Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

What Happens When You Are Looking For An Answer That Isn’t There?

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photo by Alberto G.

One of my favorite parts of working with clients is watching them work through the process of learning that they can have better, that it can happen sooner rather than later, and that they can make conscious choices every day to move towards that better life.

Over time my clients go from needing help from me to doing lots of work on their own between sessions.

As this happens they gain skill at finding the root causes of the symptoms they are experiencing in their daily lives.

Finding root causes to our issues is an important skill to develop. When we are able to knock out the root causes not only are we dealing with the symptom that we are experiencing right now, but we are also clearing the issue so that it doesn't come back again.

But there are times when looking for the root cause will actually hold up the healing process and lead to self-sabotage. What happens is that we get so focused on finding the root cause we can’t see the wood for the trees!

Sometimes there just isn't a root cause or we don't have the right tool to find it. If we continue to focus only on looking for the root cause we will become frustrated by our lack of progress and might even feel worse emotionally as a result.

When this happens I like to tap on the idea that I don't need to find the root cause in order to heal. The tapping goes something like this:

There is a part of me that knows there is often a root cause to my issues…And I know that if I am able to find the root cause it will help me to heal faster…There is a part of me that really wants to find that root cause…And because I want to find the root cause so badly…I might be pressing too hard…But when I press too hard I sometimes miss what I am looking for…I give myself permission to know that it is possible to heal this without knowing the root cause…I can find relief even if I never know why this is the way it is…I can be free of this just by tuning into the symptoms that are there…I am also willing to accept that sometimes there isn't just one reason why…Sometimes there are issues that have lots of small aspects that have added up to create the whole…And there is no way that I will ever know…And that is OK…I don't have to know to heal…I can heal without knowing…As nice as it would be to know the root cause…Relief is more important…And I can have lasting relief without ever knowing the root cause.

After tapping like this we will have one of two results.

1) We will feel relaxed about not knowing the root cause. This will improve our mood and help the process. We will feel better when we can let go of the worry about doing it right or getting it solved right now.

2) We will find the information we are looking for. It is an odd thing, but there have been countless times when I have been tapping where I will say something like, “I am OK not knowing the answer right now,” and in the very next moment the information that I am looking for comes right to mind.

Either way it is a win. You will either feel better and at peace or you will have the information you need.

The next time you can't find the root cause you can relax. Tap for the idea that you don't need to identify the root cause and you will open yourself up to new avenues for healing.

If you would like to expand the number of creative ways you know to uncover root causes please check out the Ruach Center. Some of the best tools I know can be found there.

I Don’t Want You Always To Be Impressive

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photo by ArtsieAspie

One of the main reasons we hold ourselves back from taking action is our need to be perfect.

We want everything we do to be great AND we want everyone around us to think we are great too.

Often times if even the smallest thought exists that others aren't going to see us (and everything we do) as great we don't take action.

Most of the time this isn't a conscious choice. We just don't take the action we want to take and just get busy with something else.

I was recently working with “Rachel” on this issue. We did some great tapping on tuning into some of the reasons why she needed everything to be perfect before taking action.

About 45 minutes after our session I received this email:

I did some more tapping after our session, which brought me to a lightbulb moment – I seem to have believed, for God knows how long, that in order for me to be “good enough”, everything I do has to be impressive. That is an impossible standard, of course, but one that quite insidious in my daily thoughts…

So, I now give myself permission to be unimpressive, to make unimpressive art, to have unimpressive ideas and opinions, to have unimpressive dreams and goals, to have an unimpressive plan for the summer, to read unimpressive books… you get the idea.

What a relief! With impressive out of the way it has created real room to breathe.

I couldn't have said it better myself. It is amazing the space we can create for ourselves when we give ourselves permission to be unimpressive!

Take a deep breath and tap on this:

I give myself permission to be unimpressive…I give myself permission to make unimpressive art…I give myself permission to have unimpressive ideas and opinions…I give myself permission to have unimpressive dreams and goals…I give myself permission to read unimpressive books…I give myself permission to [insert your own ideas].

