Tapping Q & A with Gene Monterastelli - Get the most out of tapping and EFT

Pod 246: Why It Is Important to Be Selfish

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whyitsimportanttobeselfishNote: This week's topic is so important that I have written an article and recorded a podcast. The article shares the same ideas, but is not a transcript of the podcast. This way you can choose the form that works best for you. The tapping script is identical in both the article and podcast.

I think that being selfish gets a really bad rap. Most people think that being selfish is bad and we are taught from a young age to be giving and not selfish.

Personally I don’t believe that being selfish and being giving are opposites.

Instead, I believe that every action I take is a selfish one because it is a self-defining act. Let me give you a few ridiculous examples to help prove my point.

  • Right now as I type this article I am taking a deep breath in, which means I am being selfish. There is no other reason to breathe than to stay alive. That is very selfish.
  • When I choose to love my family I am being selfish because I want to be a loving person. When I choose to love someone (and it is a choice), I am defining myself as a loving person.
  • When I choose to run my practice and help other people, I am being selfish because I am choosing how I use my time. Yes, I am helping people, and that is a great thing, but I am not healing them. That is their choice. I am just a guide in the process. They are being selfish when they choose to heal. I am being selfish when I choose to articulate who I am as a person who guides others on this path.

I know these examples are extremes, but I think they bring out the point because we tend to think of being selfish in such extreme terms.

Not only is it OK to be selfish, it is impossible not to be selfish because every action we make with our conscious choice is a self-defining act.

When I work out to get healthier, I am being selfish because I could be doing other things with my time. When I study a new skill, I am being selfish in order to make myself a different type of person. I am being selfish when I take a nap so I can be more present to my clients later in the afternoon.

It is OK to be selfish.

The reason you are still feeling uncomfortable every time you read that is because it is easy to believe that selfish equals greedy, mean, heartless, and willing to hurt others. We need to be selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we will never be able to take care of others.

We need to be selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves then we aren’t taking care of ourselves.

We need to be selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves we are never going to grow and heal in to who we truly are.

Yes, I know you are still resisting this, despite my repetition. That is OK. Tapping for this might sound like:

I don’t want to be selfish…Because I need to care for other people…There are people who have it so much worse than I do…That I can’t ask for anything more or better…And the things I have…I have squandered…It would be really selfish to ask for more…But I choose to know that selfish means I am making self-defining act…Every choice I make is a selfish act…I can love someone else and be selfish…Because I want to be love…I can care for someone else because they are in need and be selfish…Because I want to be giving…This doesn’t take anything away from those loving acts…This doesn’t mean they are less valuable…It just means that when I am sharing…I am also defining myself…It is OK to want better for myself…Because I can then share with others…It is OK to want more for myself because then I can share more of myself with others…I am worthy of taking care of myself…That is not greedy…That is being healthy….I need to be healthy…I must be healthy…It is OK that I don’t think being selfish is a bad thing…I don’t want to be mean…I don’t want to be greedy…But those are not the same as being selfish…To be selfish is to choose the type of self I want to be.

Pod #243: EFT For When We Are Waiting On Others To Make A Choice

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eft-for-when-you-are-waiting-on-others-to-chooseThere is so much of the world that we do not control. We are surrounded by people, just like us, who are making choices and exercising their free will.

In many ways, we can't escape the impact of other people's choices, especially when we are collaborating with others.

That means we often have to wait on someone else to make a choice so that we can move forward with what we want to do. We can be worried that they will make a choice that we don't like OR we can feel stuck because we can't do anything until they choose.

Here is a simple tap-along to find peace while waiting on others to choose.

A full transcript of the tap-along can be found below the player.

I recognize the fact that one of the reasons I am so frustrated is because I have a clear vision of what I want…it's something I am super excited about and I know how good it's going to be…I know how it's going to make my life better…the problem is I can't do it on my own…I need someone else to say yes…I'm glad I have someone I can work with…I'm glad I have someone I might be able to go through this with because it is going to be so much better because they are at my side…I know it is something that is impossible for me to do on my own…but it is really hard waiting for them to say yes because I want this so badly…if they wanted it like I want it then they already would have said yes…the fact that they haven't said yes feels like a judgement…feels like they're saying I'm not worthy…feels like they might want to do it but with someone else…it feels as if my desires aren't important…it feels as if my wants aren't important…I can understand that other people have choice…I'm glad other people have choice…I only want them to do what is right for them but I also recognize the fact it is hard waiting…I give myself permission to know that them not answering is not a judgement on me…them not answering is not a rejection…them not answering is simply them thinking…making sure it is the right fit for them …I'm glad they're being thoughtful…I can appreciate that they're being deliberate…this is how it fits into their life…it's not a judgment of me…even if this doesn't work out…no matter how great this is…this is not my last opportunity…this is not my last chance…this is not my only chance…I can and will have more opportunities…I give myself permission to be open to knowing that if I keep taking deliberate action good will come

Pod #231: EFT For Facing Past Choices

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EFT For Facing Past Choices 2

My favorite phrase that I hear from my clients when we are in the middle of a session is “this probably has nothing to do with it, but…” and then they share some story that seems unconnected. We usually find that a story coming out of left field like this has everything to do with it.

It never ceases to amaze me how much we carry our past into each moment of our lives and how much that past impacts us. I have spoken to a number clients in the last few weeks who have felt that they weren't worthy of something good in the present because of a poor choice they made in the past.

It is important that we take responsibility for our choices, but that does not mean that we have to remain a prisoner to our choices for all time. Here is a tap-along to help you face those past choices of which you are not proud.

Thank You For Hearing Me

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My walk home from Thanksgiving dinner took about a half an hour. It was a quiet afternoon and the Brooklyn streets were almost deserted.

As I was walking I started singing Sinéad O'Connor's “Thank You For Hearing Me.” I find it to be a such a profound and holy song (and I don't use the word holy lightly).

It would perfect to tap along to today.
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