Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

When Excited Clients Disappear

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Recently I had three clients that I had great first sessions with. We did amazing work. They were excited. One of them was even talking about how she was also going to get her husband to come see me for a session. Now they are gone. I have tried e-mailing and calling all three of them and I have heard nothing back. Did I do something wrong?

photo by Wisconsin Historical Images

There are certainly things that we can do to undermine our client's confidence and there are times where we are not the right fit for a client. When this happens to me I generally have a sense of this during the session. Much of the time I can tell when a client isn't engaged in the process or if we are just not clicking. (NOte: Just because Emotional Freedom Techniques is right for a situation does not mean that I am the right practitioner).

With that being said there are going to be times when we click with a client and they still just disappear. There is no way that we can know for sure why this happens, but here are some of the common reasons for excited clients not coming back.

Talked Out Of It
I know that when I have something exciting happen to me I share it with my friends and family. I want them to share in my excitement and maybe they will also enjoy whatever I am excited about. After a great tapping session your clients are going to tell their friends and loved ones about what just happened. They are going to talk about how weird it was, how quick it was, and how effective it was. This is great because it spreads the word about tapping far and wide. I have lots of clients who are referrals from past and present clients.

The problem comes in the response of your clients' friends and loved ones. I have heard stories from lot of clients about how much resistance the people in their lives have to tapping. Often times our clients are very new to tapping and are not accustomed to talking about tapping. Because of this they are not confident about talking about tapping with others. When this happens they can be talked out of coming back by their skeptical friends and loved ones.

Life Gets Busy
This is just a fact of life for all of us. Our days seem to get fuller and fuller. Because of the busyness of life a client doesn't get right back to us and so they may feel embarrassed about having lost touch for a bit. This embarrassment makes them uncomfortable about e-mailing or calling us back after we have left two or three messages. Also, because of the busyness of client's lives they don't get around to doing the homework we have assigned them. It is embarrassing to commit to something and not living up to your word. They often feel like they have let us down and therefore do not want to face us.

Scared of What They Have or Will Uncover
When we work with clients we can easily and gently lead them to root causes of issues. Many times they have no idea about the number of limiting beliefs they have, how these beliefs were created, and how much control these beliefs have over their daily lives. The work we do with them is wonderful and a revelation.

Then they go home. I imagine it happens something like this. They are lying in bed getting ready to fall asleep. They are reviewing everything that happened during the day and their thoughts go something like this:

“Oh that was a good day . . . how cool it was to do that tapping thing . . . I can't believe that Gene was able to help me so quickly . . . who knew that what happened to me when I was six would have such an effect on me today? . . . I wonder what else is lurking around in there . . . I wonder if Gene is going to be able to help me as easily with new issues that come up . . . I wonder if it is always that easy . . . maybe the next time it isn't going to be as easy . . . maybe next time we are going to find something bigger . . . maybe next time we are going to uncover something Gene doesn't know how to deal with . . . I wonder what Gene thought about today's session . . . I bet he is telling his friends about this weird client who had this small thing that happened when they were six and how it crippled them today.”

And the next thing we know a part of the client believes a tapping session is unsafe. I can speak from experience: The path of self-discovery can be a bit scary. It becomes especially scary when we stumble onto knowledge about our past, our hidden issues, and other unpleasant aspects of ourselves unexpectedly. Sometimes a very successful session can be too much in the moment. Because of this they choose not to come back for fear of what is next.

The Take Away and What We Can Do
Once I started to realize some of the reasons that good clients don't come back I gained a few insights.

First, it isn't about me. There are lots of reasons for a client not to come back for a second session. It is good for me as a practitioner to evaluate why a client might not come back for a second session, but there are reasons outside my control that affect that decision.

Secondly, the fact that they did one session is a really good thing. The fact that they took one hour to do some change work and learned more about tapping is a good thing. Besides, while change was happening during the session, seeds were sown that will bear fruit in the future even if it is months or years before they tap with a practitioner again.

Finally, this provides a good opportunity to do some work on ourselves and to do some surrogate tapping for our clients. Whenever we start to question why clients aren't coming back it will likely bring up some emotional charge in us about how good we are at our job. We can let these feelings fester or we can do some work for ourselves.

