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It’s not the Winter Solstice, it’s the Fatty Solstice

January 9, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

Good morning,

I was having dinner with a friend last week and we were talking about the wonders of technology. Right now, I have a smart phone in my pocket, which is more than 1000 times more powerful than the computer I used when I was a professional computer programmer less than 20 years ago.

With this amazing computing power always at our fingertips, we are able to track our lives in very powerful ways.

Personally, I am able to see how much daily exercise I get via my health tracker. Professionally, I am able see which podcasts you download and the articles you read the most so that I can keep producing the content that you need.

Last year about this time, Foursquare published some interesting data. For those who don't know, Foursquare is an app that allows users to check in at different places, so you can let your friends know what you are up to.

With users all over the world, Foursquare are able to see trends in people's behavior by looking at all of their data.

The information they shared was about three particular dates.

  1. There is a decrease in the number of visits to fast food restaurants on the first Sunday of the new year. (In 2016 it was January 3rd)
  2. Depending on when New Year's Day falls, there is an increase in the number of visits to the gym on the first or second Monday of the new year. (In 2016 it was January 11th)
  3. The second Friday of February has the highest number of fast food visits of any day in the first three months of the year. (In 2016 it was February 12th)

Being clever, Foursquare declared the second Friday of February to be the Fatty Solstice.

There is a reason this happens!
When I read this story I wasn't surprised. There have been a number of studies on New Year's resolutions and how they simply don't work.

A New Year's resolution is nothing more than an exercise in willpower that happens at a particular time of year.

If you could make changes in your life using willpower alone, you wouldn't need a New Year's resolution.

Early April Shame
The truth is that you didn't need a data study to tell you that New Year's resolutions don't work. You already know this because you have tried and failed at resolutions in the past.

Even though data analysis can predict when resolutions will fail, we don't notice it in our own lives.

There might be a nagging feeling in the back of your head. Or from time to time you might remember that you want to be making better choices.

The next thing you know it is April. You remember your resolution and you remember you haven't given it a second thought in almost two months.

You are disappointed that your life isn't better.

You are frustrated at your lack of action.

You are ashamed because you promised yourself you would do better and you failed…again!

For me, the worst emotion is shame at having failed. I hate it!

This sense of shame is SOOOOOOO BIG that many people stop trying to improve their lives because they hate the feeling of trying and failing so much.

Make this year different!
It doesn't have to be this way. Change is possible and it doesn't have to be a fruitless exercise in willpower.

To start off 2017 I have created a program that will help you to be successful in the short term AND will teach you how to make change happen in a simple, step-by-step way in the long term.

This process includes five steps.

Step 1: I am going to teach you the 5 tapping techniques I use most, both with my clients and when I am tapping for my own issues, AND the best time to use each of these techniques. Simply knowing we need to tap isn't enough, for me there is a particular way to tap in each situation.

Step 2: We will gain clarity about what it is you want and why you want it. We will not take action if we don't have a clear vision because we don't want to waste time or energy. If we are worried that creating a plan is just one more opportunity to let ourselves down, then we will never get around to planning.

Step 3: Making change in our lives often means we have to take new actions and learn new skills. I don't know about you, but I hate feeling stupid and incompetent. In this step we will clear all the worries and fears that come with not feeling like we can take the necessary steps to bring about change.

Step 4: Even if we have a clear plan, we won't take action if we are worried that taking action will have negative consequences. For example, we may worry that others will judge us because they think our goal is silly, or we could be worried that even though we know what to do, we might not succeed and we want to avoid feeling like a failure. In this step we will uncover and tap for all the negative thoughts and emotions that prevent us from taking action.

Step 5: In the last step we will take on the most surprising reason that we fail at making progress. Did you know that we often fear being successful at our goals? We can worry that we will be successful, but then backslide and worry that we will have to work even harder to maintain the success than we do to achieve it in the first place. Similarly we worry that if we are successful at this goal, others will expect us to be successful at everything. In this step we will knock out the fears around being successful.

The program will be delivered in the format of weekly teleclasses (which you can access via the phone or online). In each class I will work you through the steps, answer all of your questions about the process, and then we will tap. At the end of each class participants will have a chance to raise their hand about their personal blocks. I will then tap one-on-one with those participants.

The calls will be held on Tuesdays at 8pm Eastern time, January 17th – February 14th.

All calls will be recorded so if you can't make it, you will still have access to all of the content AND you can go back to tap along again and again.

For my friends in Europe (and everyone else)
I know 8pm Eastern time isn't convenient for those of you who live in Europe (or for some people in the US). So that you aren't missing out on the chance to get your questions answered and your chance to tap with me one-on-one, I will be holding two additional calls on Sunday January 29th and February 19th at 2pm Eastern.

You will have a chance to listen through the previous classes before the calls and get all of your questions answered.

Even if you were on the Tuesday evening call, you can still show up on these calls for some extra help.

Then there are the bonuses
If that was all there was to the program, it would be enough to set you up for success. But to ensure 2017 is the best year ever, I am adding these three bonuses:

  • Bonus Call – On February 21st at 8pm Eastern I am going to hold a "Tapping Jam". I will stay on call until everyone who has an issue that has come up over the program has a chance to tap with me one-on-one.
  • The 10-Question System – This is a great tool for planning, taking action, and uncovering emotional resistance to taking action. (I sell this for $197)
  • Tapping Script Book – I will have all of the tapping we do in class transcribed so that you can go back to tap along without having to search through the audios.

A Bargain At Twice The Price
You will receive the classes, the recordings of the classes, and all the bonuses for only $300.

If I told you that you weren't going to fail at your resolutions this year, would that be worth $300? For this promise I would pay a lot more than $300!

Add One-On-One Help!
Sometimes our issues are just too big for us face alone or we are too close to them to see them clearly. To help with this I am offering the opportunity to add on three one-on-one phone sessions with me.

Even though I am a tapping professional, I still regularly work with someone to help me get through my issues faster.

For only $500 more you can add three one-on-one sessions. Normally I would charge $675 for those sessions, so it is 25% off the session.

