Question: I am worried that if I say negative phrases while tapping I will bring negative things into my life. How can I use EFT without having to use negative phrases?
I have received this question a lot and there are few reasons why it’s such a common question.
First, some people don’t want to focus on the negative because they are worried that they will tap something negative into their system. When we are tapping we are not tapping anything in or anything out of our system. Instead we releasing the thoughts and beliefs that are not useful. It is a process of returning to our natural emotional balance.
Second, some people believe that the subconscious mind does not understand negative statements and take these as statements of desire. For example, the belief is that since your subconscious mind doesn’t understand the negative when you say “I don’t want to be fat!” the subconscious hears “I want to be fat!”
There is no proof that this is the case (as in this has never been proven in the context of scientific experimentation). AND I could not find an explanation why it would be useful for our subconscious mind to screen out the negative.
I believe it works in exactly the opposite way. Instead of not hearing the negative, I believe that if there is any belief in our subconscious mind about a negative outcome, it will present itself no matter what we say.
Positive v Negative Phrases
Let’s take a look at what happens when we are tapping using both negative and positive tapping phrases. For this example we are going to use the issue of wanting to lose weight.
If we used negative phrases we might tap on something like this:
I have failed before at losing weight…and I’m worried that I will fail again…every time I lose the weight it creeps back…but this time will be different…not only do I have a plan to lose the weight…but I have a support system in place…to help me keep it off.
If instead we decided tap with positive phrases, it would go like this:
I am going to lose weight…I am going keep the weight off…I am going to look awesome…I am going to feel so much better.
On the surface it looks as if we are only focusing on the positive, but our internal monologue is very different. Every time one of those phrases is said out loud if there is any part of the system that doesn’t believe the phrase to be true, the critical voice will speak up to voice its objections. It might go something like this:
What is said Out loud: I am going to lose weight.
What the internal critical voice says in response: And then gain it right back.
Out loud: I am going keep the weight off.
Critical voice: No you aren’t. You failed before and you will fail again.
Out loud: I am going to look awesome.
Critical voice: Only for a short while.
Out loud: I am going to feel so much better.
Critical voice: And then the weight will pile back on and you will feel like crap.
You can see that when we only focus only on the positive and there is a part of us that doesn’t believe the positive statement, the negative will show up.
The good news about this that it doesn’t matter if we use positive or negative phrases because either way we will find our way to tapping on the issues needing attention.
Which Should I Tap On?
The question becomes “Should I use positive or negative phrases while tapping?” For me, the answer is both.
If I recognize a specific limiting belief or block, like the fear of gaining the weight back, my tapping will be most effective if I go right at that issue.
At the same time, when I state the goal I want to achieve in the positive I will find my way to negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that I didn’t know existed.
When tapping I recommend that you alternate between positive and negative phrases so that you get both of these benefits.
Gene Have you ever tried getting someone to tap on the positive after they have tapped on the negative. Like what do you want instead of what is happening? This brings them face to face with a choice they have to make between what they already seem to be choosing unconsciously. Then maybe they can tap their way through their feelings about e.g. weight loss efforts.
I do Energy EFT and I find it leads me very easily into the ability to look for the positive that I really want. One can always tap positive for”I want to want…” or “Choosing to be….”
I love the approach of using the negative followed by the positive! I find that there are different emotions stirred by positive and negative phrases about the same issue.
I agree with what you’ve said. Been practicing EFT for 10 years and teaching it for 8. I came to it from affirmations and struggled to change my belief system. One of my teachers told me that when we tap we release blocked energy and the negative statement is the address we give to the energy to go to and solve. My next question was, ” is our energy so unintelligent that it does not know what needs to be solved.” My mentor with a lot of patience told me that at any given time An individual faces numerous challenges and so it needs to know what is most important to you.
I used to believe that claptrap about never say anything negative as that is what you will manifest. Thanks to tapping, I see that the negative is as important as the positive. You cannot have light without the shadow. It is our negative thinking that creates the problem in the first place, so acknowledging the negative helps us understand how we got where we are.
I like working with negative phrases because I use EFT to calm myself down. When I say a negative thing like “I feel so angry that . . . ” it feels like the truth, and after I acknowledge how I really feel while tapping a few spots or rounds, I am calmer and can look at other (more positive?) options with real interest. Your points in this essay are very well taken. Thanks.
I often get clients to make a statement of their desired outcome (a short sentence) and say it out loud. Listen to what the voices in your head are saying about this. Then we tap on Even though those voices in my head say XXX, I choose to focus on XXX or I am going to work through this or similar words. I have found that as long as you acknowledge those voices they do then diminish and disappear.You do need to be honest with yourself and tap on what the voices are saying, not what you would like them to say.
I totally agree with this Maureen!
Hi Gene,
I agree that you must use negative wording first and then use positive affirmations afterward – after the negative emotions have been eliminated first. The basic principle of EFT is that when you are feeling negative feelings or self-limiting beliefs, it is because of a blocked meridian or meridians. However, when a person is not quite feeling their negative feelings fully, you can tap all day long and nothing is really going to resolve. By saying negative words emotionally, you get the meridian to be more fully blocked – which is what you want because that’s the only time you can unblock it – with tapping. If it’s not blocked, EFT won’t really get the best results for you. So by saying negative words, it effectively accesses those negative emotions again (because the emotions elicited come from using negative wording) which blocks up the meridians, thus, giving you the best basis for tapping the issue away. After that, you can then infuse positive wording, which will bi-pass the critical factor of the conscious mind and act directly on the subconscious mind – just as it does in hypnosis.
I always point out that if you use negative words that don’t really apply to you, it won’t “hit” anyway, because there is no basis for being triggered by them, so there’s nothing to worry about when it comes to taking in negative thoughts into the subconscious mind.
Best regards,
Ted