Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod #120: Tapping For Social Anxiety w/ Sebastiaan van der Schrier

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Managing social anxiety can be difficult. It is not like the fear triggered by something like a snake we encounter in our path.

Social anxiety is insidious, sitting just below the surface, and impacting our every interaction in some way big or small. Not having one specific memory to start with can make tapping for it tricky.

I know this firsthand as this was the very issue that first brought me to tapping. I wish that I had known Sebastiaan van der Schrier when I started out on my own tapping journey.

Sebastiaan specializes in tapping for social anxiety. In this interview he walks us through his comprehensive 8-step process for working with social anxiety, which can also be applied to many other issues.


Sebastiaan van der Schrier

Guest: Sebastiaan van der Schrier

Contact: email @ address; web @ social-anxiety-solutions.com; youtube @ sebastiaandoc; tools @ Social Confidence System

About Sebastiaan: Sebastiaan is a social confidence coach who suffered from social anxiety disorder for nearly a decade. With persistence he eventually managed to become anxiety-free thanks to the power of EFT. Having experienced so much joy and connectedness after so much isolation and struggle, he decided to dedicate his life and make it his mission and exclusive focus to offer the best solutions to people dealing with social anxiety. As an EFT level III & Pro-EFT level III & Matrix Re-Imprinting & PSYCH-K & NLP Practitioner he has concentrated solely on working with people suffering from social anxiety disorder for over 4 years.

The 8-step framework to social confidence Sebastiaan introduces you to in the interview comes directly from his EFT-based “Social Confidence System”. This is an online DIY program where he guides you step-by-step via articles, EFT audio tap alongs, and subtitled videos from social anxiety to social confidence.

Roger Callahan Remembered

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Recently I was sitting on a flight that was about to take off and there was a small child crying a few rows behind me. I decided to try a little surrogate tapping for the poor little guy who was having a bad morning.

The person sitting next to me said, “Oh, you do that tapping thing too?”

When something like this happens I always ask lots of questions because I’m curious to how people find their way to tapping. In most cases it is a family member, friend, or health care provider who has introduced it to them.

Because tapping has now been around for a while many people know how to use it, but don't know much of its history.

Most people don't know that modern form of tapping as we know it came about because of the pioneering work of Roger Callahan, PhD.

Roger passed away on November 4th at the age of 88. Here is a beautiful tribute written by his family.

I was particularly touched by Gary Craig's reflection on Facebook:

Post by Gary Craig Eft and Emofree.com Founder.

I never met Roger, but was lucky enough to do an interview with his wife Joanne about Thought Field Therapy, which is the grandfather of the tapping most of us use.

I hope all of us are willing to be as bold as Roger was in sharing healing tools with the world.

The Main Reason EFT Doesn’t Work (And What You Can Do About It)

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Good Morning!

I don't know about you, but I love rollercoasters.

One of my favorite sounds in the world is the clicking sound of the car right as you are about to reach the top of a big hill on the track. Then there is a split second of silence that feels like an eternity. The next thing you are hurtling towards the earth at what feels like a million miles an hour.

As you read that last paragraph you were either thrilled or scared to death.

Fear (and our relationship with fear) is a funny thing.

I know I have a love/hate relationship with it. On a roller coaster I crave that feeling of fear in the silence at the top of the hill. While in my daily life there are few emotions that feel worse than fear.

When fear is experienced because of something we are encountering in our daily life it is crippling. Be it something like speaking in front of an audience or finding some unexpected creepy crawly thing under the bed, it shuts us down.

This week I was asked a question by someone who spent 20 minutes tapping for fear. After 20 minutes she had made no progress at all and was still just as fearful as when she started tapping.

I think the answer to why she didn't make progress can be found in that love/hate relationship. On one level we need fear to keep us aware of dangerous situation and on another level it can cripple us.

This week I have for you a straightforward but powerful way to tap before you tackle fear (or any issue for that matter) to make sure your tapping is successful.

Here is that simple step with a tapping script: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=9306

As always, let me know what I can do to be helpful.

Gene

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What To Tap On Before Tapping On The Issue (Which Will Make All The Difference) – There are times when we can do everything right with tapping and still get not make any progress. Here is a simple step that is often missed that can make all the difference in how successful your tapping session is.

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Not Everything That Feels Personal Is Personal (And How To Respond With EFT)

The Most Forgotten & Most Powerful EFT Point – Gamut Point w/ Karin Davidson

A Thousand Paper Cuts Would Be Better Than Tapping On These Issues – Issues To Be Tapped On Someday

Tap-Along Audio: When We Don't Feel Worthy Of Love

Video: Relax Your Body In 20 Seconds With The Rake

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My Ego Gets In The Way Of My Healing

It’s Not Your Fault – I Learned Everything I Needed To Know About Manifesting From Good Will Hunting

The 3 Stages Of Lasting Transformation

The Two (Surprisingly) Different Outcomes That Come From Tapping

What To Tap On Before Tapping On An Issue (Which Will Make All The Difference)

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photo by Robobobobo

In the discussion forum of a program I help out with an interesting question was posted this week.

The poster, “Debbie”, told the story of having to deal with a lizard in her house. Debbie is petrified of lizards. When she saw the lizard she started tapping and tapping and tapping. Twenty minutes later she was still suck in the fear.

She didn't feel one bit better and her question was, “Why did tapping fail?”

This is a really good question and a common experience. To understand what is going we need understand why the emotion showed up in the first place before looking at why EFT didn't work.

Fear Is Good!

I know it seems counterintuitive, but fear is a good thing. Fear keeps us safe and it keeps us out of trouble. Fear helps us to recognize the things that could harm us.