Money Back Guarantee
I want you to have the chance to see if this is right for you. If after the first class you decide this isn't for you, just let me know and I will send you a full refund. No questions asked!

Avoid the shame. Avoid the failure. Get it right this year!
Don’t make 2017 another year of missed opportunities. Start off the year on the right foot. Have the success, progress, and transformation you are longing for.

Yes! I am going to make 2017 my best year ever by joining the class: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=12151

Yes! I am going to make sure I progress even faster by joining the program and working with Gene one-on-one: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=12150

What Are Your Questions?
I know this is a lot of information to take in at once. If you have any questions, just reply to this email and I will respond to you directly.

Do it now! What are you waiting for? Avoid the April shame.

Program: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=12151

Program PLUS 3 one-on-one sessions: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=12150

Gene

PS: Imagine what it will be like not to need to create resolutions next year because you have a better way of making change in your life. https://tappingqanda.com/?p=12151

Filed Under: Notes

Pod #252: EFT For Starting 2017 With The Right Intentions

January 4, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

Last week I shared with you a simple process for letting go of the issues, worries, and wounds of 2016.

This week we are going to tap to start 2017 off on the right foot.

I love this particular tapping process because it is a chance for us to turn inward and give all parts of our system the chance to state what they need in the year ahead.

Just like last week, I recommend that you do this process once a day for a week. I am certain you will be amazed by how the process changes each time you do it.

I would like something better…I would like to be successful…I would like to transform..I would like to move forward…I recognize the fact that I get in my own way…that I don't do the actions that I want to do…that I don't stay focused…this is really disappointing…in many cases I know exactly what to do…in many cases I know exactly how I want to do it…and I still don't do it…it is because my system is trying to keep me safe…it is because my system is trying to keep me healthy…it is because my system doesn't want me to be in over my head…it avoids the actions that could get me in trouble…it avoids the steps that are difficult…I appreciate the fact that my system is trying to keep me healthy in this way…I also appreciate the fact my system is working too hard…it is seeing the things that are dangerous and blowing them out of proportion…I give myself permission to create the space to make it safe for me to make difficult choices…to make it safe for me to take new actions…there are times that I do not set goals because I don't want to face failure…my subconscious mind thinks but if I never set a goal then I will never have the opportunity to fail…I appreciate it is trying to keep me safe in this way and I recognize that it's over functioning…it is safe for me to have dreams…it is safe for me to have goals…It is safe for me to pursue something better…

There are times that I do not take action because I don't know how to do the action…or I don't know the exact step to take…my system doesn't want to waste time…my system doesn't want to waste energy…my system doesn't want to waste effort…the way that it does this is it prevents me trying…because if I never try anything new I can't look foolish and stupid…I appreciate that my system is doing this to keeping me safe…but I also recognize the fact every single thing that I can do is something I had to learn how to do…at one point I couldn't do it…everything that I can do I learned how to do…I give myself permission to allow myself to move forward in such a way that I do not need to be perfect the first time

I recognize there are times when I know what to do..I know how to do it..and I still don't take action…because I am afraid of taking that action is not going to be good..It's not that there's a problem with the action…but I am worried about trying…I'm worried others are going to see me and judge me…I'm worried that others are going to dismiss my effort…I'm worried that others are going to think that I'm foolish…I'm worried that others are going to think that I'm wasting my time…I give myself permission to know that these are the actions I should be taking…to know that these are the actions that are right for me…to know that as I move forward creating this path and becoming who I am is best for me.

They're also times that I do not take action because my system fears success…it is worried that if I work hard to be successful I will have to work hard to stay successful…it is worried that others will see me being successful at this and will be expected to be successful all the time…I'm worried that being successful is not going to be enough and I'm going to be let down…I give myself permission to know that even imperfect success is better than this…to know that as I move forward success will build on success…and more progress will come…I give myself and my system permission to know that when I don't take action…it is just my system taking care of me…I know my system it is simply over functioning…I trust myself to take action…I trust myself to be healthy…I trust myself to move forward anyway…even when things do not work out each action brings me closer to the success that I made for.

Filed Under: Podcast, Tap Along Tagged With: New Year

A One Time Offer Because It Is My Birthday

January 2, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

click display imagesGood morning,

Today is my birthday.

On my birthday I like to reflect on all of the blessings in my life. My life is amazing! I have a great family, wonderful friends, I live one of the most exciting cities in the world, and I get a chance to do work that I love.

As a mark of appreciation for how truly lucky I am, to celebrate my birthday the last few years I have used it as an opportunity give back.

This year I am doing something new. It is a way for me to do some good, for you to do some good, and a chance to get a whole year of one-on-one tapping support.

The Biggest Struggle
When someone new joins my mailing list I always ask them about their biggest struggle with tapping. The number one answer is: "I know it works, but I just don't do it!"

How nuts is that!?!

We have this incredible tool, that has the power to transform our lives, that we can use anywhere…and yet we don't use it.

(I use the word “we” because sometimes I don't use it as often as I should either.)

The Offer
I am giving six people the opportunity to tap one-on-one with me every week for the next calendar year.

That's right, every single week for the whole of 2017 you will have access to me to tap on the most pressing issue you are facing that week.

The tapping sessions will each last for 15 minutes. That might not seem like that much time, but you will be surprised at how much we can knock out in 15 minutes, especially when we are tapping together for 52 weeks.

It just like getting an emotional personal trainer for 2017!

And this is not a group program. It will just be you and me!

AND you will receive an audio recording of each session, giving you the chance to go back to tap again and again. So you will not only be getting personal support, you will also be building your own personal tap-along audio library.

The Deal Of The Century
For this opportunity I am only charging $997.

If you were to get me at my hourly rate it would cost just under $3000.

That is 64% off my normal session rate!

I am only offering this once and I am only offering it to 6 people.

The Give Back
All of the proceeds from this sale will go directly into my Kiva account.

Kiva is an international nonprofit organization that provides microloans to small business owners all over the world. Because it distributes the money in the form of loans, your purchase will be used again and again. Once the loan is paid back, I will relend the money to more small business owners to help them pursue their dreams and provide for their families.

