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Pod #344: Putting Yourself First with EFT (Pro-You Choices Part 3)

December 28, 2018 by Gene Monterastelli

Note: To get 2019 off on the right foot, we're going to end 2018 and begin the new year with a four-part series on how to make what I call “pro-you choices”. These are choices that are all about taking care of yourself. This is Part 3 of 4. You can find all four parts in the Pro-You Choices Series.

For those of us who are of a thoughtful and caring disposition, it is natural to want to care for others.

The problem comes when we spend so much time taking care of everyone else, we don't spend the time and attention that we need to take care of our own needs.

The simple truth is: If we don't put ourselves first, no one else is going to.

This week I have a tap-along audio (with printable tapping script below the audio player) to help to manage the guilt we may feel when we decide to take care of ourselves.

I feel guilty whenever I think about taking care of myself…I feel selfish…I feel mean…When I take care of myself…I feel like I am letting other people down…Because so many people are dependent upon me…The people around me are struggling…The people around me are in pain…I don't want them to struggle…I don't want them to be in pain…I don't want them to have difficult times…But if I spend all of my time taking care of everyone else… Then I'm not going to be healthy…I'm not going to be safe…I'm not going to be in a good position moving forward…I need to spend time taking care of myself…Because if I don't take care of myself…No one else will do it for me…Taking care of myself is my responsibility…Taking care of myself is something I must do…Taking care of myself is important for the short and long term…If I don't take care of myself…It will be impossible for me to take care of anyone else…If I don't take care of myself…No one else will do it for me…I must take care of myself…I know that's not just a suggestion…It is an imperative…And when I take the time to take care of myself…I am happier…I am healthier…I am safer…When I am healthier…The world is a better place…When I am healthier…It is easier for me to respond to the needs of others…When I am healthy or I make better choices…I give myself permission to take care of myself…And I give myself permission to not feel guilty about that…I am worthy of taking care of myself…I give myself permission to take care of myself.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Pro-You Series

Pod #343: EFT To Help You Say “I Don’t Know” (Pro-You Choices Part 2

December 26, 2018 by Gene Monterastelli

Note: To get 2019 off on the right foot, we're going to end 2018 and begin the new year with a four-part series on how to make what I call “pro-you choices”. These are choices that are all about taking care of yourself. This is Part 2 of 4. You can find all four parts in the Pro-You Choices Series.

I find that “I don't know!” is one of the hardest phrases to say.

When I say it, it is easy for me to feel disempowered, incompetent, and less than.

In a recent interview, actor and director John Krasinski talked about how the most powerful thing you can say is that you don't know.

It is an interesting idea. When we are able to acknowledge that we don't fully understand what we are supposed to do or how to do it, we are actually putting ourselves in a place of power. Our honesty means we can make the best possible choice, without fooling others or ourselves.

This week I have a tap-along audio (with printable script below the player) that will help you to be comfortable with not knowing.

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There's a part of me that doesn't want to look foolish…There's a part of me that always wants to look like I am competent…There is part of me that always wants to look knowledgeable…There is a part of me that wants to look like I'm trustworthy…I want other people depend on me…I want other people to believe in me…I want other people to think I'm capable…I want other people to be able to trust me…I am afraid that if I say I don't know…Other people won't trust me…Other people will look down on me…Other people won't think I am capable of being helpful…And they may judge me…But the truth is that it is useful for me to say I don't know…Then everybody knows where they stand…People know what they can expect of me…I know what I can expect of myself…By being honest in this way…I will create the greatest success…I will be able to move forward in the most natural way…And I will be able to get the help that I need…Getting help means I will be successful faster…Because I'm not dependent upon myself to figure it all out on my own…I give myself permission not to know everything…I give myself permission to admit to others when I don't know…Being honest about what I don't know serves me and serves everyone else.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Pro-You Series

Pod #342: Saying “No” To Holiday Invites With EFT (Pro-You Choices Part 1)

December 17, 2018 by Gene Monterastelli

Note: To get 2019 off on the right foot, we're going to end 2018 and begin the new year with a four-part series on how to make what I call “pro-you choices”. These are choices that are all about taking care of yourself. This is Part 2 of 4. You can find all four parts in the Pro-You Choices Series.

The month of December is a super busy time of year. There are work parties, holiday parties, meals with friends, family obligations, performances, recitals…the list goes on and on.

In a vacuum, going to any one of these events is fine, but when they stack up on top of each other they can just become too much.

Actor and comedian John Hodgman wrote last week in his newsletter:

ALL SOCIAL PLANS ARE OPTIONAL. Especially HOLIDAY PARTIES. Everyone will understand if you can't make it. They probably won't even notice you're not there (sorry, narcissists!).