So the problem is NOT fear. The problem is when fear shows up in a disproportionate or misinformed way.

It is good that I fear lions, but if my fear keeps me from leaving my apartment in Brooklyn then it is disproportionate.

Debbie’s paralysis over a small, harmless lizard is an example of fear showing up in a misinformed way.

Our System Doesn't Want To Lose The Fear

At the most basic level our system “knows” that fear is a good thing because keeps us safe from danger. It assumes that if we are fearful of something it is for good reason and therefore it would be dangerous to release our fears and not respond to threat in the correct manner.

As in my example of being so fearful of lions that I don't leave my apartment in a big city, my system’s instinct of self-preservation fights against tapping for and releasing my fear in case I decide to head up to the Bronx Zoo and climb into the lion enclosure.

I know that sounds silly, but the system will not allow me to clear the fear of lions because it believes the only reason I am safe is because of this fear.

Clearing The Resistance To Change

I believe that this is what was happening when Debbie tapped for her fear of lizards. Her system clung on resolutely to the fear of lizards because it believed that clearing it would lead to certain danger.

When it comes to tapping for anything, not just fear, it is important that we tap for our resistance to change before we tap for the issue itself. If there is a resistance to change then the healing and transformation process will be slower and harder.

Here is how you can tap in a general way to clear resistance to change before you jump into tapping for a specific issue:

There is a reason that my system is holding on to this issue…My system is convinced that this is how it can keep me safe and healthy…My system believes that if I release this issue I will be in more pain…But I give my system permission to know that it is safe to heal this issue…I give my system permission to know that I am only trying to change the misinformed information it is working from…I trust my system and want it to work as well as it can…I want what is best for me…And I know my system wants what is best for me too…It is safe and healthy for me to heal this issue…And if my system is unhappy with the change I can return to the old way…I am tapping on this because I want what is best for me…And I know my system wants what is best for me too.

Starting in this way will set you up for success. If you are looking for another simple way to set up your tapping sessions for success I would encourage you to watch this short video: 5 Steps I Take To Start An EFT Session (That Only Take 45 Seconds)

If you are looking for a boatload of tools to help you each time you sit down to tap you should check out the Ruach Center. In addition to over 100 tap-along audios there are 25 tools to help you tackle those issues where you feel stuck.

[Note: You might be wondering why there is a photo of a cute bunny rabbit on an article about fear. I was going to put a photo of a lizard, but didn't want to trigger anyone who was afraid of lizards. I am guessing bunnies are a much safer bet.]

My Ego Gets In The Way Of My Healing

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If you spent any time on Facebook this week I'm sure you noticed a lot of people's profile pictures were of a giraffe.

This wasn’t because people love giraffes. It was because they had lost a bet. It went like this…on Sunday morning I saw this posted on a friend's Facebook wall:

Here is the riddle: 3 am, the doorbell rings and you wake up. Unexpected visitors… it's your parents and they are here for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread, and cheese. What is the first thing you open?

Remember… message me only. If you get it right, I will post your name here. If you get it wrong, you have to change your profile picture to a giraffe for three days.

I read the post and immediately fired off my reply, “The front door of course.” I waited confidently knowing I was going to receive a congratulatory message back.

Three minutes later I was changing my profile picture to the photo you see above.

My Ego Got In The Way

This is an interesting bet. I would not have answered this bet with a guess. The only way I would have responded was if I knew I was right. The bet was designed to play on my over-confidence

I ran into trouble (not that it was real trouble) because I was convinced I was right when I was not.

I see the same thing all the time with my clients (and myself) when it comes to working on the right issue. We get caught up in what we “know” to be the root cause of our issue.

This isn't because we are egomaniacs who think we are right all the time, or because we are stupid. No, the reason is that we are often so close to our own issues that it can be really difficult to see things clearly. And in not seeing everything clearly we are convinced what we see is true.

When this happens we can end up wasting a lot of time tapping for the wrong issue!

How To Get Out Of Your Own Way

Here three things to help you to get out of your own way.

1) Work with a practitioner.
In addition to the expertise and experience a good practitioner brings, they have the advantage of not being inside your head. They have perspective on the issue that we don't have and can see things more objectively.

One of the advantages of working with a practitioner is that we don't even have to do all the work with the practitioner. My clients often gain new insight working with me and then take that new information to continue tapping on their own.

2) What if it is something else?
I really like asking the question, “What could be the root cause of this issue if what I thought was the root cause of the issue was proven to be wrong?”

I know that question doesn't look like much, but when we give ourselves permission to let go of what we think is right we are better able to explore other possible solutions.

3) Ask lots questions from many angles.
Sometimes when we are working on a issue we are looking at it the wrong way. For example, let's say you wanted to create a blog about a hobby you love. You are really excited to get started, but for some reason it never happens. You decided that the reason that you are not creating the blog is because you are worried people are going to judge the quality of your work.

That seems very logical. Not being a professional writer and then sharing your writing with world can be scary. You spend the next few weeks tapping for being seen, being judged, and being good enough.

After all this tapping you feel great, you feel confident…and still you don't do any writing.

The real problem turns out to be that you have no idea how to create a website and don't want to feel stupid trying something new.

The tapping that was done was helpful, but it wasn't for the issue that was holding you back.

Over in the Ruach Center I have list of 52 possible reasons that you are stuck in something. You can access the full list free of charge here: Finding Out Why You Are Stuck

When you have an issue you have been tapping for, but can't seem to knock it out, it might be time to find a new angle on the problem and this is a great tool to help you do just that.

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