted to Our Emotions w/ Stacey Vornbrock

I Don't Want To Fix, But I Do Want To Transform

Why Do I Have To Tap? – How Is EFT Different From Just Thinking About The Issue?

Tap-Along Audio – Feeling Bad Because We Started Tapping So Late

Video – 3 Steps To Use EFT For Hurtful Words

Pod #116: EFT for Generational Work w/ Jacqui Crooks

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A huge piece of who we are is where we came from. Our personality and our beliefs are shaped from a very early age by the people around us and the stories they told.

We describe ourselves by our family name, our heritage, where we grew up, and our nationality. This type of connection to our past is important and healthy, but there are times when it becomes a problem.

It becomes easy to use these descriptions of who we are as a way of limiting ourselves unnecessarily, for example:

  • The men in my family were never good at sharing their emotions
  • You know how hot tempered we Irish are
  • The women in my family always have had trouble with love

In this interview with EFT Master Jacqui Crooks we talk about the conscious and subconscious ways in which we adopt these beliefs as our own, how debilitating they can be, and what we can do to release them in a healthy way without damaging our connection with the people we love.


Jacqui Crooks

Guest: Jacqui Crooks

Contact Jacqui: web @ JacquiCrooks.com

About Jacqui: Jacqui is one of the pioneers in using Energy Psychology, finding EFT IN 1999. Her life's not been the same since! She is an International speaker and trainer and an EFT Founding Master. She specializes in helping people to change limiting beliefs and old family and ancestral patterns that create self sabotage and keep people stuck. Her background is in Ericksonian hypnotherapy and NLP and through the development of unique ways of combining EFT with hypnotic language and NLP, Jaqui is able to help effect deep level changes quickly and easily without trauma. She runs retreats in interesting places and trains EFT, worldwide. She presents at conferences and is one of the authors of EFT and Beyond.

What Happens When You Are Looking For An Answer That Isn’t There?

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photo by Alberto G.

One of my favorite parts of working with clients is watching them work through the process of learning that they can have better, that it can happen sooner rather than later, and that they can make conscious choices every day to move towards that better life.

Over time my clients go from needing help from me to doing lots of work on their own between sessions.

As this happens they gain skill at finding the root causes of the symptoms they are experiencing in their daily lives.

Finding root causes to our issues is an important skill to develop. When we are able to knock out the root causes not only are we dealing with the symptom that we are experiencing right now, but we are also clearing the issue so that it doesn't come back again.

But there are times when looking for the root cause will actually hold up the healing process and lead to self-sabotage. What happens is that we get so focused on finding the root cause we can’t see the wood for the trees!

Sometimes there just isn't a root cause or we don't have the right tool to find it. If we continue to focus only on looking for the root cause we will become frustrated by our lack of progress and might even feel worse emotionally as a result.

When this happens I like to tap on the idea that I don't need to find the root cause in order to heal. The tapping goes something like this:

There is a part of me that knows there is often a root cause to my issues…And I know that if I am able to find the root cause it will help me to heal faster…There is a part of me that really wants to find that root cause…And because I want to find the root cause so badly…I might be pressing too hard…But when I press too hard I sometimes miss what I am looking for…I give myself permission to know that it is possible to heal this without knowing the root cause…I can find relief even if I never know why this is the way it is…I can be free of this just by tuning into the symptoms that are there…I am also willing to accept that sometimes there isn't just one reason why…Sometimes there are issues that have lots of small aspects that have added up to create the whole…And there is no way that I will ever know…And that is OK…I don't have to know to heal…I can heal without knowing…As nice as it would be to know the root cause…Relief is more important…And I can have lasting relief without ever knowing the root cause.

After tapping like this we will have one of two results.

1) We will feel relaxed about not knowing the root cause. This will improve our mood and help the process. We will feel better when we can let go of the worry about doing it right or getting it solved right now.

2) We will find the information we are looking for. It is an odd thing, but there have been countless times when I have been tapping where I will say something like, “I am OK not knowing the answer right now,” and in the very next moment the information that I am looking for comes right to mind.

Either way it is a win. You will either feel better and at peace or you will have the information you need.

The next time you can't find the root cause you can relax. Tap for the idea that you don't need to identify the root cause and you will open yourself up to new avenues for healing.

If you would like to expand the number of creative ways you know to uncover root causes please check out the Ruach Center. Some of the best tools I know can be found there.

I Don’t Want You Always To Be Impressive

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photo by ArtsieAspie

One of the main reasons we hold ourselves back from taking action is our need to be perfect.

We want everything we do to be great AND we want everyone around us to think we are great too.

Often times if even the smallest thought exists that others aren't going to see us (and everything we do) as great we don't take action.

Most of the time this isn't a conscious choice. We just don't take the action we want to take and just get busy with something else.

I was recently working with “Rachel” on this issue. We did some great tapping on tuning into some of the reasons why she needed everything to be perfect before taking action.

About 45 minutes after our session I received this email:

I did some more tapping after our session, which brought me to a lightbulb moment – I seem to have believed, for God knows how long, that in order for me to be “good enough”, everything I do has to be impressive. That is an impossible standard, of course, but one that quite insidious in my daily thoughts…

So, I now give myself permission to be unimpressive, to make unimpressive art, to have unimpressive ideas and opinions, to have unimpressive dreams and goals, to have an unimpressive plan for the summer, to read unimpressive books… you get the idea.

What a relief! With impressive out of the way it has created real room to breathe.

I couldn't have said it better myself. It is amazing the space we can create for ourselves when we give ourselves permission to be unimpressive!

Take a deep breath and tap on this:

I give myself permission to be unimpressive…I give myself permission to make unimpressive art…I give myself permission to have unimpressive ideas and opinions…I give myself permission to have unimpressive dreams and goals…I give myself permission to read unimpressive books…I give myself permission to [insert your own ideas].

Take another deep breath.

How does that feel? Let me know down in the comment section. I would also love to hear the things you inserted for yourself.

If you would like guidance on how you can use tapping for issues like this one in just a few minutes every day, please check out the Ruach Center.