The Fine Print
As I am offering my time at such an amazing discount, here is the fine print:

1) You are responsible for signing up for your sessions. I have an easy online process for this, but scheduling the sessions will be your responsibility. You will be given two opportunities to make up sessions that you missed. Beyond that, if you don't sign up for a session for a certain week, you will forfeit the session.

2) There are no refunds. All sales are final.

I'm Not Joking About Only Six People
Because I am giving 100% of the sales from this promotion away means that I am donating my time every week for the next year, so I have to limit this offer to just six people.

I have my online shopping cart set up to allow just six people to purchase this offer. Once six people have signed up, that is it. It is gone forever.

Questions?
Let me know if you have any questions about this by replying to this email. I will be paying special attention to my inbox today so that you get your questions answered right away.

Make 2017 great!
Get your own emotional personal trainer here: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=12127

Have a great Monday,

Gene

Filed Under: Notes

Pod #251: EFT To Reflect On The Past

December 29, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

As the year draws to a close it is good for us to reflect on the last twelve months. This week I have for you a process that will lead you through a simple reflection of your year.

This is a great process because it is set up to allow you to heal and release wounds from the last year, but without having to dive into the details.

Think of this as a gentle way to do a little emotional housekeeping.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: End Of Year, Reflection

10-Part Weight Release Series with EFT

December 26, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

My friend Catherine Poole uses the term “weight release” instead of “weight loss”. I prefer “weight release” because I think it speaks to a more holistic approach to improving health than just diet and exercise.

It is about allowing our system to let go of the weight that we are holding on to for both physical and emotional reasons.

Here is a 10-part guide to using EFT and tapping for weight release.

Part 1: Making it safe and giving ourselves permission to heal

Part 2: How to respond when our weight release goals don't feel emotionally believable

Part 3: The connections between weight and emotion – an interview with Catherine Poole

Part 4: Dealing with mindless eating

Part 5: Pre-emptive tapping to avoid temptation

Part 6: Our relationship to food

Part 7: Our relationships to others when we are around food

Part 8: Why we don't tap even when we know it works

Part 9: The emotional reason for extra weight

Part 10: Tapping to improve metabolic function

Filed Under: Q&A Tagged With: Catherine Poole, Weight Loss, Weight Release

Pod #250: EFT For A Good Night’s Sleep

December 21, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

On some level we know that getting a good night’s sleep is important. I know the quality of my sleep impacts how I handle each day. But did you know:

Sleep plays a vital role in good health and well-being throughout your life. Getting enough quality sleep at the right times can help protect your mental health, physical health, quality of life, and safety.

The way you feel while you're awake depends in part on what happens while you're sleeping. During sleep, your body is working to support healthy brain function and maintain your physical health. In children and teens, sleep also helps support growth and development.

The damage from sleep deficiency can occur in an instant (such as a car crash), or it can harm you over time. For example, ongoing sleep deficiency can raise your risk for some chronic health problems. It also can affect how well you think, react, work, learn, and get along with others.

That is a direct quote from Heart, Blood, and Lung Institute at the National Institute of Health which is run by the US Department of Health and Human Services.

Here is an updated version of the tapping I do before I go to bed to ensure a good night’s sleep. I have included both an audio and text version of the script (below).

You can access script in the text area of the TappingQ&A App, which you can download free of charge here: Apple App |Google/Andriod App

As I get ready for bed…I recognize the day has been stressful…I recognize the day has been full…My mind is still racing with all of these thoughts and all of these concerns…I give myself permission to set them aside so that I can now rest…Those worries that I carry with me are just a part of me trying to keep me safe…The worry is simply saying “Keep an eye on this”…”Don't forget that”…”Please be on guard”…I appreciate the fact my system is trying to keep me safe…I appreciate the fact my system is trying to keep me healthy…I'm aware of everything I'm worried about…I am aware of everything I'm stressed about…Because I am aware I do not have to worry…The worry has done its job…The stress has done its job…If I need to worry about these things tomorrow I give myself permission to do exactly that…I don't need that worried right now…I give myself permission and I get my entire system permission to relax and let go…To exhale deeply and to gently rest…Because gentle rest will bring me health…Gentle rest is good for my well-being…I give my system permission to gently let go of all tension and easily get off to sleep…As I sleep tonight I give my system permission to let go of everything that is no longer necessary…Letting go of thoughts, beliefs, and programing that are unnecessary…Today I learned lessons about stories that I have picked up that no longer serve me…Now is the perfect time to let those stories go…As I sleep tonight it is much like a computer that is getting an upgrade to its operating system…This sleep tonight is a chance for me to reset…To wake up with a clean slate…To see the world more clearly after I let go of the beliefs that are no longer useful…I give my system permission to rest deeply knowing that I am safe…I give my system permission to rest gently knowing that I can take this moment of comfort so that when I wake up tomorrow…I will wake up clear headed…I will wake up relaxed…I will wake up refreshed…Ready to take on a new day…But I don't need to think about that now…All I need to notice is that it is time for rest and gentle relaxation…I am made for both of those…I give myself permission to sleep…I give myself permission to rest

Filed Under: Podcast, Tap Along Tagged With: Night, Sleep

Pod #249: Daily Tapping To Stay Healthy

December 14, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

EFTForColdandFluOver the years I have collected many of my favorite tapping phrases and ideas to help to maintain a healthy body.

I have found this very useful when I am feeling sick AND also to keep sickness at bay.

You don't have to use the entire tapping script. You can pick and choose the parts that work best for you.

Below I have included a tap-along audio as well as a pdf script of the words that you can print out.

Download the pdf script

You can access script in the text area of the Tapping Q & A App which you can download for free here: Apple App |Google/Andriod App

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Cold, Flu, Health, Sick

Pod #248: EFT For Holiday Stress

November 30, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

holiday-stress

33% Off Pain Relief Miracle

The holiday season is a time for spending time with friends and family, parties, celebration, and fun.

