Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

You Have No Choice! Just Give-Up Right Now!

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[In this series we examine the importance of the words we use and how changing our vocabulary can change our mind, giving us opportunity for transformation. More articles can be found in this series @ Tools: Words]

photo by Alberto G.

With my day job I spend a lot of time talking to high school kids about the choices they make. When talking about their lives they often use the phrase, “I had no choice but to…” I hear it from my clients as well. “I had to. I had no choice!”

  • “I had no choice, I just couldn't get out of bed.”
  • “I had no choice, it was the best job I could find.”
  • “I had no choice, everyone else was going.”

Those statements sound logical, but that is not “no choice.”

That is “in the short term with the least amount of risk, effort, or thought it was the easiest thing for me to choose.”

We can see the same thing when people talk about their identity.

  • “I had no choice, the men in my family aren’t good at sharing emotions.”
  • “I had no choice, you know how hot tempered we Irish are.”

Again, that is not “no choice”.

That is “it has always been that way for the people around me and it is easier for me not to fight the pattern.”

“No Choice” Stops All Movement

The moment we say that we have “no choice” then we are done.

We stop thinking, we stop trying, we stop moving forward, and we stop dreaming. Because if there really is no choice, why bother? We are assuming things are suck therefore consciously and (more importantly) unconsciously we are going to stop trying.

Owning Your Choice

Don’t get me wrong. I think it is OK to make any of the choices that are listed above as long as they are the choice we want to make.

  • “I really felt under the weather and exhausted. I knew I was going to be a grump and was going to do really poor work so I choose to stay in bed.”
  • “I had been looking for jobs for months and it was the only thing I could find that paid the bills. It is not my dream job and it really doesn’t pay enough, but I was exhausted and heartbroken and for the job search I needed to get back to work so I chose to take the job.”
  • “I didn’t really want to go to the party, but everyone else was going and I didn’t want to be alone or seen as an outsider.”
  • “The men in my family are traditionally really bad at talking about emotions and I am choosing this as my reality as well.”
  • “Everyone in my family talks about how hot tempered the Irish are and I am choosing this as my reality as well.”

 


When they are phrased this way we may or may not (more than likely “may not”) like who we are becoming in these choices, but because we are making them as choices we are back in control.

When we see our actions as choices and not as predestination then we are regaining control. We see where we stand and what we can change (if we are willing to put in the effort).

Tapping Your Way Out Of No Choice

Whenever I hear myself saying “I have no choice…” I try to catch myself. Here is a way to tap when we are feeling like we have no choice:

Right now I feel like I have no choice…It is not that I don’t have a choice…But I am feeling overwhelmed by what is going on…I am overwhelmed by what has happened in the past…I am overwhelmed by past patterns and expectations of others…It is not that I don’t have a choice…But really I am falling into the choice that is the easiest and takes the least effort…It is okay if I make this choice…If this is the choice I really want to make…I give myself permission to make the choice I want…As long as I know it is my choice…Not someone else’s choice…And that I am willing to take responsibility for my choices…Because they are my choices…They are not someone else’s choices…They are my choices…I have a choice…I am going to take responsibility for my choices…

What are the things you used to think you had no choice about? Where has naming choice helped you to regain control of your life? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

Pod #71: Using Metaphors For Healing w/ Rue Hass

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When I am setting up interviews for the podcast I normally ask my guest, “What is the thing that really gets your juices flowing? It doesn't have to be what you are known for. I want to know what is exciting you right now!” Once we have agreed on a topic the guest sends me a few bullet points to help me to form questions.

When I was having this back and forth with Rue Hass she said, “This is something I am really excited about and it is so new to me that I can't even send you an outline.”

I love getting to be a part of new things!

In this interview Rue shares a new technique that she is working with which uses metaphors and having clients draw pictures. It is absolutely brilliant. The technique is simple and elegant and as she was describing it I could see immediately how this could fit into my practice. I know you are going to love this.


Rue Hass

Guest: Rue Hass

Contact Info: IntuitiveMentoring.com, rue (at) intuitivementoring (dot) com

How Rue describes herself: When I first meet a new client/customer/co-creative partner, I walk them through an interesting process of understanding their life as a story. It concludes with asking them to consider what they want their life to leave in the world as a legacy. How do they want the world to be a better place for their having been in it?

When I contemplate this in myself, and ask, “What do I want to focus on in this phase of my life, as a culmination of everything I have learned and gained?”, what emerges for me is the concept of “spiritual eldering.” This impulse finds expression in my work with individuals and local groups, inviting and assisting people and communities to move into a sense of the real transformative power of their spiritual Presence in the world.