In addition to tapping for ourselves we can tap for our clients as well. At the end of each session, after I have hung up the phone, I take just a few moments to tap for my clients. I tap with the intention that they will continue to heal, that they will find people in their lives who will support their healing process, and that they will have the courage to continue down the healing path. I am not sure if this has much effect on them, but I know it helps me to be more at peace with whatever step comes next for the client and myself.

Three Steps to Letting Go of Your Unwanted Story

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[Note From Gene: Here is a great article from Chip Engelmann. It is very easy for us to get caught up in our own story. There are time when I am working with clients in which I can almost hear them hitting play as they start to tell me the pre-recorded message that is their. The issue has moved from just being an issue to the clients identity. Chip explains a nice little three step process to get out of our own story to start the healing.]


photo by Michelle W

As I have mentioned before, emotions themselves are neither good or bad. They feel good if the thoughts you are thinking are in alignment with how you want your life to be, or they feel bad if you are thinking thoughts about things that you do not want in your life.
Our thoughts create our world. Our emotions tell us whether our thoughts are creating the world we want or not.
It is our thought habits that keep us “stuck.”

That’s right. You can tap until you have furrows, but if you don’t change unwanted habits of thought, your situation will remain what it is. You might feel better for a while, but the more you repeat these thoughts, the more likely you will feel worse again. It might even seem like EFT or Light Tapping isn’t working, but that is not what is happening.

The truth is you are a being of light and love that believes a story.

Your story is another word for your habits of thought. The more you tell an unwanted story about what is “real” for you, the more difficult it will be for you to make a change.

Here are some examples of stories.

  • I can never commit to a relationship because my mother abandoned me.
  • I was programmed to believe that rich people are evil.
  • I have low self-esteem because my father always criticized anything I did.
  • I can’t because I’ve been diagnosed with asthma, arthritis, anxiety…
  • I’ll never love again.
  • I can just look at dessert and it goes straight to my hips.

The stories of themselves are neither good or bad. At some point in your life, you created your story because it felt better to do so. It served you for a while, but now you want a different story. In that way it is very similar to a sentinel. The difference is that while the sentinel is an energetic vibrational field that is emotional in its make-up, a story is an energetic vibrational field that is thought-based.

The good news is you can use meridian tapping to help you release these stories. There are three parts to this process.

1) You appreciate the story for how it has served you.

2) You release your attachment to the story. In previous articles and posts I have commented that different emotions tell us different things. Sadness indicates you have an attachment. So you tap on the sadness of releasing your story.

Even though I am sad to see my [mother abandoned me] story go – it is like an old friend, it kept me safe, it served me well – I deeply and completely accept myself.

3) You release the fear of not having your story around. It is scary to step outside the comfort zone of your story. The story was safe and familiar. You may not like the results you are getting in your life, but at least you are accustomed to them.

Even though I’m afraid to release my [mother abandoned me] story – I’m afraid of how I will feel, I’m afraid I won’t know how to react – I deeply and completely accept myself.

Now thank your story once more and allow it to return to the Source. It should leave completely.

If it does not, ask it what needs to happen before it can leave. There will be some emotion or fear that it is still protecting you from. Tap on this emotion. If you get a vague answer like, “I’m protecting you from yourself,” then ask, “What is it you are afraid I’ll do?”
Continue asking the story what it needs in order to leave, until it is completely gone.

Pod #50: Business, Work, Stress and Trauma w/ Rick Wilkes

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We spend a great number of our waking hours at work. Not only do our working hours consume our time but also our emotions and our energy. In this interview with Rick Wilkes we talk about how stress and trauma in our personal and professional lives can affect our ability to be healthy and successful in our work. We talk about ways of discovering how these past traumas are impacting us now and how we can use tapping to clear them, enabling us to be more present in the moment.


Rick Wilkes

Guest: Rick Wilkes, LMT

Contact Info: thrivingnow.com, Rick@Thrivingnow.com, 1-304-284-0711 or 1-888-222-3856

Bio: Rick Wilkes is an EFT practitioner based in Morgantown, WV. Over the last six years Rick has worked with over 1500 clients. He works regularly with individuals and with his Thriving Now Groups.