Take another deep breath.

How does that feel? Let me know down in the comment section. I would also love to hear the things you inserted for yourself.

If you would like guidance on how you can use tapping for issues like this one in just a few minutes every day, please check out the Ruach Center.

Pod #115: Struggling To Give Self Care w/ Loretta Sparks

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Taking care of others is easy to do. We see needs, suffering, and struggle. We respond.

Often (at least for me) it is hard for us to extend the same type of care and concern to ourselves.

In this interview with EFT Master Loretta Sparks we talk about some of the most common reasons that caring people have such a hard time taking care of themselves. We also talk about a number of simple tools and steps that can be implemented right now to make it easier to care for yourself.


Loretta Sparks

Guest: Loretta Sparks

Contact Loretta: web @ selfcarepower.com; facebook; youTube; twitter @<ahref=https: twitter.com=”” eftmaster=””>eftmaster; google+</ahref=https:>

About Loretta: Loretta Sparks is Past President of the American Academy of Psychotherapists and has been a licensed psychotherapist for more than 36 years. For almost 30 of those years she was on the clinical staff of a Addiction Medicine Department at Kaiser Permanente in Southern California. She is a Certified Addiction Specialist and trained extensively in Relapse Prevention. She is a Diplomat of Comprehensive Energy Psychology, and an Emotional Freedom Techniques Master and Trainer. She has contributed to five books written on the application of EFT and has written two guide books: Stress Relief and EFT, The EFT Personal Peace Procedure and a third book Compulsive Helping is in it final stages. Additionally, Loretta has 3 DVDs made on stress, compulsive helping and addiction. She has trained mental health professionals and as well as the public, nationally and internationally in energy psychology and Emotional Freedom Techniques since 1995.

She maintains a private practice in Hermosa Beach where in addition to seeing individuals and couples, she provides and consultation to other psychotherapists.

What A Former Felon Just Taught Me About EFT

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Good morning!

I was stunned by the response to the email I sent on Monday. (If you missed the email, you can check it out here .) I sent it as simply a piece of information and I didn't expect what happened next.

Emails of encouragement came from all over the world. It was incredible!

One email stood out from the rest. It came from Jean-Paul who is one of my guys. And when I say “one of my guys” I mean he was in my EFT class in jail.

Jean-Paul wrote:

Not sure if you remember me. I took your class at the jail over a year ago. I have been attending a wellness peer run support group called Journey To Wellness here in NJ. I have been going there 2 days a week for about 6 months now. We do a little bit of yoga and meditation. I also attend a mindfulness group on Fridays and ocean mental health. I've been bringing up EFT over and over for a while now and getting a lot of interest. Last week I contacted a guy I met who teaches EFT and had him come meet the staff at Journey To Wellness. We will be starting an EFT group every Thursday this week!!! I can't wait.

I know…that is awesome!

I emailed Jean-Paul to see if it was OK to share his email with you and if he wanted me to change his name for privacy. I received an even more stunning reply:

I don't mind one bit. You don't have to conceal identity if you don't want to. This is something I am very passionate about and am looking to be more active in the near future.

Not sure if I mentioned but I will be starting school in Sept. for social work and cadc. I am going to do my damnedest to get them to let me into ocean county jail to teach mediation and EFT as well. It will be hard considering I'm a felon and have been locked up there but nothing is impossible.

Take a moment and digest that.

Go back and reread the second email he sent.

(Really, reread it…I'll wait.)

My first thought was “Wow! That is fantastic and so inspiring.” My second thought was, “We ALL need to be showing this kind of dedication to improving our lives!”

Jean-Paul is taking his mental health seriously.

You need to be doing it as well.

I know you agree. AND I know you are busy, overwhelmed, and don't know where to start.

That is OK.

You don't have to do it all at once.

I have a great resource for you if you don't know where to begin.