But because there is soooooo much packed into this time of year there can also be a great deal of additional stress. To help you through the holiday season I have four different tapping scripts for you.

  • Too many activities going on (4m56s)
  • Having to spend time with people you might not choose to spend time with (9m27s)
  • Financial stress because of holiday spending (13m35s)
  • Feeling disconnected from the meaning of the season (18m05s)

Note: The time code after each of the topics above is the place in the audio where that particular tap-along begins. You will also find all four scripts below.

This is a crazy time of year…It feels like there are a million things going on…Parties that friends are throwing…Parties that work is throwing…Pageant that kids are in…It feels as if every time I look at my calendar there is one more thing I have to do…It feels like a marathon…Not a celebration…And because we are going non-stop it's hard to appreciate each event…Some of the events I feel like I have to show up to…And not that I want to be there…Not that I enjoy it…But it is a requirement…Because it's a requirement stacked on top of many other requirements it's anything but fun…It's anything but enjoyable…I even start to resent it…I give myself permission to know that I am allowed to say no…I give myself permission to know I don't actually have to do everything…I give myself permission to know I'm allowed to leave early…I don't have to stay until the bitter end…Just because I was invited doesn't mean I have to say yes…Many of the things that I miss notice no one will even notice…Because everybody is overly busy…I give myself permission to know it is OK for me to take care of myself…It's OK for me to focus on my own family and not feel like I have to do everything…Many of the people who have invited me places will actually enjoy it a lot more if I visit them in January…When nobody feels overwhelmed by the holidays…This holiday season I give myself permission to take care of myself…To say no to the things that are not helpful or healthy for me to do.

I recognize the fact that I'm going to be spending some time with people I don't necessarily like…I'm going to be spending time with them because I've chosen to do that…Because I've decided it's the right thing to do during this holiday season…But by choosing to be there I'm not saying I agree with their world view…I'm not saying that I want to spend lots of time with them…I know that there are going to be moments where they are going to say or do something that really frustrates me…That they are going to do something that drives me crazy…More than likely I will do something that drives them crazy as well…I recognize the fact that I am allowed to navigate this in a way where I'm putting my safety and health first…I give myself permission not to engage…I give myself permission to get up and leave the room when necessary…I give myself permission to know it is OK to leave early if I know I have to…Just because I'm interacting with someone does not mean they have to take up a huge amount of space in my head…Or a huge amount of space in my heart…Sometimes we decide it is best to show up places where there are people we don't get along with…I don't have to do this every day…I don't have to do this all the time…I give myself permission to not worry about it…I give myself permission to let it go the instant I walk out the door…it is OK for me to take care of myself…It is OK for me not to engage…It is OK to let this pass until I have to do it again next year…Hopefully in the next year we will all have evolved and our interaction next time will be better

I recognize I spend a lot more money during the holiday season…On the gifts that I give…The social events that I attend…The food that I bought…All of this can create a great deal of stress…I recognize the fact that much of the spending that I do is on things that I feel like I have to do…That I don't have a choice…That I don't have an option…That it is something I must do or other people will judge me…Because I didn't give the right gifts…Or I didn't give the right amount of gifts…The reality is that most of the gifts that we receive…And most of the gifts we give…Are forgotten about very quickly…Because we already have so much stuff in our lives…We might appreciate it in the moment…But then it just joins everything else that we own…I give myself permission to be much more thoughtful about my buying decisions…To be to be much more thoughtful about the choices I make…Knowing that I can give less more thoughtfully…Still letting the people I love know I love them…I give myself permission to let go of the guilt which is compelling me to buy more…It just wants me to be safe…By acting like everyone else…I give myself permission to know I don't need to do that…I can be thoughtful…I can be deliberate about it…I can give good gifts that I am proud of and spend less…I give myself permission to let go of the social conventions of what we are supposed to give…And give in a way that makes sense to me

I recognize the fact that the holidays will become very commercialized…Recognize the fact the holidays have become super busy…And it is so easy to get caught up in the obligations, it is easy to get caught up in all of the details…This holiday season I give myself permission to carve out the time that is necessary for me…To appreciate the season for what it really means…To connect with my family traditions…To connect with my loved ones…And to connect with my spiritual beliefs…To take time to reflect…To take time to appreciate…To take time to be in the moment…Even if I have to schedule that quiet time on my calendar…I give myself permission to be deliberate and intentional…To let go of the craziness…To let go of the hubbub…And to be fully present to what is going on…To be fully present to what I want to experience…I give myself permission to make the holiday season about the part of it that is important to me…To be present in the way that I want to be present…And not be wrapped up in all of the craziness and the details

Filed Under: Podcast, Tap Along Tagged With: Family, Holiday, Money, Stress

Pod #247: EFT For Giving Thanks

November 23, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

eft-forI have found in my own life that one of the most powerful emotions is gratitude. When we feel a sense of gratitude, even during trying times, it moves us to a disposition of possibility.

It is important to note that this is not some fake, Pollyannish sense of hopefulness. It is possible to have a healthy sense of what is truly going on in our lives and be thankful at the same time.

Here is a very simple tap-along to help you to connect with a healthy and genuine sense of gratitude.

Note: Below the player you will find the tapping script used in this audio. If you prefer tapping scripts to the audio versions of the tap-along, you should check out the Tapping Q & A app for both Android and Apple devices. I am in the process of adding printed tapping scripts from all past tap-along audios to the app. They can be accessed by clicking on the text tab once in the app. Download here: Apple App |Google/Andriod App

I recognize the fact that my life is not perfect…I recognize the fact that the world is not perfect…I recognize the fact there are lots of things that I would change if I could change them…I know the lives around me aren't perfect either…But at the exact same time I appreciate the fact that there are many things that are good…There are many things that are great…Even though my body is not perfect…I am thankful to have a body to move through this world with…Even though my mind is not perfect I am thankful for my creativity…Even though my relationships aren't perfect…I am grateful for my ability to connect with others…Even though my interactions with others aren't perfect…I appreciate the fact that there are others who inspire me…I know the world is not perfect…But I can be thankful the exact same time…I am thankful for life…I'm thankful for choice…I am thankful for opportunity…I am thankful for inspiration…I am thankful for education…I am thankful for healing…I am thankful for transformation…I am thankful that I can learn from others…I am thankful that I can be challenged…I am thankful for a new day…I am thankful for a new opportunity…I am thankful for rest and relaxation…I am thankful for people in my life…I am thankful for challenge…I am thankful…I am thankful for time to be thankful…I am thankful…I am thankful…I am thankful…I am thankful.

