I know that I can use EFT to help me get what I want in my life, but I don’t know how. Do you have any suggestions?
[Note: This is article number one in a four-part series on how to get what you do want. In this article we will look at the first of four steps in using EFT to make changes to our lives.]
photo by Davide Restivo
I would bet at least half of my client sessions are about helping clients make changes in their lives. They are seeking better health, a different work situation, financial abundance, or more vibrant loving relationships.
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a wonderful tool for making changes in our lives, from the small to the big. The amazing thing I have found in working with clients on these issues is most clients know they want a change, but they are not sure what that change is.
They say: “I want a better job…or…I want a partner I can spend the rest of my life with…or…I want to be healthier…or…I want more.”
So, I ask them, “What does that look like? What type of job do you want? What type of partner and relationship do you want? What do you want your health to be like?”
Almost always they respond: “I don’t know?”
Being able to name what you want and having a vision for the future is a skill, one that can be learned and cultivated. It just happens to be a skill that most of us were never taught.
Before we can start changing our lives to be the way we want them to be (and to use EFT to clear the blocks that are preventing us from having this life) we need to know what we want.
I have found that even if clients don’t know what they do want, they can articulate in great detail what they don’t want. Since coming up with a list of what we don’t want is easy, we start there. Doing this lays the groundwork for naming what we do want.
Doing this very simple, but for this first step to be effective we must do it in a very detailed way. To explain this, let’s look at an example. Let’s look at wanting to make a job change.
If the question is: “What don’t you like about your present job?” it might be true to say “It sucks!” but it is not going to very helpful in defining what you do want.
Coming up with a list of things you don’t like about your current job might look like this:
- It sucks the life out of me
- I hate going to work
- My boss does not appreciate me
- It is very boring
- I am not paid enough
- The hours are too long
- There is unexpected over time
- I don’t get to see my family enough
- It is not creative
This might seem like a very simple first step, but if we do it well it will set up the next step very easily. Get out a notebook or a number of sheets of paper, one for each area of your life you would like to change. Across the top of the piece of paper put a label for the area of your life you would like to see change (ex: health, relationships, family, job, car I drive, home, education, spiritual growth).
Draw a line down the middle of the page creating two columns. In the left hand column write in great detail everything about this area of your life you don’t like. Between each detail skip a line or two.
While doing this step it is better to be too detailed than not detailed enough.
Some people find this step very easy; complaining comes as second nature. For others this might be hard. We’ve been told not to be complainers and to suck it up and deal with things. I would agree it isn’t good to obsess about what we don’t like about our lives, but if we don’t know what we don’t want it’s going to be hard to know what we do want.
If you struggle with this step, give yourself permission to look at this darker side.
Tapping for this might look like: I am not a complainer…and I don’t want to be seen as a complainer…I know that there are many blessings in my life…I am thankful for these blessings…but I know that I can have more and I deserve more…in order to move down this path to get closer to what I want I need to name what I don’t want…for this short period of time I give myself permission to name the things I don’t like about my life…I know I won’t harp on these things…but this is just a step in getting closer to the life I want…I am thankful I have the chance to consider these changes. [How to use these tapping phrases]
In step two of this process we are going to look at how we can transform these details in to the characteristic of what we would like to see come into our lives.
Getting what we want in to our lives: