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Coming Up With A More Accurate Description of How You Feel: Part 2 Positive Emotions

October 8, 2010 by Gene Monterastelli


photo by Thai Jasmine

We know the more specific we are when describing the issue the faster we are going to find relief. Sometime we think we are being specific when we really aren't as specific as we can be.

Most of the time when I am working with a client and I ask them how they are feeling at any give point in the session I am given a one-word answer. “Angry.” “Sad.” “Confused.” I normally will ask a follow up question along the lines of “[insert emotion] how?”

The reason I do this is because there are many different shades to emotions. There is “angry=I need space” and “angry =I need to punch the wall.” The clearer we are with the particular shade of the emotion the easier it is going to be to clear it out.

Below you will find a list of positive emotions created by The Center For Nonviolent Communication. This list can be very helpful when you are trying to describe what you would like to achieve. It is not enough to say “I want to be happy.” Figure out what happy means to you.. I would keep this list handy when tapping. Just read through the list and see which emotions ring true at the moment.

[h/t to Rod Sherwin's blog for pointing out this resource.]

AFFECTIONATE
compassionate
friendly
loving
open hearted
sympathetic
tender
warm

ENGAGED
absorbed
alert
curious
engrossed
enchanted
entranced
fascinated
interested
intrigued
involved
spellbound
stimulated

HOPEFUL
expectant
encouraged
optimistic

CONFIDENT
empowered
open
proud
safe
secure

EXCITED
amazed
animated
ardent
aroused
astonished
dazzled
eager
energetic
enthusiastic
giddy
invigorated
lively
passionate
surprised
vibrant

GRATEFUL
appreciative
moved
thankful
touched

INSPIRED
amazed
awed
wonder

JOYFUL
amused
delighted
glad
happy
jubilant
pleased
tickled

EXHILARATED
blissful
ecstatic
elated
enthralled
exuberant
radiant
rapturous
thrilled

PEACEFUL
calm
clear headed
comfortable
centered
content
equanimous
fulfilled
mellow
quiet
relaxed
relieved
satisfied
serene
still
tranquil
trusting

REFRESHED
enlivened
rejuvenated
renewed
rested
restored
revived

(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org
Phone: +1.505.244.4041

Filed Under: Tools Tagged With: Emotions, The Center For Nonviolent Communication

Coming Up With A More Accurate Description of How You Feel: Part 1 Negative Emotions

September 20, 2010 by Gene Monterastelli


photo by swissrolli

We know the more specific we are when describing the issue the faster we are going to find relief. Sometime we think we are being specific when we really aren't as specific as we can be.

Most of the time when I am working with a client and I ask them how they are feeling at any give point in the session I am given a one-word answer. “Angry.” “Sad.” “Confused.” I normally will ask a follow up question along the lines of “[insert emotion] how?”

The reason I do this is because there are many different shades to emotions. There is “angry=I need space” and “angry =I need to punch the wall.” The clearer we are with the particular shade of the emotion the easier it is going to be to clear it out.

Below you will find a list of negative emotions created by The Center For Nonviolent Communication. This list can be very helpful when you are trying to describe your emotions. I would keep this list handy when tapping. Just read through the list and see which emotions ring true at the moment.

[h/t to Rod Sherwin's blog for pointing out this resource.]

AFRAID
apprehensive
dread
foreboding
frightened
mistrustful
panicked
petrified
scared
suspicious
terrified
wary
worried

ANNOYED
aggravated
dismayed
disgruntled
displeased
exasperated
frustrated
impatient
irritated
irked

ANGRY
enraged
furious
incensed
indignant
irate
livid
outraged
resentful

AVERSION
animosity
appalled
contempt
disgusted
dislike
hate
horrified
hostile
repulsed

CONFUSED
ambivalent
baffled
bewildered
dazed
hesitant
lost
mystified
perplexed
puzzled
torn

DISCONNECTED
alienated
aloof
apathetic
bored
cold
detached
distant
distracted
indifferent
numb
removed
uninterested
withdrawn