Here's what one of Rick's loyal clients says: “Working with Rick Wilkes both privately and on team calls has helped me greatly to release the past, move more confidently into the future, and mostly to be more joyfully present in the now. Rick’s open-hearted broader perspective, amazing intuition, and great sense of humor always help me to get right to the core and effectively reframe whatever issue I have. Listening to him work with others has helped me to get in touch with stuff I didn’t even know was there and inspired me in my own work with others. It is a blessing and honor to work with such a master.”
Links & Resources From Episode:

Round Up – What is something you have changed your mind about when it comes to healing, working with clients, or your own transformation process?

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There is a wealth of information in the tapping community. From time to time I ask practitioners I respect their thoughts on tapping, healing, and their work. (I “round up” their opinions.) This happens about once a month. You can read past round-ups.

If you would like to check out my answer to this question (and more) you can download “Recovering Self: A Healing Manifesto“. (For free w/o having to sign up for anything.)

What is something you have changed your mind about when it comes to healing, working with clients, or your own transformation process?

I not longer believe in the one-minute wonder. Looking at my own transformation I can see that it was a life-long endeavor. If a person makes a seemingly instantaneous pivot, it is because they had already done the inner preparation. More likely, people seek aid when they truly believe they are stuck. They hear about the one-minute wonder and look for that magic bullet that will save them the inner transformation process. When they don't get it, some people can become disappointed. Most however, realize that it is worth the effort.
Chip Engelmann

Try to force change with affirmations doesn't work: No one likes to be told what to do. Trying to force change by tapping in positive affirmation usually results in more resistance to change. Instead, I would rather tapping on the resistance and barriers to change and then test if the affirmation feels real rather than trying to beat it in to me.

This also applies to the more extreme forms of personal change where the consequence of not changing are magnified to cause you so much pain that your system cannot stay there and instead you must go to a different place.

There are much more gentle ways to make change with out the fear, drama, and intensity.
Rod Sherwin

I used to believe that everyone wants to heal as quickly as possible, butthat just isn't true. The blocks and reversals that go along with chronic conditions stand in the way of full alignment between the subconscious and conscious choice to heal quickly.
Alina Frank

I used to work from a very “now”, place with therapy, working with strategies and cognitions. Then I found great benefit in working with the feelings and regressing back to the deep past and helping people change their perceptions. However now I am drawn to working in the “now” and looking for ways that the mind/ body can heal itself.

So for me, my transformation process has been all about how can we bring about deep healing in the most simple and effective way. It makes sense to me that the mind/ body system would have an auto heal, a reset button. Our role as therapists is to find this process.
Tania A Prince

When I first started working with clients, I was very intent on being totally present and very observant. I think I was afraid I would miss some all-important signals, and therefore shortchange my clients.

Over time I came to realize that the more relaxed I am, the more easily I can tune in to the client's needs and my own intuition. Then I can be of service at the highest level possible and participate in the healing process more fully. The more relaxed I am, the more relaxed and trusting my clients are, enabling them to open up faster, go deeper, and speed up their own healing process. Who knew that could all come from me relaxing more?
Janet Hilts

I used to think that the whole tapping process should always be free of charge, after all, no high cost tools are involved and no additional degrees are needed to be a fairly efficient tapper.

Some how while I thought that way, none of my clients really made any progress. It was at about the $60 threshold that they began to feel the improvements, mind shifting, etc,.. Now at about $120 per session, I am inundated with one or two session miracles where before I was taking on similar issues with 4 to 7 sessions. Did I do anything different? Maybe, but I am still the same old enthusiastic and humorous tapper that I ever was.
Till Schilling

I used to believe that it was possible to heal without experiencing any pain, and if we were intentional about our healing and growth process, we could grow without discomfort. I no longer believe that – instead, I think that discomfort shows us where we need to heal, and gives us opportunities. We can remove discomfort and pain (that's what healing is all about, both emotional and physical) but we don't grow if we never experience it.
Pamela Bruner

How would you answer this questions? Let us know!

An Unexpected Place To Start With Physical Pain

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Recently one of my clients, “Ann,” who wanted to do some Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) for her ankle, contacted me. She had been jogging in a park. Because of the way the grass had grown she did not see a large hole. She stepped into it and went down hard.

Fortunately for Ann she did not rip or break anything. However, she was in a great deal of pain and was told that she needed to be on crutches for two weeks to give the ankle a chance to heal.