Filed Under: Podcast, Tap Along Tagged With: Gratitude, Thanksgiving

Pod 246: Why It Is Important to Be Selfish

November 16, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

whyitsimportanttobeselfishNote: This week's topic is so important that I have written an article and recorded a podcast. The article shares the same ideas, but is not a transcript of the podcast. This way you can choose the form that works best for you. The tapping script is identical in both the article and podcast.

I think that being selfish gets a really bad rap. Most people think that being selfish is bad and we are taught from a young age to be giving and not selfish.

Personally I don’t believe that being selfish and being giving are opposites.

Instead, I believe that every action I take is a selfish one because it is a self-defining act. Let me give you a few ridiculous examples to help prove my point.

  • Right now as I type this article I am taking a deep breath in, which means I am being selfish. There is no other reason to breathe than to stay alive. That is very selfish.
  • When I choose to love my family I am being selfish because I want to be a loving person. When I choose to love someone (and it is a choice), I am defining myself as a loving person.
  • When I choose to run my practice and help other people, I am being selfish because I am choosing how I use my time. Yes, I am helping people, and that is a great thing, but I am not healing them. That is their choice. I am just a guide in the process. They are being selfish when they choose to heal. I am being selfish when I choose to articulate who I am as a person who guides others on this path.

I know these examples are extremes, but I think they bring out the point because we tend to think of being selfish in such extreme terms.

Not only is it OK to be selfish, it is impossible not to be selfish because every action we make with our conscious choice is a self-defining act.

When I work out to get healthier, I am being selfish because I could be doing other things with my time. When I study a new skill, I am being selfish in order to make myself a different type of person. I am being selfish when I take a nap so I can be more present to my clients later in the afternoon.

It is OK to be selfish.

The reason you are still feeling uncomfortable every time you read that is because it is easy to believe that selfish equals greedy, mean, heartless, and willing to hurt others. We need to be selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we will never be able to take care of others.

We need to be selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves then we aren’t taking care of ourselves.

We need to be selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves we are never going to grow and heal in to who we truly are.

Yes, I know you are still resisting this, despite my repetition. That is OK. Tapping for this might sound like:

I don’t want to be selfish…Because I need to care for other people…There are people who have it so much worse than I do…That I can’t ask for anything more or better…And the things I have…I have squandered…It would be really selfish to ask for more…But I choose to know that selfish means I am making self-defining act…Every choice I make is a selfish act…I can love someone else and be selfish…Because I want to be love…I can care for someone else because they are in need and be selfish…Because I want to be giving…This doesn’t take anything away from those loving acts…This doesn’t mean they are less valuable…It just means that when I am sharing…I am also defining myself…It is OK to want better for myself…Because I can then share with others…It is OK to want more for myself because then I can share more of myself with others…I am worthy of taking care of myself…That is not greedy…That is being healthy….I need to be healthy…I must be healthy…It is OK that I don’t think being selfish is a bad thing…I don’t want to be mean…I don’t want to be greedy…But those are not the same as being selfish…To be selfish is to choose the type of self I want to be.

Filed Under: Podcast, Tap Along Tagged With: Selfish

Pod #245: “What If” Tapping w/ Julie Schiffman

November 2, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

When we are in a great deal of emotional or physical pain it can be a struggle to believe it can get better. We might believe that our situation can be manageable, but we have lost hope in true transformation.

Once we feel hopeless, our natural state is not to take action. Subconsciously we understand that if better isn't possible, then taking action will be a waste of time. We choose to do nothing in order to save fruitless effort.

Julie Schiffman has come up with the perfect tapping tool for times like these. Instead pushing ourselves to what feels unreasonable, it is a form of tapping were we simply wonder “what would happen if” our situation were to change.

It is a very gentle tool that will move us from hopelessness to action. In this conversation not only does Julie share how to do it, she gives a great demonstration to which you can tap along.

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Guest:Julie Schiffman

Contact: web @ JulieSchiffman.com; facebook @ Julie Schiffman EFT; instagram @Julieschiffman_tapintolife; youtube channel @ Julie Schiffman; YouTube demonstrations @ over 100 videos

About:Julie Schiffman, MSW, is an internationally recognized Expert EFT Practitioner. For more than 20 years, she has counseled thousands of clients, helping them break through physical and emotional barriers. Her life-changing YouTube videos have been viewed more than 4 million times.

She is best known for her expertise in helping others heal from pain, disease, weight issues, phobias and other emotional and physical stressors.

She was formerly the chief EFT practitioner for Dr. Mercola’s Center for Natural Health for over 15 years. Julie has been a featured presenter at the “Tapping World Summit” every year since its inception in 2008.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Julie Schiffman

Pod #244: Sharing EFT With Conservative Communities w/ Manal Khalife

October 26, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

sharing-eft-with-conservative-communitiesAnything that is new and different takes time to be accepted into the mainstream. EFT is no different.

EFT has the added hurdle of often being paired with other practices and modalities that are outside the mainstream.

In this conversation I talk with Manal Khalife about how we can best present EFT to individuals and communities who would not see the value of tapping, and might even perceive it as dangerous.

Manal Khalife
Manal Khalife

Guest: Manal Khalife

Contact: Web @ ManalKhalife.com/; twiter @ iammanalk; facebook @ iammanalk;

About: Manal Khalife is a Stress and Emotions Coach, helping women who want to learn how to handle stress, let go of emotional pain, make peace with past experiences, and move forward with confidence. She specializes in working with postpartum depression.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Christian, Conservative Communities, Manal Khalife, Muslim

Pod #243: EFT For When We Are Waiting On Others To Make A Choice

October 19, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

eft-for-when-you-are-waiting-on-others-to-chooseThere is so much of the world that we do not control. We are surrounded by people, just like us, who are making choices and exercising their free will.