I particularly like to work with young people, adolescents and young adults as a mentor/coach. I have always been drawn to the kind of kid who might find him/herself in trouble in school, academically or socially, but who on the inside is bright, sensitive, perceptive, intuitive, often artistic or athletic, deep hearted and imaginative, and who just doesn’t fit the norm. I want to make it easier for these young people to find their place in the world. I think they are here to save it.

Make sure you check out all of Rue's guest articles and podcast on Tapping Q and A.

What do you think about Rue's new approach? How have used metaphors (not just pictures) in your tapping? What is your favorite healing metaphor? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!

TapAlong # 29A: I Don’t Have To Be Perfect

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It is great that we spend time naming what we want our life to look like. It is wonderful that we create plans for how we are going to achieve it.

But it is not going to happen the way we planned. It’s just not. Unexpected things will crop up. There will details we have missed. There will be days where we just choose to watch TV instead of doing what we need to do to move forward.

And that is OK.

I am not saying that we don’t need to try, but it is OK if we are not perfect. It is good for us to be easy with ourselves when it comes to not being perfect. If we beat ourselves up too much about not being perfect we will find ourselves not even wanting to try.

Be easy with yourself.

Tapping Ninja Video – The Emotion About The Issue

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Sometimes there is resistance to clearing an issue (physical, emotional, and limiting belief) because we are emotionally charged about the issue we are dealing with. We might feel disappointed in ourselves for dealing with this issue, or sad that our body has let us down. In this video we explore how to clear this resistance so clear the core issue is easer.

Click here to read what others have to say or add your own thoughts and comments. I would really love to hear what you think!

Video Transcript

Hi! This is Gene Monterastell, the Editor of tappingqanda.com and welcome to another Tapping Ninja video. We call them Tapping Ninja because they're super small techniques that are really powerful, kind of like a ninja's strike, something that you can stick in to your tapping arsenal super quickly will make a difference in the short and long term.

Today, what I'd like to do is talk about what I call the emotion about the issue. Now, we have tappable issues that can be physical issues, they can be emotional issues, they can be limiting beliefs. And we know how to tap about those things but sometimes it's hard to get to those issues because there is something on top of it. There's another layer that we need to deal with that’s preventing us from seeing what's going on. So, let's take an emotional example.

Let's say that a loved one has died and because as loved one has died, we’re really broken up and that makes perfect sense. It's natural to feel a sense of loss. But we might have an emotional response about the fact that we’re feeling lost. Because I am feeling so much loss it might be preventing me from helping my family members who are also going through loss and now I feel like I'm letting them down or I feel like the emotion is becoming so debilitating. Or I can be in a circumstance where I feel like, I need to be tougher than that and to show that much emotion is not where I want to be.

So now there's two emotions. Is the core emotion, the of feeling loss and sadness that goes along with it, and there's a secondary emotion, how I feel about that emotion. I'm letting my family members down.

When we have an emotion about an issue, it's going to be really difficult for us to deal with the issue at hand. So what we need to do is we need to deal with the emotion about the issue before we can deal with the issue. This will let us to see it much clearly.

So, if I was going to tap on an instant like this, first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to tap on how I feel about the emotion or the fact that I'm letting everyone down because I'm experiencing so much grief. Once I've cleared this external secondary emotion, it's going to make it much easier and much clearer for me to see the loss and the sadness so I can tap on it and be able to clear that out.

This can happen as well for physical issues. You know, I could be in a circumstance where my knees have been acting up and it's making it really hard for me to work. And so, my knee hurts and I want to tap on that issue. But the emotion about the issue is, my body is letting me down. My body should be working better so I can do all of the things I need to do. And so it's going to be really hard for me to tap on the physical pain and clear that until I first clear the emotion about the issue, the frustration I feel about my body letting me down.

Now, to add this into your tapping, it’s a really simple thing to do. Tune in to the issue at hand, again, a limiting belief, a physical issue or an emotional charge and simply ask yourself the question, how do I feel about the fact I'm experiencing this. Does it feel overwhelming? Does it feel like I'm failing? Does it feel like I'm letting someone else down?

If we tap on these issues first, what it's going to do is its going to make it really simple and much clearer for us to see the root cause that’s underneath.

So the next time you're going to tap on an issue, ask yourself the question after you’ve tuned in, how do I feel about the fact I'm actually experiencing this issue? Whatever comes forward, tap on that and clear it which will open the door for you to do some more powerful work on the root cause.