DISQUIET
agitated
alarmed
discombobulated
disconcerted
disturbed
perturbed
rattled
restless
shocked
startled
surprised
troubled
turbulent
turmoil
uncomfortable
uneasy
unnerved
unsettled
upset

EMBARRASSED
ashamed
chagrined
flustered
guilty
mortified
self-conscious

FATIGUE
beat
burnt out
depleted
exhausted
lethargic
listless
sleepy
tired
weary
worn out

PAIN
agony
anguished
bereaved
devastated
grief
heartbroken
hurt
lonely
miserable
regretful
remorseful

SAD
depressed
dejected
despair
despondent
disappointed
discouraged
disheartened
forlorn
gloomy
heavy hearted
hopeless
melancholy
unhappy
wretched

TENSE
anxious
cranky
distressed
distraught
edgy
fidgety
frazzled
irritable
jittery
nervous
overwhelmed
restless
stressed out

VULNERABLE
fragile
guarded
helpless
insecure
leery
reserved
sensitive
shaky

YEARNING
envious
jealous
longing
nostalgic
pining
wistful

(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org
Phone: +1.505.244.4041

Filed Under: Tools Tagged With: Emotions, The Center For Nonviolent Communication

Toa Te Ching/Doa De Jing as a tapping tool?

September 15, 2010 by Gene Monterastelli

photo by Bill Anderson

The Toa Te Ching (wikipedia) is one of the few books that I will always own. It is not a book a spend time with daily or weekly for that matter. But from time to time it has been a bedrock of peace in my life.

The Toa Te Ching is an ancient Chinese text that is a collection of 81 short passages. As wikipedia rightly states, “The passages are ambiguous, and topics range from political advice for rulers to practical wisdom for people.”

Some passages are insightful, others are profound, and still others will leave you just scratching your head in bafflement.

The topic of the Toa Te Ching came up during a client session recently. The types of issues we were tapping(EFT) on reminded me of many passages. After the session I dug out my dog-eared and tattered copy. I was amazed at how much peace it brought to tap along to the passages.

Give a try. Just move from tapping point to tapping point while reading aloud.

Just in a quick glance here are some of my favorite passages:

[Note: All experts are from “A New English Version: Toa Te Ching” By Stephen Mitchell]

8
…
When you are content to be simply yourself
and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.

9
Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and if will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.

Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.

27
A good traveler has no fixed plans
and is not intent upon arriving.
A good artist lets his intuition
lead him wherever it wants.
A good scientist has freed himself of concepts
and keeps his mind open to what is.

Thus the Master is available to all people
and doesn't reject anyone.
He is ready to be use all situations
and doesn't waste anything.
This is called embodying the light.

….

44
Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?

If you look to other for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy win yourself.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way thing are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

This type tapping isn't for everyone. This type of tapping isn't for everyday. I just know some days this type of tapping is the just the thing I need to feel grounded. There are many free translation of the Tao Te Ching on-line.

If you do try this please add the passages that you found helpful in your tapping below in the comments.

Filed Under: Tools Tagged With: Phrases, Poem, Spiritual

Creativity Boosting Techniques That Accelerate Tapping Success (AKA: How To Keeping Tapping When It Gets Boring Or Stale) Part 4 of 4

September 7, 2010 by Gene Monterastelli

[This article is part of a four part series on how to get create with tapping when you are stuck or bored with tapping. A new part willed be added every few weeks. See the parts that have been published so far and check back regularly to see the full series.]

photo by Mike Baird

Mechanically tapping/Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very easy thing to do. All you need is to provide stimulus to the tapping points plus tuning into the issue at hand. The tapping part is easy; what can be hard is the tuning in part. Often we are so close to an issue or we have been working on an issue that it is difficult to see it clearly.

In the first three parts of this series we build upon ideas from two articles found on Jeremy Dean's PSYBlog. In this fourth part we will look at a number of other ways we can get past block and the feeling of tapping staleness.

Obviously not all of these are going to work for every issue, but by having a complete menu to choose from you are going to find new ways to approach the issue.