In many ways, we can't escape the impact of other people's choices, especially when we are collaborating with others.

That means we often have to wait on someone else to make a choice so that we can move forward with what we want to do. We can be worried that they will make a choice that we don't like OR we can feel stuck because we can't do anything until they choose.

Here is a simple tap-along to find peace while waiting on others to choose.

A full transcript of the tap-along can be found below the player.

I recognize the fact that one of the reasons I am so frustrated is because I have a clear vision of what I want…it's something I am super excited about and I know how good it's going to be…I know how it's going to make my life better…the problem is I can't do it on my own…I need someone else to say yes…I'm glad I have someone I can work with…I'm glad I have someone I might be able to go through this with because it is going to be so much better because they are at my side…I know it is something that is impossible for me to do on my own…but it is really hard waiting for them to say yes because I want this so badly…if they wanted it like I want it then they already would have said yes…the fact that they haven't said yes feels like a judgement…feels like they're saying I'm not worthy…feels like they might want to do it but with someone else…it feels as if my desires aren't important…it feels as if my wants aren't important…I can understand that other people have choice…I'm glad other people have choice…I only want them to do what is right for them but I also recognize the fact it is hard waiting…I give myself permission to know that them not answering is not a judgement on me…them not answering is not a rejection…them not answering is simply them thinking…making sure it is the right fit for them …I'm glad they're being thoughtful…I can appreciate that they're being deliberate…this is how it fits into their life…it's not a judgment of me…even if this doesn't work out…no matter how great this is…this is not my last opportunity…this is not my last chance…this is not my only chance…I can and will have more opportunities…I give myself permission to be open to knowing that if I keep taking deliberate action good will come

Filed Under: Podcast, Tap Along Tagged With: Waiting, Worry

Pod #242: EFT for Peak Performance w/ Gina Parris

October 12, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

eft-for-peak-performance-large

Once we have learned a basic skill, our ability to be successful while doing that skill is very dependent on how we are feeling at the time of performing the action.

If we feel confident, we will perform to the best of our ability and will be able to handle problems with grace and ease. If we feel worried or overwhelmed, we will make mistakes and not perform at our best.

Gina Parris works closely with business professionals and athletes to help them to work at their peak state. In this conversation we talk about what can get in the way of peak performance and how we can use tapping to perform better.


Gina Parris

Guest: Gina Parris

Contact: web @ GinaParris.com web @ WinningAtRomance.com

About Gina: Gina Parris is a speaker and performance coach. She works with competitors who want to play at their peak under any pressure. Gina is an expert on overcoming performance anxiety – whether in your most public performance or in your most “intimate” game. Gina has been a practitioner of EFT since 2004.

[Note: As we talked about in this interview, there are many reasons why we might feel worried when we are taking action. If you are finding that anxiety is holding you back from taking action I would encourage you to check out the Ruach Center. There are over 160 tap-along audios designed to help you get out of your own way and take the action you want.]

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Gina Parris, Performance

Pod #241: Love, The Primitive Brain, and EFT w/ Rick Wilkes

October 5, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

love-the-primitive-brain-and-eft

Fear is one of our most primitive defense mechanisms. It is the reason that humans as a species exist. Our ability to notice danger and to feel are what keep us safe.

The problem is that we don't live in the same world we did 10,000 years ago. We no longer need to be on guard at all times for fear of being eaten by wild animals.

The way we feel fear has not evolved to match the world we live in. Because of this, our subconscious disposition is towards fear.

This makes openness, connection, and love harder.

This week I have a conversation with Rick Wilkes about fear, love, the primitive brain, and how we can use EFT to transform our daily experience to be filled with more love and more connection.


Rick Wilkes

Guest: Rick Wilkes, LMT

Contact Info: thrivingnow.com, Rick@Thrivingnow.com, 1-828-357-4674 or 1-888-222-3856

Bio: Rick Wilkes is an EFT practitioner based in Asheville, NC. Over the last six years Rick has worked with more than 1500 clients. He works regularly with individuals and with his Thriving Now Groups.

Here's what one of Rick's loyal clients says: “Working with Rick Wilkes both privately and on team calls has helped me greatly to release the past, move more confidently into the future, and mostly to be more joyfully present in the now. Rick’s open-hearted broader perspective, amazing intuition, and great sense of humor always help me to get right to the core and effectively reframe whatever issue I have. Listening to him work with others has helped me to get in touch with stuff I didn’t even know was there and inspired me in my own work with others. It is a blessing and honor to work with such a master.”

Rick's articles, programs, and products Thriving Now

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Brain, Fear, Love, Rick Wilkes

Pod #240: EFT Creating Helpful And Healthful Boundaries

September 28, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

boundaries-2

Healthy boundaries are important for our wellbeing, both in the short and long term.

The struggle comes when we encounter someone in pain. As caring people it can feel cold and heartless to create a boundary of any sort in this setting.

This week I talk about how to create boundaries in a way that allows us to be loving, supportive people while also taking care of our own health. Then we do some tapping for the resistance to creating boundaries.

Below the player you will find a printable tapping script that accompanies this audio.

This episode of the Tapping Q & A Podcast is sponsored by Pain Relief Miracle. Receive 33% off your first order!

I recognize the fact there is a swirl of information that is around me every single day…If I absorbed every piece of information and if I absorbed every emotion everyone experienced…Then it would be way too much…It would be overwhelming…It would be all-consuming…It would be impossible for me for me to be able to provide aid…I give myself permission to know that when I create good boundaries…I am not blocking the world out…I am not preventing those I need to be present to from having access to me…Instead I am making sure that when it is time for me to be fully present to someone in front of me that I can be fully present…As I start this day I give my sister permission to create helpful and helpful boundaries…To allow in the information that can make a difference…And to keep at bay any piece of information that is not useful to me…I know in doing this I am actually making a loving choice…Because I am ensuring that whenever I am present I am fully present…I trust my system to create helpful and helpful boundaries for me today.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Boundaries, Emapthy, Sensitive Temperaments

Pod #239: Using EFT With The 12 Step Process w/ Gloria Arenson

September 21, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

eft-and-12-step

Tapping is a very effective tool for working with addictions. 12-step programs are very effective for working in addictions.

