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Pod #279: Tapping For The Right Emotion

July 19, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

One of the first techniques that any good tapper learns is the “movie technique”.

In the movie technique you replay the details of a past event in your mind, as if you are watching them in a film. As you replay the past events, the moment you get to an emotion in the memory, you stop and tap for the emotion.

This is a very effective way of clearing the emotions from a past event. The problem is that there are often more emotions that need to be cleared than just the ones that show up while you are replaying the past memory.

Not only do we need to deal with what happened, but we also need to clear the emotions we feel today as we think about that past event.

Here is a simple technique to make sure you are clearing the emotional baggage from the past memory AND also clearing your relationship to the past.

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Filed Under: Podcast

Something special for those in the UK

July 17, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

At the end of month I will be in the UK on vacation and I would love to see you!

The last two times I have been in London I arranged informal meetups. We talked about tapping, the healing process, and life in general. I had a great time getting to know my readers and those who showed up made new tapping friends.

On Monday July 31st I am going to be at Mulberry Bush (89 Upper Ground, Southbank, SE1 9PP, very close to the National Theatre ) from 6:30 pm – 8:30 pm.

If you are in the city please do come along to hang out and have drink. You can stop by anytime and can stay for as long or short as you would like.

Send me a note if you are thinking of coming so I can send you updated information if anything changes.

I am also going to be in north Wales July 28th, 29th, and 30th. I’m not currently planning a meetup there but if you are in that part of the world, reply to this email and we might arrange a little gathering.

Let me know if you have any questions and I hope to see you soon!

Gene

Filed Under: Notes

Pod #278: EFT For When You Are Unwilling To Accept Help

July 12, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

People with a kind heart and helping disposition are often those who have the hardest time reaching out for help.

This can happen for reasons ranging from not wanting to be a burden to others, to believing that since we possess the tools of healing, we are responsible for taking care of ourselves.

Everyone (and I mean everyone) needs help from the outside. We can't and aren't meant to go it alone. This week I have a tap-along audio and tapping script for those who find it difficult to ask for help or to accept help when it is offered.

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I recognize the fact that I want to do it all…I want to take responsibility for myself…I want to take responsibility for my work…There is a part of me that feels as if I am failing if I ask someone else for help…There is a part of me that feels like I am being a burden if I ask someone else to assist me…It's good that I want to take responsibility for myself…It is good that I'm thoughtful in the ways that I ask for help…It is good that I don't want to be a burden to other people…But there are some truths that I need to accept…I need to accept the fact that I cannot do this on my own…I need to accept the fact that I do need help in this world…I need to accept the fact that they're actually people who would love to help me…There are even people in my life who are offended because I don't ask them for help…It is not a failing to ask for help…It is not a weakness to ask for help…It is not a failing to look to others for help…Because I am human…Help is something that I need…Because I'm human…I need to connect with others…I give myself permission to know that that is appropriate…I give myself permission to know that that is healthy…I give myself permission to know that this is how transformation will happen in the long term…I give myself permission to know I'm worthy of that help…I give myself permission to know I'm allowed to ask for that help…I give myself permission to know it is the right thing for me to do…To ask for help in big and small ways…I can't do this on my own…That is perfectly OK…That is allowed…I give myself permission to be OK with that…This does not mean I expect others to do everything for me…This doesn't mean I'm giving up responsibility in my own life…It only means I am willing to do the work…And I am willing to reach out to get the help I need.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Self Care, Support

Why I hate (the name) Emotional Freedom Techniques

July 8, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

Note: This article was originally shared on Sept 2nd, 2012 with the title “Why I Hate Emotional Freedom Techniques”. This is an updated and edited version of that article.

I have a confession to make. I hate Emotional Freedom Techniques.

OK, I don't hate the tool, but I do hate the name.

In the beginning I hated the name because I thought it did the technique such a disservice.

Here we were being given this amazingly powerful tool that was changing people’s lives. It was helping them to release lifelong limiting beliefs, ameliorate chronic physical pain, ease deep-seated emotional issues, and eliminate cravings. It has brought relief to people in hospitals, in war-torn countries and disaster zones, and in prisons.

As a professional using EFT I thought the name “Emotional Freedom Techniques” undermined just how powerful a tool it is.

As someone who has used tapping for many years, I know what that freedom feels like after a powerful tapping session. The world feels new because we have released what has been holding us back. But this is the language of someone who has used EFT and experienced its benefits.

For those who haven't used it before, it is easy to perceive EFT as something frivolous and unpowerful.

