At a certain point we just don't want to take any more action. We have worked so hard and it all feels like too much.
Here is a simple tap-along for when we want to give up because we feel exhausted.
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Back in the first week of January I sent you an email telling you about the first podcast of the year. As a PS I mentioned that because it was my birthday I was offering a deal on one-on-one tapping sessions.
Every week people join my mailing list and people leave my mailing list. During the unsubscribe process my mailing list software offers the opportunity to submit feedback and let me know why you are unsubscribing.
Most people don't write anything, but from time to time there is useful feedback, which I appreciate.
After making the birthday offer this is the note that someone wrote as they unsubscribed:
I can't see how anyone can justify charging for tapping. I can get the same results from youtube videos. I hate that there are such greedy people in this world capitalizing off the sadness and sorrows of vulnerable people. Karma is all I can say.
In looking through my records I realized that I haven't sent an email explaining why TappingQandA.com exists since 2015 (which feels like a lifetime ago).
Prompted by that comment, I think it is a good idea to make sure that we are on the same page.
There are three reasons why I run the website, record podcasts, create videos, and send you emails just like this one.
Reason #1: To Provide Good, Useful Content
My hope is that every time I add a resource to TappingQ&A, you will find it helpful. That it will help you understand your issues in a new way and help you to grow your tapping skill set. I know that not everything I create will be useful for everyone on my list.
My aim is to listen to you, my readers, so that I am covering the topics that are most useful. If there is a topic that I haven't yet covered that you would find helpful, just reply to this message and let me know.
Reason #2: I Learn In The Creative Process
Running the website has been an amazing learning experience for me. I have had the chance to interview some of the brightest minds in change work and there have been countless occasions when I have written a post and then thought, “Wow! I didn't realize I believed that.”
Having to think about what serves you every week helps me to learn more and grow. I am so much healthier and happier because of this website. It means the world to me that you read, listen, and watch what I have created. AND at the exact same time I wonder if I am learning more than you.
Reason #3: To Grow My Business
Yes, this is in fact a business and my livelihood. The only way I am able to create so much free content for the site is because I also earn money from selling products and services. Most weeks I spend over five hours working on the free content I offer and that wouldn't be possible if this were just my hobby.
The nice thing about the way I have built my business is that its viability depends upon only a very small percentage of my readers. In most cases when I offer something for sale fewer than 1% of my readers buy it.
That means the odds are that you have never bought anything from me AND that is perfectly fine.
I hope at some point in the future you find an offering that works for you. Until that happens, keep enjoying the free content.
More great stuff is coming
I have no plans to stop. I will keep creating free articles, podcasts, and videos. If 2020 goes according to plan, by the end of the calendar year there will be over 1000 free resources on the website.
The good thing is you can control whether or not you hear from me. If at any point you no longer want to receive these emails because they are not serving you, all you have to do is click unsubscribe at the top or bottom of the email.
You will never receive another message from me again.
I don't want to send you emails unless you want to receive them. I am actually happy when people unsubscribe because it means they are controlling their time and what is coming into their inbox.
Thanks for being a reader
It is amazing to think that all of this started from a free blog I hosted in my spare time! I have learned so much from my clients and readers and gained many friends along the way. My life is so much better because TappingQ&A exists.
Please continue to let me know how I can keep serving you in the future. As I mentioned above, the easiest way to reach me is to hit reply to a note like this one.
Blessings,
Gene
PS: I have extended the birthday offer through the end of January. You can get a one-on-one sessions with me for over 40% if you use the coupon code “birthday” at checkout. You can purchase time with me here: http://tappingqanda.com/one-on-one
When I am working with clients I pay particular attention to the words they use to describe what they are experiencing. That's because more often than not our emotional response is informed by how we describe what is going on, rather than what is actually going on.
To that end I have created a number of resources to help you decode the language you (or your clients) are using.
In this audio, you will hear me working with one of my clients as we discuss the difference between and “fix” and “transform” and how each of those words impacts the healing process.