What would happed if you combined the two?

That is exactly what is covered in this interview. Gloria Arenson has decades of experience working with both and she talks about how the two approaches can complement each other.

Gloria Arenson
Gloria Arenson

Guest: Gloria Arenson, MS, LMFT, DCEP

Contact: web @ GloriaArenson.com; facebook @ gloria.arenson; twitter @ glotao

About: Gloria Arenson is a Marriage Family Therapist who has been in practice for over 30 years. She specializes in using Energy Psychology approaches to treat eating and spending disorders, stress, anxiety, panic, depression, phobias and relationship problems. Her extensive knowledge of addictive and compulsive behaviors led her to write: How To Stop Playing The Weighting, A Substance Called Food, Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, Born To Spend, EFT For Procrastination, and Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing.

She has appeared on major radio and TV shows including The Home Show with Gary Collins, Montel Williams Show, Leeza Gibbons, AM Los Angeles, CNN News, and more than fifty radio call-in shows throughout the United States and Canada.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: 12 Step Process, Addiction, Gloria Arenson

Do I Have To Say The Phrases Out Loud When I Use EFT?

September 19, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

In Podcast #236 I answered four listener questions. Below you will find the audio of all four questions and the transcript for question #4. Please bear in mind that I speak in a slightly more informal fashion than I write, which you will notice in the transcript below. The transcript has been edited slightly for clarity. If you have a question you would like answered in a future podcast please let me know.

Do I Have To Say The Phrases Out When Tapping-Question: I would like to know whether it is best to talk out loud when you're tapping or if it's okay to just focus on the issue, memory, or body sensation without using words? I wonder if whether using words silently or out loud engages a specific part of the brain and whether or not this has a different effect?
Jane in France

This question shows up in lots of ways. Sometimes I would get emails that ask me, “What are the tapping phrases for in certain issues?” As if there are some sort of specific magical phrases for tapping.

We know for tapping to be successful, it's a combination of two things:

  1. We are tuning in concentrating on the issue, and
  2. We are providing stimulus to the tapping points.

That's where the relief comes from.

The way that we tune in can be different from moment to moment, from person to person. It is possible for me to say words out loud and not have it be a focusing factor. I can say, “this pain in my knee, this pain in my knee, this pain in my knee” and be completely preoccupied with my laundry or the errands I have to run. It doesn't matter that I'm saying the words out loud.

There are other times where I can be completely focused and engrossed in my knee and not say any words at all, just in the way that I put my attention.

For me, what I think most important is to create concrete details about what we are tapping on. For us to have concrete details we need to give the issue language. As an example, I want you to think about an apple.

As you did that you might have thought of a computer or you might have thought of an apple, like a piece of fruit. What I want you to do is to focus on a piece of fruit if you thought of a computer.

I want you to describe the apple. What does it look like? Does it have a stem? Does it have a leaf? What color is it? Is it red, is it green, is there yellow because it's still ripening? Is it firm? Is it kind of mushy?

As you tune into it you start to give it specific characteristics as it comes into sharper focus. When we're tapping, the sharper focus we can bring something in, the more successful the tapping is going to be.

That doesn't mean we have to have it in sharp focus. It simply means anytime we can get the focus sharper it will allow us to move forward.

There are times when I am tapping with a client and they are just bawling hysterically so I really don't need to ask them, “Zero to ten, how big is your sadness? Where do you feel it in your body?” That's not the question I need to ask. It is something that is so consuming and they are so tuned into it in this moment, we just have to tap.

When this happens what we'll notice is as they tap and the intensity comes down, all of a sudden they will start to having language for it. It's heaviness in my chest, it's a burden on my shoulders, it's tears stuck behind my eyes. As the intensity comes down, the clarity becomes useful because it's becoming smaller and smaller and it's not our entire experience.

For me it doesn't matter if I say the words out loud or I think them internally, what's important is how specific I'm getting.

For example, if I'm tapping on a pain I'll ask myself these questions:

  • What is the shape of the pain?
  • Does it have an epicenter or is it evenly distributed?
  • Is it sharp, dull, hot, poky, burning?
  • If I were going to paint a picture of this pain what colors would I paint it?
  • Is there an epicenter?
  • If I pulled it out of my leg and I held it in my hand, how much would the pain weigh?
  • If I was going to make a model of this pain so I can show it to second grade class, what materials would I use to demonstrate what it feels like?

None of those questions are diagnostic. It's just about me focusing in and being really clear about what's going on. I find that if I'm writing something down on a piece of paper or if I'm saying it out loud, I won’t take shortcuts. I'm going to be specific about what I am saying.

When I teach classes even if people aren't taking notes and they're recording it, I have them pretend they're taking notes and not just by moving their hand like they're writing, but actually have them make the letters of the notes they would be writing down. Because by forcing ourselves to give words to an experience we're making it more concrete, and the more concrete we are, the more successful the tapping will be. For me it's less of an issue of out loud or not. That's not what the issue is, the issue is whether or not I'm being specific with the words that I'm saying, and as I'm specific with the words it allows me to release and create transformation.

Filed Under: Q&A Tagged With: Out Loud, Outcome, Phrases

Pod #238: EFT for Postpartum Depression w/ Manal Khalife

September 14, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

postpartum-depression-1The emotional journey that mothers go through during the birth of their children is increasingly better understood. Birth is not only a physically taxing process, but it also takes a significant emotional toll.

Because there is now a tiny little human that needs so much attention, it is very common for mothers to neglect their self-care. In many cases mothers even feel guilty for having any needs at all.

This week I have a conversation with Manal Khalife about postpartum depression and how we can tap in response to it. Even if you are not a mother, you will find this conversation helpful as a guide to supporting those who are going through it.