For Tapping Q and A, I'm Gene Monterastelli. I hope you come back and you visit one of our videos soon. Have a great day! Bye-bye!

Things Your Intellectual Self Needs To Hear

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photo by Paul Downey

[Note: This is part 2 of a 5 part series. When all five parts are published you will be able to find them at Talk To The System.

When we are learning the basics of tapping we are taught the more specific we can get the more effective the tapping is going to be. This is not only true for specific issues, but also specific parts of the system. I was inspired by the exercise I call “The Grounding Process” to look at each parts of our system and tap for it. ]

I have the tendency to live in my head. I am very thoughtful person and am very capable of over thinking things. Because of this I can miss other information for other parts of my system. It is good to recognize our intellectual selves AND to help it to understand how it fits into the whole system.

Take a deed breath. Tune into your intellectual self and tap:

I am so happy that I have such a powerful intellectual part of my system…It solves problems at the speed of light…It assess situation before I have the change to realize that something needs to be analyzed…I love the fact that my intellect is able to learn and grow…My mind is made to grow and develop…I want my intellectual self to know that I know how much is does…And I am happy it is here…

I also want my intellectual self know that it is not alone…It is not the only part of my system…It is not the most important part of my system…But one more important part of my system…I want my intellectual self to know that it can and it needs to work with my other parts…That is needs to work with the wisdom of the gut and heart when making decisions…

I also asked a number of friends and fellow practitioners what they would want their mind/intellectual self to know and hear. Take another deep breath and continue to tap:

Let go, there's no need to keep such a tight grip on everything.
Pamela Bruner

Are you trying too hard? Does it feel like work? Stop.
Jade Barbee

I'm smarter than I think.
Tammy Evevard

“Gosh darn it you are smart. (chuckle).
I'm sorry that others misunderstand your brilliance.
You are really good at trying to keep me safe. However I have a new job for you now.
Thank you for giving me all sides of the options here. You've done a good job.
Thank you for being part of the team. Your role is very important.”
Deborah Donndelinger

Beautiful mind runs the show most of the time, thinking thoughts, thinking my life, thinking my feelings, remembering the past, projecting into the future and interpreting life through the thinking filter. I honor my brilliance AND i give my mind permission to let down, to slow down, to relax and let me FEEL into my body and life more. it's okay, brilliant mind, it's safe for me let go of some much thinking and analyzing and feel what i want…and from that place i am so much more inspired, creative and brilliant!
Margaret M. Lynch

You are smart. You are capable of incredible things. You can always figure things out. You know how to handle each situation as it comes up. You know exactly the right thing to say in each situation.
Rev. Anne Presuel

You are as smart as you needs to be. And while you may get in the way of decisions that might be best left to the ‘gut' to decide, I am grateful that I have my intellect to help protect me, reason things out, keep me safe, move me forward in life, remember the good things from the past and help me to walk into the future.
Lindsay Kenny

I spend too much time trying to prove to other people how much I know. The truth is I know very little. The problem is by the amount that I yammer on to other people you would never know that.
I am only 37 and I have a lot to learn about other people, the world, myself.
I need to say the words “”I don't know”” a lot more often.
There is a lot of excitement in not knowing about a lot of things. It means that I have a long way to go before I become enlightened. It means that I am unfinished and I have many mysteries of the universe to solve before I pass on.
How boring it would be to know everything before turning 40!
I must not allow my world to be so small. I need to open myself to learning as much as I can in the time I have left. I also must be ready to allow my perspectives to shift based on new experiences or information I learn. Don't become so deeply cemented into opinions or positions that I will never allow myself to change my mind.
Quit being afraid to learn.”
John Roedel

I have the capacity and talent, as well as the determination, to express all that it desires to express. That there is plenty of time and plenty of room for self expression. Mind, you don't run the show, but you have incredible things to contribute.
Rhona Clews

You need to relax and understand that in any one circumstance you only going to perceive a small percentage of what is really happening. The bigger picture is almost never available to just the brain. Chill out. Relax. Enjoy the ride to greater understanding.
Alina Frank

It is okay to be great. I choose not to limit myself – or doubt myself – for fear of what others might think if I excelled. It is better to excel and show others how to do the same.
Brad Yates

“At the end of the day, does it really matter what you forgot? Or didn't accomplish from that ridiculously long To-Do-List? What you remembered – and did – was really good enough? (Trust me.)”
Jondi Whitis

You are not me, you are something I use, you are very bright and very smart, but you work for Me.
Andy Bryce

What are the things your intellectual self needs to hear? Click here to add your own thoughts and comments or read what others have to say. I would really love to hear what you think!