An audio transcript can be found below the player.
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Sue: Could you repeat that thought again? That was really profound…the difference between fix and transform.
Gene: We so often say “I need to fix something” and for anything that we wish to “fix” we’re implying a sense of brokenness. It becomes a state that we're in that can have a lot of negative charge around it.
The first time the power of words in healing was pointed out to me was by my friend Dan Cleary. Something had come up when we were supposed to do an interview, so I had to reschedule. I sent him a note saying “I’m sorry”. He replied saying “Don’t say you're sorry! That's a really profound statement because it's not an apology. It's a statement of the type of thing that I am, “‘Oh that poor, sorry Gene.'”
Being able to recognize I apologize for what happened and it won't happen again is really different from saying “I’m sorry”. When we look at the work we need to do in terms of fixing something about ourselves, or the environment, or the world, it automatically implies something's broken.
Things aren’t necessarily broken. They may not be functioning optimally and they might not be functioning in a way that's healthy and beneficial in the short and long term, but everything we do is functional even if it is not achieving the function that we desire.
I have found it more useful in my own work to think in terms of transformation. I want to transform this from the way it's functioning now to a healthier way, both in the short and long term, so it makes it easier for me to approach the work I need to do. It helps me to shape my mind so I approach it with a better attitude to ensure that I’m doing better work for myself.
Sue: It also sounds more open-ended. When you fix something it feels like you have a definite aim in mind, whereas transformation has a sense of allowing and expansiveness.
Gene: Absolutely. Anytime we are thinking of fixing or broken, we immediately make problems binary. By binary I mean on or off, it's there or it's not. And many situations are more complex than that, they aren't just on or off.
For example, it's not that I don’t feel pain OR I do feel pain. There are gradations of pain and those gradations of pain impact the way I interact in the world. If I have a pain that's a 9 on a scale of 0-10, and I move the pain down to a 6 but my goal is to get rid of the pain, then I have failed. Even though I feel better, I am still hurt.
Moving from a 9 to a 6 on the SUDs scale doesn't mean I have achieved a complete transformation. That is, my pain is not fixed, BUT that reduction might allow me to leave the house for two hours, which I couldn’t do before because I have restored full mobility. That's a big difference and real success. Yes, I still feel pain but I’m able to do things I couldn’t do before. I am moving away from this sense of one way or another, with no shades of grey. Transformation helps us to understand that there are grades of experience, rather than I have them or I don’t.
For many of the things I want to improve in my life I might not ever reach perfection, and if I’m only satisfied with perfect, then I’ll never feel satisfied.
Sue: Wow, that kind of goes along with your “is there something better to…”
Gene: Absolutely yeah, the other part of it is when we make it binary we limit our possibilities and we could actually have something better than whatever we think “fixed” is.
Recently I was working with a client who was frustrated with the process of tapping. He felt angry.
The process went like this:
Dealing with the same issue over and over again had him feeling incredibly frustrated.
As we did some work, it emerged that his anger was a symptom of a much deeper issue. The tapping for the anger was helpful in the short term, but since it wasn't the core issue, it kept coming back again and again.
In my client's case, his anger was like a notification light on the dashboard of a car where the problem isn't the red light itself, but the light is pointing out the actual problem. For him, tapping for the anger was no different than turning off the red notification light. It wasn't responding to the problem.
Identifying if what you are tapping on is the core issue or just a symptom can be tricky. Here are eight questions that you can ask while tapping to help you to go past the symptoms and reach the core issue.
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There is a part of our subconscious mind that wants to remember all of our mistakes. It believes that if we keep coming back to these mistakes again and again, then we won't repeat those mistakes.
In reality, when we beat ourselves up like this, we do exactly the opposite. Instead, we shy away from taking new actions to avoid beating ourselves up again in the future. That's why forgiving ourselves for past mistakes makes it easier for us to make good choices in the future.
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