Back in April Seth Godin wrote on his blog:
You will never, ever run out of strangers.
And so, the goal of perfectly pleasing an infinite number of passersby is a fool’s errand. They come with their own world view, their own issues, their own biases.
Not only is this true for a world full of strangers, it is also true for the much smaller group of people in your life.
No two people you know are alike, have the same world view, or will be pleased by the same things.
Every choice you make about your life risks disappointing someone.
That is just a fact of life.
The only way you can avoid somebody’s disapproval of your choices is by not doing anything at all.
(And then someone will be disappointed because you are lazy and not doing anything!)
You Are Not Responsible For The Emotional State Of Others
It can be really hard to see the people we love in pain, having to do more work, or frustrated. And we don’t want to be the cause of any of these experiences.
We want what is best for them. We want them to be happy and healthy. But just because we want these things does not mean that we are responsible for making them happen.
We are not responsible for other people’s emotional state. They are.
AND we couldn’t take responsibility for them if we wanted to. There is no way someone could give us that power.
Again: We are not responsible for other people’s emotional state. They are.
Not Being A Selfish Jerk
This does not mean that we have permission to be unkind, hurtful, or petty.
There is a middle ground between these two extremes. There is a place where we can be thoughtful, caring humans without feeling like we need to take on everyone else’s crap!
Here is a great way to start your day. This will help you to feel like are you are in control of your choices, making the choices that are right for you, without feeling that you are responsible for the emotional state of others.
Tap to this:
I want what is best for my loved ones…And I know the choices I make impact other people…They impact the way they see me…And they impact how I interact with them…But I understand the fact that there is no way that I can please everyone in my life…My loved ones do not see the world the same way…They do not have the same expectations for me…If I try to please everyone in my life I will fail…Because it is impossible to please everyone…And it is not my responsibility to try to please everyone…My loved ones are responsible for their own emotional state…The best I can do for my loved ones…Is to be the best me I can…To make the best choices for me…And when I make the best choices I am happier…I am healthier…Which means I am better in all my relationships…I am glad my loved ones are concerned about my choices…And if they choose to wrap their emotional state up in my choices that is up to them…I am not responsible for that…They are…I give myself permission to make good choices for me…I give myself permission to know that I do not need to make choices to please others…They are not my responsibility…I am my responsibility.
Print this out. Put it somewhere you can see it. Tap with it this week. It will make it easier to be who you truly are.
Looking For More Help?
If you are ready to own your choices and want to find a way to tap for them in way that will lead you to a more balanced life, please check out the Ruach Center. It has been designed to help you do just that!