Manal Khalife
Manal Khalife

Guest: Manal Khalife

Contact: Web @ ManalKhalife.com; twiter @ iammanalk; facebook @ iammanalk;

About: Manal Khalife is a Stress and Emotions Coach, helping women who want to learn how to handle stress, let go of emotional pain, make peace with past experiences, and move forward with confidence. She specializes in working with postpartum depression.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Manal Khalife, Postpartum Depression, Sadness

What To Do When The SUD Scale Doesn’t Work For You

September 12, 2016 by Gene Monterastelli

In Podcast #236 I answered four listener questions. Below you will find the audio of all four questions and the transcript for question #3. Please bear in mind that I speak in a slightly more informal fashion than I write, which you will notice in the transcript below. The transcript has been edited slightly for clarity. If you have a question you would like answered in a future podcast please let me know.

what-to-do-with-sudQuestion: For people who don't like numbers and tend to measure intensity in very subjective terms, how do you guide them to more meaningful/useful measurements?
Meg, Maryland

When he came up with EFT Gary Craig used the measurement called a SUDs level, which stands for “subjective unit of distress”. What is really interesting in this question is it feels as if when we're using numbers we're giving something that's concrete because it's measurable and it's a number. But the truth of the matter is that even when we are putting a number on something, it's still subjective.

From the very beginning recognize the fact that it's not about getting something to a three from a seven and bringing it down, it's more about creating progress and way of measuring that progress.

Often times when work with children for whom assigning a numerical value to something is meaningless because they don't have a conceptual sense of numeracy, other than knowing their age just because they've been told it. So instead will have kids use hand gestures, kind of like they're showing me the size of the fish.

How big is your anger right now? Or, how big is the nervousness in your stomach? Show me with your hands how big it is. And they really like that.

Again, it's subjective and it's giving us this measurement. The thing that's most important about using any sort of measurement is to give us feedback about the tapping we're doing to see if we're heading in the right direction.

There are three types of responses that we can have to tapping.

The first type of response is we feel better. I'm thinking about an issue. I'm thinking about a worry. I am not as worried and the number goes down. Or my anger goes down from a seven to a four. There's less anger and the intensity of that emotion decreases from a seven to a four.

The second type of response is there's absolutely no change at all. We do a round of tapping, it's still in the exact same spot.

The third type of response that we can have is it can actually get worse, or it feels like it is getting worse. For example the first time I tuned into this pain in my knee it was a seven but now that I've tapped on a couple of rounds, it's now a nine.

Let's take those three responses and just see what they mean.

The first response, it gets better. Well, that's what's happening, it’s getting better and that means we're on the right path. Once it has gotten better we now ask ourselves the question, do I have enough relief or do I want more relief to what is going on? Because sometimes the goal isn't to get the issue to a zero.

For example, when I'm at a holiday party and I see the sweets over there and I'm really craving sweets, I don't have to eliminate the craving. I simply have to reduce the craving enough so that I am not tempted to eat the treat that I don't want to eat, and instead I make a good sensible eating choice based on what I consciously want to do in that moment. I just want better, I don't necessarily need it to go away. We evaluate, has it gotten better? Has it gotten better enough that I can make a good choice? If not then we tap again to clear as much as we need to.

The second response is it stays exactly the same. If it stays exactly the same, that means is we're either not tapping on the right issue, there is a reversal of some sort, or we need to get more specific. If this is the case we need to change our tactic so we can approach it in a different way. When we change our tactic and approach it in a different way, we put ourselves in a position where we can be more successful.

The third response is it gets worse, the pain actually intensifies, the anger intensifies, the craving intensifies, and as odd as it seems, that's actually a really good thing. Not that it's more painful, not that it's more intense, but it's a really good thing because it means that we're on the right path. Think of it this way. Your knee aches, you have had a knee problem for years and years. As you move through the day you don't notice it but when you get home from work, you sit down on the couch, take off your shoes, lean back, and then all of a sudden your knee starts to throb.

The sitting on the couch did not cause your knee to hurt more but instead because you've been dealing with the business of the day you've been thinking about all the things that are in front of you, and so you tune out the pain in your knee in the exact same way you're tuning out the pressure your socks are putting on your feet right now. The instant I said “socks on your feet” you felt your feet. Even if you weren't wearing socks you feel your feet touching the floor. You brought attention to it. Your socks didn't magically cling to your feet in that moment, you just gave them your attention.

There are times when we're tapping when the intensity goes up because we're just focusing on the issue that was already there and we're shedding light on it so it feels bigger. In this process of tapping we're just looking for feedback. I do a round of tapping I ask is it something that I think is better, is it worse, is it staying the same? That will dictate what my next step is. Either I'm done, or I need to tap more, or I need to approach it in a new way.

When I'm dealing with a client who is really struggling with assigning numbers to the questions like “how big is it?” they might say, “I have no idea how to judge how big grief is, it's just overwhelming”. We do some rounds of tapping, after we're done I say, “I want you to imagine what grief felt like when it was overwhelming, what's it like now? Is it still overwhelming or is it something else?”

You'll notice in the question I'm not asking, is it more, is it less, I'm just asking if it's different. If it's different I will focus in on that difference, “It's different how? Tell me how it's different?” If there's still something that's hanging around we're just going to tap on the new thing as if it's the only issue in the world and it's the first thing we've been presented.

We simply know we're heading in the right direction because it's changed in some capacity.

We create this graph to show exactly how much smaller the problem is. We're simply saying, okay, compared to what it was before, how is it now? Are you satisfied with that or do you still want change? I have found if you approach it in that way it will put you in a circumstance that will allow you to be more successful in communicating the transformational process because sometimes transformation isn't as easy as “If it was a seven and it's now a five”.

Filed Under: Q&A Tagged With: How To, Measure, Success, SUDs

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Meet Gene Monterastelli

Gene MonterastelliGene Monterastelli is a Brooklyn based tapping practitioner. In addition to working with individual clients and groups, he regularly writes and records about how to use tapping to move from self-sabotage to productive action.
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