And if it's a one-on-one thing, that's OK too. Your friend will forgive you if you cancel. They will probably be relieved, too.

There is a part of you that knows this, and there is a part of you that feels like you are failing if you follow through and actually do this.  

This week I have a tap-along audio (with script below the player) that will help you to give yourself permission to say “no” to at least one invitation so that you are happier and healthier this holiday season

The holiday season is crazy…There are so many things going on…There are so many invitations that I have received..There's a part of me that feels like I have to say yes to all of it…There's a part of me that feels as if I'm letting other people down if I don't go…There is a part of me that feels like I am missing out if I don't say yes…I recognize the fact it is OK for me to say no…I recognize the fact it is OK for me to turn something down…If I say no…I'm not making a judgment about the thing I'm saying no to…I'm simply saying it's not a good fit for me in the midst of all of this…The reality is that if I don't go to something, most people won't notice…The reality is most people won't care…Some people will even be jealous at my courage in saying no…It is OK for me to say no…It is possible that some people might get bent out of shape if I say no…It is possible that some people will be frustrated if I say no…I am not responsible for their emotional state…I'm not responsible for how they feel about my choice…If they want to be bent out of shape because I said no to an invitation…They're allowed to do that…That is their choice…I am not responsible for that…I give myself permission to take care of myself…I give myself permission to be thoughtful about what I say yes to…I give myself permission to look at the whole season and make good healthy decisions based on my needs…If I don't put myself first, no one else is going to…If I don't take care of myself, no one else is going to…I give myself permission to make healthy choices…Saying no to an invitation is a great way for me to take care of myself…I don't have to feel guilty about saying no…I don't have to explain why I'm saying no…I am simply taking care of myself…I am worthy of taking care of myself.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Holiday, no, Pro-You Series

Pod #341: Tapping For When We Hurt Others

December 11, 2018 by Gene Monterastelli

Sometimes we make choices that hurt others. Sometimes our emotions get the better of us, or we act thoughtlessly and cause someone else pain.

Either way, it's easy to beat ourselves up for the pain we have caused. Even when we apologize and do what we can to make amends, we may still feel bad.

This week's podcast covers how to tap for those times when we have unintentionally hurt others with our words or actions. We tap for feeling bad because we have caused someone else pain, for feeling like a failure because of the mistakes we have made, and to create space to learn from the experience so that we make better choices in the future.

I have also included a printable version of the tapping script below the audio player.

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I recognize my actions have hurt someone else…I recognize the fact that my thoughtlessness has caused pain…Just because I didn't intend to hurt the person doesn't reduce their pain…Their pain is real…And it deserves to be recognized…I need to take responsibility for causing that pain…I hate being in a circumstance where I have hurt others…I hate it when I make choices that make life more difficult for others…I wish I hadn't caused this pain…I commit to doing what I can to make it right…I know better than this…I know I shouldn't have acted in that way…And I feel like a failure because of that fact…I know I have failed in this particular moment…Because I want to be better than this…I think of myself as a better person than this…I need to act better than this…I give myself permission to learn from this moment…To recognize the fact that I can and should make better choices…Even though I can't change the past…I can ensure that I learn from the past and make better choices in the future…This mistake is a challenge for me to do better… This mistake is a challenge for me to be better…I give myself permission to do exactly that…Even though I can't take this moment back…I give myself permission to be a new person in the way that I move forward…I challenge myself to act better in the future…And I commit to accepting that challenge.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Friend, Hurt, Loved Ones

Pod #340: There are so many issues. Where do I start with EFT? (part 5 of 5)

December 5, 2018 by Gene Monterastelli

Tapping is great because it can be used on so many different issues, both physical and emotional. It works for issue from the past and worries about the future.

Because the tool is so flexible, sometimes it is hard to know just where to start. You want to get the most out of your tapping and you don't want to waste your effort. When we are worried that we are going to do something wrong, such as picking the issue to tap on, it's easy for us not to take action at all.

This week's podcast will teach you three ways to tap when you don't know where to start.

In addition to the instructions in the podcast, I have included a written transcript of the audio below the player.

Support the podcast!

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PLEASE NOTE: Below is a slightly edited transcript of the audio. I speak in a more casual way than I write, so the following might be a little less precise than some of my other writings. Even though this is far from perfect, many people prefer a written version over the audios and this is the easiest way for you to get the same content in written form.

Three ways to start tapping when you don't know where to start.

Number one just start.

It's natural to want to get the most out of anything that we're doing, so we don't want to waste time and energy by pursuing something that isn't going to be useful. So in our tapping practice, we want to go after the biggest, the most powerful, or the deepest issue. The problem is that in the beginning, sometimes we cannot see what the deepest, biggest, most powerful, most-useful-to-go-after issue is.

I have two analogies to help you to understand this.

The first analogy is to imagine the Everlasting Gobstopper that you might have seen in the Willy Wonka movies. The way that they're sold in America is a piece of confectionary that has a sweet tart in the middle, with multiple layers of differently colored hard candy on the outside. As you suck on it, like a jawbreaker, the colors change, but eventually you get to the sweet tart that's on the inside.

Sometimes our tapping is just like that! Even though there is an issue we want to reach, we can't seem to get to it because it's coated with so many other issues.

Much like the candy where we can't get to the sweettart center until we have worked our way through the hard shell, by starting with whatever is available, what we do is we get the red layer right away. Then, there's the blue layer and once that's dealt with, there's the green layer. By working on the layers a little bit at a time, we eventually find ourselves in the center.

So, by just starting, we're actually working on the core issue, even though we don't realize it, because we're starting with whatever we have access to.

The other way I like to think of tapping is like something that is in my backyard. I can step out my back door first thing in the morning, but because it's so early, there is mist everywhere and I can't actually see what is in the backyard. But as the sun rises and it warms up, that mist slowly melts away and I'm able to see more and more of my backyard, until all of a sudden, I can see everything clearly.

When we're tapping, not only do we get relief, but we also get clarity. When the issue we are seeking relief from is out of the way, it allows us to see the real issue.

As an example, I've been injured on and off over the course of the fall. This got in my way of being able to work out in the way I wanted. There was even a two and a half week period where I wasn't allowed to work out at all. I wanted to tap on my lower back and the pain that was in my lower back. But, because I felt so much frustration that my body was letting me down, I couldn't actually access the pain in my body very effectively because all of the emotion that was in the way.

So, I started with the emotion that I was feeling first. By tapping on the emotion, it created space for me to be able to see the core issue.

When we don't know where to start, just starting is super valuable because as you do it, you will be able to take away the emotional edge that you feel right now and it will start to give you clarity about where to go next.

When it doubt, ask the question, “How do I feel right now?” Even if that feeling is, “I don't know where to start with my tapping.” Start right there.

Even though I don't know where to start with my tapping…I give myself permission to be easy with myself…Knowing that tapping on these points will create space…Which will make it possible to see the real problem.

By working in that way, you will clear away the mist and you'll see the full backyard. AND you will be able to see the problem you actually want to go after.

Number two if you don't know where to start, imagine the action that you want to take next and find the emotion associated with taking that next action.

I look at my to-do list and I say, “What's the most valuable thing on my to-do list?” I tune in and I imagine myself doing that right away. I then tap on the emotion that comes up for that image.

I'm not trying to find the biggest issue. I'm not trying to find the deepest issue. I'm not trying to find the most valuable issue. But, I'm finding the issue that is most important because it's getting in the way of me doing what is next on my to-do list.

By using that as an entry point, even if I'm not getting rid of the biggest issue, I'm getting rid of something that will allow me to take action and move forward in a thoughtful and deliberate way. By going through a process like that, it makes it a lot easier for you to move forward. So, number two…think about the action you want to take next and tap on any emotion that comes up around it.

Number three is basket tapping.

In basket tapping you imagine a basket in front of you. It really can be any type of container, a box, a jar, or whatever works for you.

You then imagine taking all of the issues, both conscious and unconscious, that need to be tapped on and you imagine putting them into the basket. Sometimes, for me, it looks like a stack of papers. Sometimes, it looks like a bunch of marbles. Sometimes, it looks like a whole bunch of icons that are just dumped in there. It doesn't matter, just dump them all in your container.

When start tapping for the entire basket. I visualize the basket and then I move from tapping point to tapping point. As I do this, I might imagine the papers blowing away, the marbles evaporating, or the basket getting smaller and smaller. Go with whatever your subconscious mind does as you place your intention on the container. You will find that you're able to clear a huge number of things all at once.

When I do a few rounds of basket tapping, what often happens is one issue will become really sharp into my mind and, because it's sharp in my mind, it makes it easy for me to move forward and know that's the place I want to start with some more focused tapping.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Most Common Question Series

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Meet Gene Monterastelli

Gene MonterastelliGene Monterastelli is a Brooklyn based tapping practitioner. In addition to working with individual clients and groups, he regularly writes and records about how to use tapping to move from self-sabotage to productive action.
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