Take A Break
Sometime we just need to take a break. I have found that if I spend a lot of time with an issue that I need to clear my head so I can have a fresh look at the issue. Sometimes this is as simple as waiting until the next day while other times taking a few days off to clear my head is a really good thing.

A few days break will give you a new perspective and many times it will give you new insights.

Move On To Anther Issues And Come Back To This One
Another way to help with an issue that is stuck or an issue you are bored with is to work on another part of your life. By doing this you will still feel like you are making progress, but will be giving the issue you have been hammering on a rest.

I have also found that many times while working on a second issue I will come to an insight about the first issue.

Remind Yourself Of the Progress You Have Already Made
When we are working on an issue over a longer period of time it becomes very easy for us to forget how far we have come. Often in the moment all we notice is the discomfort we are feeling right now. We are not thinking of it in terms of what the discomfort level use to be.

With clients that I am working with over a longer period of time I find that I am reminding them of their progress about every third or fourth session (because it is so easy to forget how far we have come).

When we recognize how far we have come it makes it much easier to keep moving forward. This is very easy to do. Think about how the issue was when you first started tapping on it. How is the issue changed and how is it the same?

It is vey easy to get caught up in wanted everything to be a one minute metrical. When we take a step back it becomes much easier to see that it might not be happening as fast as we would like, but compared to other possible treatments things are happening quickly.

Take a few moments to just tap on: “I know this is not happening as fast as I would like…But I can see progress is happening…I can see things are getting better…I just need to keep after it…And more progress will come…I give myself permission to be easy with myself in this process.”

Give Someone Else Advice
Sometimes it is much easier to give someone else advice than it is to deal with our own issues. When we are giving advice to someone else we are able to be less emotional and we see things clearer. Take the issue you are dealing with and pretend one of your friends has come to you for advice. What advice would you give them?

Close your eyes and image you are sitting in a coffee with a friend. Image them explaining what is going on. Just listen to yourself respond. This is an easy way to take a step back from your issue and see it in a new way.

Get Outside Help
Sometime we are just too close to an issue to be able to see it clearly. Getting outside help does not me we have failed. It doesn't mean that we aren't any good at tapping. It just means that we need some outside help. Many of the clients I work with are very experienced tappers and they do work on their own regularly. They reach out for help when they hit a bit of a wall.

Many times when we reach out for help from some else we get a new perspective on the issue. If this isn't enough to clear the issue completely, it will give us new information and avenues to pursue.

Tap (And I Mean Just Tap)
I have found it to be very helpful to just tap and I mean to just literally tap. No set up phrases. No images. No NLP techniques. Just tapping.

I do this when I am taking my evening walk or when I am taking a bath or shower. Sometime I will do it while I am watching TV.

My conscious mind has a tendency to monopolize the energy I am putting towards solving my problems. I have found it helpful to let my subconscious do some work on its own.

There has been many times when I am just tapping to nothing in particular that I start to yawn, sigh, and even cry. All signs of progress. I have feel things moving and almost always feel very relaxed at the end of it. This is a great way (and a no pressure way) to feel better.

This is part 1 of a 4 part series. Check out all 4 parts for more creative ideas.

  • Part 1
  • Part 2
  • Part 3
  • Part 4: this article

Filed Under: Tools Tagged With: Don't Know What Words To Say, Getting Creative Series, Phrases

Creativity Boosting Techniques That Accelerate Tapping Success (AKA: How To Keeping Tapping When It Gets Boring Or Stale) Part 3 of 4

August 28, 2010 by Gene Monterastelli

[This article is part of a four part series on how to get create with tapping when you are stuck or bored with tapping. A new part willed be added every few weeks. See the parts that have been published so far and check back regularly to see the full series.]

photo by Brian

Mechanically tapping/Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a very easy thing to do. All you need is to provide stimulus to the tapping points plus tuning into the issue at hand. The tapping part is easy; what can be hard is the tuning in part. Often we are so close to an issue or we have been working on an issue that it is difficult to see it clearly.