For a number of years I was given the opportunity to teach tapping as part of an anger management class in a county jail. One day in class I was telling the guys in jail about my disdain for the name and one of them piped up and said, “You’re right. It shouldn't be called EFT. It should be BET: Balanced Emotion Techniques.”

It wasn't just the fact the name was undermining its power, but instead the name wasn't accurately describing what was going on.

The Goal Is Not To Be Free From Emotions

His comment made me think about the way I teach tapping. Over and over again I teach that emotions are not the problem. Emotions are not the enemy. Emotions are information.

Every time we feel an emotion, our system is just giving us information. When I feel sad, it is saying that something important is missing. When I feel angry, it is telling me that it perceives attack. When I feel frustrated, it is letting me know I am not getting what I want.

This information is both helpful and useful. The goal of tapping isn't to be free of these emotions.

First, the goal of tapping is to make sure that emotions show up at the right time.

For example, it is right that I fear lions, but if I fear them so much that I can't leave my apartment in Brooklyn because I know there is a lion ten miles away in the Bronx Zoo, then that fear is completely out of proportion.

Second, the goal of tapping is to make sure emotions are showing up to the right degree.

For example, when someone cuts me off on the highway the rush of adrenalin triggered will help sharpen my senses and help me to control the car and stay safe. If that rush goes on so long that it overwhelms my system and I end up on the side of the road crying for 45 minutes because I almost died, the reaction produced is out of proportion.

I want and need my emotions. They are an important part of how I navigate the world. I don't want to be free of them.

What Is Important In The End

I have arrived at a point where I mostly just call what I do tapping, because I don't tap in exactly the way Gary Craig originally taught. But again, that is less important.

What is more important is the fact that we have a clear understanding of what the goal of tapping is. For me, the goals are:

  • to help my emotions to show up in a proportional and well-informed way
  • to create the space to hear the message these emotions are trying to convey
  • to release any useful or limiting beliefs about about myself and the world
  • to take the actions I want to take with confidence

I know that if I tap regularly on my emotions, issues, and beliefs, then that will happen. If that happens, then it doesn't matter if we call it tapping, EFT or Chad. It only matters that I am living the life I want.

Filed Under: Tools Tagged With: How To

Pod #277: EFT For When It Is Too Late For A Loved One To Change

July 5, 2017 by Gene Monterastelli

It would be great if we could find a solution for every problem.

But that is simply not possible. Some illness can't be cured. Death is inevitable.

There are even times when solutions are available, but for a variety of complex reasons our loved ones aren't willing or able to choose change.

Whether there is no clear solution or the solution isn't being chosen, it can leave you feeling helpless and heartbroken.

Below is a tap-along audio and script for those times when there is nothing you can do and you still hurt.

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I want better for those around me…I want better for those I love…I want them to make better choices…I want them to have access to better options…The truth of the matter is that at a certain point…There are no more options…There is nothing that we can do to create change…Because the situation is so grave…There's a part of us that doesn't want to admit that…There is a part of me that doesn't believe I am helpless in this regard…It is a part of me that wishes I could tap a little longer and a little harder to create change…But what is happening is happening…There are times when we cannot change that…I feel like a failure when this happens…I feel like I'm giving up because I'm not trying something new…I feel like there must be some deficiency in me otherwise I would have solved this problem…Otherwise I would have found an answer…Otherwise I would have found a way around this…Sometimes there's nothing I can do…And that breaks my heart…It breaks my heart to see a loved one suffer…It breaks my heart to see them in pain…It breaks my heart to not see them take the action that might make a difference…I give myself permission to be sad…I give myself permission to be heartbroken…These are the emotions of wanting better for my loved ones…I give myself permission to be angry…Because that is the emotion of trying to fight for better…I give myself permission to feel lost…Because sometimes I just don't have the answers…Even though this is out of my control…I can still be present…I can still be loving…I can share this moment with them…And that is real…That is significant…That is meaningful…Even if there's a part of me that doesn't accept that to be true…Even if there's a part of me that feels like I am failing…Even if there's a part of me that wants me to do more…I give myself permission to be with them…In this moment…With whatever they are dealing with…Knowing that they must take action…That this is their moment too…I give myself permission to know that it is significant…I give myself permission to know that this is not giving up…I give myself permission to know this is not giving in…This is being in the moment for them…This is being in the moment with them…That is meaningful…That is real…That is what I can do…That is who I can be in this moment.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Family, Loved Ones, Self Care

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Meet Gene Monterastelli

Gene MonterastelliGene Monterastelli is a Brooklyn based tapping practitioner. In addition to working with individual clients and groups, he regularly writes and records about how to use tapping to move from self-sabotage to productive action.
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