Take a few moments to read it, pick one idea from it, and spend 5 minutes tapping right now: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=434

Yes, I know you have a lot going on. But you DO have 5 minutes to take care of yourself.

What are you waiting for? Check it out now: https://tappingqanda.com/?p=434

As always, let me know what I can do to be helpful!

Gene

PS: I told you on Monday that things were changing. These are the types of emails you can start to expect!

* * *

There Is So Much, I Don't Know Where To Begin When Using EFT – I have a lot of issues that I want to use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/Tapping on, but I don't know where to begin. Should I deal with memories chronologically or should I approach them in chunks of related issues?

* * *

Self-Compassion w/ Rod Sherwin

Interviewing, Being Interviewed And Lessons Learned w/ Jessica Ortner

Tap-Along Audio: Changing How We See Ourselves And The World

Video: EFT For Physical Pain

There Is So Much, I Don’t Know Where To Begin When Using EFT

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I have a lot of issues that I want to use Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT)/tapping on, but I don’t know where to begin. Should I deal with the memories chronologically or should I do them in chunks of related issues?


photo by Brian Barnett

This is a question that I receive often. Once someone has been introduced to the power of EFT and understands how it can be used to address many physical and emotional issues, they start to look for all of the areas in their life to apply this powerful technique.

The problem comes when, as we do this self-assessment, we realize that there are many more issues beneath the surface than we initially thought.

At first this can feel overwhelming because there is so much to do. Once we get past the feeling of overwhelm (if you are having trouble with overwhelm see Overwhelmed By How Much Healing I Need – link) then the next task is to figure out where to begin.

There is no right or wrong place to start. With every issue we clean up we make progress, which will make it easier and easier for us to live with joy and fulfillment. What’s important is to recognize that not all issues have the same effect on our daily lives.

For example, let’s pretend I am phobic about monkeys. When I am around monkeys I lose my mind.

Could I use EFT to deal with this fear? Absolutely.

BUT, is this the most pressing issue in my life right now? If I lived in Costa Rica it might be, but since I don’t, it’s not the best use of my EFT time.

In my opinion the best place to start is with the issues and limiting beliefs that are affecting your life right now and having an impact on where you would like your life to go next. Clearing the emotional charges around the people and situations that you deal with regularly will bring immediate benefits and ensures that you invest your tapping time well.

Approaching What Is Going On Right Now With EFT & Tapping

I recommend that you make a few lists, starting with the people in your life you spend the most time with, or think about most. As well as those we see in person, we can expend a lot of energy in both positive and negative ways on the people we don’t see every day, like our family.

Take time to think about each person and your relationship with them. Pay particular attention to the emotions that come up as you think of them.

As you think of someone who elicits an emotion (or emotions), write down their name and what you are feeling. I would do this for the five to ten people you spend the most time with, or spend the most time thinking about.

Next go through the same process with the places where you spend most of your time and energy. These could be work, school, church, at your children’s activities, places where you shop often, and your neighborhood.

Again, give thought and attention to each of these places, writing down any emotions that arise on your list. Notice the emotions that you feel about the place itself as well as the emotions you feel when you are interacting with the community there.

Once you have finished creating these two lists you will have a wealth of areas on which to focus your tapping time.

Approaching The Future With EFT & Tapping

One of the main reasons that we don’t have the life we want is because of the limiting beliefs we hold about the world and ourselves. Figuring out what we want – because many of us don’t know what we truly want – and then finding and clearing our limiting beliefs is a more complex topic than can be dealt with in one short article.

There are many approaches to doing this. One approach is laid out in this four part series:

Getting The Most Out Of Your Tapping/EFT Time

When it comes to using EFT on a whole host of issues it is best to start in the place that will produce the greatest change in your life. If you can’t name one pressing issue, then find your focus by looking at where your life is right now, identifying the emotional struggles you face daily, and how you want your life to be different in the future. In this way you will see the greatest change for the time you invest in your healing.