Recently Jeremy Dean's PSYBlog had a very interesting two part series (via kottke.org) which explored 14 of ways we can become more creative and more efficient problem solvers. In this four part series I am going to explore how we can apply many of these insights to tune into our issues in new ways (plus a few of my own).

Obviously not all of these are going to work for every issue, but by having a complete menu to choose from you are going to find new ways to approach the issue.

Two Problems Are Better Than One (via part 2)

People solve many problems analogically: by recalling a similar old one and applying the same, or similar solution. Unfortunately studies have found that people are poor at recalling similar problems they've already solved.

In a counter-intuitive study, however, Kurtz and Lowenstein (2007) found that having two problems rather than one made it more likely that participants would recall problems they'd solved before, which helped them solve the current problem.

So don't avoid complications, gather them all up; they may well help jog your memory.

How to apply to tapping: As this study points out, sometimes we are not successful by being specific (and something we can't even get specific). One of the ways I like to deal with this is through a simple basket process.

I close my eyes and start tapping (moving from point to point every few seconds). I take a few deep breaths and imagine a large wicker basket. Then one at a time I place all the issues I am currently working on into the basket. I am not spending a great deal of time going into detail with each issue, but just seeing the general idea of the issue going in. Once I have added everything to the basket I do a number of simple steps.

First, I recognize that all of these issues exist because on some level my system thought they were helpful at some point. I let me system know that many (if not all) of these issues/idea have fulfilled their task and they can move on.

Second, I recognize that many of the ideas/issues are burdens that I have picked up for others. It is a high act of love to pick something up for someone else, but it is a higher act of love to release and heal these burdens.

Finally, I ask the system what insight and information it has to help me get past the issues that are left in the basket. I am often shocked at the amazing insight and information that is brought forward in these moments.

Fight! Fight! Fight! (via part 2)

We tend to think that when people are arguing, they become more narrow-minded and rigid and consequently less creative.

But, according to research by Dreu and Nijstad (2008), the reverse may actually be true. Across four experiments they found that when in conflict people engaged more with a problem and generated more original ways of arguing.

Being in social conflict seems to give people an intense motivated focus. So, to get creative, start a fight.

How to apply to tapping: One of my favorite types of tapping is argument tapping. In argument tapping all you do is give voice to each sides of an argument. As you move from point to point you state the opposing point of view.

For example, if you are trying to decide if you should take a new job you might tap like this:

eb: (con change) I am worried I am not going to like the new job
se: (pro change) But I know I need to leave the job I am in
e: (con change) But you aren't going to know anyone at the new job
un: (pro change) You didn't know anyone when you started your current job and you made friends
…

Think Love Not Sex (via part 2)

Forster et al. (2009) found that when experimental participants were primed with thoughts of love they became more creative, but when primed with carnal desire they became less creative (although more analytical).

While it certainly isn't the first time that love has been identified as a creative stimulus, psychologists have suggested a particular cognitive mechanism.

Love cues us with thoughts of the long-term, hence our minds zoom out and we reason more abstractly and analogically. Sex meanwhile cues the present, leading to a concrete analytical processing style. For creativity, abstraction and analogy are preferred.

How to apply to tapping: Start your tapping sessions on an emotional high. There are couple of ways of doing this. You could either tap to a list of things you are thankful for or you can tap while thinking of the people you love (or both!). (I go into a much large discussion of why this happens in the free audio Gratitdue v. Poverty.)

By taking a few minutes to do this type of tapping you are going to release a great deal of the general edge and emotion you are feeling. By doing this type of work you are clearing some of your emotional clutter which help you to see things clearer which help you see a path to healing much clearer. (Here is another possible way to achieve the same thing in the free audio Clearing The Deck

This is part 1 of a 4 part series. Check out all 4 parts for more creative ideas.

  • Part 1
  • Part 2
  • Part 3: this article
  • Part 4

Filed Under: Tools Tagged With: Don't Know What Words To Say, Getting Creative Series, Getting Started, Phrases

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Gene MonterastelliGene Monterastelli is a Brooklyn based tapping practitioner. In addition to working with individual clients and groups, he regularly writes and records about how to use tapping to move from self-sabotage to productive action.
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