photo by James Jordan
Often we are ourselves the biggest obstacle to our success. We hold beliefs that prevent us from trying, that prevent us from recognizing the opportunities we have to move forward. “Brian” was in a situation where he wanted to move forward with his business. He came up with a number of brilliant ideas to move his business ahead, but when push came to shove he wouldn’t take the steps he needed to take to move forward.
When we successfully identify these beliefs, tapping/Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT) is a perfect tool for melting these beliefs away, allowing us to easily follow through on our inspiration.
Using a few advanced techniques, we had isolated the source of Brian’s resistance. He was afraid because he had accepted the belief, “I have to be perfect at everything.”
This was a really wonderful piece of information. We could easily understand why this was preventing the forward progress. The belief system looked something like this:
- I have to be perfect at everything
- When I am not perfect it feels horrible
- I am not living up to what I should live up to.
- Others are going to look down on me.
- I am going to let myself down.
- I am going to feel foolish when I fail.
- Therefore, I am only going to try things I know I am going to be perfect at
This belief system served Brian well. It spared him the misery of feeling foolish by avoiding the conditions that required him to be perfect.
The flaw in the system was the first supposition.
We don’t have to be perfect at everything.
There are lots of things that we don’t have to be perfect at. So we tapped:
I don’t have to be perfect at everything…there are lots of things that I need to do just well enough at…I don’t have to tie my shoes perfectly…I don’t need to make a sandwich perfectly…I don’t have to make the bed perfectly…there are lots of things in my life that all I need is to do them well enough…this doesn’t mean that I am going to stop striving…this doesn’t mean that I am going to stop striving for excellence…but I am going to keep everything in perspective…I am going to give myself permission to know that I can do some things well enough without having to do them perfectly.
This round of tapping created a greater sense of peace for Brain, but he could still feel some resistance. For some reason it was still a standard he needed to live up to. So we continued the work by going after the definition of perfect.
It is good that I am trying to be perfect…this is rooted in wanting to do my best…this is rooted in wanting to become my best self…but perfect isn’t about getting everything right…perfect is about doing the best that I can…perfect is about living in this moment…perfect is being able to be thankful for this moment…perfect is being able to recognize that in this moment I get to choose who I am…in this moment I get to learn more about myself in the world…perfect is being easy enough with myself that I can know I am going to get another chance…perfect is striving to be my better self…I am always going to be a work in progress…I am never going to do everything perfectly…but I can live this moment as perfect…by striving to be my best…this moment can be perfect because I can learn from the things I am not doing perfectly
This created more peace and relief for Brian. It also created a belief that he could move forward without having to be perfect. As we were doing the tapping described above, Brian remembered his father’s need for perfection from Brian, even when he was a young child. We then tapped to clean up the emotions in those memories.
Lessons from this session:
1) If you don’t know why the feeling is there, ASK!
Brian had no idea what beliefs were preventing him from moving forward. Once we isolated where the belief was located it was a simple matter of asking. The answer was, this kept Brian safe.
When I tune in to a physical feeling, belief, or emotion, and I don’t know why it is present, I ask three questions:
- What are you afraid of?
- What are you trying to protect me from?
- What information are you trying to convey?
This won’t always give us the information we need, but it will lead us in the right direction.
2) It is there to protect us
I feel like a broken record when I repeat this over and over, but it is a point that can’t be missed. Brian’s failure to move forward protected Brian from the pain of not living up to perfection. Once we understood how Brian was being protected, we were able to transform the false belief into more useful thought patterns.
[Note: Are you looking for tools to help you get out of your own way and achieve what your really want? Check this out]