As it turned out, we had a chance to do some tapping five days after she had hurt herself. At first glance you would have thought that we would have started with the physical pain and the physical healing process. Instead we started with emotions around the injury itself and how she felt about it at that moment.

I took this approach for two reasons. First, I am not a doctor and physical injury is not my expertise. Second, even though I have no proof, I believe that if we are spending energy on emotions (like overwhelm and worry) then we are spending resources that could be used for the physical healing process. We can also create secondary gain issues around not having the injury heal.

Our tapping sessions happened in 5 steps.

Embarrassment
To begin with, I had Ann take a few deep breaths and tune-in to all that had happened. I had her think about how she hurt herself and how everything had unfolded since the fall. She reported that she felt embarrassed.

I asked her if she felt embarrassed because she fell while simply running on seemingly flat ground. Ann said, “No, I am more embarrassed by the fact that I am on crutches and everywhere I go people ask me about what happened.”

You will notice that my initial thought was wrong. I was injecting my perceptions of what I would personally find embarrassing into her moment. Remember, whenever you are tapping with someone who says they feel a certain emotion it is good to ask them why they feel that emotion.

Once Ann had identified that she was embarrassed by the attention she was getting we tapped on:

  • People are asking because they are concerned and care
  • This will only happen for a short period of time
  • In a few weeks no one is going to remember

Missing Running In The Fall
After we had cleared the embarrassment I again asked Ann what emotion was dominant now. She reported a little sadness. When pressed on why she was sad she said that she really enjoyed running at this time of year and felt the injury was causing her to miss an opportunity.

So we tapped on:

  • Appreciating the fact that she has run during this time of year in the past
  • Running isn't the only thing she can do outside at this time of year
  • That because she can't run this time of year it is helping her to realize that she can do lots of other things in this weather besides just running
  • It was only temporary

Breaking Down
Once the feeling of sadness was clear I asked again what she was feeling. She said that she was realizing that she wasn't as young as she once was. Now she is starting to break down physically.

So we tapped on:

  • Aging is a reality
  • But she is in better shape today than she was 10 years earlier because of the fact that she had been running on a regular basis
  • A moment like this gives her a chance to recognize that her health is a blessing
  • It is a reminder that she needs to keep working to maintain her health and well-being
  • She was going to bounce back from this much faster because she was in shape. When she started running again she wouldn't be in the exact same shape, but she wouldn't have lost as much as she thought.

Appreciating The Healing Process
Ann then reported that there wasn't an emotional charge left so we moved on.

The next thing I had her do was to tune-in to the physical pain itself. I had her think about the whole ankle area. After having her tune-in to the level of pain and to the type of pain I had her concentrate on the work the body was already doing. We tapped on something like this:

Right now my body is healing in many ways . . . most of these ways are happening on a subconscious and unconscious level . . . I love the fact that my body is able to do so much healing in big and small ways without me having to think about it . . . I know my body has been working day and night to continue the healing process . . . I give my system permission to continue this healing process . . . I know that if it needs anything it can just ask.

After tapping in this fashion Ann reported feeling even more at peace.

What Does The Space Need
Finally, after all of this we did some work on the actual physical pain. Ann said that there was a feeling of pressure coming from the inside of the ankle. She reported that it felt like a conflict between the flesh around her ankle that was swelling to heal and the compression of the wrap that was helping the healing process.

So we tapped on:

I appreciate the fact that my ankle is swelling to be able to heal . . . but I want my ankle to know that it is not the only part of my system that is working for my ankle's health . . . I am adding compression to my ankle to help the healing process . . . by doing this I am using the intellect and advice of my medical team . . . to insure that I am healing at the right rate . . .

After tapping in this fashion she asked her ankle what else it needed in that space. Ann reported that it needed support on the inside, “Kind of like little crutches on the inside.” As she tapped she imagined that happening.

At that point she reported that her ankle felt much better.

It is important to note that she did not jump up and start dancing on the ankle. The healing process was not done, we had just helped it along. I encouraged her to keep tuning-in to the emotions around the injury and to keep tapping for the ankle.

If you are interested in a longer conversation about how to tap for pain and how to manage pain, check out Tapping For Physical Pain w/ Carol look and Pain Is Not Real w/ Dan Cleary.